Saturday, October 15, 2016


Back in the late 70s, Sam Raimi, Bruce Campbell, and their merry crew of misfits journeyed into the woods to make a movie that wasn't a porno. The end result was the original Evil Dead, which would have its original premiere in 1981; a ferocious and unrelenting horror film that came out of nowhere and took the world by storm. Unlike most films of its ilk, the original Evil Dead wasn't just a commercial success, but a critical one as well. As we all know, the surprise success of the film led to a whole franchise being born, with Evil Dead 2 in 1987, Army of the Darkness in 1992, a remake in 2013, the Ash VS Evil Dead TV show that debuted last year, and tons of merchandise, comics, video games, and more besides.

Looking back on it, that's 35 years of Evil Dead, and honestly who would have thought that the film would have resonated the way it did, let alone become a massive cult phenomenon. It's funny watching the original Evil Dead nowadays, mostly because the film itself is so damn brutal compared to everything that would come in the future. The Evil Dead franchise is known for being nasty, but pretty damn funny too (mostly thanks to the slapstick silliness of Army of Darkness). What a lot of people seem to forget is that the original Evil Dead is an unforgivably nasty little horror film that grabs you by the balls and doesn't let go. We got a slight reminder of this when the 2013 remake came out, which also pulled no punches and packed on even more gore than the original. The original film though was made on a bare-bones budget in horrid conditions, and the pure unforgiving ferocity that it displays would never be matched by any sequel or remake.

Evil Dead the film, and the franchise as a whole, has managed to say relevant 35 years later because of the unforgettable impact it had upon the horror world when it was first released. Even from 1992 on when the franchise was dormant, it still retained a more than solid following. In the late 90s/early 2000s with the advent of DVD, Anchor Bay re-released the film for new generations to discover, and that's exactly what happened.

Let's all be thankful to Sam Raimi, Bruce Campbell, and everyone else involved in bringing Evil Dead to life. The world is a better place with Ash and the Deadites in it.

Saturday, October 8, 2016


It was announced earlier this week that the upcoming sequel to Blade Runner will be titled Blade Runner 2049. Considering the original film took place in 2019, that means this film will be set 30 years later, mostly likely to accommodate the fact that Harrison Ford is now old as fuck. I’ve talked before about how I’m not a fan of this idea at all, mostly because the original film manages to stand on its own (in particular the director’s cut and newer “final cut” which removes the bullshit happy ending and leaves everything open ended…which is pretty much perfect). So of course we’re getting a sequel that no one was asking for just for the sake of getting a few more nostalgia dollars out of an old property that people still revere.

The real issue I have with the concept of Blade Runner 2049 however is the fact that we are seeing basically old man Deckard. Why is this you ask? Well, the age old idea that Deckard is in fact a replicant. This idea was presented very subtly in the film, but everyone from Ford to Ridley Scott has pretty much said that yes, Deckard is indeed a replicant. It didn’t quite take a rocket scientist to figure that out to begin with, but the idea of an old Deckard pretty much means that he’s human. Replicants supposedly have short life spans, or termination dates, that span a couple to a few years. Maybe they’ll keep Deckard a replicant but have a bit of throwaway dialogue explaining that he’s a special one with no termination date? Or maybe Scott will be “na mate, we were just pulling your legs in 1982 about all that, he’s human”.

Blade Runner is a special film, in fact, it’s a visionary film. It was way ahead of its time in terms of aesthetic and theme, and even though it didn’t make much of a splash when it was first released, it managed to resonate with audiences for decades. It’s one of the best films of the 80s in general; one of the best science fiction films ever made, and is probably Ridley Scott’s finest film together with Alien. It doesn’t need a sequel and never has. I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea of a sequel/spin-off that focused on new characters in the same universe, and instead leave Deckard’s fate a mystery. Alas, that’s not what’s happening.

So here we are folks, there’s a new Blade Runner film coming, whether we want it or not. Fuck this noise.

Saturday, September 24, 2016

The Fallout of BLAIR WITCH

So...I was wrong.

Not too long ago, I had shared my thoughts about the new Blair Witch movie, claiming that I had believed distributor Lions Gate had only slapped that franchise label on an already completed film in an effort to earn more cash from it. After viewing Blair Witch, I can safely say that I was totally wrong about that. If Lions Gate did do such a thing, the amount of post-production work on the film would have been ridiculous, considering from the beginning on that it doesn't try to be anything else but a film in the Blair Witch universe.

I went into the film with no expectations, having never really been into the franchise at all, although I'm a diehard supporter of director Adam Wingard (You're Next, The Guest) and writer Simon Barrett. I had expected the film to be a smash hit and all and at least garner a good critical reception given the pair's pedigree and all, but then something weird happened...I enjoyed the film, and audiences apparently didn't.

Now I went through something similar recently with The Witch (also from Lions Gate), which I thought was brilliant but a majority of mainstream audiences seemed to hate because either they didn't get it, or because it didn't spell everything out to the viewer. Blair Witch kind of suffers the same fate because it offers little to no explanations to the viewer about anything, but it offers much more taut suspense than the original film ever did, at least in my opinion. Granted some of the jump scares are flat out ridiculously set up, but the film is far better than I anticipated it to be, and I enjoyed it quite a bit.

Now I know I often say this, but don't pay any attention to critics. In fact, don't pay much attention to those who have seen the film and offered their opinion on it, whether it be good or bad. See it for yourself and judge it for yourself. Also check out the films of Adam Wingard and Simon Barrett; they're fucking wonderful.

Sunday, September 11, 2016


News came out a few days ago that the long awaited, uncut, uncensored version of Fede Alvarez's 2013 remake/reboot of EVIL DEAD is finally going to see the light of day. Alvarez confirmed such while doing the press rounds for his new flick DON'T BREATHE, and it's very well known that this is something we've all been waiting for now for quite some time. This news seriously excites me more than it probably should.

The 2013 take on EVIL DEAD was a shockingly brutal and gory retread on Sam Raimi's original film, so much so that many were shocked it was granted an R rating given the extreme level of violence. The fact that there's an extended and uncut version coming soon makes me wonder just what could have gotten cut out. Funny thing is, apparently this same extended cut ran on a UK channel in 2015 by mistake when the distributor accidentally sent the wrong master of the film for TV airing. Oops.

My only question is why have we waited this long to see an uncut version of EVIL DEAD? Why has it taken this long for it to see the light of day in a wide-release? I guess it doesn't really matter honestly, and that we should just be happy that we're finally going to be able to see it in all its uncut glory.

With ASH VS THE EVIL DEAD being a smash hit and the franchise riding an all time high like never before, it's never been a better time to be an EVIL DEAD fan than it is right now. Who would have ever thought that the franchise would see such a resurgence? It's shit like this that makes it great to be a horror fan.

Sunday, September 4, 2016


Rob Zombie is a lot like Eli Roth to me: a fairly talented horror filmmaker that has had one truly great film on their resume, and rest of their filmography is filled with relative clunkers. With each passing film they release, I hope against hope that their upcoming flick will fulfill all that empty promise we've been handed for the past decade, and still walk away disappointed in the end. At least with Roth's case, The Green Inferno and Knock, Knock were relatively entertaining, so he's redeemed himself a bit in my eyes. In Rob Zombie's case? Not so much.

Rob Zombie's newest film, the crowdfunded 31, is upon us, and it's getting the reception that many of us thought it would: people are either loving the shit out of it, or hating it with every fiber of their being. I haven't seen it yet, but given Zombie's track record with Lords of Salem and the Halloween turds, I'm not in much of a hurry either. Trailers and looks at the film that I've seen make it look like a fairly generic piece of mediocrity, and chances are I'm probably right in my early assessment too. I'm not shitting on Rob or the movie, I'm really not, because even in the movies of his I find myself hating, I manage to find one or two elements about them that I admire the hell out of. I have a sinking feeling that with 31, that won't be the case.

One thing I've noticed lately, especially in the horror community, is that differing opinions really cause everyone's inner-asshole to come out, especially in the case of Rob Zombie films. There are people that genuinely love his Halloween films, and even consider them better than John Carpenter's classic. Now everyone's entitled to their own opinion and all, but really? Does Rob Zombie have the following he does because he's a musician first and filmmaker second? Do people actually enjoy that mess that is House of 1000 Corpses and think it's better than Devil's Rejects? One thing I've noticed in discussing things like this is that fans are fiercely defensive of Rob's work and the pedestal they place it on. Are they such a way because they know in their hearts that his work is shit?

That being said, I've seen people that have seen 31 trash the film, and those who haven't seen the film yet trash the reviewers, and vice-versa as well. Every film needs a fair chance before everyone can drop their drawers and shit all over it holding each other's hands in unison. Also, one other thing I've seen a lot of lately? People saying "if you're not a Rob Zombie fan, you're not a true horror fan". Yes, people have actually said that. These are probably the same people that don't know who Dario Argento and Lucio Fulci are but think that the Scream franchise is the greatest thing Wes Craven ever put on celluloid. Fuck these people, fuck them in the ear. But hey, that's just my opinion...right?

It's attitudes like this that make me sad. Like I said, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but being a flat out cock knocker to someone over a differing opinion than yours is just tiresome. That's what politics and comic book geek douche bags have nailed down, keep that shit out of the horror community yeah?

Or wait, you know what? Everyone's an asshole. Just ignore people in general and you'll be alright. Also, I will end up seeing 31 at some point, as long as I don't have to pay for it that is. That's just like, my opinion man.

Friday, August 26, 2016

Brock Lesnar is a Piece of Shit

I'm a sucker for pro wrestling. Ever since I was a little kid I've followed it, well into my teens. There have been periods of time where I stop giving a shit about it granted, but I always find myself drawn back to it eventually. Lately I've found myself being all about it again after a nearly decade-long time of not paying any attention to it at all, and in doing so I have come to a shocking conclusion...

...Brock Lesnar is a piece of shit.

Now I knew this back in the early/mid-2000s when he made his WWE debut and was pushed to the moon. It's extremely rare you see a guy his size have the kind of athleticism that he possesses, so naturally he was pegged to be the new face of the company. After a messy exit, Brock floated around the NFL and found a lot of success in UFC too before coming back for another go-around with WWE. I was never all that fond of Brock as a competitor, mostly because I knew from the offset he was going to be pegged as the next big thing. Aside from a super entertaining feud with Kurt Angle, just seeing Brock and his big fucking head annoyed the piss out of me.

In the time that Brock has come back, he's managed to receive another massive push while being on a part-time contract, which is fine because he's a big money draw just on his name alone. He's built a brand for himself by being an unstoppable monster of a man that does as he wishes just based on intimidation alone, not counting the fact he could take any one of us and rip us in two. Brock knows this, and combined with his massive ego, makes him one of the biggest toolbags in modern day existence.

Brock Lesnar is a no-necked potato-head looking motherfucker.

Between his UFC steroid shit, and the fact he probably went off script to prove a point last weekend at SummerSlam by busting up Randy Orton (what was scripted and what wasn't is still in question), Brock has that attitude of doing what he wants because no one can stop him. He's an overgrown caveman that was more than likely that jock bully douche bag you knew in high school whose dad had a brand new pickup truck every year and yelled drunken insults at sporting events he would make his kid participate in.

So yeah, in case you can't tell, I'm not much of a Brock Lesnar fan. I wish WWE would can him and not put up with his shit, but they won't, because he's a money printing machine. Thankfully he's only part time and we don't have to see his no-necked potato-head looking ass every week.

Fuck off Brock.

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Why You Should Watch TURBO KID

Over the past few years, there's been a rise of 80s nostalgia appearing in film, music, and video games. Notable examples include the video game FAR CRY: BLOOD DRAGON, the short film KUNG FURY, and everything produced by synth-pop band Gunship. I find myself enjoying just about all of this stuff quite a bit, but there's something I hold above and beyond all of that since I first discovered it: motherfucking TURBO KID.

TURBO KID is the fever dream of 80s born kids with no budget and big hearts. It takes place in a post-apocalyptic future (well, a post-apocalyptic future that would be predicted in the 80s) and revolves around our titular hero as he struggles to both be a kid and survive against evil marauders (led by genre stalwart Michael Ironside) while contending with a very strange, would-be female companion named Apple. Everything about this film is an over the top blast to say it lightly.

I had heard about this film online for quite some time before it managed to squeak its way onto Netflix where I finally got to see it. After viewing it, I tracked it down and purchased myself a copy. I recommend you all do the same. Granted that TURBO KID doesn't do anything revolutionary with the genre, nor does it try to, but it's a bloody and brilliant good time that tugs on your nostalgia strings. It's still streaming on Netflix right now, and I encourage you all to check it out while you can. You won't regret it.