Disney Owns Star Wars...and You.

George Lucas sold the rights to everything Star Wars-related to Disney for 4 billion dollars. Let that sink in folks. Disney now owns Star Wars. Know what else Disney owns? Marvel Comics. And you know what else Disney owns? Your fucking soul. Well not really, but they will, because they're fucking Disney.

When news about Lucas' sale hit, at first I was flabbergasted at the fact that Disney now owns so much shit that has meant so much to me since I was a kid that it's becoming harder and harder to fathom at just what else Disney is going to own down the line. Then again, it wasn't the sale itself that brought my piss to a boil, it was the announcement that Disney plans on creating a new trilogy of Star Wars films that pick up where "Return of the Jedi" left off. Scores of nerds across the planet couldn't stop theorizing as to what they would use as a basis to continue the story. Would it be the various novels that are kind of considered canon? Or the "Dark Empire" graphic novels? Or something else entirely original? Who the fuck knows?

Part of me is hopeful at the prospect of new sequels, because it would give a whole new generation of filmmakers and writers a new chance to make Star Wars fresh again without George Lucas' complete input, and after the prequels, I'd be more than happy to see official Star Wars films that he isn't sitting in the director's chair for. On the other hand, the other part of me doesn't give two fucking shits about more Star Wars films. As far as I'm concerned, the real Star Wars trilogy ended in 1983, the prequels don't count; so leave it the fuck alone for Christ's sake.

And then, the nerd comes out in me when I think that not only could Disney characters appear in a Star Wars film, but so could Marvel ones as well. Contemplate the idea that theoretically speaking The Punisher could blow Jar Jar Binks' brains out. Thor could curbstomp Boba Fett. Blob (the X-Men villain) and Jabba the Hutt could fuck each other's brains out. Oh, and Scrooge McDuck gets to watch and throws shit-tons of coins on their fat naked bodies and ups the ante by making them go ass to mouth.

That was foul, I apologize.

Anyway, you all see what I'm getting at here. Disney owning Star Wars just means finding new ways to pimp out the franchise for all its worth, which is saying something considering that Lucas has milked the shit out of it since 1977 onward and turned it into a multi-billion dollar industry. But making new Star Wars films every two to three years? Really? Who's gonna play Luke Skywalker? Mark Hamill is too damn old to continue the series right where it left off, so who the hell are they gonna get, Justin Bieber? While we're at it, why don't we cast Zac Efron as Han Solo and Vanessa Hudgens as Princess Leia, since Harrison Ford hasn't given two shits about Star Wars since the 80s and Carrie Fisher wouldn't dare put on the slave bikini unless we were making a horror movie here. Come to think of it, let's cast Ron Jeremy as Chewie. He doesn't really need the fur costume and his dick can make the Chewie roar. Plus throw Chris Tucker in there as Lando while we're at it, because I'd actually pay good cash to see that shit happen. Oh yeah, wait and see how many of those casting choices actually wind up coming true, somebody's gonna owe me money here.

So before long, expect a whole new wave of Star Wars-related movies, TV shows, animated series, comic books, toys, merchandise, and tons tons more, because if it's one thing Disney can do, it's milk the ever-loving shit out of something for all that it's worth.

May the Force be with you...in your pants.

Paul & Me: A Last Salute.

On Sunday, October 28th 2012 at around 2:50 PM, Paul Covey passed away, surrounded by his family, friends, and loved ones. He held on for as long as he could, battled and battled like he did his whole life, but in the end, it was too much to keep going. I had the honor not only to know him, but to have been there with him during his final moments, and I got to say goodbye to the absolute best friend I've ever had.

I owe a lot to Paul Covey, my life more than anything. I was 20 years old when I met Paul, and funny enough, we did not like each other or get along in the least after first meeting. Yet somehow, someway, Paul and I ended up getting along surprisingly well, considering he was a relatively conservative, chain smoking military man, and I was the 20 year old, booze and drug-loving douche bag that had only recently come to Philadelphia after finally getting out of the hick town I had grown up in.

One thing we immediately got along about was our mutual love for horror films. For most of my teens, I would attempt to discover relatively obscure, unknown, or cult horror films, while others in my age-bracket were sucking down the wave of PG-13 rated tame, Americanized remakes of Japanese flicks that were growing so popular at the time. With Paul, here was this 50-ish year old guy with a mustache that looked like he belonged in the neighborhood I grew up in, but looks were ever so deceiving. That was how we first bonded was with horror flicks: "Evil Dead", "The Thing", "Halloween", and tons more. It wasn't long after that we were drinking buddies, and it went from there.

Over time, I hit some extremely rough patches in my life. I was trying to put myself through college (which took a lot longer than it rightfully should have) while deciding to bury myself in booze, weed, coke, and sluts, because...well, I can't really come up with a logical excuse, but I'm not here to make excuses, other than bouts with drugs, depression, and death. I had my fun, like everyone does, but after a while I was starting to let things spiral out of my control. I had a legitimate good future ahead of me, and I was going to let it go to waste because I couldn't cope with what I couldn't control. Paul snapped me out of that funk almost singlehandedly. During a night of sharing some beers and full glasses of his favorite booze on the planet in Jack Daniels, his exact words to me were "what the fuck are you doing with your life dickhead?" That lead to a long, drunken conversation that I vividly remember sobering up in the middle of, because he pretty much told me in so many words that he would (and could) kick the holy living shit out of me if I didn't straighten up, because I was better than what I was letting myself be known to be.

And he was right.

Fast forward a little over three years later, and I finally did get my shit together. I graduated college (with honors, no bullshit), was finally in a stable(ish) relationship, and actually looked forward to what tomorrow would bring...and just about all of that was because this man, Paul Covey, snapped me out of the spiral of self-destruction I was circling around. He saved my life. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here; I'd either be in jail, or dead. That's no bullshit either; I owe the man my life.

And now he's gone, no longer in pain. This man, who in a lot of ways was the father I never had and should have had, this man who was so proud of his children and how they turned out, this man who loved his grandchildren and was as much of a hero to them as he was to me and even more so. This man who didn't give two shits about what other people thought about him or perceived him, because he played his life by his own rules while still managing to do the right thing all throughout his life.

I love you Paul. This Halloween won't be the same without you, and the world is a worse place without you being in it.

At ease soldier.

10 Things I Want To See On "The Walking Dead" This Season.

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Tonight is the big night. AMC's "The Walking Dead" returns to TV after what seems like forever. I personally felt last season wasn't nearly as enjoyable as it probably should have been, so I'm hoping that this season picks up mightily. What with new additions to the cast including the beloved Michonne and the debut of one of the greatest villains in recent comic book memory: The Governor. Though I'm fairly certain the impact The Governor has and just how evil a prick he is will be toned down for TV purposes, the fact remains that there is some major shit I want to see happen on this season of the show. So here we are with my Top 10 things I want to see happen on this season of "The Walking Dead". Be warned that possible spoilers are ahead.




10. Rick get his hand cut off.

One of the first scenes of major bloodshed to happen when Rick and The Governor butt heads is Rick getting his hand chopped off. Considering that Merle Dixon is part of The Governor's crew and he's more than likely holding a grudge against Rick for losing his own hand during his escape from Atlanta, I think it's a safe bet to see Rick get some vengeance cast down upon him, one way or another.



9. Michonne puts the sword to work.

Michonne is a beloved character, and rightfully so. Seeing the teases of her already with her sword and zombie companions, I think this is the safest bet of all. Graphic zombie decapitations? Sign me up.



8. Andrea stops being such a twat.

In the comics, Andrea just may be the toughest female protagonist around (next to Michonne, but we've known Andrea for longer). On the show, all she's done is seemingly cause more trouble for everyone involved, and make some plain dumbass decisions. "No Andrea, we don't want you handling a gun because you're not properly trained"..."Ok, train me and I promise I won't shoot anybody"...*proceeds to accidentally shoot Daryl*. Yeah, it looks like Andrea is going to have more of a major part this time around, and that some bad things are going to happen to her in the process. Hopefully this will lead to her becoming more of the tough, take no shit character from the comics we all know and love, and less of the whining twat she is on the show.



7. Carl becomes a badass.

Carl is an annoying kid on the show, that much is certain. He was in the comics too to a certain degree, but over time he became pretty damn badass for a kid, emulating his father Rick almost to a fault. I'd love to see Carl become more like his Dad (we've already seen hints of it) in terms of making hard decisions.



6. Daryl and Carol finally smash.

It's going to happen, one way or another. Just kick back and watch...and be just as confused and amazed as the rest of us.



5. A prison full of walkers...and worse.

Seeing the prison in all its glory is wonderful enough, but the promise of corridors and prison cells loaded with the undead and various other survivors is enough to make your mouth water. Granted I'm not sure if they'll introduce any of the four survivors that were found in the prison in the comics, but being able to see Rick and his crew clean the whole thing out will be awesome in itself.



4. The fallout from killing Shane.

There is a certain sort of fallout to happen from Rick killing Shane. Lori wasn't pleased, and chances are some others won't be either, and chances are no one is going to escape unscathed for what happened to Shane. It may not matter much in terms of storytelling going forward, but Rick's decision to do what he did (and what needed to be done) is going to play into his final words in last season's finale: "this isn't a democracy anymore".



3. The return of Merle Dixon.

He may have never existed in the comics (and neither did his brother) but I'm so fucking looking forward to seeing Merle back with one hand and a fistful of vengeance that it makes me more excited to see him than it does The Governor. That, and the fact that Merle is back gets me excited for what's next as well...



2. The reunion between Merle and Daryl.

Though they've never officially been together in any episode yet, seeing Merle and Daryl get re-united is going to be...well, it's going to be bad. Merle is a piece of shit and missing a hand, Daryl is...well, Daryl is fucking awesome and the most beloved character on the show. When these two get back together, blood will flow, one way or another.



1. Lori finally gets what she deserves.

If you've never read the comics, then I'm going to spoil some major shit for you here. Most of the characters in "The Walking Dead" get slaughtered by The Governor's people in the prison. It was a shocking moment to see, the most shocking of which was seeing Lori, with baby in hand, get mowed down to a bloody pulp. Now let it be said that Lori has come off as little more than a complete cunt on the show. She's managed to play Rick and Shane against each other, used Glenn as an errand boy, virtually ignore her son, and manage to successfully piss off just about everyone else for one thing or another. I would love to see Lori finally get whacked, just because I'm sick and tired of seeing and hearing her just make things worse for everybody involved.



That's all for now folks, I'll be back here in a few months when this season wraps, and hopefully it'll go a lot better than last season too.

Why You Should Support Slutty Halloween Costumes

Ah yes, Halloween. My favorite day of the whole damn year, for a number of various reasons. The horror, the scary movies, the creepy atmosphere, the chill in the air, the candy corn, and last but certainly not least, the ultra-slutty Halloween costumes. What other time of year is it acceptable for women to dress like sluts or whorish versions of various characters? See that picture here? Of course you do. That's supposed to be a slutty version of Indiana Jones. Now let that sentence stick in your head for a minute. A slutty Indiana Jones. And guess what? That's only the tip of the iceberg.

Look all around and you'll find slutty versions of Freddy Kruger, Wolverine, Strawberry Shortcake, and even Spongebob fucking Squarepants. Yes folks, there's various slutty ensembles for a beloved children's cartoon character. Why? Because nothing is sacred folks, nothing at all...

...and that's okay.

If it weren't for slutty Halloween costumes, Halloween would only be fun for kids only, and for fuck's sake, we can't let the little bastards have all the fun now can we?

I've read a dozen or so articles damning slutty Halloween costumes lately, lists of the worst kinds as well as the most non-sensical ones as well, and to those that are damning our beloved trick 'r treating sluts, I say shame on you. It's no different than people damning chicks for how they dress any other time, which usually only happens when people are either jealous because they don't look like that or because they're not balls deep in said chick.

So the overall message I'm trying to get across here is that we should leave the slutty Halloween costumes and wearers of such alone. This is fucking Halloween, it's a time to have fun, be scared, and enjoy everything else that comes along with this awesome time of year. So stop your grinin', drop your linin', eat some candy, and watch a horror flick you prudes; it's fucking Halloween.

My DC Animated Universe Wishlist

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When it comes to animated comic-book based adaptations, no one does them better than DC. While Marvel's animated features aren't bad in the least, they just more often than not come off as being rarely anything better than average. The DC Universe animated features boast better animation and voice acting, and have managed to successfully adapt some epic and beloved DC stories into 75-minute animated dirges. True, some haven't been anything special ("Green Lantern: Emerald Knights" and "Batman: Gotham Knight") and some have been quite spectacular ("Batman: Under the Red Hood" and "Wonder Woman"). Though DC has informally announced that a majority of the future DC animated films will focus on the Justice League, Superman, or Batman since anything not involving any of them doesn't sell through the roof, this comic geek has come up with a wishlist for DC stories I would fucking love to see in animated form. Granted I know that a majority of these won't ever happen, but that doesn't mean that a geek can't dream. I'm not going to go into too much depth for each one here, because I could talk about this shit for hours. So here we go with my top DC Universe animated flicks wishlist:



TEEN TITANS: THE JUDAS CONTRACT

Originally slated to be a DC animated flick, "The Judas Contract" got nixed due to the fact that the mega-popular cartoon was still resonating in the minds of children everywhere, and because the shockingly mature content of this storyarc would probably not have been done justice in animated form. Still, seeing "The Judas Contract" animated would be awesome.





KINGDOM COME

The mega-popular and beloved dystopian look at the DC universe would be smashing to see in animated form. Just imagine Alex Ross' lush paintwork applied to animation, and you've got something with the potential to be beautiful unleashed on your eyeballs. Just like "The Judas Contract", this has a shocking amount of mature content, but considering what all the recent DC animated flicks have gotten away with in terms of content and violence, this would be a no-brainer.





THE FLASH: THE RETURN OF BARRY ALLEN

The Flash doesn't get enough love, which is a damn shame because the characters, mythos, and villains associated with Flash are some of the best the DC Universe has to offer. How awesome would it be to see an animated adaptation of young Flash Wally West get bested by the former Flash Barry Allen after he (allegedly) returns from the dead? There's little chance of this ever happening, since DC rebooted their comic universe and Wally practically doesn't exist anymore, but this would be awesome to see in animated form.





THE SINESTRO CORPS WAR

One of the greatest and most action packed storylines in Green Lantern history would be amazing to see in animated form. Not to mention the fact that since it involves every single superhero in the DC universe taking on Sinestro's army, it could be marketed as a Justice League movie instead of a stand-alone Green Lantern flick. Just imagine that final slugfest between Hal Jordan and Sinestro in animated form...holy shit. Plus, it could somehow lead into what I propose next...






BLACKEST NIGHT

Dead superheroes and villains returning from the grave and eating the hearts of the living? Yeah, we'll probably never ever see this one in animated form, but man oh man, the possibilities about "Blackest Night" animated are endless.






BATMAN: THE LONG HALLOWEEN

After "Batman: Year One", why not adapt "The Long Halloween"? A spiritual sequel, "The Long Halloween" would detail the origin of Two-Face and feature a handful of the best Batman villains thrown in for good measure. Plus, somehow adapting Tim Sale's beautfiul artwork into animated form? Sign me up.






SUPERMAN: LAST SON

Richard Donner, who directed the landmark, classic, original "Superman" film, co-wrote this comic storyarc (that also paid tribute to Christopher Reeve) in which Superman adopts a young Kryptonian boy that mysteriously appears on Earth. The storyarc was surprisingly touhing and heartbreaking, and a great way to introduce/re-introduce everyone to General Zod. This one would be a mistake not to adapt.






Okay folks, my nerd rage has subsided for now. If you have no idea what the hell I've been talking about, or are thinking "why the fuck is this guy watching cartoons", please feel free to blow me.

Trying to Make Sense of the NHL Lockout

Oh boy, it's like 2004 all over again...

At midnight last night, the NHL once again locked out their players, and it appears that hockey fans are ready to have another long work stoppage ahead of them. If you're leeping score at home, this is the third lockout in 18 years under the reign of commissionor Gary Bettman. The 1994-95 season was cut in half, while the 2004-05 season was wiped out completely, but there are some major differences between the last lockout and this one. For starters, the last lockout HAD to happen in order to fix the sport and the league for the better. A hard salary cap was implemented, in an effort to make small market teams competitive in a league that unneccessarily 30 teams. Now here we are in 2012, and having another lockout happen for few more reasons than the owners biting themselves in the ass.

With the implementation of a salary cap on the league, owners and GM's were limited on how much they could throw at players in order to build a contender, so something was created in order to lower a player's cap hit while getting away with paying them a shit load of money in the first few years of the deal: the super long 10-15 year contract that pretty much circumvents the cap. We saw a few deals like that this past summer with the dual deals Minnesota handed Zach Parise and Ryan Suter, as well as the offer sheet thrown at Shea Weber by Philadelphia, which Nashville surprisingly matched. Add to that the list of players that have ridiculously long contracts that are only structured as such to reduce their respective cap hits (Rick DiPietro, Ilya Kovalchuk, Alex Ovechkin, Tyler Myers, Christian Ehroff, Marian Hossa, Brad Richards, Roberto Luongo, Niklas Backstrom, Jeff Carter, Mike Richards, and more) and what we really have here are GM's and owners that need to be saved from themselves. They got themselves into this mess, and now they want to reduce the player's shared revenue because they fucked up and just want to cover their own asses.

There's a little more to the proceedings than all the GM/owner bullshit I mentioned above, as a good chunk of it boils down to Bettman not wanting to come close to anything related to a compromise with the NHLPA. With the League's yearly revenue at a record 3.3 billion, the NHL has never prospered so much as a whole ever before. Granted there are plenty of teams that are still (and always have) suffering from a lack of a fanbase (Phoenix, Columbus) but the NHL should count their blessings that fans came back in droves after the 04-05 lockout with arms wide open. If this lockout lasts a full season, don't expect the fans to come back like they did before, and I for one wouldn't blame them. In fact, if this lockout kills the whole season, I think I may even take a break from my beloved NHL watching. Though honestly I don't think it will last the whole season, mostly because there's so much more to lose this time around (The Winter Classic, HBO's 24/7) it's still fucking unbelievable that we're going through this bullshit AGAIN...but here we are.

Somebody needs to lock Bettman and NHLPA head Don Fehr in a room together and let them come to a fucking agreement. The fact that we're here again is not only mind-numbing, but fucking revolting. Play some goddamned hockey!

Top 10 Favorite Games by Console

A while back I did a few countdown lists for my Top 10 Underrated Video Game Gems across the five video game systems that have meant the most to me throughout my life. In retrospect I'm now going to list my Top 10 favorite games for each of those five consoles. I'm not going into too much depth here like I did the last time around, instead I'll just be giving a basic rundown of my top 10 favorites. Some purists among you may argue over the games I picked over others, but these are my favorite games I played on these awesome consoles, so if you don't like it, kiss my Irish ass.

Anyway, let's begin folks:



NES:

1. Contra
2. Super Mario Bros. 3
3. Ninja Gaiden
4. Blades of Steel
5. Castlevania
6. The Legend of Zelda
7. Baseball Stars
8. Metroid
9. Battletoads
10. Mega Man 2



GENESIS:

1. Gunstar Heroes
2. Sonic the Hedgehog 2
3. NHL 94
4. Phantasy Star IV
5. Contra: Hard Corps
6. Streets of Rage 2
7. Comix Zone
8. Castlevania: Bloodlines
9. Zombies Ate My Neighbors
10. Street Fighter II: Special Champion Edition



SUPER NES:

1. Super Mario World
2. Super Metroid
3. Super Castlevania IV
4. Star Fox
5. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time
6. Super Mario Kart
7. Tetris Attack
8. Yoshi's Island
9. Donkey Kong Country
10. Super Mario RPG



PLAYSTATION:

1. Final Fantasy VII
2. Castlevania: Symphony of the Night
3. Metal Gear Solid
4. Crash Bandicoot 2
5. Tekken 3
6. Resident Evil 2
7. Twisted Metal 2
8. Gran Turismo
9. Grand Theft Auto
10. Warhawk



DREAMCAST:

1. Marvel VS Capcom 2
2. Soul Calibur
3. Jet Grind Radio
4. Shenmue
5. Resident Evil: Code Veronica
6. Sonic Adventure 2
7. Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2
8. House of the Dead 2
9. Crazy Taxi
10. Skies of Arcadia




That's all for now folks, maybe one day I'll do a collection of what I consider the worst games on all those platforms...maybe.