Saturday, January 30, 2016
When I was growing up, one of the bands that had a near and dear place in my heart was Pantera. That hasn't changed, nor will it ever in all honesty. They are the band I've seen the most live in concert, the band whose albums and t-shirts and stickers I'd bought in my teens. In retrospect, Pantera is probably my all-time favorite band from that era.
As the years would go by, bad things happened for the band as a whole, namely they broke up. If you were a diehard fan of the band though, you probably saw that coming. There was friction among singer Phil Anselmo and Dimebag Darrell and Vinnie Paul, and this was known for a long time. So they split, Phil went and did his thing with his many side projects and Dime and Vinnie formed Damageplan. At least they were all still making music.
Then, in 2004, Dime was murdered on stage by an insane fan. Phil was pointed at and derided by fans because of his constant shit-talking on Dime and Vinnie in the media and at various shows (I myself heard him once shit on Damageplan at a Superjoint Ritual show in 2003, though in his defense he did follow it up by saying he loved them all).
So yeah, it hasn't been easy being a Pantera fan.
Oh, and Phil Anselmo just got busted doing a Nazi salute and saying white power.
Okay, I'm going to say this right now: accusations about Phil being a racist piece of shit is nothing new. In my youth, I met Phil, and I know others that have as well, and we've all come to the same conclusion: he's a fucking asshole. But is he really racist? Well...it's kind of hard to think he isn't at this point. In the past, we've all given Phil a free pass because of what all he accomplished with Pantera, but with blatant shit like this, there's no free fucking pass here.
The music that Phil crafted with Dime, Vinnie, and Rex will always be impactful and mean the world to me, but for the love of fucking Satan, fuck Phil right up his fucking ass.
Now, one more thing: metal fans, and Pantera fans especially, usually get associated with being racist fucks. As a metalhead myself (well, not as much as I used to be, but still) I can wholeheartedly say that not all of us are racist fuckheads. Granted there are quite a bit, that's for sure, but not all of us are, and we shouldn't have ever given Phil a free pass over this shit to begin with.
I do believe that Phil is definitely unhinged (he was declared technically dead once or twice back in the day due to his drug use) and he's at that point where he literally gives no fucks about anything at all, and as much as I want to give him the benefit of the doubt about his excuse why he did it (he claims it was an inside joke due to there being the presence and consumption of white wine back stage), I don't think I can.
So hey, Phil, fuck on off and go home with that shit. And fucking hell, get your shit together. The fact that you're still alive and Dime isn't illustrates how fucked up the world is.
Saturday, January 23, 2016
So it's being said that DC Comics is doing another company-wide reboot pretty damn soon. Only difference between this reboot and the New 52 reboot from 2011 appears to be that this one is going to be focused more on characters and properties that are going to be heavily featured in movies and TV shows. So basically we'll be having a lot of titles focused on Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, various members of the Suicide Squad, and probably Green Arrow, Flash, etc.
So um...yeah. I don't really like this idea, any more than I did the idea of the New 52 reboot. Thankfully though for that we got some interesting stories and takes on Batman, Aquaman, Swamp Thing, Animal Man, Stormwatch, and more besides; so it wasn't all bad in retrospect. In fact, while a majority of the storytelling was "meh", you can't deny the ballsiness of it.
Now here's the thing, what DC is doing is getting shit on a lot...which isn't a surprise. DC usually always gets a lot of flack thrown at it, sometimes rightfully so, sometimes not. The joke of it all is that this is shit that Marvel has been doing forever, and no one ever shits on them, because they're Marvel. Don't believe me? Well, let's think about it for a second: anytime a Marvel movie has been a hit, Marvel has either retconned characters or flat out rebooted them to streamline with their film counterparts:
Blade (yes, Blade) was never a half-human/half vamp "daywalker". He was a fairly normal dude. That shitty 90s "Spider-Man" cartoon first presented him as the Blade we all know now before the Wesley Snipes films did.
Ever since the first "X-Men" movie in 2000, Wolverine is frequently drawn to resemble Hugh Jackman more than any other physical incarnation he had before anyone ever knew who the fuck Hugh Jackman was.
Nick Fury (the white one) all of the sudden has a never-before mentioned son of African-American descent (and ends up losing an eye) that subsequently takes over SHIELD and the original Fury is written out of the Marvel universe in a non-sensical crossover where The Watcher was assassinated for...reasons.
There's more besides all that, but I stopped reading mainstream Marvel and DC comics quite some time ago. Why? Because the kind of innovative and mostly stand-alone storytelling that I fell in love with from guys like Walter Simonson, Grant Morrison, Frank Miller, and more besides, was being phased out of mainstream comics in favor of streamlined storyarcs that never end and just written to sell more books.
Selling more books is the key after all, which is fine, because the comic book industry is a finicky one and even though it has endured for so long, it still ends up needing a kick in the ass every so often to keep itself afloat. The sales of these mainstream comics are the main source of that for the most part, and are also the most exhausted of ideas and innovation. It's a weird fucking balance, but that's pretty much how it's always been.
So yeah, DC gets shit on, Marvel doesn't. It's the same as it ever was, and that's probably how it'll always be too. The reasons why on that is something I've touched on before, and something I'll probably touch on again at some point down the road.
Now go read some goddamned indie comics.
Saturday, January 16, 2016
Well, I finally did it. After months upon months (and actually years) of looking forward to Eli Roth's "The Green Inferno", I finally managed to sit down and watch the damn thing. I've seen so many cannibal movies in my life and there's been such a draught of them that I guess I was looking forward to this film just on general principle mostly. Well, here we are, and I finally watched it...
I've been saying the same thing about Eli Roth for years: he has tons of promise and always underwhelms. The best film he ever did was his debut, "Cabin Fever", and that was in fucking 2002. "The Green Inferno" is the first film he's directed since 2007's "Hostel 2", and in between those films he's had his name attached to a lot of shit that includes "The Last Exorcism" and "The Man with the Iron Fists" in varying degrees. "The Green Inferno" was supposed to be the film that really cements Roth's place on the upper levels of horror directors, and while the film doesn't necessarily fail in doing that, it doesn't really succeed either.
Now in talking about the film, this is going to be spoiler-heavy, so be warned. A bunch of college kid toolbags that think they can make a difference follow a charismatic leader named Alejandro on a crusade to the Peruvian jungle to stop the place from getting destroyed. One of the students is Justine (played by Roth's real-life wife Lorenza Izzo) whose Dad is a UN bigwig. After she learns she was only brought along because of her UN connection and Alejandro could care less of what happens to her, the plane they're on crashes and they're scooped up and devoured by a cannibal tribe.
Now all of this is well and good, and you can tell that Roth has watched "Cannibal Holocaust" and "Cannibal Ferox" like a few hundred times each, and Roth actually manages to nail most of the big notes that come with these kind of films (thankfully there's no animal deaths or genital mutilation...though we come close), and when it does, the film is actually pretty damn good and features some wonderful gore effects from industry icons Greg Nicotero and Howard Berger.
Where the film fails though are with Roth's infantile attempts at humor. There's scenes where someone can't stop farting and eventually shits themselves (seriously) and Alejandro decides to randomly start jerking off while they're all held captive...but hey, nothing turns a guy on like seeing someone get eaten alive right? While I enjoy seeing Roth satire social justice warriors, knee-jerk liberal college students, and social media itself; the film's characterizations are piss poor and we care nothing for any of them...in fact, I was hoping Justine and everyone involved would get eaten alive in fantastic detail.
I should also mention that the film is nowhere near as gnarly as I thought it would be. Maybe I'm just desensitized to this shit by now, but it actually felt kind of underwhelming? When the gore did happen, it was great, but some of the CGI-added effects are so piss poor it's not even funny. The ant scene? Oh my fucking god, it's so bad...so fucking bad.
So yeah, "The Green Inferno" is far from a masterpiece, but I enjoyed it for what it was. There's a mid-credits scene that sets up a possible sequel, of which there was supposed to be, but those plans got put on hold in 2013 when this film was first delayed before Blumhouse and Universal rescued it from obscurity. If that sequel ever happens, I'd be okay with it...but it looks like that's a big if.
Monday, January 11, 2016
So, it's been a rough past few days hasn't it? Motorhead frontman/icon Lemmy Kilmister passed away at the age of 70 before New Year's. Then late Saturday night news of horror icon Angus Scrimm passing at the age of 89 had spread. Then, finally, I woke up this morning to the news that the living legend David Bowie had passed away as well.
Lemmy. Angus. Bowie.
If there's any silver lining to these three passing, it's that each of them made a hell of an impact in the film and music worlds (and surprisingly, all three had varying degrees of success in both industries), and lived long lives and have subsequently left unparalleled legacies.
Lemmy was first exposed to me in my teens through discovering Motorhead through the music of Metallica (yeah, I said that). His music was full of attitude and badassery that made little teenage Nick swoon. I wanted to be just like Lemmy, minus the warts. As the years would go by and I'd get into horror flicks, I'd discover Lemmy making appearances in various horror films like Richard Stanley's "Hardware" and various Troma movies. Plus, being a pro wrestling fan, I'd look forward to seeing Triple H make his way to the ring just so I could hear his Motorhead theme song.
Angus Scrimm was an imposing man. Before he became a horror icon for playing the Tall Man in Don Coscarelli's "Phantasm" franchise, he won a Grammy way back in the day for writing liner notes. After the original "Phantasm", Scrimm would make appearances in many horror flicks throughout the years, ranging from "Subspecies" to "Mindwarp". I had managed to meet the man once at a convention years back. He was very cordial and an overall nice man, and he seemed to genuinely love interacting with fans.
David Bowie. David. Fucking. Bowie. I can't say anything about him that would do the man justice. His legacy and impact is unparalleled. I was first exposed to him in my youth, like many others my age, by seeing him in Jim Henson's "Labyrinth". I'd later discover his other acting works including Tony Scott's "The Hunger" and "The Man Who Fell to Earth"; both of which had their fair share of impact on me. But more so than that, it was his music. I really didn't appreciate Bowie's music until I got older, mainly because I don't think my brain was developed enough at the time to fully appreciate his genius...or maybe because I didn't get my hands on hallucinogens until much later. Regardless, saying Bowie had an impact on me is saying it lightly.
The fact that all three of these guys are no longer among us makes the world a worse place to live in. Thankfully, their art will be eternal and forever beloved, and I can't thank the three of them enough for that.
Friday, January 8, 2016
So...this is news.
M. Night Shyamalan, AKA the writer/director that peaked with his first film "The Sixth Sense" and has made nearly nothing but pure cinematic shit ever since, is going to be rebooting "Tales From the Crypt" for TNT.
Yes you read that right. Motherfucking M. Night Shyamalan is rebooting "Tales From the Crypt". I seriously can't fucking believe this is a legitimate thing that is happening. Holy mother of fucking Satan, hearing this made me literally shit a brick.
A legitimate brick of shit came out of my ass.
To say that "Tales From the Crypt" is beloved to me is saying it lightly. This was what made me begin my love of horror in my youth, and from what I remember, may be my first taste of gore and boobs. Well, we definitely won't be getting either of those on TNT will we? Know what else we're not gonna get?
There won't be a Cryptkeeper.
Yes folks that's right, Shyamalan's first order of business is to can the Cryptkeeper. Ya know, it should really go without saying that "Tales From the Crypt" without the Cryptkeeper isn't really fucking "Tales From the Crypt" is it?
So let's get this straight: we're getting a reboot of "Tales From the Crypt" that will be from the guiding hand of one of the most overrated and self-obsessed directors working in Hollywood today, that will be on prime time basic cable TV, and will feature no Cryptkeeper...
...yeah, this is gonna be great right?
Fuck this. Fuck TNT. And most of all, fuck you Shyamalan.
Saturday, January 2, 2016
Another year over, another year starts. The same old shit cycle continues. 2015 for me kind of totally fucking sucked ass, except for a few bright spots sprinkled throughout. That aside, 2016 is going to be...pretty much the same I think.
Anyway, we're going balls deep into 2016 right fucking now, so I've prepared some good old fashioned New Year's Resolutions...of which every single one I intend to keep. Strap yourselves in assholes, here we go with the resolutions and promises I'm making for this year:
That I intend to fill out my vintage porn collection
That I'll cut my daily masturbation rituals down from six times a day to five
That I will stop wasting my money on cigarettes and steal them instead
That I will no longer refer to the act of fisting as "Puppetwork"
That I will stop dying my socks pink and calling them "wearable prolapsed rectums"
That I won't automatically hate something because it's popular
That I will actually have TAPES all finished by the end of this year
All I can say for sure is that it's probably only the first resolution up there that will actually really happen. The rest of it can fuck on off (though TAPES is coming along nicely finally).
Happy New Year's you fuckin degenerates.