REST IN PEACE STEVE DILLON

News broke yesterday that British comic book artist Steve Dillon passed away suddenly at the age of 54 in New York City. The news certainly came as a shock to the comic world, and definitely came as a major shock to me personally. The artwork of Steve Dillon has meant a lot to me over the years, and it wouldn't be out of line to call his work iconic.

I first got a taste of Dillon's artwork when I discovered the Vertigo books Hellblazer and in particular Preacher. I had taken a lot of time away from comics in my teens, mostly because I was sick of superheroes and the same old shit issue after issue. I discovered Preacher first, and thanks to Garth Ennis' maniacal storytelling combined with Dillon's blend of gritty realism and cartoonish mayhem helped make Preacher one of my all time favorite comic books in the history of fucking ever.

His earlier work on Hellblazer, also with Ennis (who was a frequent collaborator), was just as special. I knew about the series and John Constantine previously, but I had never paid it much mind until I got my hands on Ennis and Dillon's work. So I guess I have Dillon to thank for getting me into what turned out to be probably my all time favorite comic book character as well now that I think about it.

I stuck with Ennis and Dillon when they rebooted The Punisher for Marvel years later, a character that Dillon would often find himself drawing and working on even if Ennis wouldn't be involved in it in a number of various series'. Over the years, Dillon would do a lot of Marvel work, including Wolverine Origins, Bullseye: Greatest Hits, Daredevil VS Bullseye, Ultimate X-Men, Thunderbolts, and more. Before that, Dillon cut his teeth on a number of well-known British comics, most notably Doctor Who Magazine and 2000 A.D. (the Judge Dredd-starring magazine), as well as Warrior and Rogue Trooper.

Rest in peace Steve Dillon, you will be missed.

People Hate "X-Men: Apocalypse" For No Real Reason

"X-Men: Apocalypse" came out last weekend, to a surprising amount of middling reviews from critics and audiences alike. Some of it isn't much of a surprise in all honesty (the X-Men movies have usually wavered in quality ranging from "pretty good" to "pure shit"), but I didn't think "X-Men: Apocalypse" was all that bad. Actually, I thought it was pretty good. It wasn't anything too special, and it wasn't better than the preceding "X-Men: Days of Future Past", but it was pretty good regardless.

Now, in case you haven't noticed by now, it seems any comic book movie not directly from Marvel Studios (yes I know, X-Men is Marvel, but Fox owns the film rights, as they do with Fantastic Four) gets destroyed by critics. How well it does box office-wise is a different story, but critically these movies get savaged. Don't believe me? Look at Rotten Tomatoes; and while you're there, look at the scores for recent Marvel flicks like "Civil War" and "Ant-Man". There's a damn huge difference.

Saying that there's not some kind of bias with critics for anything non-Marvel is saying it lightly. It exists, and we all know it. I watch Marvel movies, and I watch the non-Marvel Studios-produced flicks as well (except Fantastic Four, because I have no desire to whatsoever and never really have). One thing I can tell you is that with "X-Men: Apocalypse", I never felt bored. The stakes legitimately felt high in terms of its story, even if there are plot holes aplenty and non-sensical leaps in logic abound. "Civil War" had some fun moments, but given the gravity of the situation presented in the film's story, the stakes never felt high to me. That however is usually how I feel with all the Marvel movies: there are some genuine shattering events happening, and the stakes just never feel high. Because of that, more often than not, I just get bored to tears. You can shit all over films like "Man of Steel" and "Batman V Superman", but at least the stakes feel high in those films, and one thing they're definitely not is boring.

In terms of the "X-Men" movies though, "Apocalypse" is far from perfect, but it's far from being the piece of shit that everyone is labeling it. I saw some fanboy online saying it "sets superhero movies back 20 years". How do you figure? It does pretty much what every superhero movie does, and it's damn sure better than "X-Men: The Last Stand" or the first Wolverine movie. If X-Men's film rights were owned by Marvel Studios instead of Fox and this movie came out the way it did, everyone would be somehow praising it instead.

In the meantime for you Marvel fanboys that keep your assholes greased up nice for that big fat Marvel cock y'all can't keep off of, try giving something a chance, even if it isn't directly from the studio you all worship.

Rest in Peace Darwyn Cooke

We've lost Darwyn Cooke. If you're asking yourself who that is, prepare to be educated:

Darwyn Cooke was a comic book artist, known primarily for his work with DC Comics. He first came to my attention when "The New Frontier" series had originally launched. What attracted me to it was Cooke's distinct style: a pseudo-retro design for characters and panels that both at once combined elements of the Golden and Silver Ages of comics, as well as a modern take. His work was truly unique, and in all honesty, something that I was initially put off by. Over time though, Cooke's work grew on me quite a bit, and it wasn't long before I began tracking down as much of his work as I could.

He'd worked in animation (for the animated adaptations of Batman, Superman, and Batman Beyond) and did other comic work on series' and characters including Catwoman, The Spirit, Spider-Man, and more besides. Everything Cooke touched was a thing of beauty from a visual standpoint, and alas, he's been taken from us far, far too soon.

Rest in peace Darwyn Cooke. My thoughts and hopes go out to your family. Your work will live on forever though, of that there is no doubt.

Fuck cancer.

Real Thoughts on BATMAN V SUPERMAN

So, "Batman V Superman" finally came out, and as expected, audiences are pretty much polarized. What wasn't expected was all the hate seemingly being thrown at the film. Yes we get it: it's not a Marvel movie. It's dark, and gritty, and rarely holds back. It has a pair of balls on it the size of the fucking Statue of Liberty. Coming off of "Man of Steel", a film in which Superman killed Zod, we have a film with a brutal Batman and even features a dream sequence in which Batman kills people and Superman burns insurgents alive.

Yeah, this isn't a typical take on either character. You know what though? Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe it's just me, but I've grown kind of tired of the bubblegum, lightweight universe of the Marvel films. I'm not shitting on them, I've just gotten bored with them: in the end, they're all the same shit. "Age of Ultron", "Ant-Man", "Thor: The Dark World", and even "Guardians of the Galaxy" to a much lesser extent, all bored me to tears.

You can say whatever you want to about "Batman V Superman", but one thing it isn't is boring. It's not a perfect film by any stretch of the imagination. There's editing problems, big story problems, plot holes aplenty, and some big leaps in logic. That being said, it's still a live-action comic book brought to life, which is what these films are supposed to be in the first place. Ben Affleck is surprisingly wonderful as Batman, Jeremy Irons is awesome as Alfred, Jesse Eisenberg isn't too bad as Luthor, and when Gal Gadot's Wonder Woman first appears...well, I won't lie, I had a nerdgasm. Seeing Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman all on screen at the same time made me smile ear to ear. That in itself is an accomplishment.

So yeah, if you didn't like "Man of Steel", you won't like "Batman V Superman" one bit. If you did however like "Man of Steel"...you'll more than likely dig this more. Either way, don't believe all the haters. Check it out and see for yourself.

ANOTHER DC REBOOT????

So it's being said that DC Comics is doing another company-wide reboot pretty damn soon. Only difference between this reboot and the New 52 reboot from 2011 appears to be that this one is going to be focused more on characters and properties that are going to be heavily featured in movies and TV shows. So basically we'll be having a lot of titles focused on Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, various members of the Suicide Squad, and probably Green Arrow, Flash, etc.

So um...yeah. I don't really like this idea, any more than I did the idea of the New 52 reboot. Thankfully though for that we got some interesting stories and takes on Batman, Aquaman, Swamp Thing, Animal Man, Stormwatch, and more besides; so it wasn't all bad in retrospect. In fact, while a majority of the storytelling was "meh", you can't deny the ballsiness of it.

Now here's the thing, what DC is doing is getting shit on a lot...which isn't a surprise. DC usually always gets a lot of flack thrown at it, sometimes rightfully so, sometimes not. The joke of it all is that this is shit that Marvel has been doing forever, and no one ever shits on them, because they're Marvel. Don't believe me? Well, let's think about it for a second: anytime a Marvel movie has been a hit, Marvel has either retconned characters or flat out rebooted them to streamline with their film counterparts:

Blade (yes, Blade) was never a half-human/half vamp "daywalker". He was a fairly normal dude. That shitty 90s "Spider-Man" cartoon first presented him as the Blade we all know now before the Wesley Snipes films did.

Ever since the first "X-Men" movie in 2000, Wolverine is frequently drawn to resemble Hugh Jackman more than any other physical incarnation he had before anyone ever knew who the fuck Hugh Jackman was.

Nick Fury (the white one) all of the sudden has a never-before mentioned son of African-American descent (and ends up losing an eye) that subsequently takes over SHIELD and the original Fury is written out of the Marvel universe in a non-sensical crossover where The Watcher was assassinated for...reasons.

There's more besides all that, but I stopped reading mainstream Marvel and DC comics quite some time ago. Why? Because the kind of innovative and mostly stand-alone storytelling that I fell in love with from guys like Walter Simonson, Grant Morrison, Frank Miller, and more besides, was being phased out of mainstream comics in favor of streamlined storyarcs that never end and just written to sell more books.

Selling more books is the key after all, which is fine, because the comic book industry is a finicky one and even though it has endured for so long, it still ends up needing a kick in the ass every so often to keep itself afloat. The sales of these mainstream comics are the main source of that for the most part, and are also the most exhausted of ideas and innovation. It's a weird fucking balance, but that's pretty much how it's always been.

So yeah, DC gets shit on, Marvel doesn't. It's the same as it ever was, and that's probably how it'll always be too. The reasons why on that is something I've touched on before, and something I'll probably touch on again at some point down the road.

Now go read some goddamned indie comics.

Superhero Movies Are Boring Me to Tears

Once upon a time, superhero movies were two things: rare, and rarely good. You'd never know that today though. It feels like there's a new one coming out every month or so. Most of them are pretty high quality too in terms of budget and production, which is a far cry from how shit used to be back in the day. The Marvel movies in particular always seem to have super production values and are wonderfully polished, etc. That's why they make a shitload of cash in theaters after all...because they're pretty, they're from Marvel, and they're the cool thing for now...

...and they have bored the hell out of me lately.

There used to be a time when I ate this shit up like it was fucking opium-flavored cereal, but that time is long gone. Case in point: I watched "Avengers: Age of Ultron" last night and I was bored to tears. I'm not saying it's a bad movie or anything, because it certainly isn't. There's nothing bad about it in all honesty, it's just that I was flat out bored. How could I be bored about all the action and mayhem happening on screen? Well, it's the same problem that most, if not all, of the Marvel movies have: the stakes never seem all that high. Even though the climax of every single Marvel movie is a goddamn massive battle of some sort, it never feels like there's some massive shit happening that's going to have massive ramifications.

Now to explain another point, look at "Man of Steel", and no, I'm not saying DC movies are better than Marvel, so don't get your fanboy panties in a bunch. Anyway, despite its flaws, "Man of Steel" felt like the stakes were extremely high, with half of a city being obliterated and thousands of people meeting their end as two superhumans battled each other. In real life, if such beings existed and duked it out, this is what it would be like (granted if this works for being a Superman story is another entry for another day, but I digress). We feel invested because this is some major world-shattering shit happening that will end up having major ramifications down the road. With the Marvel movies, we all know they're gearing towards Thanos and all that, which is all well and good and I'm excited to see that, because finally it'll be a Marvel movie with some major stakes on the line.

And speaking of Thanos, maybe the reason it never feels like there are major stakes is because we know he is where all the Marvel flicks lead, so nothing else will come close to matching him? Or, maybe it's because every time Marvel looks like they're going to kill off a character (Fury, Coulson), they bring them back in a dumb ass way (they're not really dead). I mean that's not a surprise since that's been Marvel's calling card in comics for decades (anyone who dies isn't really dead), whereas in DC when they off a character, they are deader than shit and actually get resurrected.

Regardless, it all boils down to personal preference I guess. I just wish this shit didn't bore me so much nowadays. There was a time when I loved everything about superheroes and comic books, etc. Maybe I finally grew up in my 30s?

Nah, growing up is for pussies.

As you're reading this, I'm literally sitting in my recliner typing this, eating Count Chocula and watching "Rocco's Modern Life". Fuck the world.

10 Years of "Batman Begins"

It’s really hard to believe that it’s been a decade since Christopher Nolan’s “Batman Begins” hit theaters. The first big-screen take on Batman since 1997’s cinematic abortion “Batman & Robin” had a lot to fulfill for fanboys and regular moviegoers alike, especially considering what all had come before it. Tim Burton’s 1989 “Batman” is still considered the definitive take on the character, and while it still is for me to a degree, there’s something about “Batman Begins” that ever so slightly edges it out.

Gone was the gothic atmosphere and art deco set design. In its place was a sense of realism that a Batman movie had never had before. Looking back, this was for the best, especially considering the ridiculousness of “Batman Forever” and “Batman & Robin”. We were given a suit and gadgets that were based on military technology, adding to the realistic tone, and it worked. Nearly everything in the film worked…except for the twist of the real Ra’s Al Ghul (I saw that coming a mile away when I first laid eyes on Liam Neeson, it’s the beard man). That aside, this was the best modern take on Batman that we could have hoped for thus far.

Speaking of Ra’s, the other thing that “Batman Begins” did really well was present us two iconic villains that had never been on film before with him and The Scarecrow, and it did it in a realistic and believable way. Granted that Scarecrow’s exit from the film is abrupt and Batman’s final showdown with Ra’s I always found to be a bit underwhelming, but that’s beside the point. For a majority of the film’s two and a half hour running time, it doesn’t relent much, and that’s a good thing.

The casting is mostly good. Say what you will about Christian Bale overdoing the voice, because he does, but he’s a believable Batman in terms of sheer physicality. Katie Holmes sucks; we all already knew that, but Michael Caine, Gary Oldman, Neeson, and Cillian Murphy are pitch perfect as Alfred, Gordon, Ra’s, and Scarecrow respectively. We couldn’t have asked for better casting choices for any of them.

Now granted, I do tend to enjoy “The Dark Knight” more than “Batman Begins”, mainly because of Heath Ledger’s timeless take as Joker, but looking back on it; “Batman Begins” is the superior film, only by a hair. It’s the perfect superhero origin story on film, and it hits all the main points without it being overblown or missing the mark. “Iron Man” comes close as being a perfect take on a cinematic origin, but “Batman Begins” tops it with its villains and overall sense of realism.

I could keep singing its praises, but most of you already know how great “Batman Begins” is already. Nolan’s trilogy is a whole is still the best live-action representation of Batman to this day, even if “The Dark Knight Rises” falters to the point of close to mediocrity. If you’ve never seen it for some reason, you need to. “Batman Begins” is the best pure origin story of a superhero on film, and remains one of the greatest comic book film adaptations of all time.

Top 10 Most Horrifying Comic Book Villains

Comic book super villains by nature are frightening. They do bad things, hurt people, and generally stand for the polar opposite ideals that super heroes do. As fearsome as some villains can be, there's a select few that aren't just scary or frightening, but are totally fucking terrifying. Their villainous intentions aren't just to take over the world or rob banks or anything super predictable...and that in itself is a cause for concern. Their intentions are mayhem, chaos, or are just sheerly unpredictable; which is what sets them apart from their ilk the most.

So, this clusterfuck of a list is all about the most horrifying villains in comic books. Nothing is off limits in terms of titles the characters are from, but I will admit that this list wasn't easy one fucking bit to put together. Granted you can probably guess pretty easily who takes the number one spot here, but a decent amount of the rest of the lineup here was hard to put together. That aside, there were a few characters that didn't make the final cut, including Omni-Man, Darkseid, Doctor Destiny, Venom, Malebolgia, Mr. Sinister, The First of the Fallen, Mephisto, Clayface, Dollmaker, The Ventriloquist, Killer Croc, and The Saint of Killers; so consider them the honorable mentions.

Anyway, let's get on with this shit...



10. CLOWN/THE VIOLATOR ("Spawn" - Image)

This character hasn't aged all that well since the early 90s admittedly, but the overall character design of Clown, and his demonic form Violator, can still be scary as shit when done correctly. A demon who is originally tasked with guiding new Hellspawn's to fulfill the will of the devil, Clown/Violator usually has his own agendas, which mostly involve death, murder, chaos, and destruction. Not to mention the fact that no matter how many times he's killed, he always comes back. I know no one ever stays dead in comics forever, but Clown/Violator always comes back stronger than ever...much like someone else on this list we'll get to shortly.



9. MARIE L'ANGELLE ("Preacher" - Vertigo)

The wheelchair-bound grandmother of series protagonist Jesse Custer, Marie L'Angelle is a Christian fanatic that had Jesse's father murdered, forced Jesse to be a preacher, and kept doing everything she could to control and ruin his life, and the lives of anyone associated with him. What makes this old cunt truly terrifying is that she believes what she is doing is true and just and in the name of God. Her "family" muscle which includes the cunning Jody and backwoods stick-his-dick-in-anything-with-a-pulse T.C. are almost as terrifying on their own, but since they both answer to Marie, that in itself proves how powerful and frightening this bitch can be.



8. TOYO HARADA ("Harbinger" - Valiant)

Now I know what you're thinking. "Who the fuck is Toyo Harada and what the fuck is Valiant Comics?" Well kids, Valiant was a comic company I remember fondly from my youth that was once operated by former Marvel EIC Jim Shooter, and as a company they managed to produce some quality work before being purchased by now defunct video game company Acclaim. Eventually the line as a whole was gone for good, until a couple years back when they came roaring back with new and amazing takes on all their original properties. One of those properties was "Harbinger": an ongoing title about teenagers with super powers that were targeted by a man named Toyo Harada. Harada is a CEO that also happens to be the most powerful telekinetic in the world. His powers are so vast and limitless that he has managed to convince the world he's a philanthropist, while he's been assembling an army of people that have similar powers. What makes Harada terrifying is that underneath his ice-cool exterior, he is totally fucking unhinged. The few Harbingers that oppose Harada are pretty much terrified of him, and the sheer uncertainty of how powerful his abilities are...and how badly he can hurt them. Seriously, no one fucks with this guy for good reason.



7. THE HOMELANDER/BLACK NOIR ("The Boys" - Dynamite)

Garth Ennis and Darick Robertson's super twisted versions of Superman and Batman, The Homelander and Black Noir are the most powerful superhumans on the planet and leaders of this bizarro take on the Justice League known as The Seven...and they're totally fucking psychotic. An extreme megalomaniac, The Homelander is a mass murderer, rapist, and isn't above necrophilia and cannibalism...or is he? Throughout a majority of "The Boys", The Homelander is portrayed as the ultimate antagonist, until it's revealed that Black Noir is the true villain who has committed atrocity after atrocity in his name, because he is his secret clone. Yeah, it sounds complicated, but there's scenes in "The Boys" involving both characters that are just so fucking horrifying that it's hard to put into words. It was a tossup between these guys and Omni-Man from Robert Kirkman's "Invincible", but in the end, Homelander and Black Noir won out, just because of the impact they had on me personally. That, and I enjoyed "The Boys" much more than I ever did "Invincible", but that's a whole different story.



6. PROFESSOR PYG ("Batman" - DC)

A fairly recent addition to Batman's gigantic rogue's gallery, Professor Pyg is truly a sick, demented, fuck. Pyg, along with his Circus of Strange, want to make people "perfect", which usually involves lobotomizing them and using them as his slaves after grafting pig-masks onto their faces. Definitely the most grotesque Batman villain to come along in some time, Professor Pyg may lack in being a non-supernatural foe, but he makes up for it in his sheer brutality and the nature of his crimes. That, and that mask he wears is creepy by itself no matter what.



5. SOLOMON GRUNDY (DC Universe)

One of the earliest depictions of a zombie in comic book history, Solomon Grundy was originally a villain for Green Lantern Alan Scott, before eventually becoming a major villain for Superman, Batman, and the Justice League as a whole. No matter what version of Grundy we're talking about, they always have one thing in common: he's already dead, he always comes back, and he's immensely powerful. The character has gained a lot of love over the past few years, and has thus become one of the most recognizable character in the DC Universe as a whole.



4. JUDGE DEATH ("2000 A.D.")

The arch-nemesis of Judge Dredd and leader of the Dark Judges, Judge Death is the embodiment of death itself. Coming from an alternate dimension called Deadworld, Judge Death dispenses justice like no one else: he reasons that since only the living commit crimes, life itself is a crime...hence all life must perish. After crossing dimensions and running into Dredd, Judge Death has gone on numerous massacres, had his body destroyed, and returned time and time again to wreck more havoc for the denizens of Mega City One. His body is indestructible, since he mostly inhabits the dead, rotting husks of the deceased...and just like a number of the previous entries on this list, he always comes back. Judge Death is unadulterated evil, and one of the most iconic villains in comics.



3. THE SCARECROW ("Batman" - DC)

One of Batman's most iconic villains, Dr. Jonathan Crane, aka The Scarecrow, is also one of his most terrifying. Besides his scarier than shit costumes and looks through the years, what sets Scarecrow apart is his use of his patented fear toxin, which can infest and cause its victims to hallucinate and experience their deepest fears, sometimes to the point of death. Depending on the artist, Scarecrow's appearance can range from kinda corny to flat out so scary you shit yourself, particularly his appearance in the 2009 "Batman: Arkham Asylum" video game. While it's rare that the character gets the justice done to him in terms of usage in Batman's rogues gallery, there's no denying his place as one of the most iconic horrifying villains around.



2. THE GOVERNOR ("The Walking Dead" - Image)

Forget anything and everything you know about The Governor if your only exposure to him was the TV show adaptation of "The Walking Dead". That take on the character was presented in a much more sympathetic, and slightly less psychotic, way than he ever was in comic book form. The first true "big bad" encountered by Rick Grimes and his crew of survivors, The Governor is the brutal and insane leader of Woodbury, who initially comes off as a charismatic and strong-willed leader...until it's revealed just how much of a sick fuck he truly is. Joyfully raping and torturing anyone that crosses his path, with a room full of fish tanks containing the severed heads of the undead, and keeping his zombified daughter/niece (don't ask, his origin is a bit...weird, thanks comic books and novel tie-in) on a chain; The Governor will do anything it takes to get what he wants, and his manipulation of his followers makes him even more of a terrifying threat.



1. THE JOKER ("Batman" - DC)

You didn't really think it'd be anyone else did you? No matter what iteration of the Joker we talk about, he's scary as fuck. Whether it's because you may have a fear of clowns or just that creepy fucking smile, there's always been something just a tad unsettling about the character, even in his most light-hearted of versions. At his worst, Joker is a psychopathic murderer that is obsessed with his arch-nemesis Batman, and does everything he possibly can to bring out the worst in the Caped Crusader, whether it be from murdering innocent people, bringing Gotham City to its knees, or striking close to home by going after those close to Batman. The psychotic laughs, the Joker-gas, the fact that Joker may be either totally insane or perhaps have a form of "super-sanity" (thanks Grant Morrison) all amounts to the Joker being the most terrifying villain in all of comic books. I could go on and on about him, but it wouldn't be anything that any of you don't already know as it is.



Well, that's my top 10 horrifying comic book villains. What'd you think? Agree? Hate my guts? Either way, hope you got some enjoyment out of it...and if you didn't, I'll kill you.

The Deadpool Movie Might Be Good...Maybe...Probably...???

Everyone seems to be in the camp of “OMG the “Deadpool” movie is gonna be so fucking amazing!” Fans have good reason to be optimistic about this X-Men-related film…while I tend to be cautiously optimistic about it. My reasons being that the character itself, and the actor playing him, causes a bit of a concern.

Now before you all jump down my throat about it, let’s look at a few things. The character of Deadpool himself, when written and used correctly, is a great character. When he’s written poorly, well…he’s just another annoyingly talky and confusing amalgamation of ideas from the 80s/90s era that hasn’t aged all that well. Don’t get me wrong, there’s been comic book writers like Daniel Way, Fabian Nicieza, and Rick Remender that have totally nailed what the character is all about, but for as many writers that “get” Deadpool, there’s an equal amount that don’t. Combine that with a screenwriter that may or may not “get” the character, and that doesn’t sound too well and good does it?

Next is the actor playing him. I have a dislike for Ryan Reynolds for a lot of reasons, but mostly because he’s a one trick pony. Any movie I see him in, no matter who he’s playing, he’s Ryan Reynolds. He never comes off as believable in anything to me…like ever. He’s good comic relief in a supporting role, but as a lead…meh. Remember the “Green Lantern” movie? Now granted that whole abortion wasn’t totally his fault, but he didn’t help matters either. How many shitty X-Men movies have there been now? With every shitty one, we always shit all over it, but we never shit on the performance of say, Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. Why? Because no matter how bad the movie is, he’s still great in the role. “Green Lantern” was a shit movie, helped made shittier by Reynolds’ performance as Hal Jordan. Now maybe it’s a bad comparison because Hal definitely isn’t the smart ass motormouth that Deadpool is, but it doesn’t change the fact that there are plenty of other candidates for the role that could have been better. How about Sam Rockwell as Deadpool? That would be tits.

One good thing about “Deadpool” that compared to other X-Men movies, the film is fairly low budget. That’s a good sign that Fox won’t interfere with it like they have with the other X-Men flicks in the past. Remember: the bigger the budget, the more a major studio will interfere with it. So that in itself is a good sign. What isn’t a good sign to me is his costume. Now I know, “it looks just like it does in the comics”, and yes it certainly does…which to me is why it looks like an above average cosplay. The suit just looks too, for lack of a better word, fake to me. This is really only a minor complaint honestly, since there will probably be some post-production trickery done with it, which tends to happen with movies like this all the time.

Now I’m not forecasting all doom and gloom here about “Deadpool”. After that test footage was “leaked” a while back that got this whole ball rolling (finally), I was happy to hear that it was happening, R rating or not. If the film has the right talent behind the camera (which it might, it might not, it’s honestly too soon to tell), it might be really fucking good.

If it doesn’t, it’ll be another shitty comic book to film adaptation in Ryan Reynolds’ filmography that also includes “Green Lantern”, “Blade: Trinity”, “R.I.P.D.”, and “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”. I think I missed one or two others, but I’m too lazy to look it up on IMDB, so fuck it.

Here’s hoping I’m wrong.

What's With All the "Fantastic Four" Hate?

It seems like the amount of hate that this new, rebooted "Fantastic Four" movie is getting is unprecedented. I've honestly never seen or heard so much geek anger directed at a movie like this...well, I think ever. Why though? Are there people that consider the FF films that came out a decade ago classics? Hardly. That being said, getting to the bottom of the pissing and moaning about the new FF movie makes for some interesting discoveries.

First and foremost, the news that came out during pre-production that the film's director told his cast not to bother reading any FF comics for research. Then there was news that Dr. Doom would be a lame blogger. Then there was news that they were changing the race of the Human Torch from Caucasian to black. And blah, blah, blah. For months, people have been bitching, which they are well-within their rights to do, but everything I just listed seems to be what people are bitching about the most. My only question about all that is one thing:

So what?

I mean don't get me wrong, the movie will probably be a piece of shit (but in all reality, can it really be any fucking worse than the two cinematic abortions that came out last decade?), but if it is, it won't be because of all that. With those changes in mind, let's look at the Marvel Cinematic Universe. One of the main reasons the fanboys have been crying is because the film rights to the Fantastic Four are still owned by Fox (which also owns the film rights for X-Men and has for a very long time) and thus you will not see them teamed up with Iron Man, Captain America, etc. That in itself has plenty to do with sending fanboys into fits, but it isn't the core truth. The core truth of the matter as to why people are pissing on FF is because they have become so blinded to the idea that Marvel can do no wrong that they don't want to see any other studio take on a Marvel property.

Now why have people become so enamored with everything Marvel like never before? Well, they've made a fuck-ton of money and managed to successfully craft a shared movie universe without it becoming too stale. It's impressive no doubt, but in the years since 2008's "Iron Man", which started the whole thing, people go nuts over anything Marvel-related...to a fault. For example: there's a super amount of people that think "Iron Man 2" was perfect and "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D." is the best show on TV. Does that sound like anyone you'd actually want to have a conversation with about anything? Fuck no.

What I'm getting at here (or trying to) is that Marvel made a lot of changes in their films like the new FF movie is doing, and every single fanboy applauded them. Make Nick Fury black? Sure! (and yes, I know his race was changed in Mark Millar's "Ultimates" series in the early 2000s, doesn't change matters here). Make a character that had a one panel appearance into a major super villain(Killian in "Iron Man 3") while introducing a big twist? Ok awesome! (mostly). Take a bunch of D-list characters with sketchy backgrounds and throw them into a blender in an outer-space odyssey that bears damn little to nearly anything they've done in comics prior? OMG MARVEL YOU'RE SO BRILLIANT!

Now please don't get me wrong, most of the Marvel movies have been super enjoyable...just not the greatest things in the history of mankind like most of the fanboys would have you believe. Here's a quick list of them all:

"Iron Man"? Great.

"Incredible Hulk"? Underrated.

"Iron Man 2"? Nothing more than a springboard for introducing other characters.

"Thor"? Enjoyable

"Captain America: The First Avenger"? Wonderful

"Avengers"? Mega-enjoyable, but nowhere near the perfect superhero movie that everyone thought it was.

"Iron Man 3"? Received a fair amount of flack for its twist, but eventually almost universally applauded, even though it took a major villain and made him a red herring alcoholic character actor.

"Thor: The Dark World"? Yawn-inducing.

"Captain America: The Winter Soldier"? The best Marvel movie yet, because it doesn't feel like a Marvel movie.

"Guardians of the Galaxy"? Immensely enjoyable, but definitely not the masterpiece that everyone was raving about FOR MONTHS.



The point is all these Marvel films made their own changes to comic book canon, and were practically all universally praised for it...because they come from Marvel's film division. Fox's "Fantastic Four" makes similar changes, and gets shit thrown at it...because it isn't from Marvel. If it was a Marvel Films Production, everyone would be saying how smart these changes are and come up with reasoning probably using the words and phrases like "modernizing" and "making it all more relatable to the audience" or some bullshit.

In your heart of hearts, you all know that this is all true. Don't deny it.



And yeah, like I said before, no matter what "Fantastic Four" will more than likely blow ass...but I hope it makes a shit load of money, just so the fanboys can keep crying. Their tears give me power and strength.

The Belated "Man of Steel" Review

It's been a while since the last time we had a Superman movie, namely 2006's underwhelming "Superman Returns". In that movie, we got a Superman take that did little more than jerk off the legacy of Richard Donner's classic film of the 70s as well as present to us a Superman that was more of a wanky emo brooder turned Super-stalker. Needless to say, not many liked it, and Warner Bros. and DC decided that rebooting it was the best course of action.

Fast forward to 2013, and here we are with "Man of Steel": a more modern take on the classic superhero as envisioned by director Zack Snyder ("300", "Watchmen") and producer Christopher Nolan. Now without further adieu, here comes my belated review of "Man of Steel", so strap yourselves in assholes.

Be warned, spoilers aplenty are ahead:



"Man of Steel" presents a much harder look at the Superman mythos than has ever been presented in film form before. It also packs some of the most unbelievable wanton acts of destruction to probably ever be seen in a summer blockbuster or "disaster porn" film. Seriously. Metropolis gets obliterated so much that it's amazing there's anything left of it. In those regards, the action sequences are brilliant and the wanton acts of destruction are set pieces that I personally have always wanted to see in a Superman film.

The casting and characterizations are mostly well done as well. While main star Henry Cavill didn't leave the lasting impression on me that someone that plays Superman rightfully should be able to do, the rest of the principal cast was mostly great, in particular Russell Crowe as Jor-El. Even Kevin Costner as Supes' earthbound Papa Kent does great in limited screen time, but it's Michael Shannon that really stole the show for me as General Zod. He isn't Terrance Stamp, and who could be, but he leaves a lasting impression. I also enjoyed Amy Adams as Lois Lane and Laurence Fishburne as Perry White (irony!).

Now, here's what so many fans have been having a shit-fit about: the ending. Yes, Superman kills Zod in the film's conclusion. He breaks his neck like a twig to stop Zod from killing more innocent civilians and screams in sorrow at what he's been forced to do. Now I know what you're thinking because I thought the same exact fucking thing when I saw it happen on the big screen: since when the fuck does Superman kill? In retrospect, the idea itself is infuriating, because if it's one thing that Superman stories have been telling us SINCE THE FUCKING 1930s is that Superman always finds another way to save the day. Superman is supposed to represent the best in humanity and put himself over the law...or something. Well, here he broke Zod's neck.

Now, looking back on it, while seeing that bothered the shit out of me, I think I understand why Snyder, Nolan, and screenwriter David Goyer went down this route. Maybe since this was an origin story, they're going to use Superman killing Zod as a benchmark for future events, as to something that Superman can never, ever bring himself to do again, and this is the beginning of Supes deciding to "find a better way" to save the day without having blood on his hands.

That, or maybe film executives still don't get Superman after all these years.

Either way, regardless of its flaws, I enjoyed "Man of Steel" for what it's worth, even more so than I enjoyed "Avengers" or most of the Marvel movies since 2008. That's right, I said it. And since its huge opening weekend, Warner is fast-tracking a "Man of Steel" sequel to lead into an eventual "Justice League" movie. Part of me wants to see that all happen, and part of me doesn't, only because it would never be quite as huge as "Avengers". "Avengers" has the monopoly on safe, family-driven popcorn entertainment that's fairly okay for kids, while DC's properties seem to be going in a darker direction (which I love) that looks like it'll eventually lead into making kids shit themselves.

In 3-D.

Anyway, go check out "Man of Steel", fuck the haters.

Disney Owns Star Wars...and You.

George Lucas sold the rights to everything Star Wars-related to Disney for 4 billion dollars. Let that sink in folks. Disney now owns Star Wars. Know what else Disney owns? Marvel Comics. And you know what else Disney owns? Your fucking soul. Well not really, but they will, because they're fucking Disney.

When news about Lucas' sale hit, at first I was flabbergasted at the fact that Disney now owns so much shit that has meant so much to me since I was a kid that it's becoming harder and harder to fathom at just what else Disney is going to own down the line. Then again, it wasn't the sale itself that brought my piss to a boil, it was the announcement that Disney plans on creating a new trilogy of Star Wars films that pick up where "Return of the Jedi" left off. Scores of nerds across the planet couldn't stop theorizing as to what they would use as a basis to continue the story. Would it be the various novels that are kind of considered canon? Or the "Dark Empire" graphic novels? Or something else entirely original? Who the fuck knows?

Part of me is hopeful at the prospect of new sequels, because it would give a whole new generation of filmmakers and writers a new chance to make Star Wars fresh again without George Lucas' complete input, and after the prequels, I'd be more than happy to see official Star Wars films that he isn't sitting in the director's chair for. On the other hand, the other part of me doesn't give two fucking shits about more Star Wars films. As far as I'm concerned, the real Star Wars trilogy ended in 1983, the prequels don't count; so leave it the fuck alone for Christ's sake.

And then, the nerd comes out in me when I think that not only could Disney characters appear in a Star Wars film, but so could Marvel ones as well. Contemplate the idea that theoretically speaking The Punisher could blow Jar Jar Binks' brains out. Thor could curbstomp Boba Fett. Blob (the X-Men villain) and Jabba the Hutt could fuck each other's brains out. Oh, and Scrooge McDuck gets to watch and throws shit-tons of coins on their fat naked bodies and ups the ante by making them go ass to mouth.

That was foul, I apologize.

Anyway, you all see what I'm getting at here. Disney owning Star Wars just means finding new ways to pimp out the franchise for all its worth, which is saying something considering that Lucas has milked the shit out of it since 1977 onward and turned it into a multi-billion dollar industry. But making new Star Wars films every two to three years? Really? Who's gonna play Luke Skywalker? Mark Hamill is too damn old to continue the series right where it left off, so who the hell are they gonna get, Justin Bieber? While we're at it, why don't we cast Zac Efron as Han Solo and Vanessa Hudgens as Princess Leia, since Harrison Ford hasn't given two shits about Star Wars since the 80s and Carrie Fisher wouldn't dare put on the slave bikini unless we were making a horror movie here. Come to think of it, let's cast Ron Jeremy as Chewie. He doesn't really need the fur costume and his dick can make the Chewie roar. Plus throw Chris Tucker in there as Lando while we're at it, because I'd actually pay good cash to see that shit happen. Oh yeah, wait and see how many of those casting choices actually wind up coming true, somebody's gonna owe me money here.

So before long, expect a whole new wave of Star Wars-related movies, TV shows, animated series, comic books, toys, merchandise, and tons tons more, because if it's one thing Disney can do, it's milk the ever-loving shit out of something for all that it's worth.

May the Force be with you...in your pants.

THE AVENGERS Review!

WARNING! SPOILERS AHEAD, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!



The wait is finally over, and “The Avengers” has been unleashed upon the masses to record-setting box-office returns. After finally getting around to seeing it, I can safely say that it’s undoubtedly one of the best comic book/superhero movies of all time, and certainly the best “team” movie of all time to boot. That being said, it isn’t without its flaws in the least, so let’s go diving in head first and see what it’s all about here.

First off, getting Joss Whedon to write and direct “The Avengers” was a stroke of genius. His time writing the “Astonishing X-Men” comic series was the best handling the X-Men had gotten in ages, and makes me yearn for a Whedon-directed X-Men film so much it hurts my balls just thinking about it. He manages to juggle a roster of iconic and lesser-known characters without a majority of them feeling short-changed (except for Hawkeye, but mostly because he spends the first chunk of the movie possessed by Loki) and just seeing Captain America, Iron Man, and Thor all together on the big screen makes me feel like I’m 8 years old all over again.

The casting of the film is a mixed bag. I know we’ve seen all these guys already beforehand, but seeing them come together here really displays the flaws here in terms of the cast, namely Scarlett Johanssen as Black Widow. She doesn’t come off as that strong badass chick here like she did in “Iron Man 2”. Granted that she has her share of badass moments (namely the interrogation with Loki) but by the time the final battle comes around, both she and Hawkeye just seem like they were shoehorned into the massive battle. If anything, I’d love to see her get replaced (and Black Widow as a whole actually) in future installments, namely by Ms. Marvel, because if it’s one thing this team needs, it’s a powerhouse superheroine.

As for the rest of the crew, the more I see of Chris Evans, the more convinced I am that he’s the perfect choice for Captain America. His new costume, not so much. It looks like he’s got a condom head, but hey, at least he doesn’t look too ridiculous (see the early 90s movie with the rubber fucking ears). Personally I loved his WWII garb from his movie last summer, maybe another variation of that would have been better suited, but hey, that’s just me. Robert Downey Jr and Chris Hemsworth as Iron Man and Thor respectively are great, but Mark Ruffalo surprisingly steals the show as Bruce Banner, and holy mother of fucking shit, the Hulk moments are so great that I nearly had an orgasm watching them unfold on the big screen.

As for the film itself, it was a wonderfully realized ultra-epic comic book adventure. One thing I noticed is a decent amount of backlash from comic book fans about stuff they consider “wrong” with it, but I’m not going to bother picking it apart. I could if I really wanted to, but god-fucking-damnit, I’m not going to. Why? Because it delivered the goods in terms of what I wanted to see: an ultra-epic presentation of Marvel’s greatest superheroes teaming up and going on a full-scale Earthbound-battle ground. I didn’t go as gaga over it as so many others have, but I thoroughly enjoyed it for what it is, and that’s all that really matters.

In terms of the eventual sequel, well, I’m looking more forward to that happening than I was to this film believe it or not. Seeing Thanos at the end of the film snickering to The Other makes me swoon and hope for a full-blown intergalactic Avengers film that takes the grand scale of this film and makes it look like a low-budget D-movie. Make it happen for fuck’s sake Marvel! I haven’t read a Marvel comic and not been disappointed in quite a few years, but goddamnit, Marvel’s films since Iron Man (namely the main Marvel movies, the other ones owned by different movie studios like “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance” and “X-Men: First Class” don’t count) haven’t let me down, so I’m holding faith for them until I’m proven wrong.

It goes without saying that if you haven’t seen “The Avengers” yet (and I think there’s only like five people on the planet that haven’t) you definitely should. It’s the best Marvel superhero movie yet, and one of the most enjoyable superhero movies of all time thus far. Go see it goddamnit, you’ll be glad that you did.



Oh yeah, seeing how well “The Avengers” turned out makes me wish DC and Warner Bros. would get their shit together and follow the Marvel trend of releasing superhero movies to lead up to a Justice League flick. Instead, we get excellent Batman movies, an abysmal Superman flick (“Superman Returns”) that’s so bad it gets rebooted (next year’s “Man of Steel”) and a Green Lantern adaptation that makes my asshole pucker just thinking about it. Come on guys, get your shit together for Christ’s sake.

The Five Heroes We Want in the Next "Avengers" Films

With the American release of “The Avengers” just about here, we all know that there are going to be inevitable sequels. With a roster featuring Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, the Hulk, Black Widow, Hawkeye, and Nick Fury; comic fans far and wide know that the history of the Avengers is littered with a whole shit-ton of past and present team members. For the inevitable sequels, new characters are definitely bound to be introduced to the movie-going public, so let’s take a look at just who should be introduced in the next installments of the feature film adaptations of Marvel’s superhero all-star squad. I've narrowed my choices down to five characters (and that was actually surprisingly tough) so strap yourselves in here fellow nerds.

NOTE: Two of the obvious choices here would definitely be the Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver, but considering that they’re Magneto’s kids in the Marvel universe, and Fox still owns the film rights for anything and everything X-Men-related, who knows if they’d even be able to be featured in an Avengers movie, so I’m leaving them off of this list.

Here we go:



ANT-MAN

Yes, the name itself may make you giggle, but consider this: when Stan Lee and co. first introduced the Avengers way back when, Ant-Man was one of the founding members. The alter-ego of brilliant scientist Hank Pym, Ant-Man can shrink himself to microscopic levels, and uses a super-duper helmet to control ants. Over the years, Hank changed his identity to codenames like Giant Man, Goliath, and Yellowjacket, while also becoming able to make himself grow in size to ridiculously gigantic levels. Hank’s been written to be a bit of an asshole over the years, so having him on the team would make for a bit of a different dynamic. “Shaun of the Dead” director Edgar Wright has been involved with an “Ant-Man” feature film for a while, but the damn thing has never gotten off the ground. With the popularity of Marvel heroes soaring through the roof like never before, now would never be a better time to get that flick off the ground and use it as a tie-in for another Avengers movie.



WASP

What would an Avengers team with Ant-Man be without having the Wasp as well? Hank’s occasional wife Janet features the same sort of powers that he does, but she also manages to use “stinger”-like projectiles as well. Like Hank, Janet has frequently been portrayed as a bit of a twat, but considering how volatile a relationship she and Hank have had over the years, who could blame her? Still, like Hank, she’s a founding member of the Avengers, and deserves to be there every bit as much as Hank.



MS. MARVEL

Occasionally known as Warbird (and even Captain Marvel), Carol Danvers is as badass as they come in terms of superheroines. Super strong, invulnerable, fast, she can fly, and she takes no shit…she’s the exact kind of super powered female that belongs with the Avengers and deserves to have a cinematic counterpart to display all of what I just mentioned. Make it happen folks.



LUKE CAGE

Revitalized over the past decade from a bit of a joke of a superhero into a take-no-prisoners team leader, Luke Cage deserves to be in the next Avengers flick. He has unbreakable skin and brawls with the best of them, and over the years in the comics, he’s become a leader for the team as well. Director John Singleton has been attached to make a solo Cage film over the past few years, but nothing has developed and it appears the project probably won’t happen anytime soon, if at all. In those regards, why the fuck not include him in the next Avengers flick? Come on now, we want it!



THE VISION

An android that can change the density of his body, Vision has been an Avenger for so damned long that not having him in the film is kind of a crime. Originally created by the villainous robot Ultron (who himself was an aborted creation of Hank Pym), Vision joined the Avengers and fought back. Including Vision in upcoming films opens up including Ultron as a future supervillain, which ultimately becomes a massive win-win for all of us.



That’s all for now folks, now stop reading and go check out “The Avengers” for fuck’s sake.

Why We Don't Need Any More "X-Men" Movies

Marvel has a number of popular characters, some of which outshine others like Spider-Man, Iron Man, Captain America, Hulk, Thor, the Fantastic Four, and more besides. However, there’s one group of Marvel characters that often get thrown into their own mix of stories and continuities outside the rest of the Marvel universe more often than not…

…and I’m talking about Marvel’s merry Mutant cashcow known as the X-Men.

Numerous cartoon adaptations, toys, novelties, and plenty more; the X-Men have been ingrained in our brains as being the premiere supergroup with an ever-growing cast of characters and teams. With all that popularity comes the X-Men feature films, beginning in 2000 with “X-Men”, and continuing in 2003 with “X2: X-Men United”, which remains not only the best X-Men film yet, but one of the best superhero movies ever made. After that, things kind of got a little shitty…2006’s “X-Men: The Last Stand” was unbelievably bad, and 2009’s “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” didn’t fare much better.

2011 saw the release of “X-Men: First Class”, which detailed the origins of Professor X and Magneto and just how they came on opposing sides. When images and press of the film were first released to the public, many laughed their asses off at how ridiculous it looked and expected something absolutely abysmal, but then something strange happened: the movie really didn’t suck so much. Granted I thought it sucked, but not as horrible as I had guessed it would be. Many others threw undeserved heaping amounts of praise upon the film, but honestly only because they went into it with expectations so low that they were wowed when it wasn’t that much of a steaming pile of dogshit. It made money, so naturally, there’s going to be more X-Men films on the horizon…which leads me to my point…

…we don’t need any more fucking X-Men movies.

A Wolverine sequel is on the way, and they’re about to start filming a direct sequel to “First Class” relatively soon as well. Why? Because people love the X-Men and are willing to lay down their cash to see X-Men movies no matter how fucking shitty they end up being. And Hollywood executives, i.e. Fox (who own the film rights for anything and everything X-Men-related) know this all too well, and will continue to pump out one X-Men flick after another after another.

Being a comic book geek, the one thing I notice about the X-Men flicks is how screenwriters consistently throw in all different brands of X-Men characters (heroes and villains alike) into the plot and use the most basic of an outline of some comic storyline from the past and then try to stir it all together. In “X2”, it worked out magnificently, but since then, every X-Men flick has just been one big fucking mess. Will these upcoming X-Men movies be any different? Probably not…actually, it will be more than likely that they’ll suck just as bad.

So please, for the love of fuck, don’t make any more X-Men movies. I’m at the point that I don’t want any more X-Men movies even if they wind up being good. One thing that attracted me to the X-Men as a kid was that these characters were misunderstood, hated, and reviled by everyone. I related to Wolverine, Cyclops, Storm, Gambit, Nightcrawler, and the rest of the crew unlike any other comic book character before or after, and the films after the second installment for the most part have never, ever been able to really re-create that feeling of persecuted Mutants protecting a world that hates and fears them.

So please, for the love of fuck, don’t make any more shitty X-Men flicks. We don’t need them, we never really have, and seeing baby-faced, pretty boy actors playing mutant heroes and villains just doesn’t feel right. Oh yeah, and Hugh Jackman ain’t gettin’ any younger either folks.

20 Years of Image Comics!

Recently celebrating their 20th anniversary in the comic book industry (hard to believe isn’t it?), Image Comics remains one of the premiere independent comic book publishers around today. They’ve had numerous smash hits and have spawned (no pun intended) a shit-ton of fresh, new talent over the years that would go on to make their marks on mainstream comics as time would go on as well. To celebrate the 20th anniversary of my beloved Image, I’ve put together a Top 10 list of the best comics ever published under the Image banner.

But before we get to that, let’s have a brief history lesson. In late 1991, a group of Marvel Comics artists were growing increasingly dissatisfied with how Marvel was putting the dick to them in terms of royalties (some shit never changes). These artists: Todd McFarlane, Jim Lee, Rob Liefeld, Erik Larsen, Jim Valentino, Marc Silvestri, and Whilce Portacio, all put their own money together and with some fellow writer allies (Chris Claremont and Fabian Nicieza) lending a hand, and low and behold, Image Comics was born. They were told they would fail, but from the first comics the publisher released, namely Liefeld’s “Youngblood”, McFarlane’s “Spawn”, Lee’s “Wild C.A.T.S.”, and Larsen’s “Savage Dragon”, created such an uproar and massive sales that it scared the shit both out of Marvel and DC alike.

Over the years, the original Image lineup has come and gone, with other talent like Mark Millar, Robert Kirkman, Brian Michael Bendis, Jonathan Hickman, and plenty more all making names for themselves with Image before reaching superstardom with the bigger publisher boys. So now, let’s get on with this Top 10 of the best comics that Image has ever published. And if you’ve never checked any of them out before, well…you suck.



10. SPAWN

You knew this was going to be on here one way or another. Created by Todd McFarlane and the subject of a whole shit-ton of controversy in its early days, “Spawn” was like a breath of fresh air in the world of costumed douche-baggery. You all know the story. Government hitman Al Simmons was murdered and sent to Hell, where he made a deal with the devil to return to Earth. Over 200 issues and going, “Spawn” always suffered from convoluted plots, but what’s really funny is that while it never managed to retain the massive popularity it had in the late 90s, the comic actually got more enjoyable. Recently taken in a bold and new direction, and with a new Spawn too, it’s the best the comic has been in quite some time.



9. SAVAGE DRAGON

Created by writer/artist Erik Larsen, and like “Spawn” is still going strong since 1993, “Savage Dragon” was a unique, and bloody, take on the superhero genre. A giant green-finned beast of a man (hence the name) is discovered by Chicago cops lying unconscious with no memory of who he is. Eventually he joins the force and starts to take on the hordes of supervillains that plague the city. What makes “Savage Dragon” be so consistently good for so long is that Larsen has remained the title’s sole writer and artist for nearly 20 years and going. Whatever you do, just don’t watch any re-runs of the “Savage Dragon” cartoon from the 90s, that piece of shit was horrible.



8. ASTRO CITY

Kurt Busiek made a name for himself telling a larger than life superhero story from the point of view of an average joe with Alex Ross on “Marvels” for Marvel in the early 90s, which set the stage for what they would conjure up with “Astro City”. Along with artist Brent Anderson, the trio managed to create an intricately designed world with a huge cast of characters. All this makes for some truly epic and grandiose storytelling that’s truly a sight to behold. Between all that and the numerous nods to comic book legend Jack Kirby, and you have something really, really special here.




7. INVINCIBLE

Before Robert Kirkman set the comic book world on fire with “The Walking Dead”, he crafted “Invincible”. An ongoing series that revolves around a teenager discovering that he is the son of the world’s greatest superhero, “Invincible” features more shocking and surprisingly poignant moments that have made it such an addictive read since it was first published. That, and the fact that Kirkman’s twists come so far out of left field that you’ll be hooked from the beginning and salivating to see what happens next.




6. CHEW

A ghastly and original series from writer John Layman and artist Rob Guillory, “Chew” follows the adventures of FDA agent Tony Chu, who has the unique talent of getting a psychic impression off of anything he eats. And it isn’t just food that he finds himself chewing on either… A nasty and innovative series, “Chew” is a darkly hilarious blast that definitely isn’t for everyone. It’s insanely enjoyable however and more than worth you giving it a try.




5. THE DARKNESS

One of the most infamous titles to come out of the Image stable (and is a spin-off of “Witchblade”, another famous Image title), “The Darkness” is as brutal and unforgiving as one can possibly imagine. Revolving around mob hitman Jackie Estacado, who becomes endowed with the power of the otherworldly beings known as “darklings” to reign hell down on all those that oppose him. Frequently crossing over with “Witchblade” and other Image titles, “The Darkness” just recently celebrated a milestone in comics form, as well as hit video game adaptations. Even though it’s whole run has been a bit uneven at times, “The Darkness” remains one of the best titles to come out of Image ever.




4. THE MAXX

Created by Sam Kieth, “The Maxx” is as prolific and revolutionary as it is just plain mind boggling. A semi-satire on superheroes and the like, “The Maxx” revolves around a social worker named Julie and a mysterious, costumed homeless man called the Maxx. Both people are linked by tragic events, and forever destined to roam the “outback” together: a mystical plane of existence. Spawning an animated series on MTV in the mid 90s, “The Maxx” is a haunting and strangely beautiful series that pushed the limits of mainstream comics and became startlingly poignant as it wound to a close. If you’ve never read any of “The Maxx”, you need to immediately.




3. THE WALKING DEAD

Chances are, you already know a lot about “The Walking Dead”. Now a hit TV series on AMC, Robert Kirkman’s original comic book made so much noise upon its inception that it has forever left its mark on the comic book industry. A zombie-filled tale of survival that never ends, the story focuses on Georgia cop Rick Grimes as he eventually re-unites with his family and other survivors as they make their trek through zombie-riddled post-apocalyptic America. Keeping true with the Romero-crafted classic zombie films, the worst things to encounter in this world aren’t the flesh-eating undead, but the human survivors who have changed for the worse in this new world. Filled with twists, turns, unexpected deaths, and one of the absolute best villains to ever grace the pages of a comic book in The Governor, “The Walking Dead” has remained one of the best comic books to ever see the light of day.




2. THE NIGHTLY NEWS

Written and drawn by Jonathan Hickman, “The Nightly News” is a part satire, part espionage, part pure-fucked-up-ness look at the effect the American news media has on us all. A group of people that could be looked at as no more than being terrorists wages an all out war on the news media in an effort to get the rest of us to truly “wake up” as to what’s really going on around us, and the end results are shockingly terrifying. Made all the more magnificent by Hickman’s unique art and design structure, “The Nightly News” was such a critical hit that it made Hickman an overnight sensation, and pretty much got him the job with Marvel Comics he has now breathing new life into the Fantastic Four. Do yourself a favor and pick this up, you won’t regret it.




1. WANTED

There’s not much about “Wanted” that hasn’t been said already, except for the fact that you should forget the action blockbuster abortion starring Angelina Jolie ever happened. Written by Mark Millar and drawn by J.G. Jones, “Wanted” tells the story of a young man named Wesley, stuck in a dead-end job with a cheating girlfriend, and basically an all-around loser. That is until the day he learns he is the son of The Killer, the world’s greatest supervillain, and that superheroes and supervillains once existed, only that the villains won and wiped the memory of both parties ever existing from the minds of every person on the planet. Per his late father’s wishes, Wesley begins training to be the greatest supervillain there will ever be, granted the freedom to do whatever he wants in the process. An adolescent super-fantasy, “Wanted” is a bloody blast of spectacular proportions. It’s unapologetic, nasty, and more nihilistic than anything you’ll ever read. That and the final line of dialogue in the series may be the greatest ending quote in the history of a comic book ever.




Well, that’s it folks. Image Comics fans may notice that there are a handful of more famous titles I left off of here, most notably “Youngblood” (which is flat out horrible) and “Witchblade” (which I always found overrated). That aside though, these are the best things Image has ever published in my humble opinion, and they all deserve your time and attention.



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Why You Should See the "Ghost Rider" Sequel...No Matter How Bad It Is

Oh dear sweet lord, he’s back again…

Nicolas Cage returns as Johnny Blaze in “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance”, a sequel to the 2007 film adaptation of the cult classic Marvel comic character…and sadly there’s nothing we can do about it.

First of all, let me start by saying that as a character, Ghost Rider hasn’t really had that great a track record. Since the debut of the Blaze character in the 70s, he’s had his share of bumbling writers and creative teams that managed to frequently put the character into one convoluted mess time and time again. The only reason that Ghost Rider managed to stay somewhat popular over the years is the fact that he’s, to put it bluntly, a cool-looking character. I mean come on, what’s not to dig about a guy who sold his soul to the devil and has a flaming skull for a head and a motorcycle from Hell?

Anyway, with all that in mind, seeing a big-screen film adaptation featuring a character with such a checkered and convoluted history was far from a sure thing, let alone with Nicolas “I’m bat-shit crazy” Cage in the role…yet in 2007; the film was a surprisingly big hit. A big hit yes, but what rhymes with hit folks? That’s right, shit. And that’s what the Ghost Rider movie wound up being: a big flaming pile of shit.

Now here we are five years later, with Cage back in the role and the directing duo of Neveldine/Taylor (“Crank”, “Gamer”) behind the camera. With that pair, you’d figure that we’d get a ridiculously over-the-top action feast for the eyes that defies all logic and winds up being gleefully fun and violent. Well, from what early screenings are suggesting, that’s not what we’re going to get folks…

…we may get something worse this time around compared to last time, and that may be something of an accomplishment in itself.

Now I’m all for over-the-top genre flicks that revel in their badness, and while the idea of seeing the chain-wielding demonic biker taking a flame-fueled piss on the big-screen is kind of enticing to a degree, you can’t think that this flick won’t be anything BUT bad. Still, I’m predicting that “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance” is so extreme in its bad-itude that it automatically becomes worth seeing at least once just in an attempt to digest how horrible it is. Hell, a couple years down the line there may be a drinking game based on it; yes folks, it could indeed be THAT bad.

Now I’m writing this blog on the sure-to-be-shitty Ghost Rider sequel just based on the fact that the character does an endearing place in my heart as a comic book geek, but I’m also choosing to write this based on the fact that we could all be about to bear witness to the most gleefully bad comic book movie since “Batman & Robin”…so in a way, we’re all about to be witnesses to history.

Really bad history.

REALLY REALLY bad history…the kind that deserves a commentary by the Mystery Science Theater 3000 crew.

We Don't Need Any Watchmen Sequels...Ever

Back in 1985-1986, shit in comic books got serious.

Totally fucking serious.

I’m talking about Alan Moore and David Gibbons’ landmark classic “Watchmen”, which would go on to become a game-changing masterpiece that would be revered for decades to come. All these years later, a shit load of recognition and praise, and even a much-maligned big-screen adaptation (that was better than it rightfully should have been) and it appears that the story of “Watchmen” isn’t quite over yet…ya know, because DC Comics still wants to make as much money off of it as they can.

Now I always thought Marvel was the comic company that knew how to milk and whore out their properties for all their worth, but in this case, DC is going above and beyond by planning to release prequel and sequel comic series to the legendary original. Artist Dave Gibbons is believed to be involved in all this to some capacity, but unsurprisingly Alan Moore is not. The much-revered writer and his long-disastrous relationship with DC led him to not wanting to be involved in any re-packaging of his old work for the publisher, as well as not wanting his name listed in the credits for any film adaptation of his comics, which has included “Watchmen”, “V For Vendetta”, and more besides.

Now, here’s what I have to say about these prequel and sequel comics to my beloved “Watchmen”…

WHY?!?!

The story was so perfect and unlike anything to ever come before it that it practically helped revolutionize the whole medium. It showed an alternate reality 1985 where superheroes existed…and the world wasn’t any better for it. Ticking ever closer to a worldwide nuclear holocaust, Alan Moore presented a startlingly realistic superhero story that worked as both a commentary on Cold War politics as well as comic books themselves. It made such a prolific impact on the medium and garnered so much critical acclaim that many wondered if anything else could ever come close to touching the brilliance of “Watchmen”.

Now, in 2012, almost 30 years after “Watchmen” originally hit the presses, we’re getting needless prequels and sequels to the story…needless and pointless. The talent allegedly involved with the project, which supposedly includes the wonderful writer/artist Darwyn Cooke, artist Amanda Connor, and other big names being thrown around including Brian Azzarello, J.G. Jones, J. Michael Straczynski, Adam and Andy Kubert, Jimmy Palmiotti, Justin Gray, Shane Davis, and even Grant Morrison (!) almost makes me want to check out this money-grabbing project because part of me is quite curious what all these creative minds could come up with working in the “Watchmen” universe…while the fanboy in me is instead shitting my pants in nerd-rage.

“Watchmen” is a brilliant, stand-alone story. It set the standard for adult storytelling in the comic book medium, and to this very day remains so revered and beloved that it’s actually kind of hard to put it all into words. While there probably is an intriguing backstory and lots of history to be revealed, as well as the fact that the comic’s ending definitely has plenty of openings for a follow-up, any other work going on with anything new that’s “Watchmen”-related should only rightfully be done either by both Moore and Gibbons, or at least with both creator’s guiding hands at the forefront. Neither is going to happen here, that much is known, which is all the more reason why DC should just leave “Watchmen” the fuck alone. We don’t need prequels or a sequel, the story is perfect as it is and has been since it was published in the mid-80s. Creating a prequel/sequel just wouldn’t have the same effect, especially without any input from Moore. To sum it all up, any new “Watchmen” material is just plain old bullshit.

As much as I’d take DC over Marvel (“New 52” regardless), this is one of those rare times where I’m actually giving them a big old middle finger. We don’t need any kind of follow-ups to “Watchmen”, and we never, ever fucking will either. Some things should be left the fuck alone…and this is definitely one of them.

Fuck You Frank Miller

I would like to take the time to say something that is from the depths of my heart and soul.

Fuck you Frank Miller.

In the most sincere of ways, fuck you Frank, fuck you right in the ear.

For those of you that don’t know who Frank Miller is, saying that he’s a comic book legend is saying it lightly. A writer and artist for longer than most comic book personalities have the right to work in the industry, Frank Miller is responsible for legendary and classic comic stories including a historic run on “Daredevil” that revolutionized the character and followed with other works “The Dark Knight Returns”, “Batman: Year One”, and the “Sin City” books among others. His most revered work has always been uncompromising, hard, and incredibly gritty given the source material, but these days, Frank isn’t quite Frank these days.

He recently went on a rant about the whole “Occupy” movements happening in cities across the country, going so far as to label the protestors “losers that should go home to their parent’s basements and play more World of Warcraft” (I’m paraphrasing, but that’s pretty much what he said). Anyway, Miller sees these protests as attacks on everything that “true” Americans hold dear. “True Americans”. You know, the kind of “True Americans” that believe the middle class and below should keep getting fucked in the ass by the 1%.

So in those regards, with this stance he’s taken on the subject and how he’s lampooning the protesters, there’s only one thing to say to good ‘ol Frank at this point…

…fuck you (again) Frank Miller.

Call it a hunch, but I’m pretty sure that a decent amount of these protesters have read some comic books in their times, and more than likely they read the work of Frank Miller at some point, more than likely because he was recommended to them because his work has been so revered for so damn long…but in that respect, it’s been a while since Frank has done anything worth writing home about.

After achieving Hollywood fame when adaptations of “Sin City” and “300” struck box-office gold, Frank decided to take Will Eisner’s classic character “The Spirit” and direct a movie based on it himself. The result was a catastrophically horrible piece of shit excuse of a comic book film that felt like a watered-down “Sin City”. He also decided to write numerous shitty comics that sold only because his name was on the cover, including “The Dark Knight Strikes Again”, “All-Star Batman & Robin” (which featured the immortal line of dialogue, “what are you retarded? I’m the goddamn Batman”), and the recently released “Holy Terror”, which is probably the most blatantly racist piece of conservative propaganda to ever be published in the last fifty or so years. In other words, Frank Miller went off his rocker a while ago, so his recent bout of shit-talking shouldn’t come as much of a surprise at all really.

No matter what though, seeing Miller take this stance is disheartening. I wonder if he forgets what it was like getting into a tough industry like comic books and scrapping and surviving to do so. His raw talent is what got him noticed (even as his pencil work deteriorated in quality over the years) in the beginning of his career, a career which is now on the other end of the spectrum where he’s becoming more widely recognized as an over the hill hack, and that’s exactly what I’m acknowledging him as now, and probably forever more from this point forward.

So once again Frank Miller, fuck you. Fuck you right up your quasi-fascist ass. You’re a shell of the man you used to be, and you should just hang it up now to preserve what little legacy you have left. Do that, and the comic book world, and the entertainment industry as a whole, will be all the better off for it.

Misadventures and Advice in the Publishing World

I was told recently that I should write a blog going over some of my own publishing follies and offer up some advice to aspiring writers…

…well, here the fuck I am.

It isn’t until you create something and try to market it that you realize just how difficult it is to get your shit out there and make something off of it.

What’s that? Create something for the sake of profit instead of just letting the creative juices flow for the sake of creativity? I’m selling out?

You’re fucking right I’m selling out, and I’ll tell all y’all why: because when you’ve been pounding the pavement for so damn long to get your work and name out there and get some kind, ANY KIND, of recognition; you really stop giving a shit about creative credibility after a while. Case in point, I’ve been an aspiring comic book writer/artist since I was 16 fucking years old. Here we are now, eleven years later, and what’s changed? That’s right, I’m still an aspiring writer, though at this point the medium I want to dabble in has expanded to just about anything I can get myself into.

Getting published is a crapshoot to say it lightly…but to put it bluntly; it’s a fucking crapshoot with AIDS. You can shop around your work as much as you can, but no matter what you’ll get the door shut in your face more often than not. Nobody gives a shit about your idea or a story you wrote, no matter how good you think it may be, and no matter how good it may in fact be after all. You know why most publishers don’t give a shit? Because they get bombarded with material from every other douche bag that fancies themselves a writer. Most of these types of people can be found in Starbucks, Barnes & Noble, or any other chain store that offers free Wi-Fi and the chance to let others see you with a laptop in front of you trying to look busy and interesting.

Since nobody gives a shit about you and your work and whatever you can compose with a pen and paper, what the fuck do you do? Well, truth be told there isn’t a whole lot you can do. You can either keep shopping your work around; hoping against hope that it piques the interest of someone, or you can go another route and just publish it yourself. That option is far from being cheap, but more often than not, if your work really is good that damn good, someone will notice it. It happens to comic book writers all the time. So many independent writers and artists alike have crafted independent comics that would catch the attention of big name companies Marvel and DC. In the literary world, it doesn’t happen as much in today’s day and age, but it does occur.

Anyway, back on point. I’ve shopped around something for so damned long that it’s starting to seem like the most fruitless endeavor in the history of ever (and no, I’m not talking about my cock being shopped around either, hardy fucking har). I wrote a short story in college as a joke more than anything, and called it “Hillbilly Holocaust” (and yes, I copyrighted the title). It’s a story that features inbred hillbillies, zombies, and a bit of the old ultraviolent revenge type of thing. After getting a surprising response from various students and faculty on campus, I decided to take it more serious and streamline it a bit, taking out the comedic elements and making it more straight-forward horror and suspense…which led to me getting an even bigger and better response from people. Since then, I’ve re-worked it (yet again) with the intention of making it into a full-blown graphic novel…something I’ve dreamed of doing for so fucking long. So I shopped it around to smaller-market comic publishers like Dark Horse, Image, Avatar Press, and a few other indie labels I’ve never heard of…

…and subsequently had the door slammed on my face in the process.

It really is a hard industry to really break through into. While Image and Dark Horse showed a surprising amount of interest, it just isn’t something they believe would work right now. Maybe they’re right…but I’m going to prove to them that they’re not right about it at all. So, I’ve decided to publish the short-story version of “Hillbilly Holocaust” to Amazon’s Kindle. I learned from a friend (and fellow aspiring author) that Amazon offers the chance to publish your work to their electronic reading device.

Hey, it’s something.

It’s also something I recommend any aspiring writer to do just to get a start. After that…well, it’s really just a matter of selling yourself. You really have to flat-out whore yourself out to get anywhere, and even when you do, you’re still not guaranteed to get anywhere. No matter what though, and this is something I learned after quite some time, don’t give up. No matter how shitty the situation seems and no matter how much someone tells you how shit your ambition and/or work is, give them the finger and keep your head up (and possibly fuck their girlfriend/wife just to get your point across) and don’t give up on what you want to do.

That’s really all the advice I can offer up for the time being…

…and oh yeah, go download “Hillbilly Holocaust” from Amazon. Even if you don’t have a Kindle, you can download it straight to your computer and read it from there. And it’ll only cost you 3 American dollars, so what the fuck is your excuse?

What’s my excuse for making a shameless plug? Well, I’m a whore…and I often act as such, that’s why.