Tuesday, May 29, 2012

The Zombie Apocalypse is Coming...Maybe

Saturday in Miami marked an event that is shaking to say the least. Police discovered a naked man eating the face of another man, and shot him repeatedly until he finally went down after taking a shot to the head. Let me just break this all down for you one last time to make sure you all get the big picture.

He. Ate. His. Face.

Hannibal Lecter in Miami? Maybe so, but according to reports, the perpetrator was under the influence of “bath salts”, which apparently is the codename of some new form of LSD. Before I go any further, let me say that I myself have done my share of LSD…and I for one have never felt the need to FUCKING EAT SOMEONE. Granted I spent an hour or so talking to trees one night, but that’s a story for another day.

Anyway, whatever this guy was on, it leads me to ponder one important thing: how close are we to the zombie apocalypse? It’s not every day that you’re strolling along and see someone eating a fellow human being. Nor is it particularly normal to shoot said cannibal and HE JUST KEEPS FUCKING EATING the boor bastard, but here we are. Yes folks, these “bath salts” the guy was allegedly on are nothing more than a media smokescreen to hide from us, the American people, that the zombie apocalypse is at hand.

Over the next few weeks, expect to hear similar stories across the country (and perhaps world) as people will be attacked on the streets and eaten alive, followed by our good friends hanging out in cemeteries rising from the grave. I’m fucking serious. Not to mention the fact that the supposed end of the world is right around the corner…coincidence? I think fucking not.

Be prepared everyone, the end is near…

…okay not really, but this is some pretty wild shit isn’t it?

Say no to drugs kids. One minute you’re having a blast, and next thing you know, you’re buck ass naked in public eating your best friend’s face.


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