Saturday, March 26, 2011

Things You Should Never Say in Public Restrooms

Do you ever feel slightly uncomfortable going into a public restroom? I don't mean like say, one at a doctor's office where it only takes one person at a time, but more like the kind you'd find at a movie theater or a Wawa, which are meant to allow multiple people to simultaneously piss and/or shit in perfect harmony. Pissing and shitting around's something that we kind of take for granted in a way, something we don't even take the time to think about, which is why it winds up being so much fun when you can totally fuck with your fellow pissers and shitters.

Here's a small sampling of things you should never say or do in public restrooms (male or female) unless you really want to see some terribly hilarious reactions from others...and some possibly disastrous results as well.

Here we go:

Saying "ladies & gentlemen presenting my penis" while standing at the urinal

Yelling "no me gusta!" as loud as you can while in a stall with other occupants on either side of you

Walking into the ladies room and saying "something smells fishy here"

Ask others if they've ever seen a "urinal deuce"

Singing Godsmack's "I Stand Alone" while pissing at the urinal and shaking your hips from side to side

Talking on your cell about the fear of picking up herpes from the toilet seat

Talking on your cell about the fear of you leaving your herpes on the toilet seat

Asking the dude next to you pissing if they like gladiator movies

Asking the dude next to you pissing if he's ever been in a Turkish bath-house

Asking the dude next to you pissing if he's ever seen a grown man naked

Asking the dude next to you pissing anything that's "Airplane"-related

Come out of the stall dragging your leg with your hand clasping an asscheek

Pretending to touch yourself inappropriately in the stall and proceeding to moan louder and louder to the point of completion

That's all for now, possibly more to follow!

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