Thursday, August 11, 2011

Bert & Ernie: My Big Fat Gay Puppet Wedding (Maybe)

Just recently it was announced that there is a petition going around to have legendary Sesame Street characters Bert and Ernie get married on an episode of the show.

Yes, you read that right.

The long running PBS program, responsible for generations of young children getting their first true taste of education via the idiot box known as television, is being petitioned to have the seemingly longtime lifemates stop living in sin and make it official by having a big fat puppet wedding. Naturally, there’s ruckus from both sides of pro and anti-gay marriage having hissy fits over the whole damn thing…which if you really try to think about it is pretty fucking stupid to begin with. Even though I doubt that PBS would actually go through with such a thing happening (they did have a shitfit about Katy Perry’s cleavage after all) the idea in itself is a wholeheartedly interesting one.

First off, let me say one thing about the idea of gay marriage itself before my head explodes talking in detail about the possibility of male puppets getting hitched. I am a big supporter of gay marriage for a lot of different reasons, but I can’t really outline them in nearly as much great detail as already done by comedian Chris Rock in one of his HBO stand-up acts. To paraphrase Rock in a nutshell, gays should have every right that straight people do in terms of getting married and being miserable for the rest of their lives. Not to mention the fact that the supposed “sacred institution” of marriage is complete bullshit, at least here in America that is. What is so goddamn sacred about marriage if the idea of it is frequently exploited on bullshit reality TV shows like “The Bachelor”, “The Bachelorette”, “Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?” or one of the countless other clones of the like. What’s so sacred about marriage in America when it’s used to draw in mindless viewers, ratings, and money? Bringing God and religion into the equation only causes my head to yearn to explode more, mostly due to the fact if two people, regardless of if they are the same sex or not, love each other enough to want to take that kind of plunge, they absolutely should regardless of who deems it right or wrong. If two people generally love each other and are of the same sex, then rightfully no one should give a shit. God-heads and uber-religious douche bags will cry about this, but that’s a story for another day…

Anyway, back to Bert and fucking Ernie. When I was very young, I watched a lot of Sesame Street, and learned a lot to boot, which is what the fucking show is about after all. I understand the concept of having Bert and Ernie tie the knot, in an effort to teach children from a young age tolerance and understanding of same-sex relationships, to teach them that there really is nothing wrong with such relationships, as well as to teach them that everyone is wired different in some way, shape, or form; and that above all else, to never be afraid to admit who they are or want to hide who they are. Personally, growing up I always thought Bert and Ernie were brothers, but you learn something new every day it seems.

The flipside to this whole idea however is the fact remains: these are fucking puppets we’re talking about here. Do puppets even have a sexual orientation to begin with? Should they even have a sexual orientation? Granted that Miss Piggy has been yearning to suck in Kermit’s green frog balls since the dawn of time, but how many other instances of puppet on puppet action can you think of? (And don’t you dare say “Team America” either). Remember that Sesame Street is an educational children’s program, and perhaps introducing these ideals of sexual orientation is a bit too early in the lives of the age-bracket of the kids that watch the show. No matter the case this is a slippery road of debate to traverse upon, but there is one thing that we can all agree on here…

…they’re fucking puppets.

But hey, they’re happy puppets, and maybe that’s the lesson we should all learn from this: no matter whom you are, no matter your sexual orientation, no matter your race, or creed, or whatever the hell else you may be; the most important thing is that to truly be happy in life, you need to truly be yourself.

See? Even after all these years, Sesame Street is still taking us to school and teaching us shit. You’ve gotta love it.

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