Saturday, July 17, 2010

How to tell if you're a tool...Part 2 motherfuckers!

Well...this isn't so much a Part 2 as it is a collection of shit I forgot to include with the last entry.

Either way, here's some more ways to tell if you or someone you know is a tool:

If the only Phillies games you've ever gone to or watched on TV occured AFTER they won the World Series

If you're a Yankees fan and you're not from New York

If you actually think that marriage is a sacred institution

If you think Megan Fox secures acting roles because of her "acting talent"

If you're over the age of 14 and you do whippets

If you think hockey is a pussy sport because they're on ice skates

If you fail to see the rampant homoeroticism in American football and actually consider it a hardcore type of sport

If you think soccer being called "futbol" everywhere else but America is stupid

If you ever listened to Crazy Town

If you're white and add the word "izzle" onto actual words when you speak

If you wear a cap sideways (and if you do, you should seriously be shot...repeatedly)

If you think that "Pearl Harbor" is the best war movie you've ever seen

If you think zombies are better as the running type than the traditional slow type

If you think George Clooney was the best Batman

If you think we've actually made progress in Iraq

If you're over 40 years old and you Bic your head

If you bought a Nintendo Wii when it first launched and can on one hand how many times you've actually played it

If you think Glenn Beck is intelligent

If you take either Rush Limbaugh or Michael Moore at their words...both of them are equally full of shit

If you shelled out the money for a big-screen HD TV but don't want to pay for cable

If you like the smell of gasoline (guilty)

If you think you're actually doing right by the environment by driving a hybrid

If you enjoy spoiling the endings of movies to people

If you still think "The Matrix" was original

If the only Jackie Chan movies you know about are his Americanized family friendly ones

If you actually pay for porn

...and that folks is all for now!

Remember that we all have some tool-esque qualities that sometimes we just can't help, so if you meet the criteria for a handful of these, fear not...but if you fit the criteria for quite a few of these...well my friend, YOU'RE A FUCKING TOOL!!!!!!

one love...not really :P


  1. "If you bought a Nintendo Wii when it first launched and can on one hand how many times you've actually played it"

    A word is missing here. I thought I'd let you know. :) Entertaining nonetheless!

  2. goddamnit!, lol

    thanks by the way :)