The Walking Dead V The Walking Butthurt: Dawn of Bullshit

As most (if not all) of you know, there was a time when I really, legitimately loved "The Walking Dead". The comics, the show, everything. That however, was a long time ago. I got tired of the comics, I got super tired of the TV show, and I got just plain bored with the whole marketing blitz/cash-cow that the whole property has become (in hindsight though, I'm happy that Robert Kirkman and Image Comics have raked in the cash though; both deserve it wholeheartedly, and it's proof that indie comics can still be a force to be reckoned with).

Anyway, it's been a long time since I've watched "The Walking Dead", although I've been hearing plenty about it, namely the long-awaited introduction of Negan and the promise that he'll whack a major character. In the comics, when Negan made his first appearance, he slaughtered long time fan-favorite character Glen in brutal fashion. Most people seem to think the show is going to swap out Glen for Daryl, but apparently everyone's going to have to wait until the start of the new season to see whose brains Negan bashes in.

That's right, after weeks and weeks of teasing, fans now have to wait months to see who gets killed. And, knowing how this show goes with dragging shit out, it probably won't get revealed until the end of the season premiere...or hell, maybe even later.

This show sure likes to be a fucking cock tease eh?

For all the faults of the comic, one thing it didn't do was drag shit out. When major shit would hit the fan, it would hit fast and out of nowhere. That's one of the things that made me fall in love with it way back when. The show on the other hand...well, it's always liked to make you wait. You can label it whatever you want, but it's the truth.

Now truth be told, I don't care what develops on the show and what doesn't. The main reason I'm writing about this right now is because seeing all the butthurt fanboys crying about boycotting the show and making petitions to fire showrunner Scott Gimple (then again, this show goes through showrunners like you wouldn't believe) are just a little too much.

We get it, you're pissed. And I'm not saying you shouldn't be either. But if you're really that pissed off about the whole thing, you should prove it by not tuning into the show when it comes back in October. Show some conviction instead of whining about it on the internet only to go back to it when it comes back on air and then sing its praises after.

But no, that's not what's going to happen, and we all know it too.

If there's one silver lining to all this, it's seeing the butthurt fanboys going against the die hard fans defending this bullshit.

Reviewing the Third Season of "The Walking Dead"

Hello assholes, it's been a while I know. But since I'm back from the dead for time being, let's talk about the "dead" shall we? Case in point, the third season of "The Walking Dead". If anything from the time it started, this was a season in which it seemed like the fans got what they wanted from the get-go...before it felt like everything turned to shit and what seemed like so much promise that was built up just became nothing more than wasted potential. Be warned that spoilers are ahead for anyone who hasn't watched the third season yet, so read at your own risk.

Like I said, throughout the season it felt like the fans got they wanted in terms of a few things: Lori and Andrea get killed in horrible ways, Carol isn't annoying anymore, Merle comes back, and there's more Daryl. We also got to see what happened to Morgan, Michonne kicked ass, and after a bit of a rocky start, we saw The Governor become a pretty damn good villain. But for all the promise this season delivered, so much of it became wasted potential.

While we finally got to see Michonne and The Governor, it took a while for their characterizations to really make their mark. When they did though, both characters became magnetic and some of the best parts of this season. Their bloody showdown in Woodbury set the stage for The Governor really losing his shit, and his thirst for revenge against Michonne was wonderfully orchestrated.

On the other side of that, we got to see both Lori and Andrea bite the big one, and oh how satisfying it was. While Lori died in childbirth and Andrea died from being a fucking idiot, both deaths proved satisfying as both characters had become just so goddamn annoying and far from their comic book counterparts that seeing them both meet their demise was worth the wait. My biggest gripe with "The Walking Dead" in television form is how different the characters are portrayed on the show than they are in the comic: case in point Andrea. In the comic, she's awesome. She's a strong-willed, intelligent, and cool under pressure character that has been a fan favorite for years. On the show, she's a selfish bitch whose motivations change at the drop of the hat. With her dead now, maybe that will be the end of the show's tradition of poorly written female characters. Then again, probably not.

While I've chastised the show for veering down different paths than the comic, seeing Andrea die was a welcome deviation. Some things that made me want to pull my hair out, like The Governor still being alive, irked the shit out of me. Add to that what they've done to Carl lately, and I'm torn between yawning to myself and saying "this is fucking stupid" whenever I watch an episode. The fact that the show is now veering further from the comic also sets up a feeling of not knowing what to expect to happen next, which is one of the few reasons I continue to watch the show, just for the fact that I don't know what the fuck is going to happen next.

With all that said and done, the one thing I absolutely cannot stand is how AMC keeps on slashing the budget of the show. Glen Mazarra, who was the showrunner up to the end of this season, was shit-canned in favor of a showrunner who will make the show more "character driven", which is code for someone who will keep things going with only half the budget at his disposal. This isn't a surprise, considering AMC shitcanned Frank Darabont over the fallout the show's budget getting slashed because AMC is apparently run by "Mad Men" (other AMC shows, like "Breaking Bad" suffered the same fate, while "The Killing" got cancelled), but neither of those shows are the ratings juggernaut that "The Walking Dead" is. It's just infuriating that once again, here we are with budget cuts, all so "Mad Men" can keep moving forward.

All that aside, this season of "The Walking Dead" wasn't as much of a letdown as the second season was, as viewers got what they wanted for the most part, despite a particularly disappointing season finale.

Let's hope things get better come October, though I've got a sinking feeling that they probably won't.

10 Things I Want To See On "The Walking Dead" This Season.

The Walking Dead Compendium 1 By Kirkman, Robert/ Moore, Tony (ILT)/ Adlard, Charlie (ILT)/ Rathburn, Cliff (ILT)/ Wooton, Rus (CON) (Google Affiliate Ad)

Tonight is the big night. AMC's "The Walking Dead" returns to TV after what seems like forever. I personally felt last season wasn't nearly as enjoyable as it probably should have been, so I'm hoping that this season picks up mightily. What with new additions to the cast including the beloved Michonne and the debut of one of the greatest villains in recent comic book memory: The Governor. Though I'm fairly certain the impact The Governor has and just how evil a prick he is will be toned down for TV purposes, the fact remains that there is some major shit I want to see happen on this season of the show. So here we are with my Top 10 things I want to see happen on this season of "The Walking Dead". Be warned that possible spoilers are ahead.




10. Rick get his hand cut off.

One of the first scenes of major bloodshed to happen when Rick and The Governor butt heads is Rick getting his hand chopped off. Considering that Merle Dixon is part of The Governor's crew and he's more than likely holding a grudge against Rick for losing his own hand during his escape from Atlanta, I think it's a safe bet to see Rick get some vengeance cast down upon him, one way or another.



9. Michonne puts the sword to work.

Michonne is a beloved character, and rightfully so. Seeing the teases of her already with her sword and zombie companions, I think this is the safest bet of all. Graphic zombie decapitations? Sign me up.



8. Andrea stops being such a twat.

In the comics, Andrea just may be the toughest female protagonist around (next to Michonne, but we've known Andrea for longer). On the show, all she's done is seemingly cause more trouble for everyone involved, and make some plain dumbass decisions. "No Andrea, we don't want you handling a gun because you're not properly trained"..."Ok, train me and I promise I won't shoot anybody"...*proceeds to accidentally shoot Daryl*. Yeah, it looks like Andrea is going to have more of a major part this time around, and that some bad things are going to happen to her in the process. Hopefully this will lead to her becoming more of the tough, take no shit character from the comics we all know and love, and less of the whining twat she is on the show.



7. Carl becomes a badass.

Carl is an annoying kid on the show, that much is certain. He was in the comics too to a certain degree, but over time he became pretty damn badass for a kid, emulating his father Rick almost to a fault. I'd love to see Carl become more like his Dad (we've already seen hints of it) in terms of making hard decisions.



6. Daryl and Carol finally smash.

It's going to happen, one way or another. Just kick back and watch...and be just as confused and amazed as the rest of us.



5. A prison full of walkers...and worse.

Seeing the prison in all its glory is wonderful enough, but the promise of corridors and prison cells loaded with the undead and various other survivors is enough to make your mouth water. Granted I'm not sure if they'll introduce any of the four survivors that were found in the prison in the comics, but being able to see Rick and his crew clean the whole thing out will be awesome in itself.



4. The fallout from killing Shane.

There is a certain sort of fallout to happen from Rick killing Shane. Lori wasn't pleased, and chances are some others won't be either, and chances are no one is going to escape unscathed for what happened to Shane. It may not matter much in terms of storytelling going forward, but Rick's decision to do what he did (and what needed to be done) is going to play into his final words in last season's finale: "this isn't a democracy anymore".



3. The return of Merle Dixon.

He may have never existed in the comics (and neither did his brother) but I'm so fucking looking forward to seeing Merle back with one hand and a fistful of vengeance that it makes me more excited to see him than it does The Governor. That, and the fact that Merle is back gets me excited for what's next as well...



2. The reunion between Merle and Daryl.

Though they've never officially been together in any episode yet, seeing Merle and Daryl get re-united is going to be...well, it's going to be bad. Merle is a piece of shit and missing a hand, Daryl is...well, Daryl is fucking awesome and the most beloved character on the show. When these two get back together, blood will flow, one way or another.



1. Lori finally gets what she deserves.

If you've never read the comics, then I'm going to spoil some major shit for you here. Most of the characters in "The Walking Dead" get slaughtered by The Governor's people in the prison. It was a shocking moment to see, the most shocking of which was seeing Lori, with baby in hand, get mowed down to a bloody pulp. Now let it be said that Lori has come off as little more than a complete cunt on the show. She's managed to play Rick and Shane against each other, used Glenn as an errand boy, virtually ignore her son, and manage to successfully piss off just about everyone else for one thing or another. I would love to see Lori finally get whacked, just because I'm sick and tired of seeing and hearing her just make things worse for everybody involved.



That's all for now folks, I'll be back here in a few months when this season wraps, and hopefully it'll go a lot better than last season too.

Why the Second Season of "The Walking Dead" Kinda Sucked

The second season of “The Walking Dead” is over. Some would say sadly, others would say thankfully. I’m a little bit in between for the time being. After a six-episode first season of the series, I like many other viewers, salivated over the prospects of a 13 episode second season…and also like many, I was left wanting more. Granted that the show’s ultra-creepy season premiere and jaw-dropping finale were great, but everything else in between felt kind of…well, flat.

From this point forward, SPOILERS AHEAD. So if you haven’t seen any recent episodes, read all this at your own risk.




So, here we are. The group is without sanctuary (though the prison is seen looming in the background as our group scrambles to figure out what to do next), Shane, Dale, and others are deader than shit, while Andrea is trapped in the woods and saved by Michonne (making her first appearance on the show fucking finally). Like I said, all that and the show’s beginning were awesome, but just about everything else in between was either flat or just plain drawn out. Maybe it’s because show-runner Frank Darabont got shit-canned by AMC (and as a result, two of his biggest supporters in actors Jon Bernthal and Jeffrey DeMunn, who played Shane and Dale respectively, got slaughtered, even though anyone who has ever read the comic knows that by this point Shane is way past dead to fucking begin with) and maybe it’s because with all the budget-slashing there had to be more talking and less zombie-bashing, ya know…because filming people talking is much less expensive than bloody special effects and makeup.

Whatever the case may be, the one thing that irked the shit out of me about this season of “The Walking Dead” is what the writing staff has done to the women of the group. Lori is unbelievably irritating and just a flat out cunt (like she was in the comic granted) while I pray for Carol’s death with each passing episode. Andrea, who was such an awesomely-written, strong-willed character in the comics, has been degraded to being a chick that doesn’t know what the fuck she’s doing. We saw flashes of her strong character in the first season of the show, before harping on the death of her sister…the sister she let come back as a walker so she could shoot her. What did Andrea in the comic do when her sister was bitten and killed? She blew her head off right away so she WOULDN’T come back as a walker. Yeah…the writing staff has fucked Andrea up to the point of no return. I can forgive turning Dale into a bleeding heart, Maggie into a clingy twat, or even making Herschell less of a douche bag and even kind of likeable, but seeing what they’ve done with Andrea just makes me all kind of pissy.

What are we to do with the women of “The Walking Dead”? Well if Michonne is done proper justice, we’ll have a bad ass character and one of the absolute iconic faces of “The Walking Dead”. And speaking of iconic faces, I’m dying to see the first appearance of The Governor. One of the greatest villains in the history of the comic book medium, the existence of The Governor and his crew has been hinted at aplenty, and for those who have read the comics before, know that the collision course between the group and The Governor was THE game changer for everyone involved, and insured that nothing would ever be the same again for anyone.

Now what I did like from this season was the final confrontation between Rick and Shane. It was a long time coming and inevitable, and Rick’s display of take no prisoners “it’s either him or me” mentality is the Rick I’ve been dying to see since the show first premiered. I’ll actually kind of miss Shane because Jon Bernthal played him so damn well, and took an otherwise hated comic book character and made him sympathetic and actually likeable. The zombie makeup and effects were also spectacular, particularly the effects work done with the zombie chewing his way through the car windshield on Lori’s crashed car and slowly destroying his own face. That was fucking incredible. Oh, and Daryl Dixon is probably the best character on the show, he’s the funniest and most cheer-worthy TV racist in television history since Archie fucking Bunker.

All things considered, I’m generally looking forward the third season of “The Walking Dead”. With 16 (!) episodes slated for next season, here’s hoping for some more action and some much less fucking TALKING! I’m all for drama in a post-apocalyptic zombie world (which is what made the comic book so fucking good in the first place) but it stifles any of the horror, action, or sense of impending doom, which is what the show should be all about in the first fucking place.

In the end though folks, we’re going to have to wait a while to see what develops…



…but as long as I see Lori and Carol get eaten alive I’m okay with pretty much whatever the fuck happens next.

The Walking Dead: Season Review & Retrospect

WARNING: Spoilers are ahead, for both the first season of "The Walking Dead", as well as the comic from which it is based, as I attempt to predict what happens next.

The dead will rise...

...and boy how they have!

The first season of AMC's "The Walking Dead" has wrapped up, albeit it didn't take long considering that this season only consisted of six episodes. Nevertheless, for the course of this six-episode season, executive producer Frank Darabont and comic series creator Robert Kirkman have managed to craft a great adaptation of Kirkman's beloved comic series. After last night's finale however, just how faithful the show will be to the source material will remain to be seen...maybe.

Within the first six issues of the comic, Rick managed to re-unite with his family, and his old police partner Shane, along with other survivors like Andrea and Dale. While the show has retained these elements, the one thing that it hasn't done (at least not yet) is present the struggle and fatal blow-up between Rick and Shane. The first storyarc of the comic concluded with Rick's young son Carl killing Shane in defense of his father, who had gone a little looney over his affair with Rick's wife Lori coming to an abrupt end. While the show seems to be headed in that direction, I had almost figured that Shane would be wormfood by the finale, but he managed to escape the CDC with Rick and company before it erupted in flames.

On that subject, the fact that the crew went to the CDC is something that was NEVER in the comic. Kirkman himself stated that he had no idea the CDC was even based in Atlanta, even though a majority of the series takes place in Georgia and surrounding areas. Still, it was an interesting twist on the series thus far, which leads me to my next question to ponder: just what did Jenner whisper to Rick before everyone made a run for it?

My thoughts on what Jenner whispered to Rick is plain and simple, and will bring up the first major plot point of the show thus far: Lori is pregnant. In the comic, Lori revealed her pregnancy not long after Shane died, but the question abounded as to whether or not the baby was Rick's or Shane's. Considering that Jenner took blood tests from everyone upon entering the CDC, and his somewhat strage reply to Rick when he asked Jenner about the results, he more than likely told her that she's expecting. Another theory may be that Jenner saw Shane's drunken attempted assault on Lori. The building was wired and monitored, and maybe Jenner saw and/or heard the discussion between the two. Either way, I'll be wracking my head about it until next season.

Another plot point that I'm dying to see resolved is just what happened to Merle? We know he lopped off his own hand and made a run out of Atlanta, but after that is anyone's guess. There has been a lot of internet chatter that Merle is going to become the Governor. Anyone who has read the comic knows the kind of impact that the Governor had on Rick and company, and considering he's missing a hand, maybe his revenge on Rick will be lopping off his hand too, especially considering that Rick does horribly lose his hand in the comic.

The Governor, as well as the crew's time living in the shelter of the prison they discover, are two absolutely major story elements that really made the comic so incredible and unlike any other zombie/horror comic to hit the market before or since. Some of the other differences between the comic and the show include new characters like Merle and his brother Darrel, Andrea not being anywhere near as strong-willed on the show as she was in the comic (in the comic she killed her sister Amy before she ever came close to turning), and Shane comes off as way more sympathetic here than he ever did in the comic either. I know that Frank Darabont wants to make things more dramatic for the sake of TV, but if the prison AND Governor points are never touched upon, my interest in the show will seriously wane.

All that aside, this first season of "The Walking Dead" has been surprisingly impressive, and here's hoping that the best is yet to come...

...otherwise I'm going to be fucking pissed.