Friday, November 20, 2015

Where the Hell is PHANTASM V?????

There is a shitload of horror franchises out there. Think of as many as you can off the top of your head right now on the spot. What are the ones that automatically pop in there? "A Nightmare on Elm Street"? "Halloween"? "Friday the 13th"? "Texas Chainsaw Massacre"? "Saw"? "Scream"? Yeah, that's a shitload of movies right there to be sure, but does anyone ever think of "Phantasm"? The "Phantasm" movies are probably some of the absolute most underrated flicks the horror genre has to offer. Written and directed by Don Coscarelli, the series started in 1979, with the last film in the franchise to come out in 1998. The series ended on a bit of a cliffhanger (which isn't a surprise really because every film in the franchise ends on a cliffhanger to begin with), and fans have been clamoring for years for another movie. Years and years went by, with a tad of promise thrown at us by Coscarelli now and then, followed by nothing.

Then, something happened.

In March of 2014, news started coming in saying that not only were we getting a fifth "Phantasm" film, but filming had secretly been completed. This was followed with a surprise teaser trailer the following day after the news had come out. Yes, it's really happening: we're getting a fifth, and final, "Phantasm" movie.

But no one really knows when.

Tentatively titled "Phantasm V: Ravager", the film is indeed complete, but is now stuck in the hell that is known as WAITING TO FIND A FUCKING DISTRIBUTOR. Coscarelli says we'll get it sometime in 2016, but that's not really guaranteed. Films can sit on the shelf for years on end before finding a willing distributor. Rob Zombie's "House of 1000 Corpses" sat on the shelf for almost three years after Universal backed out at the last minute until Lions Gate Films scooped it up. So who knows? We may see the film in 2016...or we may not.

Now believe me when I say, no one is happier than I am that we're getting another "Phantasm" movie that just might wrap up everything, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hesitant a bit. There's always been years-long gaps between all the films: the original in 1979, "Phantasm II" in 1988, "Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead" in 1994, and "Phantasm IV: Oblivion" in 1998. In all that time, has the audience for "Phantasm" really gotten bigger at all? I doubt it since no one really talks about these movies much at all. Combine that with the fact that the stars of the franchise, namely Angus "The Tall Man" Scrimm and Reggie Bannister, are older than fucking dirt now, doesn't help matters in terms of progressing the story...especially considering how the last film where the fuck is this all going now? Oh, and Coscarelli isn't directing this new film. Instead he is co-writing and producing, while new guy David Hartman gets director duties.

So basically, what the fuck are we going to get here? I'm trying to keep an open mind about "Phantasm V", but it's really hard for me to do so. I know I usually cry about needing to know when to let horror franchises end and all, but the "Phantasm" franchise is one of the few horror series' I actually wanted to see another installment of.

Please, please, please, please, please don't suck. Please "Phantasm V", please be something awesome that ends the franchise on a high note and be more than worth the wait. No one wants this more than I do.

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