Friday, August 28, 2015
What Scares Me the Most?
I'm going to tell you all something that not many people know about me.
No, it's not that I masturbate with peanut butter. This is the digital age, and because of that, you all already know about it.
No, I'm going to tell you all about the one sub-genre of horror that truly freaks me the fuck out.
It's not zombies. It's not ghosts. It's not torture. It's not even fucking clowns.
It's aliens man. Motherfucking aliens.
When I was a kid, maybe about five or six, I accidentally saw "Communion". It was a shit movie adaptation of Whitley Striber's supposedly "true" chronicle of his experiences with alien abduction. The film starred Christopher Walken as Striber, and featured the typical big-eyed and grey styled alien beings haunting him. Watching the movie now makes me wonder how this ever scared me at all, but looking back on it, that shit stuck with me.
Just the look of the beings by itself freaks me the fuck out to this very fucking day. Thinking about it now though, I realize that it just isn't their appearance that gives me the creeps, it's every fucking thing else about them. The fact they're from another world. The fact that they can get you in the middle of the night, or whenever they want because they have the technological means to do so, makes you feel way more vulnerable than any slasher villain ever could. Not to mention the fact that say, you did get abducted by aliens and they did weird stuff to your butt...no one would ever fucking believe you. Ever.
That shit is fucking scary.
I'm probably going to get laughed at by you fucks for this. "Oh this hardcore horror fanatic is scared of something so fucking stupid". Well, to that I happily say, blow me. We all have one dumb fear that creeps us the fuck out. Mine just happens to be taken away in the middle of the night, shot across the galaxy, having my cock and ass prodded, then shipped back to Earth buck naked in a cornfield and have no one believe me about it.
Then again, no one believed I once porked a pornstar way back when, but I did.
No seriously, I did. Spoiler alert: it was awesome.
Anyway, on a serious note, I'm sure you'll probably find this unbelievable too, but I do believe that we're not the only intelligent life in the universe. Granted I don't necessarily think anyone is coming to earth to jam things up random people's asses, slaughter cattle, or make crop circles, but I do believe these fuckers actually exist...and that scares the hell out of me.
That's the one thing that ties us all together: every one of us has a legitimate fear of the unknown. It's a natural feeling, there's nothing necessarily wrong with that, but it's true. And there is nothing more unknown, and terrifying, than something inherently alien to everything you know to be true.
Also, to close here, I did totally bang a pornstar. Dead serious. Best two minutes of my life.