THE AVENGERS Review!

WARNING! SPOILERS AHEAD, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!



The wait is finally over, and “The Avengers” has been unleashed upon the masses to record-setting box-office returns. After finally getting around to seeing it, I can safely say that it’s undoubtedly one of the best comic book/superhero movies of all time, and certainly the best “team” movie of all time to boot. That being said, it isn’t without its flaws in the least, so let’s go diving in head first and see what it’s all about here.

First off, getting Joss Whedon to write and direct “The Avengers” was a stroke of genius. His time writing the “Astonishing X-Men” comic series was the best handling the X-Men had gotten in ages, and makes me yearn for a Whedon-directed X-Men film so much it hurts my balls just thinking about it. He manages to juggle a roster of iconic and lesser-known characters without a majority of them feeling short-changed (except for Hawkeye, but mostly because he spends the first chunk of the movie possessed by Loki) and just seeing Captain America, Iron Man, and Thor all together on the big screen makes me feel like I’m 8 years old all over again.

The casting of the film is a mixed bag. I know we’ve seen all these guys already beforehand, but seeing them come together here really displays the flaws here in terms of the cast, namely Scarlett Johanssen as Black Widow. She doesn’t come off as that strong badass chick here like she did in “Iron Man 2”. Granted that she has her share of badass moments (namely the interrogation with Loki) but by the time the final battle comes around, both she and Hawkeye just seem like they were shoehorned into the massive battle. If anything, I’d love to see her get replaced (and Black Widow as a whole actually) in future installments, namely by Ms. Marvel, because if it’s one thing this team needs, it’s a powerhouse superheroine.

As for the rest of the crew, the more I see of Chris Evans, the more convinced I am that he’s the perfect choice for Captain America. His new costume, not so much. It looks like he’s got a condom head, but hey, at least he doesn’t look too ridiculous (see the early 90s movie with the rubber fucking ears). Personally I loved his WWII garb from his movie last summer, maybe another variation of that would have been better suited, but hey, that’s just me. Robert Downey Jr and Chris Hemsworth as Iron Man and Thor respectively are great, but Mark Ruffalo surprisingly steals the show as Bruce Banner, and holy mother of fucking shit, the Hulk moments are so great that I nearly had an orgasm watching them unfold on the big screen.

As for the film itself, it was a wonderfully realized ultra-epic comic book adventure. One thing I noticed is a decent amount of backlash from comic book fans about stuff they consider “wrong” with it, but I’m not going to bother picking it apart. I could if I really wanted to, but god-fucking-damnit, I’m not going to. Why? Because it delivered the goods in terms of what I wanted to see: an ultra-epic presentation of Marvel’s greatest superheroes teaming up and going on a full-scale Earthbound-battle ground. I didn’t go as gaga over it as so many others have, but I thoroughly enjoyed it for what it is, and that’s all that really matters.

In terms of the eventual sequel, well, I’m looking more forward to that happening than I was to this film believe it or not. Seeing Thanos at the end of the film snickering to The Other makes me swoon and hope for a full-blown intergalactic Avengers film that takes the grand scale of this film and makes it look like a low-budget D-movie. Make it happen for fuck’s sake Marvel! I haven’t read a Marvel comic and not been disappointed in quite a few years, but goddamnit, Marvel’s films since Iron Man (namely the main Marvel movies, the other ones owned by different movie studios like “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance” and “X-Men: First Class” don’t count) haven’t let me down, so I’m holding faith for them until I’m proven wrong.

It goes without saying that if you haven’t seen “The Avengers” yet (and I think there’s only like five people on the planet that haven’t) you definitely should. It’s the best Marvel superhero movie yet, and one of the most enjoyable superhero movies of all time thus far. Go see it goddamnit, you’ll be glad that you did.



Oh yeah, seeing how well “The Avengers” turned out makes me wish DC and Warner Bros. would get their shit together and follow the Marvel trend of releasing superhero movies to lead up to a Justice League flick. Instead, we get excellent Batman movies, an abysmal Superman flick (“Superman Returns”) that’s so bad it gets rebooted (next year’s “Man of Steel”) and a Green Lantern adaptation that makes my asshole pucker just thinking about it. Come on guys, get your shit together for Christ’s sake.

The Five Heroes We Want in the Next "Avengers" Films

With the American release of “The Avengers” just about here, we all know that there are going to be inevitable sequels. With a roster featuring Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, the Hulk, Black Widow, Hawkeye, and Nick Fury; comic fans far and wide know that the history of the Avengers is littered with a whole shit-ton of past and present team members. For the inevitable sequels, new characters are definitely bound to be introduced to the movie-going public, so let’s take a look at just who should be introduced in the next installments of the feature film adaptations of Marvel’s superhero all-star squad. I've narrowed my choices down to five characters (and that was actually surprisingly tough) so strap yourselves in here fellow nerds.

NOTE: Two of the obvious choices here would definitely be the Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver, but considering that they’re Magneto’s kids in the Marvel universe, and Fox still owns the film rights for anything and everything X-Men-related, who knows if they’d even be able to be featured in an Avengers movie, so I’m leaving them off of this list.

Here we go:



ANT-MAN

Yes, the name itself may make you giggle, but consider this: when Stan Lee and co. first introduced the Avengers way back when, Ant-Man was one of the founding members. The alter-ego of brilliant scientist Hank Pym, Ant-Man can shrink himself to microscopic levels, and uses a super-duper helmet to control ants. Over the years, Hank changed his identity to codenames like Giant Man, Goliath, and Yellowjacket, while also becoming able to make himself grow in size to ridiculously gigantic levels. Hank’s been written to be a bit of an asshole over the years, so having him on the team would make for a bit of a different dynamic. “Shaun of the Dead” director Edgar Wright has been involved with an “Ant-Man” feature film for a while, but the damn thing has never gotten off the ground. With the popularity of Marvel heroes soaring through the roof like never before, now would never be a better time to get that flick off the ground and use it as a tie-in for another Avengers movie.



WASP

What would an Avengers team with Ant-Man be without having the Wasp as well? Hank’s occasional wife Janet features the same sort of powers that he does, but she also manages to use “stinger”-like projectiles as well. Like Hank, Janet has frequently been portrayed as a bit of a twat, but considering how volatile a relationship she and Hank have had over the years, who could blame her? Still, like Hank, she’s a founding member of the Avengers, and deserves to be there every bit as much as Hank.



MS. MARVEL

Occasionally known as Warbird (and even Captain Marvel), Carol Danvers is as badass as they come in terms of superheroines. Super strong, invulnerable, fast, she can fly, and she takes no shit…she’s the exact kind of super powered female that belongs with the Avengers and deserves to have a cinematic counterpart to display all of what I just mentioned. Make it happen folks.



LUKE CAGE

Revitalized over the past decade from a bit of a joke of a superhero into a take-no-prisoners team leader, Luke Cage deserves to be in the next Avengers flick. He has unbreakable skin and brawls with the best of them, and over the years in the comics, he’s become a leader for the team as well. Director John Singleton has been attached to make a solo Cage film over the past few years, but nothing has developed and it appears the project probably won’t happen anytime soon, if at all. In those regards, why the fuck not include him in the next Avengers flick? Come on now, we want it!



THE VISION

An android that can change the density of his body, Vision has been an Avenger for so damned long that not having him in the film is kind of a crime. Originally created by the villainous robot Ultron (who himself was an aborted creation of Hank Pym), Vision joined the Avengers and fought back. Including Vision in upcoming films opens up including Ultron as a future supervillain, which ultimately becomes a massive win-win for all of us.



That’s all for now folks, now stop reading and go check out “The Avengers” for fuck’s sake.

What I Thought of "Captain America: The First Avenger"

WARNING: There are some small spoilers ahead, so be careful upon reading if you haven’t seen “Captain America” yet.



The last time I saw a movie based on Captain America, it was the early 1990s and there was a direct-to-video adaptation starring the son of J.D. Salinger in the title role. His mask had rubber ears (for real) and his Nazi arch nemesis the Red Skull was transformed into an Italian douche bag. Needless to say, it was pretty fucking awful.

Now fast forward to 2011, and here we are with “Captain America: The First Avenger”; a big budget adaptation of the classic Marvel icon that serves as a precursor to the eagerly anticipated take on “The Avengers”, which finds Cap uniting with fellow Marvel icons Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), the Hulk (Mark Ruffalo), Black Widow (Scarlett Johanson), Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson), and Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) to take on an assortment of baddies. Did this new take on Cap do the character justice? Fucking eh right it did!

First off, let it be known that Cap has for the most part been known as a fairly lame superhero. He’s pretty much Marvel’s version of Superman: a do-gooding boy scout of a superhero and an American propaganda tool at that. Still, despite all that, there was always something about Cap that really got to me even when I was a kid. There’s just something about him that always seemed some kind of badass to me despite his goody-good demeanor and presentation. Thankfully, this new “Captain America” fully illustrated all that and more.

Chris Evans, who has been in a shit ton of comic book movies over the past few years (the two abysmal “Fantastic Four” flicks, “Push”, “The Losers”, “Scott Pilgrim VS The World”) stars as the weakling turned super soldier, who is the very definition of the word hero. He has a never say die attitude and just wants to do the right thing. That in itself is what really puts the “hero” in superhero for Cap, and thankfully director Joe Johnston (“The Wolfman”, “The Rocketeer”) recognizes this in spades.

The film as a whole is a fairly breezy affair, but nevertheless it’s an enjoyable set-up for “The Avengers” and features a fairly good turn by villain extraordinaire Hugo Weaving (Agent Smith from “The Matrix” flicks) as the Red Skull. It isn’t perfect, and it isn’t the best Marvel movie you’ll ever see, but it does the character plenty of justice in the end, and really you can’t ask for much more than that. By the time it comes to an end, it’s the present day and the fateful meeting between Cap and Nick Fury perfectly sets up what’s to come next, which we get a very small dose of after the credits as we see a quick teaser of “The Avengers”. The fact that this film is being made with big-name actors makes me feel like a little kid again; which in itself is no small feat. I can safely say that my usual brand of rampant cynicism isn’t on overdrive here, and yes, next May can’t fucking come soon enough.

So no matter how you may have thought of Captain America as a character, if you’re a Marvel fan in the least you should definitely check out “Captain America: The First Avenger”; it’s a surprisingly fun trip, and it won’t make you gag on over-the-top American ideologies and clichés either.

The 10 Comic Book Movies I Fucking Hate

Anyone who knows me remotely in the least, or at least has been reading this sorry excuse of a blog of mine, knows that I love comic books, always have and always will. As much as I love them and all the history that surrounds the medium though, there is one thing that is involved with the graphic medium that I absolutely hate: shitty comic book adapted movies.

Yes sir, more often than not, there are all kinds of shitty comic book adaptations that command big budgets, big stars, and wind up being big piles of horseshit instead. In those regards, I now humbly present to you, the 10 worst comic book movies I have ever seen and/or just plain despise because they kill the source material so damned much. They aren’t in any particular order mind you, and some hold some of these adaptations in high regard (for whatever reason, probably because they don’t know how to fucking read but that’s just me), but regardless, do yourself a favor and just NEVER, EVER watch these pieces of cinematic trash. Do something more constructive with your time instead, like try sticking your head up your ass while whistling the theme song from “The Simpsons” or something.

Anyway, here we go:



BATMAN & ROBIN (1997)
Director: Joel Schumacher
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, George Clooney, Uma Thurman

The granddaddy of all shitty superhero movies, Joel Schumacher’s “Batman & Robin” is so bad I can’t even put it into the right words. No, seriously, if you’ve never seen it, you really don’t know just how fucking bad this movie is. Everything you’ve heard; from the bat-nipples, to the bat-ice skates, to the bat-credit card and more besides, is all so sadly, depressingly true. Atrociously campy acting, a neon colored Gotham City, and some of the worst dialogue in the history of mankind…ALL THAT is what you’ll find here!!! This movie was so bad that there wasn’t even a real attempt to make another Batman movie until 2005’s “Batman Begins” reboot. This movie was so bad that it made no studio ever want to touch another comic book property to make a movie. This movie was so bad that it pretty much effectively killed the careers of Chris O’Donnel and Alicia Silverstone. This movie was so bad that it made little kids who saw it in theaters lead lives of perversion and degradation, committing crimes, wiping their asses with the American flag, and fuck their best friend’s mothers! This movie is nothing more than pure Bat-shit!!! Pure fucking Bat-shit!!! And it makes you be thankful that Christopher Nolan came along and brought respectability back to Batman in film. It makes you thankful that Joel Schumacher is now looked upon by comic book geeks as the Hitler of film directors. It makes you thankful that “Batman Forever” wasn’t even this bad (and that’s saying something). I’d rather go dive face first into a huge pile of bat-shit than sit through this disgrace to comics and film again.



CONSTANTINE (2005)
Director: Francis Lawrence
Starring: Keanu Reeves, Rachel Weisz, Shia LeBeouf

The John Constantine I know and love from the “Hellblazer” comics is a blonde, British, chain-smoking master of bad luck black magic. He conned the devil into curing his lung cancer and when done, looked him in the eye, lit up a cigarette, and gave him the finger. He’s often a reluctant hero, but he’s also a bastard who uses his friends and loved ones as pawns whether he realizes it or not, all in an effort to always wind up on top of whatever bloody situation he finds himself in. The John Constantine found in “Constantine” is in the form of Keanu Reeves, and is a boring old demon hunter who wants to go to Heaven when he dies because he’s afraid of what awaits him in Hell, and he’s kind of a douche bag as well. Granted the Constantine I know and love is a selfish prick, but he isn’t without his charm. So why do I hate “Constantine” so damned much? Because it takes just about everything great about the character and dumbs it down to be digested by a wider audience. John Constantine has had run-ins with Lucifer and demons from time to time, but he sure as fuck isn’t a demon hunter like he’s presented here as being. And oh yeah, the film’s storyline as a whole is so fucking overblown and ridiculous that it causes character creator Alan Moore to shit fire anytime it airs on television. Yes, he hates it probably more than I do.



V FOR VENDETTA (2006)
Director: James McTeigue
Starring: Natalie Portman, Hugo Weaving, Stephen Rea

Another creation of Alan Moore’s that was dumbed down for mass audiences to digest, “V For Vendetta” either misses or completely disregards the points made by Moore’s original work and instead opts for an action-oriented shit-fest that audiences fell in love with. The moral quandaries of whether or not the Guy Fawkes-masked antihero V is a hero or a terrorist is thrown out the window. The subplots regarding the inner-workings of the totalitarian state that the story takes place in are ignored. Evie’s backstory is altered to the point that you already know everything there is to know about her within her first five minutes of screen time. And the moral ambiguity of V’s actions, as well as that of his identity and ultimate intent of taking Evie under his wing are skewed and flat-out shit all over and instead opts for V doing Neo-esque kung-fu moves in dark alleys (which isn’t surprising, considering the Wachowski brothers wrote the screenplay and produced the film). Do yourself a favor, if you want a truly challenging, complex, deep, and emotional read, pick up Moore’s graphic novel instead; you won’t regret it.



X-MEN: THE LAST STAND (2006)
Director: Brett Ratner
Starring: Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry, Ian McKellan

Bryan Singer managed to work some kind of strange magic with the first two “X-Men” films, “X2: X-Men United” in particular. With the awesome, downbeat ending that was featured in “X2”, X-Men fans across the globe (myself included) couldn’t wait to see what could have been the classic “Phoenix Saga” brought to the big screen. We didn’t get it. Instead, Singer and his team jumped ship to make “Superman Returns”, while the third “X-Men” film ended up falling into the hands of Brett fucking Ratner; the same assclown who helmed the “Rush Hour” movies. The end result was a straight up slap in the face to fans of the X-Men comics and movies alike. We get tons of corny moments, incoherent action scenes, whiny mutants, Colossus looking like he’s wrapped in tin-foil, Cyclops getting unceremoniously killed off-screen (in reality, actor James Marsden, who had a prominent role in “Superman Returns”, was written out early in the film as punishment from Fox), flat out insulting the intelligence of the audience, and nothing remotely resembling the “Phoenix Saga” in the least. True, it may not be the absolute worst superhero movie you’ll ever see, but it’s just so lame and pays little to no respect to the source material that you can’t help but wonder why Fox and Marvel didn’t at least take their time in the film’s overall production, which was notoriously short and hurried. As for Bryan Singer though, he wasn’t quite without sin either in 2006…



SUPERMAN RETURNS (2006)
Director: Bryan Singer
Starring: Brandon Routh, Kate Bosworth, Kevin Spacey

When “Superman Returns” came out the same summer as “X-Men: The Last Stand”, it had been the first true “Superman” film in nearly 20 years, and it had a lot going for it. Bryan Singer had made the first two X-Men films, and he did quite well with them too. Warner Bros. had given Singer nearly a quarter of a BILLION dollar budget to work with. Kevin Spacey was playing Lex Luthor, and the overall cast looked great as well. What we got instead with “Superman Returns” was an overblown, underwhelming, wankfest that supposedly “pays homage” to Richard Donner’s original “Superman” film, but really just basically plagiarizes it. Instead of Superman, we have a “super-stalker”, who can’t stand the fact that Lois Lane has moved on in his absence and now has a fiancé and a young son (and oh yeah, the son is really Superman’s and he has superpowers too. Nooch.). One last thing, it’s a 2 and a half hour long movie and it barely has ANY action sequences. When I think of Superman, I think of world-shattering action and excitement. Here, we get none of that except for when Superman saves a space shuttle and lifts up a chunk of rock to launch into orbit. And Lex Luthor is still doing the whole “land scheme” from the 70s films. Yeah, Superman in film has really, really come far. Fuck this shit.



HULK (2003)
Director: Ang Lee
Starring: Eric Bana, Jennifer Connolly, Nick Nolte

On paper, a big budget adaptation of the Hulk should have worked, even if it was handled by the guy who achieved worldwide fame for “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” and would go on to win an Oscar for “Brokeback Mountain”. Why you ask? Because the whole Bruce Banner/Hulk inner struggle and all the emotions associated therein could have been real gold…but instead what we got was a giant green turd. Shitty CGI effects are one thing, but the fact that the 2003 “Hulk” is so mind numbingly slow and boring is absolutely unforgivable. Add to that a scene-chewing Nick Nolte, ridiculous “Hulk-dogs”, and the fact that there is very little action going on in what’s supposed to be a movie about an angry, mutated monster destroying everything in sight; and you have one totally shitty comic book flick. Thankfully, the 2008 reboot was much better, but it sadly couldn’t erase all the memories of green shit that are still in my brain after wasting the cash to go see this piece of fuck.



LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN (2003)
Director: Stephen Norrington
Starring: Sean Connery, Shane West, Stuart Townsend

Alan Moore’s “League of Extraordinary Gentlemen” comics were equal parts shocking and exciting, as he gleefully took various literary characters and put them in some fucked science fiction/horror situations. You’d think that a film adaptation directed by “Blade”’s Stephen Norrington and starring Sean fucking Connery would be awesome…and you’d figure wrong! Universally panned by critics and comic book fans alike, this film adaptation was so goddamn bad that Connery and Norrington actually got in an on-set fist-fight, and Connery hasn’t acted in another film since. This is the film that led creator Moore to request that any adaptation of his work not credit him in any way whatsoever. This is the piece of shit that took a serious, horrific take on these classical characters and turned them into nothing more than jokes. This is the shit-riffic fuck-fest that took any original ideas of Moore’s, shit all over them, and attempted to re-package them for dimwitted audiences…but even some people aren’t that stupid. Piss on this fucking turd.



DAREDEVIL (2003)
Director: Mark Steven Johnson
Starring: Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner, Michael Clarke Duncan

What can I say about “Daredevil” that hasn’t been said already? Granted I kind of dug how they managed to present how Daredevil “sees” like bat-radar, but other than that we have a somewhat campy and overly flashy take on Marvel’s blind superhero. Those things are bad enough on their own, but the casting of Daredevil, Elektra, Bullseye, and The Kingpin are so goddamn bad that it boggles my mind what the casting company was smoking. Add to that the ridiculous costumes (Daredevil’s looks like an S&M lovers wet dream, while Elektra’s and Bullseye’s just look like garbage) and the poppy-emo soundtrack, and the end result is Fox and Marvel trying to take the noir-ish superhero and turn him into a Spider-Man-esque douche bag for everyone to enjoy. And yeah, you guessed it, nobody enjoyed it.



CATWOMAN (2004)
Director: Pitof
Starring: Halle Berry, Benjamin Bratt, Sharon Stone

I’ll be totally honest with you; I’ve never made it all the way through “Catwoman”. It’s just so unbelievably awful that I try to pretend that it doesn’t even exist. Even having Halle Berry prance around in that ridiculous (yet kind of hot) costume doesn’t help matters any, it’s just so bad, “Mystery Science Theater 3000” bad. I remember when the film was coming out, the trailer for it had said something to the effect of “when a person dies, a cat can bring them back to make the wrong things right”. Wait a fucking minute why does that sound so familiar? Because it’s from “The Crow”, only the word “cat” replaces “crow” in this piece of shit! I’m all for having a legit movie based on Catwoman, because she’s such an interesting character that walks the line between hero and villain and has always been one of Batman’s greatest allies/adversaries. The fact that the character isn’t even the original Selena Kyle from the comics is fucking unforgivable as well, not to mention the fact that the whole affair has the flash and dash of a big budget car commercial. Thankfully it bombed, and Berry has never even been able to live this piece of shit down.



THE SPIRIT (2008)
Director: Frank Miller
Starring: Gabriel Macht, Samuel L. Jackson, Scarlett Johansson

Oh Jesus, I don’t even know where to start with “The Spirit”. I actually kind of had high hopes for this believe it or not, mainly because I knew how beloved Will Eisner’s character was by Frank Miller, himself a legendary comic book visionary who wanted to try his hand at the director’s chair after the success he had with Robert Rodriguez filming “Sin City” in 2005. Instead with “The Spirit”, we get a “Sin City”-ish take on Eisner’s characters and world, and it feels like a watered-down noir that is so overblown, overacted, and overstuffed with all things horseshit and boredom that it instead just flat out slaps Eisner and his work in the face. Miller may have had good intentions (and even that is debatable) but he ended up making his idol and mentor roll over in his grave. What a disgrace.



JUDGE DREDD (1995)
Director: Danny Cannon
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Armand Assante, Rob Schneider

Before the abortion of a movie known as “Judge Dredd” came out, people had no idea who the fuck he was, on this side of the pond anyway. In the UK, Judge Dredd was the flagship character of the “2000 A.D.” comic magazine, so much so that many great comic writers and artists had worked on the character at some point or another. In the comic, Dredd never takes his helmet off, because he’s just that goddamn intense and serious about what he does. Here, Stallone takes his helmet off the first five minutes. Now, I don’t have that much of a problem with that, but the fact that the character and his world are treated like second-rate science fiction knock-offs, it’s no wonder that no one here cared about Judge Dredd then or now. There is a new adaptation in the works right now, so hopefully the second time around will do Dredd the justice (no pun intended) he so deserves…but I doubt it.



Dishonorable mentions:

Howard the Duck (but it’s so bad it’s kind of funny, so it’s worth a look just for that alone)
Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. (starring David fucking Hasselhoff)
Captain America (the early 90s direct to video piece of shit)
Superman III
Superman IV: The Quest for Peace
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Ghost Rider
The Punisher (2004)
Batman Forever
Wanted
Spawn
Elektra
Barb Wire
Spider-Man 3
The Phantom
Fantastic Four
Steel
Jonah Hex

Some New Thoughts on "The Avengers" Movie

First and foremost, all I have to say is SPOILER WARNING!!!

If you haven’t seen “Thor” yet, don’t read any further, because I’ll be talking about the film here in a little bit of detail in regards to next year’s “The Avengers”, which finds Thor, Iron Man, Captain America, the Hulk, Black Widow, Hawkeye, Nick Fury, and more besides all in the same flick (screeching nerdgasm in 5…4…3…2…1…). All that being said, proceed at your own risk…

After finally getting around to seeing “Thor”, the end-credits Easter-egg confirms that Thor’s wicked brother Loki will be the main antagonist of “The Avengers”…or will he? Eagle-eyed viewers of “Thor” no doubt caught the quick glimpse of the Infinity Gauntlet in Odin’s chamber towards the beginning of the film (it looks like a big glove with shiny jewels on it), and comic geeks know that this is a reference to the universe-shattering titan known as Thanos. Thanos turned the Marvel universe on its ear in the 80s and 90s as he sought control over the Infinity Gauntlet and the Infinity Gems, and it now appears that the appearance of the Gauntlet wasn’t just a wink at comic geeks. Apparently, Thanos will also be a major villain in “The Avengers” in addition to Loki, and apparently, the shape-shifting alien Skrulls will also serve as antagonists for the super-team.

So, that’s Loki, Thanos, and now the Skrulls…anyone else think this all sounds like overkill a bit?

From my own understanding, when Marvel Studios first announced that all their films would be linked together to lead up to “The Avengers”, it was mainly perceived that it would revolve around the group hunting down the renegade Hulk. Now that that seems to be pretty much tossed out the window (maybe) we’re left with what sounds like a battle royale featuring a team of Marvel’s greatest heroes against a trinity of evil, cosmic super beings. Maybe it’s all misdirection on Marvel’s part and that of Joss Whedon, but maybe it isn’t either.

Either way though, there are plenty of questions left unanswered so far, such as:

Loki’s plans for the Cosmic Cube, which will be heavily featured in the “Captain America” film coming out this July, plus, if Thanos and the Infinity Gauntlet are indeed in the film, what the fuck does anyone want the goddamn Cosmic Cube for?!?!

Now that we’ve seen Hawkeye in “Thor”, will we see other classic Avengers characters like Ant-Man and/or Wasp?

If they use all these villains in the first film, who the hell are they going to have left for possible future “Avengers” films? I can’t really see Ultron holding much of a candle in comparison to Loki, Thanos, and the fucking Skrulls!

Anyway, the fanboy in me is excited; I can’t deny it…even if I do have one or two misgivings, though in all fairness they are relatively small. “Thor” itself wasn’t a bad film, but it still kind of felt like it was really nothing more than a set-up for “The Avengers”; almost exactly like “Iron Man 2” felt for me as well. Hopefully “Captain America” won’t come off feeling like the same thing, but all I can say for sure for now, is that I haven’t looked forward to a comic book movie like “The Avengers” since “The Dark Knight” in 2008…and we all know how that worked out. Let’s hope we get something along the same result.

Thor Trailer: First Impressions

I'm nerding out again, but I don't know if it's in a fit of pleasure or rage yet.

Marvel's film studio is churning out another superhero would-be epic, this time with "Thor", slated for May 2011. One of Marvel's oldest and most celebrated characters, seeing Thor get a big-screen, big-budget treatment merits almost as much surprise to me as seeing my beloved Green Lantern get the same with DC's "Green Lantern" flick slated to hit only a couple months afterward.

After this past summer's New York Comic-Con, some footage from "Thor" leaked online (and was quickly removed), of which it has been condensced here in the first official trailer for the upcoming blockbuster. Chris Hemsworth, best known for playing Captain Kirk's ill-fated father in 2009's "Star Trek" reboot, is playing the title character, the Norse God of thunder. As the trailer shows, he has his patented long blonde hair, mystic hammer, and what even seems like a great take on his costume as well.

But the one thing I can't quite get over is that this guy is playing Thor. When I picture Thor, I picture a big, hulking individual. I mean Christ on a bike, he's the fucking Thunder God!!! Pro wrestler Triple H always seemed like the flesh & blood version of Thor (tell me he doesn't), but I understand getting an actual "actor" for the role. That being said, when I look at Hemsworth, no matter how 'roided up he looks, I just don't quite see Thor. Thor should be a tall, imposing individual. Any fan of HBO's vampire schlock-fest "True Blood" knows that fan-favorite Alexander Skarsgard auditioned for the role, and was even heralded by fanboys the world-over to get the part, but Marvel went with Hemsworth instead. Maybe they have the right idea, but who knows. I said the same thing about Ryan Reynolds when he was announced to play Hal Jordan in the "Green Lantern" movie, and the jury's still out in both cases.

Then again, like I said before, back when it was announced that Heath Ledger would play the Joker in "The Dark Knight", I laughed. We all know how that turned out now don't we?

Anyway, the visions of Asgard look spectacular, Anthony Hopkins looks like a quasi-mix of badass and corny (I can't explain it, you just have to see and hear him for yourself) as Odin, and the reality that this is just another brick on the road to the geek-gasm inducing "Avengers" movie in 2012, where Thor will unite with Iron Man, Captain America, the Hulk, and more besides are all reason enough to be looking forward to "Thor".

Then again, I also looked forward to seeing "V For Vendetta" getting the big-screen treatment, and well...I'd rather not talk about how that turned out. And Natalie Portman was in that, and she's here playing Thor's human love interest Jane Foster...guess no word of mouth about her "getting shaved" will bring out any non-geeky, meat-head attendees this time around eh?


"Russian like mighty Thor. Has big hammer, seems like good communist" - The Russian from Garth Ennis' "The Punisher: Welcome Back Frank".