Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Why Your Dick and Electrical Sockets Don't Mix

Yes, you read that title right.

Earlier today I stumbled upon a conversation a couple of my co-workers were having about porn.

Yup, porn.

No guy wants to admit it, but to some degree, none of us would be who we are were it not for porn. Every guy has that moment in their young lives when they first discover porn and the allure of naked ladies, and like a drug, sometimes you just can't get enough, especially when you're young and fucking is about the only thing on your mind.

Which brings me back to my first experiences stumbling upon pornography. Kids today have it easy, considering the internet is the easiest access to watching filthy acts of sexual satisfaction. For me and most of my generation, we had to get it the old fashioned way: either from someone older who could actually get it for you (whether it be a mag or a VHS) or from the nigh-mythical "porn discovered in the woods" (which deserves to be talked about by itself...some other time).

Being in my early teens and getting my hands on an issue of Hustler for the first time, I recall there being ads for sex toys in the back pages of the mag. Since this is a porn mag aimed at guys however, you wouldn't expect to find ads for your run of the mill dildo or vibrator, but instead there were depictions of these things called "pocket pussy's". Yup, a pocket sized device that you could be able to stick your schlong in and fuck...and take it on the go!

Pathetic? To a degree I suppose, but what really caught my attention here was a special electronic brand of pocket pussy, which plugged directly into your electrical socket outlet. From what I recall, the electric current made it vibrate and as the add stated "feels like the real thing!".

I bet it does.

Anyway, consider for a moment, just a moment, that someone would actually buy this thing and try it out. Could you imagine getting down on your knees to stick your dick in this thing that's plugged into the wall? Think of all the dangers that go into doing this sort of what if there's a storm outside and your electric gets blown (no pun intended) or shorted out...while you're using this fucking thing! Electricution is a horrible way to die to begin with...but eletricuted via your dick being stuck in an electrical outlet? Holy fucking shit!

That was the first thought that went through my head when I saw this ad, and all these years later it's still managed to linger in my brain somehow. Not just that, but also what would other people think when they find and/or hear about how you died? Like if someone discovers your electricuted corpse, with your dick still inside the thing! It'd be a hell of a thing for the paramedics, coroner, and police to talk about amongst themselves, but then the inevitable event of your family learning of your demise, and just what led to it...

Talk about an embarassing way to die...I wonder if anyone who came across that ad ever thought the same thing...

...or ended up buying the goddamn thing for that matter!

The moral of the story here kids?...we all have to die sometime, and more than likely we may not have a hand in just how it happens to us, but whatever you do with your life up until those final moments where you take your last breath...don't be caught with your dick in the electrical socket!

Skeet skeet skeet...

1 comment:

  1. brillant =) and for the ladies...don't use any vibrators that plug into the wall either cuz after you get electrocuted..the damn thing still keeps vibrating!! yeah...imagine being found as a vibrating corpse. Try to sleep with that image in your brain ;)