Friday, April 3, 2015

Why the New "EVIL DEAD" TV Show Will (Probably, Hopefully Not) Suck

The "Evil Dead" franchise has always had a special place in my heart. I first came across it in my youth, and actually viewed all three films backwards throughout the years. When I was young, I caught "Army of Darkness" on TV. I had no idea what it was about, but I loved the cheesy effects and Bruce Campbell's overacting. Plus, it was goddamn funny.

When I started getting into the horror genre, I re-discovered that film, plus the first two films before it. I managed to find a VHS copy of "Evil Dead II" at my local video store and gave it a watch. I fucking loved it. To this day it remains my favorite of the series. Eventually I found a VHS copy of the first film (at Wal-Mart of all places) for dirt cheap and picked it up. Compared to the second and third films, the original "Evil Dead" is no holds barred horror that makes surprising use of its miniscule budget to great effect.

Fast forward to now. The "Evil Dead" franchise is viewed as a classic series, and has spawned hordes of merchandise, video games, multiple special edition DVD releases, and even a remake that surprisingly wasn't the abortion we all thought it would be. The remake made a whore-load of money, making a sequel to said remake all the more likely. Not to mention the post-credits cameo from Bruce fucking Campbell, which led to Campbell and Sam Raimi himself stating that there would be a sequel to the remake, plus an "Army of Darkness 2", which would both then converge into a final film starring Ash and the heroine from the remake whose name I don't remember and I'm just too fucking lazy to go to IMDB or Wikipedia to look it up.

Those films never happened.

Now the fact that they never happened really isn't much of a surprise to us fans that have heard false promises of another "Evil Dead" movie for years, but what did come as a surprise is that there's going to be a cable TV series called "Ash VS The Evil Dead" starring Bruce and produced by Raimi.

The initial news of this made me cum harder than a priest watching a Little League game.

Then after I cleaned myself up, I realized that this is probably going to be terrible.

Now don't get me wrong, I fucking love everything "Evil Dead", and anything that gives Bruce Campbell a steady paycheck I am all fucking for, but the "Evil Dead" franchise is one of those things I think should just be left the fuck alone. How are you going to have a weekly series with the same cast of characters (maybe?) finding themselves in trouble with the Necronomicon? Are we going to get multiple seasons of the same old shit? Unless it gets cancelled after one that is. Maybe if it was an anthology series, kind of like "Tales From the Crypt" with Ash as the host/guide it could be interesting, but honestly I just really don't see "Evil Dead" being turned into a serialized TV show working out well.

Now thinking about all this got me thinking about other dumb ass bullshit revivals. And that's what "Ash VS The Evil Dead" is: a revival for fans who have worshipped it for years, and is being revived to try to possibly squeeze some more cash out of it. Look at what's been revived over the past couple years: we have new "Star Wars" movies on the horizon, we got a sequel to "Dumb & Dumber" that was 20 years too late, we're getting a sequel to "Super Troopers" over a decade after it came out, and for some reason we're getting more "Ghostbusters" movies too. Not to mention the fact that TV show wise, we've seen "Arrested Development" brought back from the dead, we're getting "The X-Files" resurrected as well, and for the love of fucking sweet Satan we're getting some kind of follow-up to fucking "Full House". WHO THE FUCK WAS PINING FOR A SEQUEL SERIES TO FUCKING "FULL HOUSE"?!?!?!?!?!?

Producers and studio executives are counting on our fond memories of movies and TV shows that we love and have loved for years to make a little extra cash out of them however the hell they can, and we fall for it. We always fall for it. Because we love this shit so much. Then we fall for it, and we wind up being disappointed by it, and we pretend that we're surprised by how much it sucks now...even though in the back of our heads we always fucking knew that this was going to be shit, and said shit product has tarnished our memories of what we've loved forever more. When we think about the awesomeness of "Ghostbusters" or "X-Files", we'll have fond memories of course, but there will be that thought that pops in your head at the end of "oh shit, they brought it back and it was fucking terrible. Who the fuck thought that was a good idea?"

And goddammit, that's what I'm afraid is going to happen to my beloved "Evil Dead". I hope I wind up being totally wrong. In fact, I hope that I'm dead wrong and this show has a decent run that satisfies its fan base in most, if not all, aspects that genre fans crave from shit like this. I hope watching it brings a huge smile to my face, because I want shit like this to succeed and keep on going strong...but in my heart of hearts, I know I shouldn't get any kind of hopes up for it being what we all want it to be.

At least Bruce will have a steady paycheck for a while...and really, that's pretty much all that matters here.

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