REST IN PEACE STEVE DILLON

News broke yesterday that British comic book artist Steve Dillon passed away suddenly at the age of 54 in New York City. The news certainly came as a shock to the comic world, and definitely came as a major shock to me personally. The artwork of Steve Dillon has meant a lot to me over the years, and it wouldn't be out of line to call his work iconic.

I first got a taste of Dillon's artwork when I discovered the Vertigo books Hellblazer and in particular Preacher. I had taken a lot of time away from comics in my teens, mostly because I was sick of superheroes and the same old shit issue after issue. I discovered Preacher first, and thanks to Garth Ennis' maniacal storytelling combined with Dillon's blend of gritty realism and cartoonish mayhem helped make Preacher one of my all time favorite comic books in the history of fucking ever.

His earlier work on Hellblazer, also with Ennis (who was a frequent collaborator), was just as special. I knew about the series and John Constantine previously, but I had never paid it much mind until I got my hands on Ennis and Dillon's work. So I guess I have Dillon to thank for getting me into what turned out to be probably my all time favorite comic book character as well now that I think about it.

I stuck with Ennis and Dillon when they rebooted The Punisher for Marvel years later, a character that Dillon would often find himself drawing and working on even if Ennis wouldn't be involved in it in a number of various series'. Over the years, Dillon would do a lot of Marvel work, including Wolverine Origins, Bullseye: Greatest Hits, Daredevil VS Bullseye, Ultimate X-Men, Thunderbolts, and more. Before that, Dillon cut his teeth on a number of well-known British comics, most notably Doctor Who Magazine and 2000 A.D. (the Judge Dredd-starring magazine), as well as Warrior and Rogue Trooper.

Rest in peace Steve Dillon, you will be missed.

ANOTHER DC REBOOT????

So it's being said that DC Comics is doing another company-wide reboot pretty damn soon. Only difference between this reboot and the New 52 reboot from 2011 appears to be that this one is going to be focused more on characters and properties that are going to be heavily featured in movies and TV shows. So basically we'll be having a lot of titles focused on Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, various members of the Suicide Squad, and probably Green Arrow, Flash, etc.

So um...yeah. I don't really like this idea, any more than I did the idea of the New 52 reboot. Thankfully though for that we got some interesting stories and takes on Batman, Aquaman, Swamp Thing, Animal Man, Stormwatch, and more besides; so it wasn't all bad in retrospect. In fact, while a majority of the storytelling was "meh", you can't deny the ballsiness of it.

Now here's the thing, what DC is doing is getting shit on a lot...which isn't a surprise. DC usually always gets a lot of flack thrown at it, sometimes rightfully so, sometimes not. The joke of it all is that this is shit that Marvel has been doing forever, and no one ever shits on them, because they're Marvel. Don't believe me? Well, let's think about it for a second: anytime a Marvel movie has been a hit, Marvel has either retconned characters or flat out rebooted them to streamline with their film counterparts:

Blade (yes, Blade) was never a half-human/half vamp "daywalker". He was a fairly normal dude. That shitty 90s "Spider-Man" cartoon first presented him as the Blade we all know now before the Wesley Snipes films did.

Ever since the first "X-Men" movie in 2000, Wolverine is frequently drawn to resemble Hugh Jackman more than any other physical incarnation he had before anyone ever knew who the fuck Hugh Jackman was.

Nick Fury (the white one) all of the sudden has a never-before mentioned son of African-American descent (and ends up losing an eye) that subsequently takes over SHIELD and the original Fury is written out of the Marvel universe in a non-sensical crossover where The Watcher was assassinated for...reasons.

There's more besides all that, but I stopped reading mainstream Marvel and DC comics quite some time ago. Why? Because the kind of innovative and mostly stand-alone storytelling that I fell in love with from guys like Walter Simonson, Grant Morrison, Frank Miller, and more besides, was being phased out of mainstream comics in favor of streamlined storyarcs that never end and just written to sell more books.

Selling more books is the key after all, which is fine, because the comic book industry is a finicky one and even though it has endured for so long, it still ends up needing a kick in the ass every so often to keep itself afloat. The sales of these mainstream comics are the main source of that for the most part, and are also the most exhausted of ideas and innovation. It's a weird fucking balance, but that's pretty much how it's always been.

So yeah, DC gets shit on, Marvel doesn't. It's the same as it ever was, and that's probably how it'll always be too. The reasons why on that is something I've touched on before, and something I'll probably touch on again at some point down the road.

Now go read some goddamned indie comics.

What the Fuck Happened to Comic Con?

Some of you may be too young to remember, but once upon a time, there were comic book conventions that would pop up every now and then for like-minded fans, or “nerds” if you will, to get together, have fun, bullshit about comics, and even meet and greet writers and artists that work in the industry, and ever so rarely, meet a few lower-tier celebrities that somehow had some kind of ties to the comic book world. Hell, some people would even dress up as their favorite characters, which helped make going to these things even more fun. Sometimes these conventions, or “cons” if you will, would range from a whole day, to a whole weekend, and wouldn’t break your bank either. What an awesome time these cons proved to be; even going so far as to group like-minded people together and inadvertently form lasting friendships and even relationships…all founded on their respective fandoms.

Fast forward to now, and these little cons are barely what they used to be. Instead, the comic con business has turned into just that: a business. While everything I said in the above paragraph still happens, it doesn’t feel that way anymore. Instead, if you go to the big cons especially, you’re bombarded with people trying to sell you shit. Whether it be from cosplayers that know they’re hot and know little about what they’re cosplaying (note: I’m not calling out all cosplayers here, I know for a fact that there are quite a bit that are passionate about what they do and thoroughly enjoy doing it with their endgame not being making a few bucks) to D-list celebrities telling you for 30 bucks they’ll give you an autograph, the fun of comic cons has been lost on me.

Maybe it’s because I’ve had some bad experiences at the last few cons I’ve gone to. Maybe it’s because as the older I’ve gotten, the more jaded I’ve become. Maybe it’s because I get sick of seeing all the media coverage given to them now, which have helped take this thing which was primarily a gathering of like-minded nerds and blown it up so much so that now it’s only another super-commercialized event.

I don’t know, I honestly don’t.

I remember in my youth going to these things and meeting writers and artists in the industry. That was, and still is, my favorite part of cons. Getting to meet and greet the people behind some of my favorite comics. I never had a problem laying down cash to get an autographed print from someone whose artwork I would fawn over…and I still don’t. Those kind of people are who I believe should be the main attraction at comic cons, not an ex-pro wrestler living out of his car or a washed up NBA player looking to make whatever money he can because he blew it all in the past (side note: Allen Iverson at Philly Comic Con? Really? I know he’s a Sixers legend, but come the fuck on…that has nothing to do with any fucking thing associated here at all). If you go to cons quite a bit, the people that actually work in comic books are the ones that deserve your time, attention, and even a few bucks, because they work in the industry and put their blood, sweat, and tears into it.

Like I said before: maybe I’m getting old and jaded and have just fallen away from the audience these things are catered to now. That very well could be. Doesn’t change the fact that I’d take meeting Neal Adams, Grant Morrison, or Ethan Van Sciver (yes, even Ethan fucking Van Sciver) over James Marsters, Virgil, or even Nathan Fillion. Those guys mean more to me than any celebrity charging you 200 bucks for meeting them and pictures.

In closing, all you cats going to the cons this year have fun and all that. I’ll be staying home reminiscing about the glories of yesteryear. Or jerking off to Jessica Nigri (maybe…probably).

Get off my lawn.

Top 10 Most Horrifying Comic Book Villains

Comic book super villains by nature are frightening. They do bad things, hurt people, and generally stand for the polar opposite ideals that super heroes do. As fearsome as some villains can be, there's a select few that aren't just scary or frightening, but are totally fucking terrifying. Their villainous intentions aren't just to take over the world or rob banks or anything super predictable...and that in itself is a cause for concern. Their intentions are mayhem, chaos, or are just sheerly unpredictable; which is what sets them apart from their ilk the most.

So, this clusterfuck of a list is all about the most horrifying villains in comic books. Nothing is off limits in terms of titles the characters are from, but I will admit that this list wasn't easy one fucking bit to put together. Granted you can probably guess pretty easily who takes the number one spot here, but a decent amount of the rest of the lineup here was hard to put together. That aside, there were a few characters that didn't make the final cut, including Omni-Man, Darkseid, Doctor Destiny, Venom, Malebolgia, Mr. Sinister, The First of the Fallen, Mephisto, Clayface, Dollmaker, The Ventriloquist, Killer Croc, and The Saint of Killers; so consider them the honorable mentions.

Anyway, let's get on with this shit...



10. CLOWN/THE VIOLATOR ("Spawn" - Image)

This character hasn't aged all that well since the early 90s admittedly, but the overall character design of Clown, and his demonic form Violator, can still be scary as shit when done correctly. A demon who is originally tasked with guiding new Hellspawn's to fulfill the will of the devil, Clown/Violator usually has his own agendas, which mostly involve death, murder, chaos, and destruction. Not to mention the fact that no matter how many times he's killed, he always comes back. I know no one ever stays dead in comics forever, but Clown/Violator always comes back stronger than ever...much like someone else on this list we'll get to shortly.



9. MARIE L'ANGELLE ("Preacher" - Vertigo)

The wheelchair-bound grandmother of series protagonist Jesse Custer, Marie L'Angelle is a Christian fanatic that had Jesse's father murdered, forced Jesse to be a preacher, and kept doing everything she could to control and ruin his life, and the lives of anyone associated with him. What makes this old cunt truly terrifying is that she believes what she is doing is true and just and in the name of God. Her "family" muscle which includes the cunning Jody and backwoods stick-his-dick-in-anything-with-a-pulse T.C. are almost as terrifying on their own, but since they both answer to Marie, that in itself proves how powerful and frightening this bitch can be.



8. TOYO HARADA ("Harbinger" - Valiant)

Now I know what you're thinking. "Who the fuck is Toyo Harada and what the fuck is Valiant Comics?" Well kids, Valiant was a comic company I remember fondly from my youth that was once operated by former Marvel EIC Jim Shooter, and as a company they managed to produce some quality work before being purchased by now defunct video game company Acclaim. Eventually the line as a whole was gone for good, until a couple years back when they came roaring back with new and amazing takes on all their original properties. One of those properties was "Harbinger": an ongoing title about teenagers with super powers that were targeted by a man named Toyo Harada. Harada is a CEO that also happens to be the most powerful telekinetic in the world. His powers are so vast and limitless that he has managed to convince the world he's a philanthropist, while he's been assembling an army of people that have similar powers. What makes Harada terrifying is that underneath his ice-cool exterior, he is totally fucking unhinged. The few Harbingers that oppose Harada are pretty much terrified of him, and the sheer uncertainty of how powerful his abilities are...and how badly he can hurt them. Seriously, no one fucks with this guy for good reason.



7. THE HOMELANDER/BLACK NOIR ("The Boys" - Dynamite)

Garth Ennis and Darick Robertson's super twisted versions of Superman and Batman, The Homelander and Black Noir are the most powerful superhumans on the planet and leaders of this bizarro take on the Justice League known as The Seven...and they're totally fucking psychotic. An extreme megalomaniac, The Homelander is a mass murderer, rapist, and isn't above necrophilia and cannibalism...or is he? Throughout a majority of "The Boys", The Homelander is portrayed as the ultimate antagonist, until it's revealed that Black Noir is the true villain who has committed atrocity after atrocity in his name, because he is his secret clone. Yeah, it sounds complicated, but there's scenes in "The Boys" involving both characters that are just so fucking horrifying that it's hard to put into words. It was a tossup between these guys and Omni-Man from Robert Kirkman's "Invincible", but in the end, Homelander and Black Noir won out, just because of the impact they had on me personally. That, and I enjoyed "The Boys" much more than I ever did "Invincible", but that's a whole different story.



6. PROFESSOR PYG ("Batman" - DC)

A fairly recent addition to Batman's gigantic rogue's gallery, Professor Pyg is truly a sick, demented, fuck. Pyg, along with his Circus of Strange, want to make people "perfect", which usually involves lobotomizing them and using them as his slaves after grafting pig-masks onto their faces. Definitely the most grotesque Batman villain to come along in some time, Professor Pyg may lack in being a non-supernatural foe, but he makes up for it in his sheer brutality and the nature of his crimes. That, and that mask he wears is creepy by itself no matter what.



5. SOLOMON GRUNDY (DC Universe)

One of the earliest depictions of a zombie in comic book history, Solomon Grundy was originally a villain for Green Lantern Alan Scott, before eventually becoming a major villain for Superman, Batman, and the Justice League as a whole. No matter what version of Grundy we're talking about, they always have one thing in common: he's already dead, he always comes back, and he's immensely powerful. The character has gained a lot of love over the past few years, and has thus become one of the most recognizable character in the DC Universe as a whole.



4. JUDGE DEATH ("2000 A.D.")

The arch-nemesis of Judge Dredd and leader of the Dark Judges, Judge Death is the embodiment of death itself. Coming from an alternate dimension called Deadworld, Judge Death dispenses justice like no one else: he reasons that since only the living commit crimes, life itself is a crime...hence all life must perish. After crossing dimensions and running into Dredd, Judge Death has gone on numerous massacres, had his body destroyed, and returned time and time again to wreck more havoc for the denizens of Mega City One. His body is indestructible, since he mostly inhabits the dead, rotting husks of the deceased...and just like a number of the previous entries on this list, he always comes back. Judge Death is unadulterated evil, and one of the most iconic villains in comics.



3. THE SCARECROW ("Batman" - DC)

One of Batman's most iconic villains, Dr. Jonathan Crane, aka The Scarecrow, is also one of his most terrifying. Besides his scarier than shit costumes and looks through the years, what sets Scarecrow apart is his use of his patented fear toxin, which can infest and cause its victims to hallucinate and experience their deepest fears, sometimes to the point of death. Depending on the artist, Scarecrow's appearance can range from kinda corny to flat out so scary you shit yourself, particularly his appearance in the 2009 "Batman: Arkham Asylum" video game. While it's rare that the character gets the justice done to him in terms of usage in Batman's rogues gallery, there's no denying his place as one of the most iconic horrifying villains around.



2. THE GOVERNOR ("The Walking Dead" - Image)

Forget anything and everything you know about The Governor if your only exposure to him was the TV show adaptation of "The Walking Dead". That take on the character was presented in a much more sympathetic, and slightly less psychotic, way than he ever was in comic book form. The first true "big bad" encountered by Rick Grimes and his crew of survivors, The Governor is the brutal and insane leader of Woodbury, who initially comes off as a charismatic and strong-willed leader...until it's revealed just how much of a sick fuck he truly is. Joyfully raping and torturing anyone that crosses his path, with a room full of fish tanks containing the severed heads of the undead, and keeping his zombified daughter/niece (don't ask, his origin is a bit...weird, thanks comic books and novel tie-in) on a chain; The Governor will do anything it takes to get what he wants, and his manipulation of his followers makes him even more of a terrifying threat.



1. THE JOKER ("Batman" - DC)

You didn't really think it'd be anyone else did you? No matter what iteration of the Joker we talk about, he's scary as fuck. Whether it's because you may have a fear of clowns or just that creepy fucking smile, there's always been something just a tad unsettling about the character, even in his most light-hearted of versions. At his worst, Joker is a psychopathic murderer that is obsessed with his arch-nemesis Batman, and does everything he possibly can to bring out the worst in the Caped Crusader, whether it be from murdering innocent people, bringing Gotham City to its knees, or striking close to home by going after those close to Batman. The psychotic laughs, the Joker-gas, the fact that Joker may be either totally insane or perhaps have a form of "super-sanity" (thanks Grant Morrison) all amounts to the Joker being the most terrifying villain in all of comic books. I could go on and on about him, but it wouldn't be anything that any of you don't already know as it is.



Well, that's my top 10 horrifying comic book villains. What'd you think? Agree? Hate my guts? Either way, hope you got some enjoyment out of it...and if you didn't, I'll kill you.

The Deadpool Movie Might Be Good...Maybe...Probably...???

Everyone seems to be in the camp of “OMG the “Deadpool” movie is gonna be so fucking amazing!” Fans have good reason to be optimistic about this X-Men-related film…while I tend to be cautiously optimistic about it. My reasons being that the character itself, and the actor playing him, causes a bit of a concern.

Now before you all jump down my throat about it, let’s look at a few things. The character of Deadpool himself, when written and used correctly, is a great character. When he’s written poorly, well…he’s just another annoyingly talky and confusing amalgamation of ideas from the 80s/90s era that hasn’t aged all that well. Don’t get me wrong, there’s been comic book writers like Daniel Way, Fabian Nicieza, and Rick Remender that have totally nailed what the character is all about, but for as many writers that “get” Deadpool, there’s an equal amount that don’t. Combine that with a screenwriter that may or may not “get” the character, and that doesn’t sound too well and good does it?

Next is the actor playing him. I have a dislike for Ryan Reynolds for a lot of reasons, but mostly because he’s a one trick pony. Any movie I see him in, no matter who he’s playing, he’s Ryan Reynolds. He never comes off as believable in anything to me…like ever. He’s good comic relief in a supporting role, but as a lead…meh. Remember the “Green Lantern” movie? Now granted that whole abortion wasn’t totally his fault, but he didn’t help matters either. How many shitty X-Men movies have there been now? With every shitty one, we always shit all over it, but we never shit on the performance of say, Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. Why? Because no matter how bad the movie is, he’s still great in the role. “Green Lantern” was a shit movie, helped made shittier by Reynolds’ performance as Hal Jordan. Now maybe it’s a bad comparison because Hal definitely isn’t the smart ass motormouth that Deadpool is, but it doesn’t change the fact that there are plenty of other candidates for the role that could have been better. How about Sam Rockwell as Deadpool? That would be tits.

One good thing about “Deadpool” that compared to other X-Men movies, the film is fairly low budget. That’s a good sign that Fox won’t interfere with it like they have with the other X-Men flicks in the past. Remember: the bigger the budget, the more a major studio will interfere with it. So that in itself is a good sign. What isn’t a good sign to me is his costume. Now I know, “it looks just like it does in the comics”, and yes it certainly does…which to me is why it looks like an above average cosplay. The suit just looks too, for lack of a better word, fake to me. This is really only a minor complaint honestly, since there will probably be some post-production trickery done with it, which tends to happen with movies like this all the time.

Now I’m not forecasting all doom and gloom here about “Deadpool”. After that test footage was “leaked” a while back that got this whole ball rolling (finally), I was happy to hear that it was happening, R rating or not. If the film has the right talent behind the camera (which it might, it might not, it’s honestly too soon to tell), it might be really fucking good.

If it doesn’t, it’ll be another shitty comic book to film adaptation in Ryan Reynolds’ filmography that also includes “Green Lantern”, “Blade: Trinity”, “R.I.P.D.”, and “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”. I think I missed one or two others, but I’m too lazy to look it up on IMDB, so fuck it.

Here’s hoping I’m wrong.

Top 10 Horror Comics of All Time

Horror and comic books go hand in hand. From the early days of EC Comics to the modern titles published by lines like Vertigo and Dark Horse, horror comics come only second to superheroes in terms of what has had the most impact on the comic medium since its inception. Of course, for this fucking guy, horror comics are a way of fucking life. What are the best ones though? The ones that make your skin crawl? The ones that manage to stay with you long after you view the final panels of what you're reading? Well, here we go again.

I want to state first and foremost that this list I shit out here for your reading enjoyment does not include any of the classic EC titles or other horror comics from that classic era. So no, there's no "Tales from the Crypt", "Vault of Horror", "Creepy", "Eerie", or any of their contemporaries. The reason I didn't include them is because they are all anthology titles. Now don't get me wrong; they're all fucking great and have their place in history, but I couldn't include them here because ranking them in terms of what's better than another is fucking impossible. So instead, I'm focusing here on titles that were ongoing storylines.

Some titles didn't make the cut, like any of the Dylan Dog tales, Mike Carey's "Lucifer", or Jason Aaron's spectacular run on "Ghost Rider" from a few years back. I also debated putting "Spawn" somewhere on this list, but upon going back and re-reading the first run of issues, I realized that it honestly wasn't that good to begin with. Keeping all that in mind, I'm anticipating another lynch mob at the gates for my ass, so I'm just gonna say fuck it and dive into this balls deep and without protection...the way a real man does it. So here's my top 10 horror comics to scare the holy living fucking shit straight outta your ass. I apologize for nothing.



10. FROM HELL
Writer: Alan Moore
Artist: Eddie Campbell

Chances are you know this one relatively well. "From Hell" was originally serialized from the late 80s to the early 90s before finding mass success as a collected edition and inspiring a half decent movie starring Johnny Depp in 2001. "From Hell" is Alan Moore's take on the Jack the Ripper murders being a mass conspiracy driven by the royal family. Loaded with many themes that often re-appear throughout Moore's work (and this will not be the only entry on this list to come from the man) as well as musings of the metaphysical and featuring stark artwork from Eddie Campbell, "From Hell" is a dense read, but worth checking out regardless. The story itself isn't filled with scares or even too much suspense, but the fact that this is based on the actual murders and uses nearly every fact associated with each case to its advantage is what helps make it as haunting as it is.



9. TOMB OF DRACULA
Writer: various
Artist: Gene Colan

In the early 70s, the Comics Code started chilling out a bit in terms of restricted content of horror and supernatural material appearing in comic books, so Marvel birthed this fan favorite in 1972. Featuring a revolving door of writers (including Gerry Conway, Arthur Goodwin, and Gardner Fox) until Marv Wolfman (Teen Titans, Crisis on Infinite Earths) finally settled in full time, "Tomb of Dracula" mostly followed the exploits of Frank Drake: a descendant of Dracula who teams with a group of vampire hunters to take on the evil vampire master himself in the modern day. When Wolfman finally settled into the title and began steering it in the right direction, "Tomb of Dracula" became a total blasts. It ran for 70 issues and was always drawn by the late, great Gene Colan with covers by the great Gil Kane. This series is also notable for introducing the vampire hunter Blade, who was very far from being the half-breed daywalker that was popularized by the Wesley Snipes movies.



8. 30 DAYS OF NIGHT
Writer: Steve Niles
Artist: Ben Templesmith

Before it spawned a horde of sequels and spin-offs and inspired a surprisingly good big screen film adaptation (and a shitty direct to DVD sequel), the original "30 Days of Night" was originally pitched as a film itself, and wasn't received well. Instead it was released as a 3-issue mini-series from IDW, and put both Niles and Templesmith on the map in the comic book world. It's an ingenious plot, as a group of vampires descend upon a sleepy Alaskan town during a part of winter where there's no sun for 30 days. It's a survival tale as the remaining residents of the town contend with the vamps, made all the better with the wonderful, visceral artwork of Ben Templesmith.



7. BLACK HOLE
Writer & Artist: Charles Burns

A 12-issue mini-series published sporadically over a decade, Charles Burns' "Black Hole" takes place in 1970s Seattle, revolving around a group of teenagers afflicted with a sexually transmitted disease that causes severely grotesque mutations. Thus becoming social outcasts, we see their respective fates as illustrated by Burns' beautiful black & white artwork that often borderlines realism and surreal horror. Loaded with metaphor and symbolism, "Black Hole" is a true work of art, and it will stay with you long after you finish it.



6. THE WALKING DEAD
Writer: Robert Kirkman
Artist: Tony Moore (1-6), Charlie Adlard (7-current)

Before it was a hit show that spawned hordes of video games, merchandise, and an upcoming spin-off, "The Walking Dead" was a simple comic book about survival in a zombie-infested world that draws heavily on the works of George Romero. It mostly revolves around cop Rick Grimes, who awakens from a coma to find that the world he knew is gone and overrun with the undead. Eventually he finds his wife and son, and from that point forward we begin to learn that the worst part about trying to survive in this new world isn't the zombies, it's the survivors and what the world around them has turned them into. Granted I personally feel that the series has overstayed its welcome (it has been going strong since 2003 without missing a beat), that doesn't negate from the fact that "The Walking Dead" has left its mark as the best zombie-based comic series ever.



5. HELLBOY
Writer & Artist: Mike Mignola (and sometimes various others)

He's the world's greatest paranormal investigator...and he's a demon summoned from Hell that has a gruff sense of humor. Mike Mignola's various series starring the titular character combine gothic, Lovecraft-ian horror elements with pulp and dry humor; which combined has always made anything starring Hellboy such a total blast. Not to mention that Mignola's artwork has become so iconic in terms of his style and character designs that it often proves difficult to look at "Hellboy" art not drawn by the man...there's just no comparison.



4. SAGA OF THE SWAMP THING
Writer: Alan Moore
Artist: John Totleben (mostly)

One of the most revered works by Alan Moore, "Saga of the Swamp Thing" sees Moore totally revamp the DC Comics character. Given nearly total free reign (in the beginning anyway), Moore re-tools Swamp Thing's origin, making him more beast than man, and adding a whole new mythology to the character that would continue to be kept (mostly) as canon. The Parliament of Trees, the Green, and even John fucking Constantine would be introduced during Moore's prolific run, which combined existentialism and outright horror to beautiful effect. No take on the character to come in the years since has had the impact that Moore's has had, and it will probably never be topped either.



3. PREACHER
Writer: Garth Ennis
Artist: Steve Dillon

There isn't much I can say about "Preacher" that hasn't been said plenty of times. One of the Vertigo line's most famous ongoing series to ever be featured on the imprint, "Preacher" is the perfect mix of hardcore horror, pitch black humor, and a handful of some of the best and well-developed characters to ever be seen in comic books. Jesse Custer is a Texan preacher with a very shady background who, along with his gun-toting girlfriend Tulip and Irish vampire Cassidy, travel all across America in an effort to search for God. No, not in a spiritual sense: God has abandoned the throne out of fear and gone into hiding, and Jesse (inhabited by the offspring of an angel and a demon) is on a mission to find him and get some answers. I could talk about "Preacher" for hours on end. It's perfect and was one of the comics that got me back into comics when I was older. Check it out and thank me later.



2. HELLBLAZER
Various writers & artists

Alan Moore created John Constantine, and in the late 80s he got his own ongoing series. The chain-smoking master of bad luck black magic, "Hellblazer" stars Constantine and doesn't always present him in the most flattering of ways. In fact, he's kind of a dick. That being said, he does the right thing when he has to, even if he has to use his friends and loved ones as pawns in his schemes and struggles with evil. Jamie Delano was the initial writer of the series, and gave Constantine much of his backstory as well. Future writers to tackle the character into even greater effect included Garth Ennis, Paul Jenkins, Brian Azzarello, Warren Ellis, Andy Diggle and Mike Carey among others, with artists including Steve Dillon, Sean Phillips, David Lloyd, and the legendary Richard Corben as well. Running for 300 issues before coming to its conclusion in 2013, "Hellblazer" was Vertigo's longest running flagship title, and is one of the most revered comic book series' of all time.



1. THE SANDMAN
Writer: Neil Gaiman
Artist: Various

You didn't think it'd be anything else did you? Neil Gaiman's seminal "The Sandman" is regarded as being one of the best comic books, well, ever...and for good reason too. The story of "The Sandman" revolves around Dream of The Endless, also known as Morpheus, and his interactions with the denizens of the spiritual world, and the physical world as well. There's much more to the story than that of course, but to be perfectly honest, I myself have never actually read "The Sandman" in its entirety. Not because I haven't wanted to, I've just never been given the opportunity to. What I have read however, trust me...all I can say is that one day I hope to finally get the chance. Throughout its run, many prominent DC Comics characters would appear, including John Constantine, Etrigan the Demon, and even Martian Manhunter to name a few, but no matter who would get thrown into the mix, "The Sandman" remained satisfying psychological, and occasionally visceral, comic book horror. It spawned spin-offs and even birthed some characters that would go on to prominent appearances outside the main title, most notably being Death, who is represented here as being a super cute and somewhat quirky goth girl. Oh, and if you're like me and slacking on reading the whole thing beginning to end, I recommend checking out the sixth issue (in the first volume "Preludes & Nocturnes"), in which psychotic Justice League villain Doctor Destiny uses his power to make a group of random people in a diner do horrible things to themselves and each other. This alone is one of the absolute best horror stories ever printed in a comic. No bullshit.



Well, that's all for now. So what'd y'all think? Did I forget a bunch? Do you not agree? Am I a piece of shit for never reading "The Sandman" in its entirety? Who cares? If you haven't read any of these, go fucking do it. You're doing yourself a disservice by not at least giving these a look.

SO...MANY...COMIC...TV SHOWS...STAHPPPPP!

Remember when having a comic book-based TV show was so rare? Back in my youth, they were either absolutely terrible and didn't last long ("The Night Man") or were absolutely terrible and lasted forever ("Smallville"). Either way, we didn't get many of them. Most of the ones we did get really had little to nothing to do with their comic book counterparts, which made viewing them straight from the beginning a chore, but we watched them anyway...because there were just so fucking few.

Fast forward to 2015, and now it feels like every show on TV is based on a comic book series or character. Just between the past couple years up till now, we've had "The Walking Dead", "Arrow", "Flash", "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.", "Agent Carter", "Constantine", "Gotham", "iZombie" (which I had no idea was a comic), and I think there were more besides but right now I'm too lazy to look it up. All shows range in quality from melodramatic to boring to enjoyable, but all have either been around for more than one season or are already renewed (save for "Constantine", which is undoubtedly the best of that whole bunch, and will more than likely be cancelled...but that's a story for another day). There's more comic based shows on the horizon, including "Supergirl", a spin off of "Walking Dead", a possible spin off of "S.H.I.E.L.D.", another DC-based show in the same universe as "Arrow" and "Flash", some untitled show about planet Krypton (yes you read that right), an adaptation of "Preacher", and a show based on "Lucifer" (?!). Netflix is offering up a bunch of Marvel-based shows, most recently with "Daredevil", which made people's heads explode apparently (granted it is really damn good), and upcoming shows based on Jessica Jones, Luke Cage, and Iron Fist; before all four characters team up as the Defenders eventually.

Now for some characters and concepts, having a TV show instead of full blown movies is actually better. It makes for writers getting the time to flesh characters out, and it doesn't make the viewer feel like the creators aren't in a mad dash to get to the end credits. I mean after all, these shows are based on comic books, why not have them adapted into a visual medium that allows for episodic and serialized content, so it should work perfectly right?

Well, sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn't.

While binge-watching "Daredevil", I noticed the episode count is 13. Having that many (or few) episodes to a season is perfect. Not once throughout this season did it feel like there was any filler thrown into the show to pad it out. Every episode felt concise and meaningful to the overall arc, while still managing to plant seeds for future Marvel Netflix shows (or maybe even future seasons of "Daredevil"). "The Walking Dead", despite its faults, still manages to mostly keep their seasons concise and to the point as well. Granted they split the season in half, which would drive me crazy back when I actually did watch the show, but no matter its faults, it still managed to keep viewers interested, mostly because it's less than 20 episodes per season.

Now those shows manage to get away with having seasons of that length because they're either part of a subscription-based streaming service or on cable TV. Shows like "Arrow", "Flash", and "S.H.I.E.L.D." are all on network TV, and hence have 20-some episodes per season. Now when you have seasons that long, chances are they get padded out with a lot of filler to keep the episode counts so high. This is the first season of "Flash", which so far hasn't felt like it's had too much filler thrown into it, while "Arrow" and "S.H.I.E.L.D." feel so drawn out that it becomes a chore to slog through 20-some episodes and you pray to yourself that the season will conclude. Not to mention the fact the overall storyarcs for both shows has been all over the place and it feels like each season of the show is 3 years long. It makes the viewer lose interest...which is happening to me. I'm looking forward to the finales of both shows this season, and pondering whether or not I'll be back for the next go-around ("Arrow" probably, "S.H.I.E.L.D." doubtful).

At least in comic books, when a storyarc seems to go on forever with padding and filler thrown into it, once we get the overall payoff, it feels good to get there. With a TV show, not so much. With comics, it's just one more thing that the medium manages to pull off that another medium cannot do, which is why comics get mined by TV producers every single day these days. I'd rather read a year or two's worth of a comic storyarc than sit through 20-some plus episodes of a comic-based TV show any day of the fucking week. Keeping shows like this at 13 episodes makes things more concise and enjoyable...and keeps the viewers salivating for more to come.

Oh, and there's way too many of these shows popping up now. Having a show based on Krypton is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. It'd be like having a show about Batman with no Batman and using his whole rogues gallery to no avail...oh wait.

I guess the point to all this was to tell you guys to stick with comics. TV rots your brain. Ya know what? Don't watch TV at all. Read comics and fuck a lot. Believe it or not you can fit time in your life for both.

What's With All the "Fantastic Four" Hate?

It seems like the amount of hate that this new, rebooted "Fantastic Four" movie is getting is unprecedented. I've honestly never seen or heard so much geek anger directed at a movie like this...well, I think ever. Why though? Are there people that consider the FF films that came out a decade ago classics? Hardly. That being said, getting to the bottom of the pissing and moaning about the new FF movie makes for some interesting discoveries.

First and foremost, the news that came out during pre-production that the film's director told his cast not to bother reading any FF comics for research. Then there was news that Dr. Doom would be a lame blogger. Then there was news that they were changing the race of the Human Torch from Caucasian to black. And blah, blah, blah. For months, people have been bitching, which they are well-within their rights to do, but everything I just listed seems to be what people are bitching about the most. My only question about all that is one thing:

So what?

I mean don't get me wrong, the movie will probably be a piece of shit (but in all reality, can it really be any fucking worse than the two cinematic abortions that came out last decade?), but if it is, it won't be because of all that. With those changes in mind, let's look at the Marvel Cinematic Universe. One of the main reasons the fanboys have been crying is because the film rights to the Fantastic Four are still owned by Fox (which also owns the film rights for X-Men and has for a very long time) and thus you will not see them teamed up with Iron Man, Captain America, etc. That in itself has plenty to do with sending fanboys into fits, but it isn't the core truth. The core truth of the matter as to why people are pissing on FF is because they have become so blinded to the idea that Marvel can do no wrong that they don't want to see any other studio take on a Marvel property.

Now why have people become so enamored with everything Marvel like never before? Well, they've made a fuck-ton of money and managed to successfully craft a shared movie universe without it becoming too stale. It's impressive no doubt, but in the years since 2008's "Iron Man", which started the whole thing, people go nuts over anything Marvel-related...to a fault. For example: there's a super amount of people that think "Iron Man 2" was perfect and "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D." is the best show on TV. Does that sound like anyone you'd actually want to have a conversation with about anything? Fuck no.

What I'm getting at here (or trying to) is that Marvel made a lot of changes in their films like the new FF movie is doing, and every single fanboy applauded them. Make Nick Fury black? Sure! (and yes, I know his race was changed in Mark Millar's "Ultimates" series in the early 2000s, doesn't change matters here). Make a character that had a one panel appearance into a major super villain(Killian in "Iron Man 3") while introducing a big twist? Ok awesome! (mostly). Take a bunch of D-list characters with sketchy backgrounds and throw them into a blender in an outer-space odyssey that bears damn little to nearly anything they've done in comics prior? OMG MARVEL YOU'RE SO BRILLIANT!

Now please don't get me wrong, most of the Marvel movies have been super enjoyable...just not the greatest things in the history of mankind like most of the fanboys would have you believe. Here's a quick list of them all:

"Iron Man"? Great.

"Incredible Hulk"? Underrated.

"Iron Man 2"? Nothing more than a springboard for introducing other characters.

"Thor"? Enjoyable

"Captain America: The First Avenger"? Wonderful

"Avengers"? Mega-enjoyable, but nowhere near the perfect superhero movie that everyone thought it was.

"Iron Man 3"? Received a fair amount of flack for its twist, but eventually almost universally applauded, even though it took a major villain and made him a red herring alcoholic character actor.

"Thor: The Dark World"? Yawn-inducing.

"Captain America: The Winter Soldier"? The best Marvel movie yet, because it doesn't feel like a Marvel movie.

"Guardians of the Galaxy"? Immensely enjoyable, but definitely not the masterpiece that everyone was raving about FOR MONTHS.



The point is all these Marvel films made their own changes to comic book canon, and were practically all universally praised for it...because they come from Marvel's film division. Fox's "Fantastic Four" makes similar changes, and gets shit thrown at it...because it isn't from Marvel. If it was a Marvel Films Production, everyone would be saying how smart these changes are and come up with reasoning probably using the words and phrases like "modernizing" and "making it all more relatable to the audience" or some bullshit.

In your heart of hearts, you all know that this is all true. Don't deny it.



And yeah, like I said before, no matter what "Fantastic Four" will more than likely blow ass...but I hope it makes a shit load of money, just so the fanboys can keep crying. Their tears give me power and strength.

25 Years of Tim Burton's "Batman"

Almost exactly 25 years ago, I was sitting in a movie theater with my mother, and while I didn't know it at the time, I was about to have an eye opening experience that would go on to define the rest of my childhood and even move on into my adulthood. It was something that my young mind may not have totally been ready for, but all the same it was something that I'll never be able to forget.

I'm talking about seeing motherfucking "Batman".

Tim Burton's 1989 update of the classic DC superhero was an awe-inspiring experience for me and countless other kids (and adults alike). Beforehand the only knowledge of the character and Batman mythology I had at that point was through comic books, which I had only just started getting into at that point, and believe it or not, I really don't think I was all that enthused about seeing "Batman" as I should have been (my Mom was actually more interested in seeing it actually, having a life-long love of Jack Nicholson).

But what is it that makes "Batman" not only so endearing to this day, but how it helped shape the legacy of superhero films in general? Is it the dark tone? The gothic, art-deco landscape? The magnetic villain? The brooding, tortured, somewhat psychotic superhero? It's a mix of all that and more besides. It all helped make "Batman" all the more special, and it paved the way for so much more to come (including the legendary "Batman: The Animated Series") that now, two decades and a half later, has a legacy that no other superhero film can ever hope to match.

That's not to say that "Batman" isn't without its flaws. I never gave two shits about what happened to its damsel in distress Vicki Vale, who in herself has such an underwhelming characterization and damn little in terms of character development that any scenes that focus on her become a bore. Making the Joker be the killer of Bruce Wayne's parents is also a bit of a "why the fuck?" moment as well, but all that aside, "Batman" is still a quintessential genre film with a cemented legacy.

Though in the end I do think that Christopher Nolan's trilogy served the character better than Burton's two films (and we won't dare mention the Schumacher abortions), there's no denying the impact and effect that "Batman" had in 1989, and still resonates to this day. If you haven't seen it in a while, give it a watch, and follow it up with "Batman Returns" and some handpicked episodes of the animated series. You'll be glad that you did.

A Love Letter and Goodbye to "Hellblazer"

You all know me pretty well it seems, i.e. you know I'm a comic book geek. Though the medium mostly revolves around people in tights punching the shit out of each other, there's one comics line in general that re-affirmed my faith in the medium back in the days of me being a super cynical teenage know-it-all: Vertigo Comics. Vertigo is the mature-themed adult line of comics that is a part of DC Comics as a whole. Over the decades, there have been numerous titles, mini-series', and ongoing series' that have become nothing short of legendary. Just look at these titles for fuck's sake: "Sandman", "Saga of the Swamp Thing", "V For Vendetta", "Preacher", "Y: The Last Man", "A History of Violence", "Orbiter", "Transmetropolitan", "Lucifer", "Deadenders", "100 Bullets", "Scalped", "DMZ", and many many more. But there was one title in particular that drew me to Vertigo. One title in particular that drew me into dark comics in general and was the stepping stone for me getting into the aforementioned titles.

"Hellblazer".

Now what the fuck is "Hellblazer" you may be asking yourself? Well, it's Vertigo's longest ongoing title. It mostly revolves around the horrific adventures of John Constantine. Wait, now you're thinking to yourself "John Constantine? The John Constantine from the movie 'Constantine' that starred everyone's favorite wooden actor extraordinaire Keanu Reeves?" And yes, you're kind of right about that. However, unlike how he was portrayed in that piece of garbage 2005 adaptation, John Constantine is a blonde, British, chain-smoking, master of black magic and super street smart con-man. He was created by Alan Moore (!) during his seminal run on "Saga of the Swamp Thing", and eventually got his own title in the late 80s with "Hellblazer". It was writer Jamie Delano that really molded John's backstory, history, and supporting cast as he took the original reigns on the title, followed by celebrated and brilliant runs by Garth Ennis (which made him famous and led him to create the brilliant "Preacher"), Paul Jenkins, Warren Ellis, Brian Azzarello, Mike Carey, Denise Mina, and currently Peter Milligan among others. Even industry legends like Neil Gaiman and Grant Morrison have dabbled on the title before to boot.

The stories of "Hellblazer" weren't quite what the shitty "Constantine" movie made them out to be. John Constantine is not a demon hunter that is constantly at odds with Satan. In fact, John Constantine is a bit of a prick. There have been numerous occasions where he's put the lives of his friends and loved ones at risk strategically just so he can get the upper hand (most of the time). And while John has had a couple run-in's with Satan and various demonic forces, John's biggest enemies usually wind up being those in the use of black magic that are using it for wrong purposes. That, and there's a laundry list of people that John has managed to piss off over the years (he ages in real time).

Now, you may be wondering why I'm having a "Hellblazer" themed wankfest here, and that's because towards the end of this month, the 300th, and final, issue of "Hellblazer" will be hitting the stands, marking John Constantine's last hurrah as part of the Vertigo line. Why is this happening? Well, because ever since DC launched the "New 52" over a year ago, they re-introduced a younger and less foul-mouthed John Constantine into the mainstream DC universe. That, combined with the fact that it feels like Vertigo is getting squeezed to death by its parent company (leading to the departure of Karen Berger, the longtime editorial leader at Vertigo that helped bring so many legendary titles to life) means that my beloved John Constantine will be laid to rest...at least in his chain-smoking, foul-mouthed, rip your guts out of your stomach version that we've come to know and love for over 20 years now.

So, it goes without saying, that "Hellblazer" will be supremely missed, and in my honest opinion, it seems like Vertigo Comics as a whole isn't far behind. It's a crying shame too, because things just aren't going to be the same without John fucking Constantine the way we know and love him.

My DC Animated Universe Wishlist

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When it comes to animated comic-book based adaptations, no one does them better than DC. While Marvel's animated features aren't bad in the least, they just more often than not come off as being rarely anything better than average. The DC Universe animated features boast better animation and voice acting, and have managed to successfully adapt some epic and beloved DC stories into 75-minute animated dirges. True, some haven't been anything special ("Green Lantern: Emerald Knights" and "Batman: Gotham Knight") and some have been quite spectacular ("Batman: Under the Red Hood" and "Wonder Woman"). Though DC has informally announced that a majority of the future DC animated films will focus on the Justice League, Superman, or Batman since anything not involving any of them doesn't sell through the roof, this comic geek has come up with a wishlist for DC stories I would fucking love to see in animated form. Granted I know that a majority of these won't ever happen, but that doesn't mean that a geek can't dream. I'm not going to go into too much depth for each one here, because I could talk about this shit for hours. So here we go with my top DC Universe animated flicks wishlist:



TEEN TITANS: THE JUDAS CONTRACT

Originally slated to be a DC animated flick, "The Judas Contract" got nixed due to the fact that the mega-popular cartoon was still resonating in the minds of children everywhere, and because the shockingly mature content of this storyarc would probably not have been done justice in animated form. Still, seeing "The Judas Contract" animated would be awesome.





KINGDOM COME

The mega-popular and beloved dystopian look at the DC universe would be smashing to see in animated form. Just imagine Alex Ross' lush paintwork applied to animation, and you've got something with the potential to be beautiful unleashed on your eyeballs. Just like "The Judas Contract", this has a shocking amount of mature content, but considering what all the recent DC animated flicks have gotten away with in terms of content and violence, this would be a no-brainer.





THE FLASH: THE RETURN OF BARRY ALLEN

The Flash doesn't get enough love, which is a damn shame because the characters, mythos, and villains associated with Flash are some of the best the DC Universe has to offer. How awesome would it be to see an animated adaptation of young Flash Wally West get bested by the former Flash Barry Allen after he (allegedly) returns from the dead? There's little chance of this ever happening, since DC rebooted their comic universe and Wally practically doesn't exist anymore, but this would be awesome to see in animated form.





THE SINESTRO CORPS WAR

One of the greatest and most action packed storylines in Green Lantern history would be amazing to see in animated form. Not to mention the fact that since it involves every single superhero in the DC universe taking on Sinestro's army, it could be marketed as a Justice League movie instead of a stand-alone Green Lantern flick. Just imagine that final slugfest between Hal Jordan and Sinestro in animated form...holy shit. Plus, it could somehow lead into what I propose next...






BLACKEST NIGHT

Dead superheroes and villains returning from the grave and eating the hearts of the living? Yeah, we'll probably never ever see this one in animated form, but man oh man, the possibilities about "Blackest Night" animated are endless.






BATMAN: THE LONG HALLOWEEN

After "Batman: Year One", why not adapt "The Long Halloween"? A spiritual sequel, "The Long Halloween" would detail the origin of Two-Face and feature a handful of the best Batman villains thrown in for good measure. Plus, somehow adapting Tim Sale's beautfiul artwork into animated form? Sign me up.






SUPERMAN: LAST SON

Richard Donner, who directed the landmark, classic, original "Superman" film, co-wrote this comic storyarc (that also paid tribute to Christopher Reeve) in which Superman adopts a young Kryptonian boy that mysteriously appears on Earth. The storyarc was surprisingly touhing and heartbreaking, and a great way to introduce/re-introduce everyone to General Zod. This one would be a mistake not to adapt.






Okay folks, my nerd rage has subsided for now. If you have no idea what the hell I've been talking about, or are thinking "why the fuck is this guy watching cartoons", please feel free to blow me.

"THE DARK KNIGHT RISES" Review!!!! (SPOILERS!)

Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy has come to an end. Four years after the release of the monumental “The Dark Knight” comes “The Dark Knight Rises”, which is a more than fitting end to his trilogy. This is my review for the film, and I am going to tell you right now that beware, spoilers aplenty are ahead, so enter at your own risk folks. With that out of the way, let’s begin…



SPOILERS AHEAD! ABANDON ALL HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE!!!!!!!!!!!









From the beginning with “Batman Begins”, we’ve seen a Batman universe that is all about the realism. From his technology to his wonderful toys to even the villains he’s faced, everything about this new cinematic take on the Batman world is grounded in reality, and it’s made for some great entertainment. As great as “Batman Begins” was though, it was “The Dark Knight” that took things to a new level. With the late Heath Ledger’s brilliant performance as The Joker to a thought provoking script that perfectly displayed the kind of repercussions that would happen in the real world if someone decided to put on a costume and take a serious fight to crime in a crooked and corrupt world, “The Dark Knight” was brilliant despite its small flaws, and to me remains the absolute best comic book-based film to ever see the light of day. With “The Dark Knight Rises”, we see the aftermath that such repercussions have created, escalating even further into an environment of full-blown anarchy and chaos, and the one man that can rise above it all to save the day.

With its much publicized filming taking place, a good chunk of the surprises that the film was set to deliver were already known to the public. From Bane’s connection to Ra’s Al Ghul, to Miranda Tate really being Talia Al Ghul, there weren’t that many twists that the public didn’t kind of already know were going to happen. That aside, we were treated to seeing a world where Batman did indeed “live long enough to see himself become the villain” like Harvey Dent had said in the previous film, as he is a broken and hollow man living a life of seclusion. He comes out of his self-imposed exile as Bane makes his presence felt; eventually re-creating the famous scene from the “Knightfall” comics as he breaks Batman’s back and takes over the city. The day is saved in the end of course, culminating with Batman faking his own death and leaving Gotham City cop John “Robin” Blake to take the reins.

In praise of the film, it was wonderful to see all the seeds planted in “Batman Begins” come to fruition. It was twice as wonderful to see this realistic take on Batman culminate in such a thrilling spectacle. While “The Avengers” was an amazing superhero blockbuster, “The Dark Knight Rises” is more of a thinking-man’s blockbuster, drawing you in with believable characters and motivations, along with some surprisingly brutal action set-pieces to boot. Christian Bale, despite what you may think of him, gives his best performance as Batman here. His portrayal of a broken man that can’t stay away from his duty as the Caped Crusader is a sight to behold. Michael Keaton may always be my favorite Batman, but Bale definitely comes in right behind him. Just about the rest of the cast was great as well. I really enjoyed Anne Hathaway as Catwoman, and Tom Hardy was menacing as all hell as Bane. Joseph Gordon-Levitt was great as well in a surprisingly meaty role. I should also note that Bane’s voice was thankfully re-dubbed during post-production. When the film’s prologue was released alongside “Mission: Impossible: Ghost Protocol” last year, I’ll be damned if I could understand anything that he fucking said, but here, it’s fixed for the most part. Granted he does kind of sound like Sean Connery in need of a Halls, but hey, it could have been a lot worse.

As for the flaws of the film, the one thing that got me was that Gordon sadly wasn’t featured as prominently as he was the last time around. One of the things that made “The Dark Knight” so great was just how much they featured Gordon and how important a role he played in the proceedings. Here, he doesn’t so much, while Alfred and Lucius Fox seem to spend more time on the backburner as well. Still, the final half hour of the film is so masterfully done and orchestrated that you’ll literally be chewing on your fingernails in anticipation to see how it all comes to an end.

Also in retrospect, when you go to see the film if you haven’t already, thoughts about those in Colorado that were senselessly slaughtered at the film’s premiere will weigh heavy on your head. It’s only a matter of time before we get a handful of idiots that blame the actions of one diseased mind on this film, which is a crying shame in itself. Its times like this that we all wish people like Batman were real.

Do yourself a favor: go see the best, most electrifying conclusion to a superhero trilogy in the history of fucking ever. You’ll be glad that you did.

Green Lantern is Gay...Oh the Humanity!

Hard to believe it’s been just about a year now since DC Comics rebooted their entire universe (for the most part) as part of The New 52 initiative. To celebrate the fact that they’ve stuck with it for a year, we’re seeing more titles and old characters getting rebooted slowly but surely, case in point, the Green Lantern known as Alan Scott…who is being reinterpreted as being a homosexual. Now before I go any further, let’s lay down some history, because if you’re like the public at large, you have no idea who the fuck Alan Scott is, so strap yourselves in folks, here we go:

Created during the “Golden Age” of comics in 1940, Alan Scott was the first character to bear the name “Green Lantern”, before the title would be rebooted 2 decades later as an intergalactic police force starring a guy named Hal Jordan. He lived on Earth 2 as an original member of the Justice Society (alongside the original Flash Jay Garrick, Hawkman, Wildcat, and others) before all the parallel earths got combined together in 1985’s landmark “Crisis on Infinite Earths”, where Scott remained unchanged, and the only person calling himself Green Lantern that wasn’t a member of the same Corps as Hal and the rest of the crew. Alan also had a green-skinned daughter named Jade, and a shadow-powered son named Obsidian, who himself was gay.

With the reboot the DC Universe has gone through, Alan Scott’s plate has been wiped clean. Jade and Obsidian, like other famous DC characters like Donna Troy and Wally “The Flash” West, just no longer exist. Writer James Robinson has decided to reboot Scott as being a homosexual, and for some reason people are having a shit-fit about it. I don’t understand why, because it seems the same people having a majority of the hissyfits about Scott being a gay superhero had no idea who Alan Scott was beforehand. What’s funny is that around the same time DC announced what they were doing with Scott (which had long been rumored that DC was taking an iconic character and rebooting him as being gay), Marvel was having gay X-Men member Northstar get married to his long time lover. Seems like it was a rough month of two for die-hard conservative comic book readers eh?

Anyway, as a long time DC Comics reader myself, I will admit that I was genuinely surprised seeing Alan Scott getting rebooted as a homosexual. As someone who had been written as such a driven and beloved father figure to his teammates, seeing him get rebooted as a suave, debonair, homosexual is going to make for interesting reading. Does it bother me that he’s now gay in this new DC Universe? No, not really, because he’s a fictional fucking character, that’s why. Now seriously, get the hell over it.

See y’all in the funnybooks.




Oh, and for the record, my money was on Shazam being the character to get rebooted as being gay. I lost.

The Five Heroes We Want in the Next "Avengers" Films

With the American release of “The Avengers” just about here, we all know that there are going to be inevitable sequels. With a roster featuring Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, the Hulk, Black Widow, Hawkeye, and Nick Fury; comic fans far and wide know that the history of the Avengers is littered with a whole shit-ton of past and present team members. For the inevitable sequels, new characters are definitely bound to be introduced to the movie-going public, so let’s take a look at just who should be introduced in the next installments of the feature film adaptations of Marvel’s superhero all-star squad. I've narrowed my choices down to five characters (and that was actually surprisingly tough) so strap yourselves in here fellow nerds.

NOTE: Two of the obvious choices here would definitely be the Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver, but considering that they’re Magneto’s kids in the Marvel universe, and Fox still owns the film rights for anything and everything X-Men-related, who knows if they’d even be able to be featured in an Avengers movie, so I’m leaving them off of this list.

Here we go:



ANT-MAN

Yes, the name itself may make you giggle, but consider this: when Stan Lee and co. first introduced the Avengers way back when, Ant-Man was one of the founding members. The alter-ego of brilliant scientist Hank Pym, Ant-Man can shrink himself to microscopic levels, and uses a super-duper helmet to control ants. Over the years, Hank changed his identity to codenames like Giant Man, Goliath, and Yellowjacket, while also becoming able to make himself grow in size to ridiculously gigantic levels. Hank’s been written to be a bit of an asshole over the years, so having him on the team would make for a bit of a different dynamic. “Shaun of the Dead” director Edgar Wright has been involved with an “Ant-Man” feature film for a while, but the damn thing has never gotten off the ground. With the popularity of Marvel heroes soaring through the roof like never before, now would never be a better time to get that flick off the ground and use it as a tie-in for another Avengers movie.



WASP

What would an Avengers team with Ant-Man be without having the Wasp as well? Hank’s occasional wife Janet features the same sort of powers that he does, but she also manages to use “stinger”-like projectiles as well. Like Hank, Janet has frequently been portrayed as a bit of a twat, but considering how volatile a relationship she and Hank have had over the years, who could blame her? Still, like Hank, she’s a founding member of the Avengers, and deserves to be there every bit as much as Hank.



MS. MARVEL

Occasionally known as Warbird (and even Captain Marvel), Carol Danvers is as badass as they come in terms of superheroines. Super strong, invulnerable, fast, she can fly, and she takes no shit…she’s the exact kind of super powered female that belongs with the Avengers and deserves to have a cinematic counterpart to display all of what I just mentioned. Make it happen folks.



LUKE CAGE

Revitalized over the past decade from a bit of a joke of a superhero into a take-no-prisoners team leader, Luke Cage deserves to be in the next Avengers flick. He has unbreakable skin and brawls with the best of them, and over the years in the comics, he’s become a leader for the team as well. Director John Singleton has been attached to make a solo Cage film over the past few years, but nothing has developed and it appears the project probably won’t happen anytime soon, if at all. In those regards, why the fuck not include him in the next Avengers flick? Come on now, we want it!



THE VISION

An android that can change the density of his body, Vision has been an Avenger for so damned long that not having him in the film is kind of a crime. Originally created by the villainous robot Ultron (who himself was an aborted creation of Hank Pym), Vision joined the Avengers and fought back. Including Vision in upcoming films opens up including Ultron as a future supervillain, which ultimately becomes a massive win-win for all of us.



That’s all for now folks, now stop reading and go check out “The Avengers” for fuck’s sake.

5 Reasons Why We Love Batman

“The Dark Knight Rises” is well on its way, so over the next couple months it’s safe to assume that we’re all going to be bombarded with anything and everything Batman-related. With that in mind, it’s time to take a look at just why we love Batman as much as we do. A character so iconic and who has meant so much to so many, trying to pinpoint exactly why we love Batman isn’t an easy thing to do…but goddamnit, I’m going to try. So here we are to count down the top 5 reasons why we fucking love the goddamn Batman.

5: No superhero has more monumental stories than Batman.

“The Dark Knight Returns”. “Year One”. “The Killing Joke”. “The Long Halloween”. “Dark Victory”. “A Death in the Family”. “Birth of the Demon”. “Hush”. And many, many more. No other comic book character has had as many monumental storyarcs as Batman. Not to mention the fact that no other superhero character has had such a bevy of talent work on him over the years like Batman has. Frank Miller, Alan Moore, Brian Bolland, Jeph Loeb, Tim Sale, Jim Starlin, Marv Wolfman, Jim Lee, Grant Morrison, Brian Azzarello, Denny O’Neil, Scott Snyder, Greg Rucka, Jock, Chuck Dixon, Paul Dini, Bruce Timm, James Robinson, and countless others have all lent their talents to various Batman titles and helped craft their share of brilliant stories in the process. There is no other comic book character in existence that has had this many iconic stories presented to us by so many talented individuals that it only means one thing: they’re all as drawn into Batman as the rest of us are.



4. He has no superpowers.

How the hell does someone manage to dress up in tights and beat criminals to a pulp without super strength or any other superpowers? Batman isn’t invulnerable, have X-ray vision, or can run at superspeed. Instead, he must rely on his ultra-keen wits, his sheer athleticism, and an unprecedented determination that NO ONE in comics could ever hope to match. He doesn’t do what he does because he feels he has to; he does it because he believes that he is needed to do so. Combine that with the fact that he’s such a brilliant detective that it makes Sherlock Holmes look retarded, and you have a superhero that puts his peers to shame.



3. He’s the ultimate anti-hero.

Batman doesn’t take shit from anyone, hero or villain. He does his own thing with little regard over how he is perceived by others, and folks, that’s just plain fucking badass in itself. His only real rule, to not kill, is what separates him from other popular anti-heroes like Wolverine, The Punisher, or Spawn. The fact that he walks that fine line between being a true super hero and a costumed killer is also what makes us so drawn to him. That dark side that Batman embodies is what we all desire to unleash in the real world, and seeing him do just that while ensuring that the right thing gets done in the process is what helps make Batman such an awesome character.


2. Where does he get those wonderful toys?

Being a billionaire industrialist has its perks. Namely having a superhero alter-ego that you have the cash to bankroll numerous inventions and gizmos needed to take down your enemies. The Batmobile, the Batwing, the batarang, the classic grappling hook, and tons, tons more; all these gadgets are nearly as iconic as Batman himself. I mean Christ, where the hell would he be without that damn grappling hook in the first fucking place? That, and wouldn’t you love to drive around your neighborhood in an ultra-sleek, flames-shooting-out-the-back-end Batmobile? I know I fucking would…



1. The villains.

Part of what has made Batman such an iconic superhero character is the fact that no one has as much iconic villains as he does. In fact, there is literally no other superhero that has as rich a rogue’s gallery as Batman does. Superman, Spider-Man, the X-Men, and The Flash come close to having their own assortment of iconic villains, but they can’t come close to topping Batman. We know them all almost by heart: Joker, Two-Face, Penguin, Catwoman, Riddler, Poison Ivy, Mr. Freeze, Bane, Ra’s Al Ghul, The Scarecrow, Killer Croc, Solomon Grundy, The Mad Hatter, Man-Bat, Hush, Clayface, Victor Zsasz, Harley Quinn, Firefly, and many, many more. These villains help make Batman as iconic a character as he is because no other superhero has the sheer amount of villains that help push their counterpart to the limit like Batman’s do. And for all the evil that Batman’s rogues manage to do, he still won’t give in to them and kill; he’ll never become anything like them. It’s that sheer will, the determination, the never say die attitude that these villains bring out in our hero that make him so damned endearing, and nearly no other villain can say the same for their hero counterpart.



That’s all for now folks, see y’all in the funnybooks.

Why the Second Season of "The Walking Dead" Kinda Sucked

The second season of “The Walking Dead” is over. Some would say sadly, others would say thankfully. I’m a little bit in between for the time being. After a six-episode first season of the series, I like many other viewers, salivated over the prospects of a 13 episode second season…and also like many, I was left wanting more. Granted that the show’s ultra-creepy season premiere and jaw-dropping finale were great, but everything else in between felt kind of…well, flat.

From this point forward, SPOILERS AHEAD. So if you haven’t seen any recent episodes, read all this at your own risk.




So, here we are. The group is without sanctuary (though the prison is seen looming in the background as our group scrambles to figure out what to do next), Shane, Dale, and others are deader than shit, while Andrea is trapped in the woods and saved by Michonne (making her first appearance on the show fucking finally). Like I said, all that and the show’s beginning were awesome, but just about everything else in between was either flat or just plain drawn out. Maybe it’s because show-runner Frank Darabont got shit-canned by AMC (and as a result, two of his biggest supporters in actors Jon Bernthal and Jeffrey DeMunn, who played Shane and Dale respectively, got slaughtered, even though anyone who has ever read the comic knows that by this point Shane is way past dead to fucking begin with) and maybe it’s because with all the budget-slashing there had to be more talking and less zombie-bashing, ya know…because filming people talking is much less expensive than bloody special effects and makeup.

Whatever the case may be, the one thing that irked the shit out of me about this season of “The Walking Dead” is what the writing staff has done to the women of the group. Lori is unbelievably irritating and just a flat out cunt (like she was in the comic granted) while I pray for Carol’s death with each passing episode. Andrea, who was such an awesomely-written, strong-willed character in the comics, has been degraded to being a chick that doesn’t know what the fuck she’s doing. We saw flashes of her strong character in the first season of the show, before harping on the death of her sister…the sister she let come back as a walker so she could shoot her. What did Andrea in the comic do when her sister was bitten and killed? She blew her head off right away so she WOULDN’T come back as a walker. Yeah…the writing staff has fucked Andrea up to the point of no return. I can forgive turning Dale into a bleeding heart, Maggie into a clingy twat, or even making Herschell less of a douche bag and even kind of likeable, but seeing what they’ve done with Andrea just makes me all kind of pissy.

What are we to do with the women of “The Walking Dead”? Well if Michonne is done proper justice, we’ll have a bad ass character and one of the absolute iconic faces of “The Walking Dead”. And speaking of iconic faces, I’m dying to see the first appearance of The Governor. One of the greatest villains in the history of the comic book medium, the existence of The Governor and his crew has been hinted at aplenty, and for those who have read the comics before, know that the collision course between the group and The Governor was THE game changer for everyone involved, and insured that nothing would ever be the same again for anyone.

Now what I did like from this season was the final confrontation between Rick and Shane. It was a long time coming and inevitable, and Rick’s display of take no prisoners “it’s either him or me” mentality is the Rick I’ve been dying to see since the show first premiered. I’ll actually kind of miss Shane because Jon Bernthal played him so damn well, and took an otherwise hated comic book character and made him sympathetic and actually likeable. The zombie makeup and effects were also spectacular, particularly the effects work done with the zombie chewing his way through the car windshield on Lori’s crashed car and slowly destroying his own face. That was fucking incredible. Oh, and Daryl Dixon is probably the best character on the show, he’s the funniest and most cheer-worthy TV racist in television history since Archie fucking Bunker.

All things considered, I’m generally looking forward the third season of “The Walking Dead”. With 16 (!) episodes slated for next season, here’s hoping for some more action and some much less fucking TALKING! I’m all for drama in a post-apocalyptic zombie world (which is what made the comic book so fucking good in the first place) but it stifles any of the horror, action, or sense of impending doom, which is what the show should be all about in the first fucking place.

In the end though folks, we’re going to have to wait a while to see what develops…



…but as long as I see Lori and Carol get eaten alive I’m okay with pretty much whatever the fuck happens next.

20 Years of Image Comics!

Recently celebrating their 20th anniversary in the comic book industry (hard to believe isn’t it?), Image Comics remains one of the premiere independent comic book publishers around today. They’ve had numerous smash hits and have spawned (no pun intended) a shit-ton of fresh, new talent over the years that would go on to make their marks on mainstream comics as time would go on as well. To celebrate the 20th anniversary of my beloved Image, I’ve put together a Top 10 list of the best comics ever published under the Image banner.

But before we get to that, let’s have a brief history lesson. In late 1991, a group of Marvel Comics artists were growing increasingly dissatisfied with how Marvel was putting the dick to them in terms of royalties (some shit never changes). These artists: Todd McFarlane, Jim Lee, Rob Liefeld, Erik Larsen, Jim Valentino, Marc Silvestri, and Whilce Portacio, all put their own money together and with some fellow writer allies (Chris Claremont and Fabian Nicieza) lending a hand, and low and behold, Image Comics was born. They were told they would fail, but from the first comics the publisher released, namely Liefeld’s “Youngblood”, McFarlane’s “Spawn”, Lee’s “Wild C.A.T.S.”, and Larsen’s “Savage Dragon”, created such an uproar and massive sales that it scared the shit both out of Marvel and DC alike.

Over the years, the original Image lineup has come and gone, with other talent like Mark Millar, Robert Kirkman, Brian Michael Bendis, Jonathan Hickman, and plenty more all making names for themselves with Image before reaching superstardom with the bigger publisher boys. So now, let’s get on with this Top 10 of the best comics that Image has ever published. And if you’ve never checked any of them out before, well…you suck.



10. SPAWN

You knew this was going to be on here one way or another. Created by Todd McFarlane and the subject of a whole shit-ton of controversy in its early days, “Spawn” was like a breath of fresh air in the world of costumed douche-baggery. You all know the story. Government hitman Al Simmons was murdered and sent to Hell, where he made a deal with the devil to return to Earth. Over 200 issues and going, “Spawn” always suffered from convoluted plots, but what’s really funny is that while it never managed to retain the massive popularity it had in the late 90s, the comic actually got more enjoyable. Recently taken in a bold and new direction, and with a new Spawn too, it’s the best the comic has been in quite some time.



9. SAVAGE DRAGON

Created by writer/artist Erik Larsen, and like “Spawn” is still going strong since 1993, “Savage Dragon” was a unique, and bloody, take on the superhero genre. A giant green-finned beast of a man (hence the name) is discovered by Chicago cops lying unconscious with no memory of who he is. Eventually he joins the force and starts to take on the hordes of supervillains that plague the city. What makes “Savage Dragon” be so consistently good for so long is that Larsen has remained the title’s sole writer and artist for nearly 20 years and going. Whatever you do, just don’t watch any re-runs of the “Savage Dragon” cartoon from the 90s, that piece of shit was horrible.



8. ASTRO CITY

Kurt Busiek made a name for himself telling a larger than life superhero story from the point of view of an average joe with Alex Ross on “Marvels” for Marvel in the early 90s, which set the stage for what they would conjure up with “Astro City”. Along with artist Brent Anderson, the trio managed to create an intricately designed world with a huge cast of characters. All this makes for some truly epic and grandiose storytelling that’s truly a sight to behold. Between all that and the numerous nods to comic book legend Jack Kirby, and you have something really, really special here.




7. INVINCIBLE

Before Robert Kirkman set the comic book world on fire with “The Walking Dead”, he crafted “Invincible”. An ongoing series that revolves around a teenager discovering that he is the son of the world’s greatest superhero, “Invincible” features more shocking and surprisingly poignant moments that have made it such an addictive read since it was first published. That, and the fact that Kirkman’s twists come so far out of left field that you’ll be hooked from the beginning and salivating to see what happens next.




6. CHEW

A ghastly and original series from writer John Layman and artist Rob Guillory, “Chew” follows the adventures of FDA agent Tony Chu, who has the unique talent of getting a psychic impression off of anything he eats. And it isn’t just food that he finds himself chewing on either… A nasty and innovative series, “Chew” is a darkly hilarious blast that definitely isn’t for everyone. It’s insanely enjoyable however and more than worth you giving it a try.




5. THE DARKNESS

One of the most infamous titles to come out of the Image stable (and is a spin-off of “Witchblade”, another famous Image title), “The Darkness” is as brutal and unforgiving as one can possibly imagine. Revolving around mob hitman Jackie Estacado, who becomes endowed with the power of the otherworldly beings known as “darklings” to reign hell down on all those that oppose him. Frequently crossing over with “Witchblade” and other Image titles, “The Darkness” just recently celebrated a milestone in comics form, as well as hit video game adaptations. Even though it’s whole run has been a bit uneven at times, “The Darkness” remains one of the best titles to come out of Image ever.




4. THE MAXX

Created by Sam Kieth, “The Maxx” is as prolific and revolutionary as it is just plain mind boggling. A semi-satire on superheroes and the like, “The Maxx” revolves around a social worker named Julie and a mysterious, costumed homeless man called the Maxx. Both people are linked by tragic events, and forever destined to roam the “outback” together: a mystical plane of existence. Spawning an animated series on MTV in the mid 90s, “The Maxx” is a haunting and strangely beautiful series that pushed the limits of mainstream comics and became startlingly poignant as it wound to a close. If you’ve never read any of “The Maxx”, you need to immediately.




3. THE WALKING DEAD

Chances are, you already know a lot about “The Walking Dead”. Now a hit TV series on AMC, Robert Kirkman’s original comic book made so much noise upon its inception that it has forever left its mark on the comic book industry. A zombie-filled tale of survival that never ends, the story focuses on Georgia cop Rick Grimes as he eventually re-unites with his family and other survivors as they make their trek through zombie-riddled post-apocalyptic America. Keeping true with the Romero-crafted classic zombie films, the worst things to encounter in this world aren’t the flesh-eating undead, but the human survivors who have changed for the worse in this new world. Filled with twists, turns, unexpected deaths, and one of the absolute best villains to ever grace the pages of a comic book in The Governor, “The Walking Dead” has remained one of the best comic books to ever see the light of day.




2. THE NIGHTLY NEWS

Written and drawn by Jonathan Hickman, “The Nightly News” is a part satire, part espionage, part pure-fucked-up-ness look at the effect the American news media has on us all. A group of people that could be looked at as no more than being terrorists wages an all out war on the news media in an effort to get the rest of us to truly “wake up” as to what’s really going on around us, and the end results are shockingly terrifying. Made all the more magnificent by Hickman’s unique art and design structure, “The Nightly News” was such a critical hit that it made Hickman an overnight sensation, and pretty much got him the job with Marvel Comics he has now breathing new life into the Fantastic Four. Do yourself a favor and pick this up, you won’t regret it.




1. WANTED

There’s not much about “Wanted” that hasn’t been said already, except for the fact that you should forget the action blockbuster abortion starring Angelina Jolie ever happened. Written by Mark Millar and drawn by J.G. Jones, “Wanted” tells the story of a young man named Wesley, stuck in a dead-end job with a cheating girlfriend, and basically an all-around loser. That is until the day he learns he is the son of The Killer, the world’s greatest supervillain, and that superheroes and supervillains once existed, only that the villains won and wiped the memory of both parties ever existing from the minds of every person on the planet. Per his late father’s wishes, Wesley begins training to be the greatest supervillain there will ever be, granted the freedom to do whatever he wants in the process. An adolescent super-fantasy, “Wanted” is a bloody blast of spectacular proportions. It’s unapologetic, nasty, and more nihilistic than anything you’ll ever read. That and the final line of dialogue in the series may be the greatest ending quote in the history of a comic book ever.




Well, that’s it folks. Image Comics fans may notice that there are a handful of more famous titles I left off of here, most notably “Youngblood” (which is flat out horrible) and “Witchblade” (which I always found overrated). That aside though, these are the best things Image has ever published in my humble opinion, and they all deserve your time and attention.



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