REST IN PEACE STEVE DILLON

News broke yesterday that British comic book artist Steve Dillon passed away suddenly at the age of 54 in New York City. The news certainly came as a shock to the comic world, and definitely came as a major shock to me personally. The artwork of Steve Dillon has meant a lot to me over the years, and it wouldn't be out of line to call his work iconic.

I first got a taste of Dillon's artwork when I discovered the Vertigo books Hellblazer and in particular Preacher. I had taken a lot of time away from comics in my teens, mostly because I was sick of superheroes and the same old shit issue after issue. I discovered Preacher first, and thanks to Garth Ennis' maniacal storytelling combined with Dillon's blend of gritty realism and cartoonish mayhem helped make Preacher one of my all time favorite comic books in the history of fucking ever.

His earlier work on Hellblazer, also with Ennis (who was a frequent collaborator), was just as special. I knew about the series and John Constantine previously, but I had never paid it much mind until I got my hands on Ennis and Dillon's work. So I guess I have Dillon to thank for getting me into what turned out to be probably my all time favorite comic book character as well now that I think about it.

I stuck with Ennis and Dillon when they rebooted The Punisher for Marvel years later, a character that Dillon would often find himself drawing and working on even if Ennis wouldn't be involved in it in a number of various series'. Over the years, Dillon would do a lot of Marvel work, including Wolverine Origins, Bullseye: Greatest Hits, Daredevil VS Bullseye, Ultimate X-Men, Thunderbolts, and more. Before that, Dillon cut his teeth on a number of well-known British comics, most notably Doctor Who Magazine and 2000 A.D. (the Judge Dredd-starring magazine), as well as Warrior and Rogue Trooper.

Rest in peace Steve Dillon, you will be missed.

Rest in Peace Darwyn Cooke

We've lost Darwyn Cooke. If you're asking yourself who that is, prepare to be educated:

Darwyn Cooke was a comic book artist, known primarily for his work with DC Comics. He first came to my attention when "The New Frontier" series had originally launched. What attracted me to it was Cooke's distinct style: a pseudo-retro design for characters and panels that both at once combined elements of the Golden and Silver Ages of comics, as well as a modern take. His work was truly unique, and in all honesty, something that I was initially put off by. Over time though, Cooke's work grew on me quite a bit, and it wasn't long before I began tracking down as much of his work as I could.

He'd worked in animation (for the animated adaptations of Batman, Superman, and Batman Beyond) and did other comic work on series' and characters including Catwoman, The Spirit, Spider-Man, and more besides. Everything Cooke touched was a thing of beauty from a visual standpoint, and alas, he's been taken from us far, far too soon.

Rest in peace Darwyn Cooke. My thoughts and hopes go out to your family. Your work will live on forever though, of that there is no doubt.

Fuck cancer.

The Walking Dead V The Walking Butthurt: Dawn of Bullshit

As most (if not all) of you know, there was a time when I really, legitimately loved "The Walking Dead". The comics, the show, everything. That however, was a long time ago. I got tired of the comics, I got super tired of the TV show, and I got just plain bored with the whole marketing blitz/cash-cow that the whole property has become (in hindsight though, I'm happy that Robert Kirkman and Image Comics have raked in the cash though; both deserve it wholeheartedly, and it's proof that indie comics can still be a force to be reckoned with).

Anyway, it's been a long time since I've watched "The Walking Dead", although I've been hearing plenty about it, namely the long-awaited introduction of Negan and the promise that he'll whack a major character. In the comics, when Negan made his first appearance, he slaughtered long time fan-favorite character Glen in brutal fashion. Most people seem to think the show is going to swap out Glen for Daryl, but apparently everyone's going to have to wait until the start of the new season to see whose brains Negan bashes in.

That's right, after weeks and weeks of teasing, fans now have to wait months to see who gets killed. And, knowing how this show goes with dragging shit out, it probably won't get revealed until the end of the season premiere...or hell, maybe even later.

This show sure likes to be a fucking cock tease eh?

For all the faults of the comic, one thing it didn't do was drag shit out. When major shit would hit the fan, it would hit fast and out of nowhere. That's one of the things that made me fall in love with it way back when. The show on the other hand...well, it's always liked to make you wait. You can label it whatever you want, but it's the truth.

Now truth be told, I don't care what develops on the show and what doesn't. The main reason I'm writing about this right now is because seeing all the butthurt fanboys crying about boycotting the show and making petitions to fire showrunner Scott Gimple (then again, this show goes through showrunners like you wouldn't believe) are just a little too much.

We get it, you're pissed. And I'm not saying you shouldn't be either. But if you're really that pissed off about the whole thing, you should prove it by not tuning into the show when it comes back in October. Show some conviction instead of whining about it on the internet only to go back to it when it comes back on air and then sing its praises after.

But no, that's not what's going to happen, and we all know it too.

If there's one silver lining to all this, it's seeing the butthurt fanboys going against the die hard fans defending this bullshit.

ANOTHER DC REBOOT????

So it's being said that DC Comics is doing another company-wide reboot pretty damn soon. Only difference between this reboot and the New 52 reboot from 2011 appears to be that this one is going to be focused more on characters and properties that are going to be heavily featured in movies and TV shows. So basically we'll be having a lot of titles focused on Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, various members of the Suicide Squad, and probably Green Arrow, Flash, etc.

So um...yeah. I don't really like this idea, any more than I did the idea of the New 52 reboot. Thankfully though for that we got some interesting stories and takes on Batman, Aquaman, Swamp Thing, Animal Man, Stormwatch, and more besides; so it wasn't all bad in retrospect. In fact, while a majority of the storytelling was "meh", you can't deny the ballsiness of it.

Now here's the thing, what DC is doing is getting shit on a lot...which isn't a surprise. DC usually always gets a lot of flack thrown at it, sometimes rightfully so, sometimes not. The joke of it all is that this is shit that Marvel has been doing forever, and no one ever shits on them, because they're Marvel. Don't believe me? Well, let's think about it for a second: anytime a Marvel movie has been a hit, Marvel has either retconned characters or flat out rebooted them to streamline with their film counterparts:

Blade (yes, Blade) was never a half-human/half vamp "daywalker". He was a fairly normal dude. That shitty 90s "Spider-Man" cartoon first presented him as the Blade we all know now before the Wesley Snipes films did.

Ever since the first "X-Men" movie in 2000, Wolverine is frequently drawn to resemble Hugh Jackman more than any other physical incarnation he had before anyone ever knew who the fuck Hugh Jackman was.

Nick Fury (the white one) all of the sudden has a never-before mentioned son of African-American descent (and ends up losing an eye) that subsequently takes over SHIELD and the original Fury is written out of the Marvel universe in a non-sensical crossover where The Watcher was assassinated for...reasons.

There's more besides all that, but I stopped reading mainstream Marvel and DC comics quite some time ago. Why? Because the kind of innovative and mostly stand-alone storytelling that I fell in love with from guys like Walter Simonson, Grant Morrison, Frank Miller, and more besides, was being phased out of mainstream comics in favor of streamlined storyarcs that never end and just written to sell more books.

Selling more books is the key after all, which is fine, because the comic book industry is a finicky one and even though it has endured for so long, it still ends up needing a kick in the ass every so often to keep itself afloat. The sales of these mainstream comics are the main source of that for the most part, and are also the most exhausted of ideas and innovation. It's a weird fucking balance, but that's pretty much how it's always been.

So yeah, DC gets shit on, Marvel doesn't. It's the same as it ever was, and that's probably how it'll always be too. The reasons why on that is something I've touched on before, and something I'll probably touch on again at some point down the road.

Now go read some goddamned indie comics.

What the Fuck Happened to Comic Con?

Some of you may be too young to remember, but once upon a time, there were comic book conventions that would pop up every now and then for like-minded fans, or “nerds” if you will, to get together, have fun, bullshit about comics, and even meet and greet writers and artists that work in the industry, and ever so rarely, meet a few lower-tier celebrities that somehow had some kind of ties to the comic book world. Hell, some people would even dress up as their favorite characters, which helped make going to these things even more fun. Sometimes these conventions, or “cons” if you will, would range from a whole day, to a whole weekend, and wouldn’t break your bank either. What an awesome time these cons proved to be; even going so far as to group like-minded people together and inadvertently form lasting friendships and even relationships…all founded on their respective fandoms.

Fast forward to now, and these little cons are barely what they used to be. Instead, the comic con business has turned into just that: a business. While everything I said in the above paragraph still happens, it doesn’t feel that way anymore. Instead, if you go to the big cons especially, you’re bombarded with people trying to sell you shit. Whether it be from cosplayers that know they’re hot and know little about what they’re cosplaying (note: I’m not calling out all cosplayers here, I know for a fact that there are quite a bit that are passionate about what they do and thoroughly enjoy doing it with their endgame not being making a few bucks) to D-list celebrities telling you for 30 bucks they’ll give you an autograph, the fun of comic cons has been lost on me.

Maybe it’s because I’ve had some bad experiences at the last few cons I’ve gone to. Maybe it’s because as the older I’ve gotten, the more jaded I’ve become. Maybe it’s because I get sick of seeing all the media coverage given to them now, which have helped take this thing which was primarily a gathering of like-minded nerds and blown it up so much so that now it’s only another super-commercialized event.

I don’t know, I honestly don’t.

I remember in my youth going to these things and meeting writers and artists in the industry. That was, and still is, my favorite part of cons. Getting to meet and greet the people behind some of my favorite comics. I never had a problem laying down cash to get an autographed print from someone whose artwork I would fawn over…and I still don’t. Those kind of people are who I believe should be the main attraction at comic cons, not an ex-pro wrestler living out of his car or a washed up NBA player looking to make whatever money he can because he blew it all in the past (side note: Allen Iverson at Philly Comic Con? Really? I know he’s a Sixers legend, but come the fuck on…that has nothing to do with any fucking thing associated here at all). If you go to cons quite a bit, the people that actually work in comic books are the ones that deserve your time, attention, and even a few bucks, because they work in the industry and put their blood, sweat, and tears into it.

Like I said before: maybe I’m getting old and jaded and have just fallen away from the audience these things are catered to now. That very well could be. Doesn’t change the fact that I’d take meeting Neal Adams, Grant Morrison, or Ethan Van Sciver (yes, even Ethan fucking Van Sciver) over James Marsters, Virgil, or even Nathan Fillion. Those guys mean more to me than any celebrity charging you 200 bucks for meeting them and pictures.

In closing, all you cats going to the cons this year have fun and all that. I’ll be staying home reminiscing about the glories of yesteryear. Or jerking off to Jessica Nigri (maybe…probably).

Get off my lawn.

The Deadpool Movie Might Be Good...Maybe...Probably...???

Everyone seems to be in the camp of “OMG the “Deadpool” movie is gonna be so fucking amazing!” Fans have good reason to be optimistic about this X-Men-related film…while I tend to be cautiously optimistic about it. My reasons being that the character itself, and the actor playing him, causes a bit of a concern.

Now before you all jump down my throat about it, let’s look at a few things. The character of Deadpool himself, when written and used correctly, is a great character. When he’s written poorly, well…he’s just another annoyingly talky and confusing amalgamation of ideas from the 80s/90s era that hasn’t aged all that well. Don’t get me wrong, there’s been comic book writers like Daniel Way, Fabian Nicieza, and Rick Remender that have totally nailed what the character is all about, but for as many writers that “get” Deadpool, there’s an equal amount that don’t. Combine that with a screenwriter that may or may not “get” the character, and that doesn’t sound too well and good does it?

Next is the actor playing him. I have a dislike for Ryan Reynolds for a lot of reasons, but mostly because he’s a one trick pony. Any movie I see him in, no matter who he’s playing, he’s Ryan Reynolds. He never comes off as believable in anything to me…like ever. He’s good comic relief in a supporting role, but as a lead…meh. Remember the “Green Lantern” movie? Now granted that whole abortion wasn’t totally his fault, but he didn’t help matters either. How many shitty X-Men movies have there been now? With every shitty one, we always shit all over it, but we never shit on the performance of say, Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. Why? Because no matter how bad the movie is, he’s still great in the role. “Green Lantern” was a shit movie, helped made shittier by Reynolds’ performance as Hal Jordan. Now maybe it’s a bad comparison because Hal definitely isn’t the smart ass motormouth that Deadpool is, but it doesn’t change the fact that there are plenty of other candidates for the role that could have been better. How about Sam Rockwell as Deadpool? That would be tits.

One good thing about “Deadpool” that compared to other X-Men movies, the film is fairly low budget. That’s a good sign that Fox won’t interfere with it like they have with the other X-Men flicks in the past. Remember: the bigger the budget, the more a major studio will interfere with it. So that in itself is a good sign. What isn’t a good sign to me is his costume. Now I know, “it looks just like it does in the comics”, and yes it certainly does…which to me is why it looks like an above average cosplay. The suit just looks too, for lack of a better word, fake to me. This is really only a minor complaint honestly, since there will probably be some post-production trickery done with it, which tends to happen with movies like this all the time.

Now I’m not forecasting all doom and gloom here about “Deadpool”. After that test footage was “leaked” a while back that got this whole ball rolling (finally), I was happy to hear that it was happening, R rating or not. If the film has the right talent behind the camera (which it might, it might not, it’s honestly too soon to tell), it might be really fucking good.

If it doesn’t, it’ll be another shitty comic book to film adaptation in Ryan Reynolds’ filmography that also includes “Green Lantern”, “Blade: Trinity”, “R.I.P.D.”, and “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”. I think I missed one or two others, but I’m too lazy to look it up on IMDB, so fuck it.

Here’s hoping I’m wrong.

What's With All the "Fantastic Four" Hate?

It seems like the amount of hate that this new, rebooted "Fantastic Four" movie is getting is unprecedented. I've honestly never seen or heard so much geek anger directed at a movie like this...well, I think ever. Why though? Are there people that consider the FF films that came out a decade ago classics? Hardly. That being said, getting to the bottom of the pissing and moaning about the new FF movie makes for some interesting discoveries.

First and foremost, the news that came out during pre-production that the film's director told his cast not to bother reading any FF comics for research. Then there was news that Dr. Doom would be a lame blogger. Then there was news that they were changing the race of the Human Torch from Caucasian to black. And blah, blah, blah. For months, people have been bitching, which they are well-within their rights to do, but everything I just listed seems to be what people are bitching about the most. My only question about all that is one thing:

So what?

I mean don't get me wrong, the movie will probably be a piece of shit (but in all reality, can it really be any fucking worse than the two cinematic abortions that came out last decade?), but if it is, it won't be because of all that. With those changes in mind, let's look at the Marvel Cinematic Universe. One of the main reasons the fanboys have been crying is because the film rights to the Fantastic Four are still owned by Fox (which also owns the film rights for X-Men and has for a very long time) and thus you will not see them teamed up with Iron Man, Captain America, etc. That in itself has plenty to do with sending fanboys into fits, but it isn't the core truth. The core truth of the matter as to why people are pissing on FF is because they have become so blinded to the idea that Marvel can do no wrong that they don't want to see any other studio take on a Marvel property.

Now why have people become so enamored with everything Marvel like never before? Well, they've made a fuck-ton of money and managed to successfully craft a shared movie universe without it becoming too stale. It's impressive no doubt, but in the years since 2008's "Iron Man", which started the whole thing, people go nuts over anything Marvel-related...to a fault. For example: there's a super amount of people that think "Iron Man 2" was perfect and "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D." is the best show on TV. Does that sound like anyone you'd actually want to have a conversation with about anything? Fuck no.

What I'm getting at here (or trying to) is that Marvel made a lot of changes in their films like the new FF movie is doing, and every single fanboy applauded them. Make Nick Fury black? Sure! (and yes, I know his race was changed in Mark Millar's "Ultimates" series in the early 2000s, doesn't change matters here). Make a character that had a one panel appearance into a major super villain(Killian in "Iron Man 3") while introducing a big twist? Ok awesome! (mostly). Take a bunch of D-list characters with sketchy backgrounds and throw them into a blender in an outer-space odyssey that bears damn little to nearly anything they've done in comics prior? OMG MARVEL YOU'RE SO BRILLIANT!

Now please don't get me wrong, most of the Marvel movies have been super enjoyable...just not the greatest things in the history of mankind like most of the fanboys would have you believe. Here's a quick list of them all:

"Iron Man"? Great.

"Incredible Hulk"? Underrated.

"Iron Man 2"? Nothing more than a springboard for introducing other characters.

"Thor"? Enjoyable

"Captain America: The First Avenger"? Wonderful

"Avengers"? Mega-enjoyable, but nowhere near the perfect superhero movie that everyone thought it was.

"Iron Man 3"? Received a fair amount of flack for its twist, but eventually almost universally applauded, even though it took a major villain and made him a red herring alcoholic character actor.

"Thor: The Dark World"? Yawn-inducing.

"Captain America: The Winter Soldier"? The best Marvel movie yet, because it doesn't feel like a Marvel movie.

"Guardians of the Galaxy"? Immensely enjoyable, but definitely not the masterpiece that everyone was raving about FOR MONTHS.



The point is all these Marvel films made their own changes to comic book canon, and were practically all universally praised for it...because they come from Marvel's film division. Fox's "Fantastic Four" makes similar changes, and gets shit thrown at it...because it isn't from Marvel. If it was a Marvel Films Production, everyone would be saying how smart these changes are and come up with reasoning probably using the words and phrases like "modernizing" and "making it all more relatable to the audience" or some bullshit.

In your heart of hearts, you all know that this is all true. Don't deny it.



And yeah, like I said before, no matter what "Fantastic Four" will more than likely blow ass...but I hope it makes a shit load of money, just so the fanboys can keep crying. Their tears give me power and strength.

25 Years of Tim Burton's "Batman"

Almost exactly 25 years ago, I was sitting in a movie theater with my mother, and while I didn't know it at the time, I was about to have an eye opening experience that would go on to define the rest of my childhood and even move on into my adulthood. It was something that my young mind may not have totally been ready for, but all the same it was something that I'll never be able to forget.

I'm talking about seeing motherfucking "Batman".

Tim Burton's 1989 update of the classic DC superhero was an awe-inspiring experience for me and countless other kids (and adults alike). Beforehand the only knowledge of the character and Batman mythology I had at that point was through comic books, which I had only just started getting into at that point, and believe it or not, I really don't think I was all that enthused about seeing "Batman" as I should have been (my Mom was actually more interested in seeing it actually, having a life-long love of Jack Nicholson).

But what is it that makes "Batman" not only so endearing to this day, but how it helped shape the legacy of superhero films in general? Is it the dark tone? The gothic, art-deco landscape? The magnetic villain? The brooding, tortured, somewhat psychotic superhero? It's a mix of all that and more besides. It all helped make "Batman" all the more special, and it paved the way for so much more to come (including the legendary "Batman: The Animated Series") that now, two decades and a half later, has a legacy that no other superhero film can ever hope to match.

That's not to say that "Batman" isn't without its flaws. I never gave two shits about what happened to its damsel in distress Vicki Vale, who in herself has such an underwhelming characterization and damn little in terms of character development that any scenes that focus on her become a bore. Making the Joker be the killer of Bruce Wayne's parents is also a bit of a "why the fuck?" moment as well, but all that aside, "Batman" is still a quintessential genre film with a cemented legacy.

Though in the end I do think that Christopher Nolan's trilogy served the character better than Burton's two films (and we won't dare mention the Schumacher abortions), there's no denying the impact and effect that "Batman" had in 1989, and still resonates to this day. If you haven't seen it in a while, give it a watch, and follow it up with "Batman Returns" and some handpicked episodes of the animated series. You'll be glad that you did.

I'm About to Make You Feel Old

Look at that fucking guy right there. He looks like shit right? The thinning hair, the graying beard, the inbred genes finally rearing their ugly head. Poor old bastard.
So, you ready to feel old as shit?
Last time I talked about how it's the 20th anniversary of NHL 94, and I got nostalgic...so anyway...
It's 2014. This year I will hit the big 3-0 (no I'm not exactly looking forward to it) and it kind of terrifies me. It's not getting to 30 in itself (that alone is just plain surprising, and anyone who has known me well enough through the years will attest to that) that terrifies me per se, but the fact that so much which I hold in high regard, whether it be music, film, or whatever, is now older than I realized...so old now that it makes my head hurt.

Anyway, here's a list of shit hitting some unreal ages, so strap yourselves in folks:



Albums "Superunknown" by Soundgarden, "Jar of Flies" by Alice in Chains, "Far Beyond Driven" by Pantera, "Dookie" by Green Day, "The Downward Spiral" by Nine Inch Nails, "Point Blank" by Nailbomb, "This Toilet Earth" by Gwar, "Smash" by Offspring, "Throwing Copper" by Live, "Live Through This" by Hole, "Purple" by Stone Temple Pilots, "Voodoo Lounge" by the Rolling Stones, "Portrait of an American Family" by Marilyn Manson, "Burn My Eyes" by Machine Head, "Divine Intervention" by Slayer, "Youthanasia" by Megadeth, "Vitalogy" by Pearl Jam and the major label debuts from Weezer, Bush, and Korn were all released in 1994...they're all 20 years old.

April 5th marks the 20 year anniversary of Kurt Cobain's death.

The original "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" is 40 years old, released in 1974.

Next year, "Jaws" will also turn 40.

"Tales from the Crypt" went off the air nearly 18 years ago in 1996.

The Nintendo GameBoy is 25 years old this year, released in 1989.

This year marks the 15th anniversary of the release of the Sega Dreamcast, as well as the first 3-D Sonic the Hedgehog-starring game, "Sonic Adventure".

The original "The Matrix" was released 15 years ago in 1999. So was Kevin Smith's "Dogma" and the classic "Fight Club".

"The Terminator" and "Ghostbusters" were released 30 years ago in 1984.

The original "Transformers" animated series and toyline debuted in North America 30 years ago
as well.

Image Comics, home to "Spawn", "Savage Dragon", "Witchblade", "The Walking Dead", and more, was founded 22 years ago in 1992.

"The Walking Dead" comic series has been running for 11 years, starting in 2003.

"Robot Chicken" first aired almost ten years ago, starting in 2005.

The original Universal Monster films, ("Dracula", "Frankenstein", and "The Mummy") are either over, or approaching, 80 years old.

Hulk Hogan left the WWF to sign with WCW in the summer of 1994.

The New York Rangers won their first Stanley Cup in 54 years in 1994.

In September 1994, Major League Baseball players went on a strike that cancelled the World Series.



So yeah...feel old yet?

A Love Letter and Goodbye to "Hellblazer"

You all know me pretty well it seems, i.e. you know I'm a comic book geek. Though the medium mostly revolves around people in tights punching the shit out of each other, there's one comics line in general that re-affirmed my faith in the medium back in the days of me being a super cynical teenage know-it-all: Vertigo Comics. Vertigo is the mature-themed adult line of comics that is a part of DC Comics as a whole. Over the decades, there have been numerous titles, mini-series', and ongoing series' that have become nothing short of legendary. Just look at these titles for fuck's sake: "Sandman", "Saga of the Swamp Thing", "V For Vendetta", "Preacher", "Y: The Last Man", "A History of Violence", "Orbiter", "Transmetropolitan", "Lucifer", "Deadenders", "100 Bullets", "Scalped", "DMZ", and many many more. But there was one title in particular that drew me to Vertigo. One title in particular that drew me into dark comics in general and was the stepping stone for me getting into the aforementioned titles.

"Hellblazer".

Now what the fuck is "Hellblazer" you may be asking yourself? Well, it's Vertigo's longest ongoing title. It mostly revolves around the horrific adventures of John Constantine. Wait, now you're thinking to yourself "John Constantine? The John Constantine from the movie 'Constantine' that starred everyone's favorite wooden actor extraordinaire Keanu Reeves?" And yes, you're kind of right about that. However, unlike how he was portrayed in that piece of garbage 2005 adaptation, John Constantine is a blonde, British, chain-smoking, master of black magic and super street smart con-man. He was created by Alan Moore (!) during his seminal run on "Saga of the Swamp Thing", and eventually got his own title in the late 80s with "Hellblazer". It was writer Jamie Delano that really molded John's backstory, history, and supporting cast as he took the original reigns on the title, followed by celebrated and brilliant runs by Garth Ennis (which made him famous and led him to create the brilliant "Preacher"), Paul Jenkins, Warren Ellis, Brian Azzarello, Mike Carey, Denise Mina, and currently Peter Milligan among others. Even industry legends like Neil Gaiman and Grant Morrison have dabbled on the title before to boot.

The stories of "Hellblazer" weren't quite what the shitty "Constantine" movie made them out to be. John Constantine is not a demon hunter that is constantly at odds with Satan. In fact, John Constantine is a bit of a prick. There have been numerous occasions where he's put the lives of his friends and loved ones at risk strategically just so he can get the upper hand (most of the time). And while John has had a couple run-in's with Satan and various demonic forces, John's biggest enemies usually wind up being those in the use of black magic that are using it for wrong purposes. That, and there's a laundry list of people that John has managed to piss off over the years (he ages in real time).

Now, you may be wondering why I'm having a "Hellblazer" themed wankfest here, and that's because towards the end of this month, the 300th, and final, issue of "Hellblazer" will be hitting the stands, marking John Constantine's last hurrah as part of the Vertigo line. Why is this happening? Well, because ever since DC launched the "New 52" over a year ago, they re-introduced a younger and less foul-mouthed John Constantine into the mainstream DC universe. That, combined with the fact that it feels like Vertigo is getting squeezed to death by its parent company (leading to the departure of Karen Berger, the longtime editorial leader at Vertigo that helped bring so many legendary titles to life) means that my beloved John Constantine will be laid to rest...at least in his chain-smoking, foul-mouthed, rip your guts out of your stomach version that we've come to know and love for over 20 years now.

So, it goes without saying, that "Hellblazer" will be supremely missed, and in my honest opinion, it seems like Vertigo Comics as a whole isn't far behind. It's a crying shame too, because things just aren't going to be the same without John fucking Constantine the way we know and love him.

My DC Animated Universe Wishlist

Showcase Presents: Doc Savage By DC Comics, Inc. (COR) (Google Affiliate Ad)

When it comes to animated comic-book based adaptations, no one does them better than DC. While Marvel's animated features aren't bad in the least, they just more often than not come off as being rarely anything better than average. The DC Universe animated features boast better animation and voice acting, and have managed to successfully adapt some epic and beloved DC stories into 75-minute animated dirges. True, some haven't been anything special ("Green Lantern: Emerald Knights" and "Batman: Gotham Knight") and some have been quite spectacular ("Batman: Under the Red Hood" and "Wonder Woman"). Though DC has informally announced that a majority of the future DC animated films will focus on the Justice League, Superman, or Batman since anything not involving any of them doesn't sell through the roof, this comic geek has come up with a wishlist for DC stories I would fucking love to see in animated form. Granted I know that a majority of these won't ever happen, but that doesn't mean that a geek can't dream. I'm not going to go into too much depth for each one here, because I could talk about this shit for hours. So here we go with my top DC Universe animated flicks wishlist:



TEEN TITANS: THE JUDAS CONTRACT

Originally slated to be a DC animated flick, "The Judas Contract" got nixed due to the fact that the mega-popular cartoon was still resonating in the minds of children everywhere, and because the shockingly mature content of this storyarc would probably not have been done justice in animated form. Still, seeing "The Judas Contract" animated would be awesome.





KINGDOM COME

The mega-popular and beloved dystopian look at the DC universe would be smashing to see in animated form. Just imagine Alex Ross' lush paintwork applied to animation, and you've got something with the potential to be beautiful unleashed on your eyeballs. Just like "The Judas Contract", this has a shocking amount of mature content, but considering what all the recent DC animated flicks have gotten away with in terms of content and violence, this would be a no-brainer.





THE FLASH: THE RETURN OF BARRY ALLEN

The Flash doesn't get enough love, which is a damn shame because the characters, mythos, and villains associated with Flash are some of the best the DC Universe has to offer. How awesome would it be to see an animated adaptation of young Flash Wally West get bested by the former Flash Barry Allen after he (allegedly) returns from the dead? There's little chance of this ever happening, since DC rebooted their comic universe and Wally practically doesn't exist anymore, but this would be awesome to see in animated form.





THE SINESTRO CORPS WAR

One of the greatest and most action packed storylines in Green Lantern history would be amazing to see in animated form. Not to mention the fact that since it involves every single superhero in the DC universe taking on Sinestro's army, it could be marketed as a Justice League movie instead of a stand-alone Green Lantern flick. Just imagine that final slugfest between Hal Jordan and Sinestro in animated form...holy shit. Plus, it could somehow lead into what I propose next...






BLACKEST NIGHT

Dead superheroes and villains returning from the grave and eating the hearts of the living? Yeah, we'll probably never ever see this one in animated form, but man oh man, the possibilities about "Blackest Night" animated are endless.






BATMAN: THE LONG HALLOWEEN

After "Batman: Year One", why not adapt "The Long Halloween"? A spiritual sequel, "The Long Halloween" would detail the origin of Two-Face and feature a handful of the best Batman villains thrown in for good measure. Plus, somehow adapting Tim Sale's beautfiul artwork into animated form? Sign me up.






SUPERMAN: LAST SON

Richard Donner, who directed the landmark, classic, original "Superman" film, co-wrote this comic storyarc (that also paid tribute to Christopher Reeve) in which Superman adopts a young Kryptonian boy that mysteriously appears on Earth. The storyarc was surprisingly touhing and heartbreaking, and a great way to introduce/re-introduce everyone to General Zod. This one would be a mistake not to adapt.






Okay folks, my nerd rage has subsided for now. If you have no idea what the hell I've been talking about, or are thinking "why the fuck is this guy watching cartoons", please feel free to blow me.

Green Lantern is Gay...Oh the Humanity!

Hard to believe it’s been just about a year now since DC Comics rebooted their entire universe (for the most part) as part of The New 52 initiative. To celebrate the fact that they’ve stuck with it for a year, we’re seeing more titles and old characters getting rebooted slowly but surely, case in point, the Green Lantern known as Alan Scott…who is being reinterpreted as being a homosexual. Now before I go any further, let’s lay down some history, because if you’re like the public at large, you have no idea who the fuck Alan Scott is, so strap yourselves in folks, here we go:

Created during the “Golden Age” of comics in 1940, Alan Scott was the first character to bear the name “Green Lantern”, before the title would be rebooted 2 decades later as an intergalactic police force starring a guy named Hal Jordan. He lived on Earth 2 as an original member of the Justice Society (alongside the original Flash Jay Garrick, Hawkman, Wildcat, and others) before all the parallel earths got combined together in 1985’s landmark “Crisis on Infinite Earths”, where Scott remained unchanged, and the only person calling himself Green Lantern that wasn’t a member of the same Corps as Hal and the rest of the crew. Alan also had a green-skinned daughter named Jade, and a shadow-powered son named Obsidian, who himself was gay.

With the reboot the DC Universe has gone through, Alan Scott’s plate has been wiped clean. Jade and Obsidian, like other famous DC characters like Donna Troy and Wally “The Flash” West, just no longer exist. Writer James Robinson has decided to reboot Scott as being a homosexual, and for some reason people are having a shit-fit about it. I don’t understand why, because it seems the same people having a majority of the hissyfits about Scott being a gay superhero had no idea who Alan Scott was beforehand. What’s funny is that around the same time DC announced what they were doing with Scott (which had long been rumored that DC was taking an iconic character and rebooting him as being gay), Marvel was having gay X-Men member Northstar get married to his long time lover. Seems like it was a rough month of two for die-hard conservative comic book readers eh?

Anyway, as a long time DC Comics reader myself, I will admit that I was genuinely surprised seeing Alan Scott getting rebooted as a homosexual. As someone who had been written as such a driven and beloved father figure to his teammates, seeing him get rebooted as a suave, debonair, homosexual is going to make for interesting reading. Does it bother me that he’s now gay in this new DC Universe? No, not really, because he’s a fictional fucking character, that’s why. Now seriously, get the hell over it.

See y’all in the funnybooks.




Oh, and for the record, my money was on Shazam being the character to get rebooted as being gay. I lost.

THE AVENGERS Review!

WARNING! SPOILERS AHEAD, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!



The wait is finally over, and “The Avengers” has been unleashed upon the masses to record-setting box-office returns. After finally getting around to seeing it, I can safely say that it’s undoubtedly one of the best comic book/superhero movies of all time, and certainly the best “team” movie of all time to boot. That being said, it isn’t without its flaws in the least, so let’s go diving in head first and see what it’s all about here.

First off, getting Joss Whedon to write and direct “The Avengers” was a stroke of genius. His time writing the “Astonishing X-Men” comic series was the best handling the X-Men had gotten in ages, and makes me yearn for a Whedon-directed X-Men film so much it hurts my balls just thinking about it. He manages to juggle a roster of iconic and lesser-known characters without a majority of them feeling short-changed (except for Hawkeye, but mostly because he spends the first chunk of the movie possessed by Loki) and just seeing Captain America, Iron Man, and Thor all together on the big screen makes me feel like I’m 8 years old all over again.

The casting of the film is a mixed bag. I know we’ve seen all these guys already beforehand, but seeing them come together here really displays the flaws here in terms of the cast, namely Scarlett Johanssen as Black Widow. She doesn’t come off as that strong badass chick here like she did in “Iron Man 2”. Granted that she has her share of badass moments (namely the interrogation with Loki) but by the time the final battle comes around, both she and Hawkeye just seem like they were shoehorned into the massive battle. If anything, I’d love to see her get replaced (and Black Widow as a whole actually) in future installments, namely by Ms. Marvel, because if it’s one thing this team needs, it’s a powerhouse superheroine.

As for the rest of the crew, the more I see of Chris Evans, the more convinced I am that he’s the perfect choice for Captain America. His new costume, not so much. It looks like he’s got a condom head, but hey, at least he doesn’t look too ridiculous (see the early 90s movie with the rubber fucking ears). Personally I loved his WWII garb from his movie last summer, maybe another variation of that would have been better suited, but hey, that’s just me. Robert Downey Jr and Chris Hemsworth as Iron Man and Thor respectively are great, but Mark Ruffalo surprisingly steals the show as Bruce Banner, and holy mother of fucking shit, the Hulk moments are so great that I nearly had an orgasm watching them unfold on the big screen.

As for the film itself, it was a wonderfully realized ultra-epic comic book adventure. One thing I noticed is a decent amount of backlash from comic book fans about stuff they consider “wrong” with it, but I’m not going to bother picking it apart. I could if I really wanted to, but god-fucking-damnit, I’m not going to. Why? Because it delivered the goods in terms of what I wanted to see: an ultra-epic presentation of Marvel’s greatest superheroes teaming up and going on a full-scale Earthbound-battle ground. I didn’t go as gaga over it as so many others have, but I thoroughly enjoyed it for what it is, and that’s all that really matters.

In terms of the eventual sequel, well, I’m looking more forward to that happening than I was to this film believe it or not. Seeing Thanos at the end of the film snickering to The Other makes me swoon and hope for a full-blown intergalactic Avengers film that takes the grand scale of this film and makes it look like a low-budget D-movie. Make it happen for fuck’s sake Marvel! I haven’t read a Marvel comic and not been disappointed in quite a few years, but goddamnit, Marvel’s films since Iron Man (namely the main Marvel movies, the other ones owned by different movie studios like “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance” and “X-Men: First Class” don’t count) haven’t let me down, so I’m holding faith for them until I’m proven wrong.

It goes without saying that if you haven’t seen “The Avengers” yet (and I think there’s only like five people on the planet that haven’t) you definitely should. It’s the best Marvel superhero movie yet, and one of the most enjoyable superhero movies of all time thus far. Go see it goddamnit, you’ll be glad that you did.



Oh yeah, seeing how well “The Avengers” turned out makes me wish DC and Warner Bros. would get their shit together and follow the Marvel trend of releasing superhero movies to lead up to a Justice League flick. Instead, we get excellent Batman movies, an abysmal Superman flick (“Superman Returns”) that’s so bad it gets rebooted (next year’s “Man of Steel”) and a Green Lantern adaptation that makes my asshole pucker just thinking about it. Come on guys, get your shit together for Christ’s sake.

The Five Heroes We Want in the Next "Avengers" Films

With the American release of “The Avengers” just about here, we all know that there are going to be inevitable sequels. With a roster featuring Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, the Hulk, Black Widow, Hawkeye, and Nick Fury; comic fans far and wide know that the history of the Avengers is littered with a whole shit-ton of past and present team members. For the inevitable sequels, new characters are definitely bound to be introduced to the movie-going public, so let’s take a look at just who should be introduced in the next installments of the feature film adaptations of Marvel’s superhero all-star squad. I've narrowed my choices down to five characters (and that was actually surprisingly tough) so strap yourselves in here fellow nerds.

NOTE: Two of the obvious choices here would definitely be the Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver, but considering that they’re Magneto’s kids in the Marvel universe, and Fox still owns the film rights for anything and everything X-Men-related, who knows if they’d even be able to be featured in an Avengers movie, so I’m leaving them off of this list.

Here we go:



ANT-MAN

Yes, the name itself may make you giggle, but consider this: when Stan Lee and co. first introduced the Avengers way back when, Ant-Man was one of the founding members. The alter-ego of brilliant scientist Hank Pym, Ant-Man can shrink himself to microscopic levels, and uses a super-duper helmet to control ants. Over the years, Hank changed his identity to codenames like Giant Man, Goliath, and Yellowjacket, while also becoming able to make himself grow in size to ridiculously gigantic levels. Hank’s been written to be a bit of an asshole over the years, so having him on the team would make for a bit of a different dynamic. “Shaun of the Dead” director Edgar Wright has been involved with an “Ant-Man” feature film for a while, but the damn thing has never gotten off the ground. With the popularity of Marvel heroes soaring through the roof like never before, now would never be a better time to get that flick off the ground and use it as a tie-in for another Avengers movie.



WASP

What would an Avengers team with Ant-Man be without having the Wasp as well? Hank’s occasional wife Janet features the same sort of powers that he does, but she also manages to use “stinger”-like projectiles as well. Like Hank, Janet has frequently been portrayed as a bit of a twat, but considering how volatile a relationship she and Hank have had over the years, who could blame her? Still, like Hank, she’s a founding member of the Avengers, and deserves to be there every bit as much as Hank.



MS. MARVEL

Occasionally known as Warbird (and even Captain Marvel), Carol Danvers is as badass as they come in terms of superheroines. Super strong, invulnerable, fast, she can fly, and she takes no shit…she’s the exact kind of super powered female that belongs with the Avengers and deserves to have a cinematic counterpart to display all of what I just mentioned. Make it happen folks.



LUKE CAGE

Revitalized over the past decade from a bit of a joke of a superhero into a take-no-prisoners team leader, Luke Cage deserves to be in the next Avengers flick. He has unbreakable skin and brawls with the best of them, and over the years in the comics, he’s become a leader for the team as well. Director John Singleton has been attached to make a solo Cage film over the past few years, but nothing has developed and it appears the project probably won’t happen anytime soon, if at all. In those regards, why the fuck not include him in the next Avengers flick? Come on now, we want it!



THE VISION

An android that can change the density of his body, Vision has been an Avenger for so damned long that not having him in the film is kind of a crime. Originally created by the villainous robot Ultron (who himself was an aborted creation of Hank Pym), Vision joined the Avengers and fought back. Including Vision in upcoming films opens up including Ultron as a future supervillain, which ultimately becomes a massive win-win for all of us.



That’s all for now folks, now stop reading and go check out “The Avengers” for fuck’s sake.

Why We Don't Need Any More "X-Men" Movies

Marvel has a number of popular characters, some of which outshine others like Spider-Man, Iron Man, Captain America, Hulk, Thor, the Fantastic Four, and more besides. However, there’s one group of Marvel characters that often get thrown into their own mix of stories and continuities outside the rest of the Marvel universe more often than not…

…and I’m talking about Marvel’s merry Mutant cashcow known as the X-Men.

Numerous cartoon adaptations, toys, novelties, and plenty more; the X-Men have been ingrained in our brains as being the premiere supergroup with an ever-growing cast of characters and teams. With all that popularity comes the X-Men feature films, beginning in 2000 with “X-Men”, and continuing in 2003 with “X2: X-Men United”, which remains not only the best X-Men film yet, but one of the best superhero movies ever made. After that, things kind of got a little shitty…2006’s “X-Men: The Last Stand” was unbelievably bad, and 2009’s “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” didn’t fare much better.

2011 saw the release of “X-Men: First Class”, which detailed the origins of Professor X and Magneto and just how they came on opposing sides. When images and press of the film were first released to the public, many laughed their asses off at how ridiculous it looked and expected something absolutely abysmal, but then something strange happened: the movie really didn’t suck so much. Granted I thought it sucked, but not as horrible as I had guessed it would be. Many others threw undeserved heaping amounts of praise upon the film, but honestly only because they went into it with expectations so low that they were wowed when it wasn’t that much of a steaming pile of dogshit. It made money, so naturally, there’s going to be more X-Men films on the horizon…which leads me to my point…

…we don’t need any more fucking X-Men movies.

A Wolverine sequel is on the way, and they’re about to start filming a direct sequel to “First Class” relatively soon as well. Why? Because people love the X-Men and are willing to lay down their cash to see X-Men movies no matter how fucking shitty they end up being. And Hollywood executives, i.e. Fox (who own the film rights for anything and everything X-Men-related) know this all too well, and will continue to pump out one X-Men flick after another after another.

Being a comic book geek, the one thing I notice about the X-Men flicks is how screenwriters consistently throw in all different brands of X-Men characters (heroes and villains alike) into the plot and use the most basic of an outline of some comic storyline from the past and then try to stir it all together. In “X2”, it worked out magnificently, but since then, every X-Men flick has just been one big fucking mess. Will these upcoming X-Men movies be any different? Probably not…actually, it will be more than likely that they’ll suck just as bad.

So please, for the love of fuck, don’t make any more X-Men movies. I’m at the point that I don’t want any more X-Men movies even if they wind up being good. One thing that attracted me to the X-Men as a kid was that these characters were misunderstood, hated, and reviled by everyone. I related to Wolverine, Cyclops, Storm, Gambit, Nightcrawler, and the rest of the crew unlike any other comic book character before or after, and the films after the second installment for the most part have never, ever been able to really re-create that feeling of persecuted Mutants protecting a world that hates and fears them.

So please, for the love of fuck, don’t make any more shitty X-Men flicks. We don’t need them, we never really have, and seeing baby-faced, pretty boy actors playing mutant heroes and villains just doesn’t feel right. Oh yeah, and Hugh Jackman ain’t gettin’ any younger either folks.

5 Reasons Why We Love Batman

“The Dark Knight Rises” is well on its way, so over the next couple months it’s safe to assume that we’re all going to be bombarded with anything and everything Batman-related. With that in mind, it’s time to take a look at just why we love Batman as much as we do. A character so iconic and who has meant so much to so many, trying to pinpoint exactly why we love Batman isn’t an easy thing to do…but goddamnit, I’m going to try. So here we are to count down the top 5 reasons why we fucking love the goddamn Batman.

5: No superhero has more monumental stories than Batman.

“The Dark Knight Returns”. “Year One”. “The Killing Joke”. “The Long Halloween”. “Dark Victory”. “A Death in the Family”. “Birth of the Demon”. “Hush”. And many, many more. No other comic book character has had as many monumental storyarcs as Batman. Not to mention the fact that no other superhero character has had such a bevy of talent work on him over the years like Batman has. Frank Miller, Alan Moore, Brian Bolland, Jeph Loeb, Tim Sale, Jim Starlin, Marv Wolfman, Jim Lee, Grant Morrison, Brian Azzarello, Denny O’Neil, Scott Snyder, Greg Rucka, Jock, Chuck Dixon, Paul Dini, Bruce Timm, James Robinson, and countless others have all lent their talents to various Batman titles and helped craft their share of brilliant stories in the process. There is no other comic book character in existence that has had this many iconic stories presented to us by so many talented individuals that it only means one thing: they’re all as drawn into Batman as the rest of us are.



4. He has no superpowers.

How the hell does someone manage to dress up in tights and beat criminals to a pulp without super strength or any other superpowers? Batman isn’t invulnerable, have X-ray vision, or can run at superspeed. Instead, he must rely on his ultra-keen wits, his sheer athleticism, and an unprecedented determination that NO ONE in comics could ever hope to match. He doesn’t do what he does because he feels he has to; he does it because he believes that he is needed to do so. Combine that with the fact that he’s such a brilliant detective that it makes Sherlock Holmes look retarded, and you have a superhero that puts his peers to shame.



3. He’s the ultimate anti-hero.

Batman doesn’t take shit from anyone, hero or villain. He does his own thing with little regard over how he is perceived by others, and folks, that’s just plain fucking badass in itself. His only real rule, to not kill, is what separates him from other popular anti-heroes like Wolverine, The Punisher, or Spawn. The fact that he walks that fine line between being a true super hero and a costumed killer is also what makes us so drawn to him. That dark side that Batman embodies is what we all desire to unleash in the real world, and seeing him do just that while ensuring that the right thing gets done in the process is what helps make Batman such an awesome character.


2. Where does he get those wonderful toys?

Being a billionaire industrialist has its perks. Namely having a superhero alter-ego that you have the cash to bankroll numerous inventions and gizmos needed to take down your enemies. The Batmobile, the Batwing, the batarang, the classic grappling hook, and tons, tons more; all these gadgets are nearly as iconic as Batman himself. I mean Christ, where the hell would he be without that damn grappling hook in the first fucking place? That, and wouldn’t you love to drive around your neighborhood in an ultra-sleek, flames-shooting-out-the-back-end Batmobile? I know I fucking would…



1. The villains.

Part of what has made Batman such an iconic superhero character is the fact that no one has as much iconic villains as he does. In fact, there is literally no other superhero that has as rich a rogue’s gallery as Batman does. Superman, Spider-Man, the X-Men, and The Flash come close to having their own assortment of iconic villains, but they can’t come close to topping Batman. We know them all almost by heart: Joker, Two-Face, Penguin, Catwoman, Riddler, Poison Ivy, Mr. Freeze, Bane, Ra’s Al Ghul, The Scarecrow, Killer Croc, Solomon Grundy, The Mad Hatter, Man-Bat, Hush, Clayface, Victor Zsasz, Harley Quinn, Firefly, and many, many more. These villains help make Batman as iconic a character as he is because no other superhero has the sheer amount of villains that help push their counterpart to the limit like Batman’s do. And for all the evil that Batman’s rogues manage to do, he still won’t give in to them and kill; he’ll never become anything like them. It’s that sheer will, the determination, the never say die attitude that these villains bring out in our hero that make him so damned endearing, and nearly no other villain can say the same for their hero counterpart.



That’s all for now folks, see y’all in the funnybooks.

Why the Second Season of "The Walking Dead" Kinda Sucked

The second season of “The Walking Dead” is over. Some would say sadly, others would say thankfully. I’m a little bit in between for the time being. After a six-episode first season of the series, I like many other viewers, salivated over the prospects of a 13 episode second season…and also like many, I was left wanting more. Granted that the show’s ultra-creepy season premiere and jaw-dropping finale were great, but everything else in between felt kind of…well, flat.

From this point forward, SPOILERS AHEAD. So if you haven’t seen any recent episodes, read all this at your own risk.




So, here we are. The group is without sanctuary (though the prison is seen looming in the background as our group scrambles to figure out what to do next), Shane, Dale, and others are deader than shit, while Andrea is trapped in the woods and saved by Michonne (making her first appearance on the show fucking finally). Like I said, all that and the show’s beginning were awesome, but just about everything else in between was either flat or just plain drawn out. Maybe it’s because show-runner Frank Darabont got shit-canned by AMC (and as a result, two of his biggest supporters in actors Jon Bernthal and Jeffrey DeMunn, who played Shane and Dale respectively, got slaughtered, even though anyone who has ever read the comic knows that by this point Shane is way past dead to fucking begin with) and maybe it’s because with all the budget-slashing there had to be more talking and less zombie-bashing, ya know…because filming people talking is much less expensive than bloody special effects and makeup.

Whatever the case may be, the one thing that irked the shit out of me about this season of “The Walking Dead” is what the writing staff has done to the women of the group. Lori is unbelievably irritating and just a flat out cunt (like she was in the comic granted) while I pray for Carol’s death with each passing episode. Andrea, who was such an awesomely-written, strong-willed character in the comics, has been degraded to being a chick that doesn’t know what the fuck she’s doing. We saw flashes of her strong character in the first season of the show, before harping on the death of her sister…the sister she let come back as a walker so she could shoot her. What did Andrea in the comic do when her sister was bitten and killed? She blew her head off right away so she WOULDN’T come back as a walker. Yeah…the writing staff has fucked Andrea up to the point of no return. I can forgive turning Dale into a bleeding heart, Maggie into a clingy twat, or even making Herschell less of a douche bag and even kind of likeable, but seeing what they’ve done with Andrea just makes me all kind of pissy.

What are we to do with the women of “The Walking Dead”? Well if Michonne is done proper justice, we’ll have a bad ass character and one of the absolute iconic faces of “The Walking Dead”. And speaking of iconic faces, I’m dying to see the first appearance of The Governor. One of the greatest villains in the history of the comic book medium, the existence of The Governor and his crew has been hinted at aplenty, and for those who have read the comics before, know that the collision course between the group and The Governor was THE game changer for everyone involved, and insured that nothing would ever be the same again for anyone.

Now what I did like from this season was the final confrontation between Rick and Shane. It was a long time coming and inevitable, and Rick’s display of take no prisoners “it’s either him or me” mentality is the Rick I’ve been dying to see since the show first premiered. I’ll actually kind of miss Shane because Jon Bernthal played him so damn well, and took an otherwise hated comic book character and made him sympathetic and actually likeable. The zombie makeup and effects were also spectacular, particularly the effects work done with the zombie chewing his way through the car windshield on Lori’s crashed car and slowly destroying his own face. That was fucking incredible. Oh, and Daryl Dixon is probably the best character on the show, he’s the funniest and most cheer-worthy TV racist in television history since Archie fucking Bunker.

All things considered, I’m generally looking forward the third season of “The Walking Dead”. With 16 (!) episodes slated for next season, here’s hoping for some more action and some much less fucking TALKING! I’m all for drama in a post-apocalyptic zombie world (which is what made the comic book so fucking good in the first place) but it stifles any of the horror, action, or sense of impending doom, which is what the show should be all about in the first fucking place.

In the end though folks, we’re going to have to wait a while to see what develops…



…but as long as I see Lori and Carol get eaten alive I’m okay with pretty much whatever the fuck happens next.

20 Years of Image Comics!

Recently celebrating their 20th anniversary in the comic book industry (hard to believe isn’t it?), Image Comics remains one of the premiere independent comic book publishers around today. They’ve had numerous smash hits and have spawned (no pun intended) a shit-ton of fresh, new talent over the years that would go on to make their marks on mainstream comics as time would go on as well. To celebrate the 20th anniversary of my beloved Image, I’ve put together a Top 10 list of the best comics ever published under the Image banner.

But before we get to that, let’s have a brief history lesson. In late 1991, a group of Marvel Comics artists were growing increasingly dissatisfied with how Marvel was putting the dick to them in terms of royalties (some shit never changes). These artists: Todd McFarlane, Jim Lee, Rob Liefeld, Erik Larsen, Jim Valentino, Marc Silvestri, and Whilce Portacio, all put their own money together and with some fellow writer allies (Chris Claremont and Fabian Nicieza) lending a hand, and low and behold, Image Comics was born. They were told they would fail, but from the first comics the publisher released, namely Liefeld’s “Youngblood”, McFarlane’s “Spawn”, Lee’s “Wild C.A.T.S.”, and Larsen’s “Savage Dragon”, created such an uproar and massive sales that it scared the shit both out of Marvel and DC alike.

Over the years, the original Image lineup has come and gone, with other talent like Mark Millar, Robert Kirkman, Brian Michael Bendis, Jonathan Hickman, and plenty more all making names for themselves with Image before reaching superstardom with the bigger publisher boys. So now, let’s get on with this Top 10 of the best comics that Image has ever published. And if you’ve never checked any of them out before, well…you suck.



10. SPAWN

You knew this was going to be on here one way or another. Created by Todd McFarlane and the subject of a whole shit-ton of controversy in its early days, “Spawn” was like a breath of fresh air in the world of costumed douche-baggery. You all know the story. Government hitman Al Simmons was murdered and sent to Hell, where he made a deal with the devil to return to Earth. Over 200 issues and going, “Spawn” always suffered from convoluted plots, but what’s really funny is that while it never managed to retain the massive popularity it had in the late 90s, the comic actually got more enjoyable. Recently taken in a bold and new direction, and with a new Spawn too, it’s the best the comic has been in quite some time.



9. SAVAGE DRAGON

Created by writer/artist Erik Larsen, and like “Spawn” is still going strong since 1993, “Savage Dragon” was a unique, and bloody, take on the superhero genre. A giant green-finned beast of a man (hence the name) is discovered by Chicago cops lying unconscious with no memory of who he is. Eventually he joins the force and starts to take on the hordes of supervillains that plague the city. What makes “Savage Dragon” be so consistently good for so long is that Larsen has remained the title’s sole writer and artist for nearly 20 years and going. Whatever you do, just don’t watch any re-runs of the “Savage Dragon” cartoon from the 90s, that piece of shit was horrible.



8. ASTRO CITY

Kurt Busiek made a name for himself telling a larger than life superhero story from the point of view of an average joe with Alex Ross on “Marvels” for Marvel in the early 90s, which set the stage for what they would conjure up with “Astro City”. Along with artist Brent Anderson, the trio managed to create an intricately designed world with a huge cast of characters. All this makes for some truly epic and grandiose storytelling that’s truly a sight to behold. Between all that and the numerous nods to comic book legend Jack Kirby, and you have something really, really special here.




7. INVINCIBLE

Before Robert Kirkman set the comic book world on fire with “The Walking Dead”, he crafted “Invincible”. An ongoing series that revolves around a teenager discovering that he is the son of the world’s greatest superhero, “Invincible” features more shocking and surprisingly poignant moments that have made it such an addictive read since it was first published. That, and the fact that Kirkman’s twists come so far out of left field that you’ll be hooked from the beginning and salivating to see what happens next.




6. CHEW

A ghastly and original series from writer John Layman and artist Rob Guillory, “Chew” follows the adventures of FDA agent Tony Chu, who has the unique talent of getting a psychic impression off of anything he eats. And it isn’t just food that he finds himself chewing on either… A nasty and innovative series, “Chew” is a darkly hilarious blast that definitely isn’t for everyone. It’s insanely enjoyable however and more than worth you giving it a try.




5. THE DARKNESS

One of the most infamous titles to come out of the Image stable (and is a spin-off of “Witchblade”, another famous Image title), “The Darkness” is as brutal and unforgiving as one can possibly imagine. Revolving around mob hitman Jackie Estacado, who becomes endowed with the power of the otherworldly beings known as “darklings” to reign hell down on all those that oppose him. Frequently crossing over with “Witchblade” and other Image titles, “The Darkness” just recently celebrated a milestone in comics form, as well as hit video game adaptations. Even though it’s whole run has been a bit uneven at times, “The Darkness” remains one of the best titles to come out of Image ever.




4. THE MAXX

Created by Sam Kieth, “The Maxx” is as prolific and revolutionary as it is just plain mind boggling. A semi-satire on superheroes and the like, “The Maxx” revolves around a social worker named Julie and a mysterious, costumed homeless man called the Maxx. Both people are linked by tragic events, and forever destined to roam the “outback” together: a mystical plane of existence. Spawning an animated series on MTV in the mid 90s, “The Maxx” is a haunting and strangely beautiful series that pushed the limits of mainstream comics and became startlingly poignant as it wound to a close. If you’ve never read any of “The Maxx”, you need to immediately.




3. THE WALKING DEAD

Chances are, you already know a lot about “The Walking Dead”. Now a hit TV series on AMC, Robert Kirkman’s original comic book made so much noise upon its inception that it has forever left its mark on the comic book industry. A zombie-filled tale of survival that never ends, the story focuses on Georgia cop Rick Grimes as he eventually re-unites with his family and other survivors as they make their trek through zombie-riddled post-apocalyptic America. Keeping true with the Romero-crafted classic zombie films, the worst things to encounter in this world aren’t the flesh-eating undead, but the human survivors who have changed for the worse in this new world. Filled with twists, turns, unexpected deaths, and one of the absolute best villains to ever grace the pages of a comic book in The Governor, “The Walking Dead” has remained one of the best comic books to ever see the light of day.




2. THE NIGHTLY NEWS

Written and drawn by Jonathan Hickman, “The Nightly News” is a part satire, part espionage, part pure-fucked-up-ness look at the effect the American news media has on us all. A group of people that could be looked at as no more than being terrorists wages an all out war on the news media in an effort to get the rest of us to truly “wake up” as to what’s really going on around us, and the end results are shockingly terrifying. Made all the more magnificent by Hickman’s unique art and design structure, “The Nightly News” was such a critical hit that it made Hickman an overnight sensation, and pretty much got him the job with Marvel Comics he has now breathing new life into the Fantastic Four. Do yourself a favor and pick this up, you won’t regret it.




1. WANTED

There’s not much about “Wanted” that hasn’t been said already, except for the fact that you should forget the action blockbuster abortion starring Angelina Jolie ever happened. Written by Mark Millar and drawn by J.G. Jones, “Wanted” tells the story of a young man named Wesley, stuck in a dead-end job with a cheating girlfriend, and basically an all-around loser. That is until the day he learns he is the son of The Killer, the world’s greatest supervillain, and that superheroes and supervillains once existed, only that the villains won and wiped the memory of both parties ever existing from the minds of every person on the planet. Per his late father’s wishes, Wesley begins training to be the greatest supervillain there will ever be, granted the freedom to do whatever he wants in the process. An adolescent super-fantasy, “Wanted” is a bloody blast of spectacular proportions. It’s unapologetic, nasty, and more nihilistic than anything you’ll ever read. That and the final line of dialogue in the series may be the greatest ending quote in the history of a comic book ever.




Well, that’s it folks. Image Comics fans may notice that there are a handful of more famous titles I left off of here, most notably “Youngblood” (which is flat out horrible) and “Witchblade” (which I always found overrated). That aside though, these are the best things Image has ever published in my humble opinion, and they all deserve your time and attention.



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Why You Should See the "Ghost Rider" Sequel...No Matter How Bad It Is

Oh dear sweet lord, he’s back again…

Nicolas Cage returns as Johnny Blaze in “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance”, a sequel to the 2007 film adaptation of the cult classic Marvel comic character…and sadly there’s nothing we can do about it.

First of all, let me start by saying that as a character, Ghost Rider hasn’t really had that great a track record. Since the debut of the Blaze character in the 70s, he’s had his share of bumbling writers and creative teams that managed to frequently put the character into one convoluted mess time and time again. The only reason that Ghost Rider managed to stay somewhat popular over the years is the fact that he’s, to put it bluntly, a cool-looking character. I mean come on, what’s not to dig about a guy who sold his soul to the devil and has a flaming skull for a head and a motorcycle from Hell?

Anyway, with all that in mind, seeing a big-screen film adaptation featuring a character with such a checkered and convoluted history was far from a sure thing, let alone with Nicolas “I’m bat-shit crazy” Cage in the role…yet in 2007; the film was a surprisingly big hit. A big hit yes, but what rhymes with hit folks? That’s right, shit. And that’s what the Ghost Rider movie wound up being: a big flaming pile of shit.

Now here we are five years later, with Cage back in the role and the directing duo of Neveldine/Taylor (“Crank”, “Gamer”) behind the camera. With that pair, you’d figure that we’d get a ridiculously over-the-top action feast for the eyes that defies all logic and winds up being gleefully fun and violent. Well, from what early screenings are suggesting, that’s not what we’re going to get folks…

…we may get something worse this time around compared to last time, and that may be something of an accomplishment in itself.

Now I’m all for over-the-top genre flicks that revel in their badness, and while the idea of seeing the chain-wielding demonic biker taking a flame-fueled piss on the big-screen is kind of enticing to a degree, you can’t think that this flick won’t be anything BUT bad. Still, I’m predicting that “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance” is so extreme in its bad-itude that it automatically becomes worth seeing at least once just in an attempt to digest how horrible it is. Hell, a couple years down the line there may be a drinking game based on it; yes folks, it could indeed be THAT bad.

Now I’m writing this blog on the sure-to-be-shitty Ghost Rider sequel just based on the fact that the character does an endearing place in my heart as a comic book geek, but I’m also choosing to write this based on the fact that we could all be about to bear witness to the most gleefully bad comic book movie since “Batman & Robin”…so in a way, we’re all about to be witnesses to history.

Really bad history.

REALLY REALLY bad history…the kind that deserves a commentary by the Mystery Science Theater 3000 crew.

We Don't Need Any Watchmen Sequels...Ever

Back in 1985-1986, shit in comic books got serious.

Totally fucking serious.

I’m talking about Alan Moore and David Gibbons’ landmark classic “Watchmen”, which would go on to become a game-changing masterpiece that would be revered for decades to come. All these years later, a shit load of recognition and praise, and even a much-maligned big-screen adaptation (that was better than it rightfully should have been) and it appears that the story of “Watchmen” isn’t quite over yet…ya know, because DC Comics still wants to make as much money off of it as they can.

Now I always thought Marvel was the comic company that knew how to milk and whore out their properties for all their worth, but in this case, DC is going above and beyond by planning to release prequel and sequel comic series to the legendary original. Artist Dave Gibbons is believed to be involved in all this to some capacity, but unsurprisingly Alan Moore is not. The much-revered writer and his long-disastrous relationship with DC led him to not wanting to be involved in any re-packaging of his old work for the publisher, as well as not wanting his name listed in the credits for any film adaptation of his comics, which has included “Watchmen”, “V For Vendetta”, and more besides.

Now, here’s what I have to say about these prequel and sequel comics to my beloved “Watchmen”…

WHY?!?!

The story was so perfect and unlike anything to ever come before it that it practically helped revolutionize the whole medium. It showed an alternate reality 1985 where superheroes existed…and the world wasn’t any better for it. Ticking ever closer to a worldwide nuclear holocaust, Alan Moore presented a startlingly realistic superhero story that worked as both a commentary on Cold War politics as well as comic books themselves. It made such a prolific impact on the medium and garnered so much critical acclaim that many wondered if anything else could ever come close to touching the brilliance of “Watchmen”.

Now, in 2012, almost 30 years after “Watchmen” originally hit the presses, we’re getting needless prequels and sequels to the story…needless and pointless. The talent allegedly involved with the project, which supposedly includes the wonderful writer/artist Darwyn Cooke, artist Amanda Connor, and other big names being thrown around including Brian Azzarello, J.G. Jones, J. Michael Straczynski, Adam and Andy Kubert, Jimmy Palmiotti, Justin Gray, Shane Davis, and even Grant Morrison (!) almost makes me want to check out this money-grabbing project because part of me is quite curious what all these creative minds could come up with working in the “Watchmen” universe…while the fanboy in me is instead shitting my pants in nerd-rage.

“Watchmen” is a brilliant, stand-alone story. It set the standard for adult storytelling in the comic book medium, and to this very day remains so revered and beloved that it’s actually kind of hard to put it all into words. While there probably is an intriguing backstory and lots of history to be revealed, as well as the fact that the comic’s ending definitely has plenty of openings for a follow-up, any other work going on with anything new that’s “Watchmen”-related should only rightfully be done either by both Moore and Gibbons, or at least with both creator’s guiding hands at the forefront. Neither is going to happen here, that much is known, which is all the more reason why DC should just leave “Watchmen” the fuck alone. We don’t need prequels or a sequel, the story is perfect as it is and has been since it was published in the mid-80s. Creating a prequel/sequel just wouldn’t have the same effect, especially without any input from Moore. To sum it all up, any new “Watchmen” material is just plain old bullshit.

As much as I’d take DC over Marvel (“New 52” regardless), this is one of those rare times where I’m actually giving them a big old middle finger. We don’t need any kind of follow-ups to “Watchmen”, and we never, ever fucking will either. Some things should be left the fuck alone…and this is definitely one of them.