20 Years of "NHL 94"

I really can't fucking believe that this game is 20 years old now. It sure doesn't seem like it's been that long does it? 20 years of "NHL 94", and it still stands as one of the best video game hockey experiences you'll ever pick up and play.

I was admittedly a little late to the "NHL 94" celebration, by about a year or two if I remember correctly. Up until that point I had grown up a hockey fan, and in the video game world I had managed to wear out my copies of "Blades of Steel" on the NES, along with "Mario Lemieux Hockey" and "NHLPA 93" on the Genesis. Once I got my hands on "NHL 94", none of those games seemed to matter much to me anymore.

"NHL 94" was a revelation in terms of gameplay and authenticity to the sport at the time. The introduction of the classic staple of the series, the one-timer was one new addition, along with added features like goalie controls, penalty shots, and board checks; all of which helped make "NHL 94" the most realistic hockey game to hit the market at that point. Not to mention the fact that even without half those features I just listed, this game would still be an absolute blast.

One thing I remember fondly was playing as the Blackhawks, solely for the fact that Jeremy Roenick was on the team. For some reason, Roenick was like the second coming of Jesus Christ right off the fucking cross in this game. He could score off wicked one-timers and wrist shots alike, and he could hit probably better than almost any other player in the game too. If you ever played as or against the Blackhawks, you knew that there was going to be some kind of carnage on the ice, whether it be reflected on the scoreboard or the penalty box. On another note, Cliff Ronning, then of the Vancouver Canucks, was pretty godlike himself in this game as well...and no, I don't know why either.

As the years would come and go, EA would release subsequent "NHL" games like they do all their sports franchises. While "NHL 95", "NHL 96", and "NHL 97" were all solid games in their own rights, they were never as groundbreaking or balls-out enjoyable as "NHL 94" was. "NHL 98", the last 16-bit EA hockey game, came pretty close to "NHL 94"s level, but the reality was that nothing would ever match, let alone top, what "NHL 94" managed to deliver.

The game's legacy can be felt even to this day, with various websites dedicated to online leagues using emulated versions of the Genesis and Super NES versions of the game updated with modern teams and players. The game has been re-released once as an extra on the PS2 version of "NHL 06" for some reason, and the recent "NHL 14" has an anniversary mode that is done in the "NHL 94" style (but it sucks) and various other game franchises have attempted to emulate what "NHL 94" did, whether it be Sega's old "NHL All-Star Hockey" franchise or 2K's recently retired "NHL 2K" series.

Bottom line, I'm really not telling you anything you probably don't already know anyway. "NHL 94" is a fucking masterpiece that every now and then I'll pop in today for old time's sake, and the fact that this is a sports game we're still worshipping 20 years later is truly something special. If you never played "NHL 94", you should. And if you don't like hockey for some reason, you deserve an ice skate kick to the groin. Repeatedly.

Top 10 Favorite Games by Console

A while back I did a few countdown lists for my Top 10 Underrated Video Game Gems across the five video game systems that have meant the most to me throughout my life. In retrospect I'm now going to list my Top 10 favorite games for each of those five consoles. I'm not going into too much depth here like I did the last time around, instead I'll just be giving a basic rundown of my top 10 favorites. Some purists among you may argue over the games I picked over others, but these are my favorite games I played on these awesome consoles, so if you don't like it, kiss my Irish ass.

Anyway, let's begin folks:



NES:

1. Contra
2. Super Mario Bros. 3
3. Ninja Gaiden
4. Blades of Steel
5. Castlevania
6. The Legend of Zelda
7. Baseball Stars
8. Metroid
9. Battletoads
10. Mega Man 2



GENESIS:

1. Gunstar Heroes
2. Sonic the Hedgehog 2
3. NHL 94
4. Phantasy Star IV
5. Contra: Hard Corps
6. Streets of Rage 2
7. Comix Zone
8. Castlevania: Bloodlines
9. Zombies Ate My Neighbors
10. Street Fighter II: Special Champion Edition



SUPER NES:

1. Super Mario World
2. Super Metroid
3. Super Castlevania IV
4. Star Fox
5. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time
6. Super Mario Kart
7. Tetris Attack
8. Yoshi's Island
9. Donkey Kong Country
10. Super Mario RPG



PLAYSTATION:

1. Final Fantasy VII
2. Castlevania: Symphony of the Night
3. Metal Gear Solid
4. Crash Bandicoot 2
5. Tekken 3
6. Resident Evil 2
7. Twisted Metal 2
8. Gran Turismo
9. Grand Theft Auto
10. Warhawk



DREAMCAST:

1. Marvel VS Capcom 2
2. Soul Calibur
3. Jet Grind Radio
4. Shenmue
5. Resident Evil: Code Veronica
6. Sonic Adventure 2
7. Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2
8. House of the Dead 2
9. Crazy Taxi
10. Skies of Arcadia




That's all for now folks, maybe one day I'll do a collection of what I consider the worst games on all those platforms...maybe.

10 Overlooked and Underrated Gems Part 3: The Super Nintendo

How do you follow-up a console that singlehandedly saved the video game industry? Nintendo had some lofty heights to reach when they released the Super Nintendo in 1991. The 8-bit NES was such a smash hit and so prolific that Nintendo kept supporting it even after they released this 16-bit predecessor, which took everything the NES did and did it better. At the time, the Sega Genesis was already out and giving Nintendo a run for their money, but the Super NES managed to trump it in the end thanks to more powerful hardware and a library of first-party titles that remain some of the best video games ever made. “Super Mario World”, “Donkey Kong Country”, “Super Metroid”, “Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past”, “Yoshi’s Island”, “Star Fox”, and plenty more besides are flat-out classics. But for every classic Super NES game that came out and sold a shit load of copies, there were a handful of excellent and amazing games that fell through the cracks. Here are 10 underrated and overlooked gems for the Super Nintendo:




10. MARVEL SUPERHEROES: WAR OF THE GEMS (1996)

Released towards the end of the Super NES’ lifecycle in 1996, Capcom’s “Marvel Superheroes: War of the Gems” is an arcade style beat ‘em up featuring a large cast of Marvel heroes and villains. You play as Wolverine, Spider-Man, Iron Man, Hulk, and Captain America and take on hordes of baddies. The character sprites and moves are based on Capcom’s series of Marvel fighting arcade games, but this game in itself is an original endeavor that only saw release on the Super NES. There’s loads of action, it’s plenty challenging, and features some brilliant animation as well. Track this down if you can, you’ll be glad that you did.




9. JURASSIC PARK 2: THE CHAOS CONTINUES (1994)

Back in the early 90s, “Jurassic Park” was such a massive hit that it spawned numerous toys and video games across the board. Naturally any video game bearing the JP logo was a huge hit, so a year after the film and video game were released, Ocean decided not to wait for another movie to come out to make a video game. “Jurassic Park 2” The Chaos Continues” finds Dr. Grant returning to the island with a whole big arsenal of weapons and laying waste to dinosaurs and rival human hunters in the process. It’s a fast-paced run and gun style game that owes a lot to “Contra”, and is plenty enjoyable in the process…even if this game is fucking harder than shit to play. It’s now regarded as a lost Super NES classic though, so track it down and give it a look.




8. ROCK ‘N ROLL RACING (1993)

Developed by “World of Warcraft” creator Blizzard (before they were known as Blizzard), “Rock ‘N Roll Racing” is a fucking fun time to say it lightly. You race around in monster trucks in futuristic environments to instrumental renditions of classic songs from Black Sabbath and Deep Purple. Incredibly fun and addictive to this day, the game was also released on the Genesis, but the Super NES version was by far the superior port. The game became a cult classic, spawning an inferior sequel on the PS1 some years later as well as receiving a port on the Game Boy Advance further down the road. To this very day, the game remains sought-after by collectors, but for some reason isn’t often mentioned in the pantheon of great Super NES games. All that aside, if you dig racing games, check this fucker out.




7. DEMON’S CREST (1994)

A sequel to Capcom’s “Gargoyle’s Quest” games, “Demon’s Crest” is a dark and gothic side-scrolling adventure game where you play as the demonic Firebrand (from the “Ghouls N Ghosts” games) where you collect crests to change your abilities and advance. The platforming elements are wonderful, some of the best to appear on a Nintendo system in a game that wasn’t developed by Nintendo themselves. Combined with some small helpings of RPG elements, and “Demon’s Crest” becomes surprisingly deep, and even kind of complicated as things go on. There’s a whole shitload of replayability to be found as well, as you can revisit previous levels using new abilities to access parts you couldn’t before. It’s fun and features some brilliant level design, and is more than worth your time.




6. PIRATES OF DARK WATER (1994)

Based on the underrated animated series that was around at the time, “Pirates of Dark Water” is a beat’em up in the vein of “Final Fight” that allows you to play as all three main heroes and beat the ever loving shit out of the opposition. It’s mindless as fuck, but satisfying as all hell. The game was also released on the Genesis, but that version was a side-scrolling platformer with RPG elements, instead of being just a pure beat ‘em up like you get here. Sometimes less is more, and that’s what you get here with the Super Nintendo version of “Pirates of Dark Water”.




5. UNIRACERS (1994)

What happens when you race around riderless unicycles in a mix of 2-D and 3-D environments and go to speeds so fast that it rivals “Sonic the Hedgehog”? You get “Uniracers”, a dreadfully underrated and forgotten racing game from Nintendo that suffered a cruel fate thanks to Pixar. Back when the game was originally released, the developer DMA Design was sued by Pixar, claiming that the game’s unicycle designs were blatant rip-offs of the unicycles used in their 1987 short film “Red’s Dream”. As a result, the first batch of “Uniracers” cartridges produced became the only batch of “Uniracers” cartridges produced, making this awesome game quite rare. Though it garnered some great critical praise, “Uniracers” didn’t find its audience thanks to Pixar putting the dick to them, so sadly not many people have played this game. If you can track it down and not break the bank to get it in your hands, do it. Were it not for Pixar, “Uniracers” would have been a smash hit.




4. VORTEX (1994)

A 3-D shooter game with giant fucking robots and spaceships, “Vortex” is an unheralded blast. Taking elements from games like “Star Fox”, “Vortex” was notable for delivering quality 3-D graphics on a 16-bit console (thanks to using the Super NES’ FX chip, which was also used to help render 3-D graphics in other games like “Star Fox”, “Yoshi’s Island”, “Doom”, and “Stunt Race”). There are multiple modes of transformation for your mech, which always fueled speculation from back then to this very day that “Vortex” started out as being an unreleased “Transformers” game. There’s plenty of excellent shooter action and some great boss fights to be had, but sadly for whatever reason, “Vortex” failed to find its audience. Check it out though, it’s plenty enjoyable.




3. WILD GUNS (1995)

A sci-fi/western clusterfuck of a shooting game, “Wild Guns” features more insane elements and gunplay than you can shake your dick at. Using a third person perspective with a targeting feature to gun down all the baddies headed right towards you, “Wild Guns” is insanely fun. It’s also sadly short, but for what it’s worth, this is one game that you should definitely hunt down and enjoy every single minute of. It should also be noted that this game is an early example of the steampunk genre, which will either make you want to play it even more, or make you not want to play it at all.




2. PHALANX (1992)

One thing that “Phalanx” was famous for was having cover art that had nothing to do with the game itself. A bearded hillbilly playing a banjo with a spaceship in the background adorns the cover, while the game itself is a vertical space shooter that is super fucking fun as hell. There are loads of power ups and epic boss fights to be discovered along the way, not to mention the game’s punishing difficulty make “Phalanx” a keeper. Sadly though the game is remembered more for its hilarious box cover artwork than its wonderful gameplay, which is a crying shame. Check it out though, guaranteed you’ll dig it.



1. METAL WARRIORS (1995)
Developed by Lucasarts, “Metal Warriors” allows you to play as a mech taking on hordes of baddies, ya know the usual shit, but it offers up something else that makes it that unique to stand out as being the most underrated and overlooked gem in the Super NES library: two-player deathmatch bitches! Deathmatches have been around in video game lore for so long now that it seems arbitrary at this point, but back in 1995, seeing such a thing in a console video game was such a rarity that it made the game worth checking out on its own. “Metal Warriors” is no different, offering up a two-player split-screen versus mode that was way ahead of its time. The game’s single player mode ain’t too shabby either, with brilliant graphics and the like, but sadly for some reason, failed to catch on and be a big commercial success. That aside though, pick it up, it’s the best damn Super Nintendo game you never played.



Well, that’s it for my 10 underrated and overlooked Super Nintendo gems. Be sure to be here next time as I go over the top 10 underrated and overlooked gems for the original Playstation. See all y’all then folks…

10 Overlooked and Underrated Gems Part 2: The Sega Genesis

Ah yes, we’re getting into the 16-bit spirit of things now. When Sega released the Genesis in America in 1989, it gave the NES a run for its money in terms of games, graphics, and just about everything else. Though Nintendo would wind up pulling ahead when they released the Super NES later on, the Genesis has a special place in my heart for a number of reasons. It was the first 16-bit console I ever owned, and though it didn’t have the numerous first-party classics that the Super NES had, the Genesis had the best versions of fighting and sports games that were also released on Nintendo’s 16-bit juggernaut at the time. The classic Genesis games that we all know and love, like the “Sonic the Hedgehog” series, “Alex Kidd”, the “Phantasy Star” series, “Gunstar Heroes”, and more besides are classics of the library, but there’s a bunch of other great Genesis games that for one reason or another just fell through the cracks. So, without further adieu, here are my top 10 underrated and overlooked gems for the Sega Genesis:





10. ZERO TOLERANCE (1994)

One of the few (and honestly I think the only to make it stateside) first-person shooters to ever be released for the Genesis, “Zero Tolerance” appears to be a typical “Doom” clone, and make no mistake it is, but it’s also one of the most surprisingly well-done ones from the era you’re likely to ever play. Due to the graphical limitations of the Genesis, the scaling and 3-D effects couldn’t be done particularly well; meaning the action taking place on the screen is small and only takes up a fraction of what appears on your TV. That aside though, the rest of the game is a blast. The frame rate is surprisingly silky smooth, and the run and gun gameplay is even smoother. Add to that the fact that you can link up two Genesis consoles for multiplayer slaughtering, and you’ve got a criminally overlooked game. Regarded as a cult classic (and spawning an unreleased sequel as well), “Zero Tolerance” is wholeheartedly worth tracking down.




9. THE OOZE (1995)

One of the wonderful games developed by the Sega Technical Institute (more on them later), “The Ooze” is a diabolical adventure/puzzle game that boasts some impressive and colorful graphics to go along with some innovative gameplay elements. You play a scientist who has been transformed into a blob of green ooze, and you’re out for revenge and to make things right against the scumbags that did this to you. It can be obnoxiously hard and frustrating as hell, but man oh man does it leave a lasting impression. I reviewed it for Sega-16 not too long ago, and it was one of the few (damn few) games I reviewed for them that wasn’t a total piece of shit. Check it out, you’ll dig it.




8. GENERAL CHAOS (1994)

Back in the day, before EA became more concerned with milking money from gamers with the same Madden game released year after year, they made some pretty damn awesome PC games and some pretty awesome Genesis games as well. “General Chaos” was one of these games, an arcade/strategy game with a twisted sense of humor. You choose your team of commandos to duke it out on a small battlefield environment. It’s very tongue-in-cheek and features a pseudo-psychotic art style, and is one of the best games of its type you’re ever likely to play.




7. DRAGON’S FURY (1991)

Known as “Devil’s Crush” just about everywhere else it was released, “Dragon’s Fury” on the Genesis is a pinball game unlike many other pinball games you’re likely to play. The play field of the game is a multi-screen pinball table that features a shit-ton of enemies and items to smash and grab along the way. Oh yeah, there’s fucking pentagrams and demons and monsters and all kinds of other crazy shit along the way too. Making a good pinball game is a difficult thing indeed, but holy shit these guys did, and it’s probably the best pinball game you’ll ever play that isn’t a real pinball table.




6. WHIP RUSH (1990)

One of the best vertical shooters on the Genesis that no one played (we’ll be getting to the absolute best one on the Genesis no one played soon), “Whip Rush” is an “R-Type”-like affair where you blast your way across the galaxy. And like “R-Type”, it can be punishingly difficult to boot. It was released at a time when this genre of video game was becoming more and more popular, so it’s easy to see how it got lost in the cracks. There isn’t that much about it that sets it apart from other games of its type, other than being able to rotate your direction of fire, which made things a little easier, but man oh man was this one hard son of a bitch. It still looks and plays great to this very day, so if you have the balls give “Whip Rush” a try.




5. COMIX ZONE (1995)

Another gem from Sega Technical Institute, “Comix Zone” was released late in the life of the Genesis’ life cycle, but it found a small audience regardless. You play a comic book artist trapped in his own comic book, beating the shit out of baddies that keep getting drawn inside the screen. Add to the fact that you literally move from panel to panel and rip and tear through backgrounds and other areas, and you’ve got one of the absolute most well-designed games to ever grace the Genesis. It’s hard as nails, but in terms of the numerous beat ‘em up’s that were so prevalent in the Genesis’ library, “Comix Zone” is one of the best. That, along with what’s coming up next…




4. THE PUNISHER (1994)

Based on Capcom’s smash hit arcade game, “The Punisher” featured Marvel’s titular vigilante teaming up with Nick Fury to take on The Kingpin and wave after wave of criminal baddies as you punch, kick, and shoot your way through level after level. It’s repetitive and mindless sure, but satisfying as all hell. While it took a step back graphically compared to the arcade version, the Genesis version of “The Punisher” took the “Final Fight” engine and worked magic with it. It’s got some punishing (no pun intended, seriously) difficulty to be sure, but it’s a blast to play regardless, especially with a friend. It also features some of the best music to ever be heard in a Genesis game (which is saying something, considering the fact that the Genesis’ soundchip was ungodly bad). It fetches a surprisingly high price on eBay and other vintage game stores, but it’s worth every penny, so pick it the fuck up!




3. THUNDER FORCE III (1990)

The best scrolling shooter on the Genesis in the history of fucking ever, “Thunder Force III” and the “Thunder Force” games as a whole are the Genesis’ answer to Konami’s “Gradius” games which at the time were Nintendo exclusive. You shoot down wave after wave after wave of enemy starships and bear witness to massive amounts of destruction, and it’s such a glorious sight that you won’t be able to put the controller down. It’s a wonderfully difficult game as well, but it’s so wonderfully designed and features some of the best graphics, sound effects, and animation that were around at the time, truly showing off what the Genesis could do way back when. It’s a shame that not many people played it back then, because scrolling shooters don’t often get much better than this.




2. ROBOCOP VS THE TERMINATOR (1993)

Also released on the Super NES, “Robocop VS The Terminator” is based on a comic book mini-series which starred the two cyborg characters going to war with each other, and war is just what this game feels like when you play it. You play as Robocop as you traverse present Detroit taking on baddies and Terminator assassins, making your way into the future where Skynet has taken over. It’s fast paced and unrelenting, and one of the absolute best licensed action side-scrollers to ever see the light of day. Now when the game was released for both the Super NES and Genesis, each version was somewhat different. The Super NES featured a slightly different storyline and better graphics and sound effects, but the Genesis version was way more violent and was also a hell of a lot more challenging to boot. In fact the last couple levels of the game are downright near-impossible to complete, but everything else about this game is just simply wonderful. Pick it up for fuck’s sake; you’ll be glad that you did.




1. ETERNAL CHAMPIONS (1993)

Released at a time when fighting games were really starting to crowd the market and eat up quarters in arcades with all the “Street Fighter II” revisions and “Mortal Kombat”, Sega decided to throw their hat into the ring with “Eternal Champions”. Featuring a roster of interesting fighters, large character sprites, and intriguing fatalities, stages, and a fighting engine that was way ahead of its time, “Eternal Champions” sparked varying degrees of critical and commercial acclaim, and even spawned an awesome (and underrated) sequel on the Sega CD a few years later. Sadly though, “Eternal Champions” seems to have been sadly forgotten. For all the various Sega compilation collections that get released every so often, we’ve never seen “Eternal Champions” get the re-release treatment, which is a crying shame. This is an awesome fighting game that deserves your time and attention, and for every new “Street Fighter” or “Mortal Kombat” game that would hit the system, the more and more people would forget about this game. You need to give it a look if you can. It may seem dated at first when compared to some other games to come out afterwards, but despite that, there’s just something about “Eternal Champions” that just feels kind of timeless. That and its fun as hell too.



Well, that’s all for now folks. Tune in next time as I’ll go over the Top 10 underrated and overlooked gems for the Super Nintendo. Until next time, see y’all later…

Uncensored "The Ooze" Review for Sega-16

Do you remember "The Ooze"? It was a surprisingly good Genesis game released pretty late in the life of the console, but it garnered a bit of a cult following due to the game's originality and punishing difficulty. You should check it out if you want a fun exercise in pulling your fucking hair out. Here's the uncensored review of the game I wrote for Sega-16:



THE OOZE (1995)

Published by Sega
Developed by Sega Technical Institute

Ah yes, Sega Technical Institute. At one time probably the best development team within Sega (along with Sonic Team naturally), Sega Technical Institute was responsible for awesome Genesis games like Kid Chameleon and Comix Zone, while varying members of the team also had their hands in games like Sonic Spinball and Dr. Robotnik’s Mean Bean Machine. They were also behind The Ooze, an inventive and surprisingly original action/puzzle game that was released in the waning days of the Genesis’ lifecycle.

The story of The Ooze goes something like this: Dr. Caine is a scientist that discovers his employers are going to release the toxic gases he himself created on the population, in an effort to get filthy rich since they hold the cure (i.e., they’re practically the American government). Upon being discovered, Caine is seemingly killed by said toxic waste, only to be reborn as a moving, functioning puddle of puke green slime (yes, you read that right). Now he’s on a mission to get revenge on his former employers, as well as try to find a way to bring himself back to his human form in the process. He’s not Swamp Thing, he’s THE OOZE THING MOTHERFUCKERS!

You control Caine as this sentient puddle of green slime and traverse some dangerous areas and solve some puzzles. You can attack enemies by either stretching a slimy limb to attack, or spit little slime pellets which decreases your size. The size of your Caine-puddle also depletes as you get hit or otherwise take damage, which will happen quite a bit on your journey. Yes folks, The Ooze is one challenging game to be sure. In all the years I’ve played this game off and on, I have only ever beaten it once, and I didn’t get the good ending either. And once again, yes folks, there is a good ending, and a bad ending to this game. To get the good ending you must collect all 50 strands of DNA sprinkled throughout the game’s stages if you have any hope of being returned to your normal self. I didn’t get that ending because I just didn’t pay enough attention to what all was going on around me. That’s the key to getting far in this game, you have to pay attention to everything going on around you, and if you don’t, you may as well just pop the cartridge out because you’re not going to get very far. Environmental hazards pop up aplenty, from falling off the edge of a ledge or getting sucked down a drain, you must constantly be aware of your surroundings, this game is no joke, and can be frustrating as fuck to boot.

Graphically speaking The Ooze looks good. A number of late in life Genesis games featured some great graphics that surprised many, ranging from Comix Zone, The Lost World, and more besides. The Ooze is one of these games as well, offering colorful characters and sharply defined environments throughout. The game also features some great music and sound effects as well, which was really a staple of the games that came out of Sega Technical Institute at the time. In fact, a lot of what The Ooze has to offer are staples of what made Sega Technical Institute such a beloved inner-division of Sega at the time. Games that featured quality graphics and even more quality gameplay that kept gamers coming back again and again. It was because of games like The Ooze and the aforementioned Comix Zone and other Sega Technical Institute gems that helped extend the life of the Genesis probably longer than it should have gone on for.

While The Ooze isn’t quite a classic of the Genesis/Mega Drive library, it is one of those not-so-well-known little gems that can be found if you look hard enough. The game is easily found enough on eBay and other places online to warrant checking it out for yourself, which you should wholeheartedly do. Keep in mind however that this is one challenging, and occasionally frustrating, game that really does deliver the goods in terms of what we all look for in classic 16-bit Genesis gaming. It’s a shame that Sega Technical Institute as we all knew it didn’t stick together for too long as the years after the release of The Ooze crept along (I for one would have loved a sequel), but this game alone is just a sample of the impact that they had not only on the Genesis, but on Sega’s legacy as a whole.

8/10

Uncensored "NFL 98" Review for Sega-16

Football.

Personally, I'm not that much of a fan. I've just never really been able to get into the sport, just because to me it's just plain fucking boring. Being an avid hockey fan, I've heard from tons of people that my beloved sport is too boring as well, but how in the hell can such a fast-paced game be considered boring compared to fucking football? Maybe it's just me, but a sport where you're flying up and down the ice slapping at a puck while beating the shit out of the guy trying to knock you over sounds a lot more fun to watch than a sport where you line up over and over again for a couple seconds of guys grabbing and falling all over each other to grab what's basically a dead pig and run with it.

Okay, that was a big rant that came out of nowhere. Now where was I? Oh yeah, I wrote a review of the surprisingly good "NFL 98" for Sega-16, so here's the uncensored review for your reading pleasure...and I think I need a zanax...enjoy!



NFL 98
Published by Sega
Developed by FarSight Studios

Ah yes, it’s that time of year. The time of year when guys across the nation get their recliners, easy chairs, and couches set up to watch good old fashioned NFL football, plus set up their fantasy leagues and even fire up the latest edition of the Madden franchise for good measure (also known as “tools”). When it comes to football video games, Madden has pretty much always been the first football video game franchise to come to mind whether they’re a fan of the sport or not, and for good reason considering the Madden franchise has been around seemingly forever. Back in the day though, before Electronic Arts scooped up exclusivity rights to make games featuring the NFL and its players (and actually have to put out good games to stay competitive in the marketplace, instead of shoveling out the same goddamn game year after year with little minor changes and tweaks), EA had some competition, and one of their best competitors was none other than Sega, who released their own NFL games for a long time, going all the way to having Joe “I fucked your mother” Montana as a spokesman to eventually just using the NFL moniker.

Since the early days of the Genesis, there was football. From the original Joe Montana-brand that would evolve into various Sports Talk-branded installments, to the more commonly-titled NFL 95 and Prime Time NFL Football, Sega always seemed to have their collective heads in the football arena. The franchise would skip a year with NFL 97 hitting the Saturn, with this last hurrah being a swan song of sorts. Yes, NFL 98 marked the end of an era in many ways. NFL 98 wasn’t just the last official football game to be released for Sega’s aging 16-bit juggernaut; it was also one of (and I think maybe the) last North American games to get released for the Genesis period. EA had already released their last football hurrah for the Genesis with Madden NFL 98, and it wasn’t long before Sega followed suit. Despite the long running Sega brand of football that had become a staple of the Genesis, NFL 98 really doesn’t do anything new or truly different at all than any of its predecessors, but what really shocks the shit out of me personally here is that isn’t necessarily a bad thing here either.

One of the things that always made Sega’s football games so accessible to me was the ease of being able to pick up the controller, fire up the cartridge, and just have fun on the field. You didn’t need to be a football expert or necessarily know what a Nickel play is or the pros and cons of lining up your offense in the Shotgun formation. Yes, there is a little bit of a learning curve for those who don’t know all that much about what all goes into playing on the grid-iron, but the accessibility of a number of games in the franchise don’t really hamper the overall gameplay and enjoyment out of Sega’s NFL games. NFL 98 follows the same kind blueprint, almost to a tee.

The football plays themselves come off as being a bit smoother than in the previous iterations of NFL 95 and Prime Time, with throwing the ball, running it, and running defensive plays just feeling simpler to do and pull off. Granted playing 16-bit football isn’t necessarily fucking rocket science, but with NFL 98 it just feels like this just feels plain right to put it bluntly. With the Sports Talk games themselves, I always felt like something was missing from them, and while the previously mentioned installments of the series improved on what had been lacking, NFL 98 feels the most authentic and complete of the whole bunch.

Graphically speaking, there isn’t anything in NFL 98 you haven’t already seen plenty of times before. The graphics engine by this time was really starting to show its age, but it still manages to work for what it is without coming off as archaic. Sound effects are pretty much the same recycled crowd cheers, grunts, and hits that have been around forever in the franchise, which isn’t such a bad thing really as it all still sounds relatively good. Game modes are typical including the Exhibition, Playoffs, etc., all of which was pretty much standard at this point when it comes to the football video game world.

All things considered, for every little thing in NFL 98 that we’ve seen and played over and over again before, this is probably the best iteration of the franchise to hit the Genesis. Holding a place in 16-bit history as one of the final American Genesis games to hit the legendary console makes NFL 98 worth checking out alone, but once you get past the aged aesthetics and recycled presentation, you’ll find yourself with a surprisingly deep football game that you’ll keep coming back to for a while. You can find it pretty cheap on eBay, and there are even groups of people all over the internet that have made numerous mods to the game to include updated players and teams. That in itself serves as proof that one way or another, Sega football left as much a lasting impression on gamers all over the country as EA’s Madden games leave on gamers and jock wanna-be’s wallets.

7/10

Uncensored "NHL 98" Review for Sega-16

In case you haven't noticed by now, I fucking love hockey. Everything about it, to actually strapping the skates on and making an ass out of myself, to popping in a good old hockey video game and playing as the video game versions of NHL players. "NHL 98" marked the end of an era, as it was the last 16-bit hockey videogame ever, and surprisingly one of the best. Here's the uncensored and unedited review of the game I wrote for Sega-16, so check it out!



NHL 98 (1997)

Published by Electronic Arts/T*HQ
Developed by High Score Entertainment

One thing that I noticed growing up owning a Sega Genesis was that for some reason, fighting and sports games generally always wound up being better on Sega’s console than they were on their 16-bit rival, the Super Nintendo. Hence my love for EA’s NHL series, which seemed to always deliver the goods in terms of 16-bit hockey action, even if the different yearly variations of the game didn’t appear to offer many differences from one another. NHL 98 is no different, as it helped send the Genesis off to the video game console afterlife by being the last hockey-themed video game to ever hit the system.

As I’ve already said, on the surface it appears that not much has changed cosmetically in terms of this edition of the series, and you’d be right to think so too. However, one thing that NHL 98 includes is a full-season mode, something that hadn’t been included before on previous games in the NHL series thus far for the Genesis. While playing throughout a whole 82 game season followed by the playoffs is the most standard mode of gameplay in hockey video games (or sports video games in general for that matter) today, seeing it unfold here back then was a 16 fucking bit revelation of sorts.

Other game modes include typical features like Exhibition, Playoff series, and a Penalty Shootout mode in addition to the Regular Season, plus NHL 98 also features the first appearance of the Carolina Hurricanes, who had relocated from being the Hartford Whalers of years past. Also included here are international teams which are spectacularly fun to play around with, albeit they aren’t the player rosters that were featured in the 1998 Winter Olympics in Nagano since Midway managed to swipe the video game rights before EA could even attempt to. Despite that though, the international teams are a nice little bonus regardless, even if we’re relegated to having to use Darren “who the fuck am I” Turcotte as the starting Center of Team USA.

Graphically nothing has really changed from previous releases in the series, but there are other changes and improvements made here that really help make NHL 98 so good. There’s “on-the-fly” style coaching tactics during gameplay which was a whole new feature at the time, and really enhances the overall gameplay mechanics instead of the usual “shoot, pass, hit” style that gamers had grown so accustomed to by this installment of the franchise. This also involves a bit of a change-up with the game’s control scheme, which includes the removal of the usual “double-tap” that was necessary to perform certain actions in past installments. All of this adds up to being the fastest and most refined installment of the NHL series on the Genesis, which is kind of fitting considering that this was the last hurrah of Genesis hockey.

The game’s overall presentation has been slightly improved as well, offering a fairly decent representation of a television-based broadcast. Various player and game stats are provided during stoppages in play, rounding out the overall package. The commentating has seen a bit of an upgrade as well this time around, and there’s even some all-new dialogue to boot. Even the arena crowd seems to have gotten a bit of an upgrade in terms of exuberance; with louder and more frequent cheers and jeers to go along with the typical crowd chants and rhythms of yelling “defense” and clapping along with the arena music.

Also debuting around the same time on higher-powered consoles the Playstation and the Genesis successor the Sega Saturn, NHL 98 was sort of seen as an afterthought by Electronic Arts for releasing on the Genesis and its 16-bit rival, the Super Nintendo. So much so as an afterthought that EA decided to employ THQ with the task of distribution rights for both systems, as well as doing the same with the 16-bit 98 editions of Madden and NBA Live as well. Personally, I always kind of found it ironic that the hockey coda on the Genesis would be one of the very best sports games to grace the console. NHL 94 will always be my favorite installment of the series (and to this day the best video game take on hockey ever in my humble drunken opinion), just based on the fact that it was the very first hockey video game I ever played and truly fell in love with, but make no mistake that NHL 98 ranks a very, very close second.

As mentioned before, the graphical drawbacks of NHL 98 fail to detract from the overall superb experience to be found here. Even though it was released in the final days of the Genesis’ lifecycle, this installment managed to take what had already been done so well, and only improve on it. What’s really disappointing though is how few people know about this overlooked gem of a 16-bit sports video game. Newer, fancier, more powerful consoles were out and making an impact on the video game industry, so it really isn’t any surprise that the Genesis edition of NHL 98 got lost in the mix, but the good news is that the game can be fairly easily found to this day, usually with a cheap price tag. That in itself only sweetens the overall deal, especially if you’re a hockey loving Genesis enthusiast, and if you are, NHL 98 deserves to be in your collection.

9/10

Uncensored "Generations Lost" Review for Sega-16

Ever hear of a Genesis game called "Generations Lost"? Yeah, I never did either until really late in the life-cycle of the Genesis, but it managed to stick out in my mind for some fucking reason...that and I reviewed it for Sega-16 due to the fact that there aren't that many Genesis games left available to review, so I figured fuck it...and well, here we are.



GENERATIONS LOST (1994)

Published by Time Warner Interactive
Developed by Pacific Softscape



The Genesis/Mega Drive offers a plethora of platformers that we all know by heart at this point. The Sonic the Hedgehog series, Vectorman, Ristar, and plenty, plenty more besides. Most of them are beloved titles that have stood the test of time and define Sega’s classic 16-bit juggernaut to this very day. In between all those beloved games however are a few that manage to slip in between the cracks of the console’s library and for whatever reason didn’t seem to attract much of an audience. Some are better left unnoticed, while some are real diamonds in the rough…and then there are one or two that don’t really fall into either category at all. They’re not that memorable, but they’re not flat out shit either. Generations Lost is one such game, as it doesn’t offer anything new to the platforming genre, nor does it do anything particularly bad either.

In Generations Lost, you assume the role of a warrior named Monobe, who is on a quest to “search for the past of his people”…or something…I don’t know, nor do I really give a shit either, let’s just get this show on the road. Your real quest is to dodge various environmental hazards and take on an assortment of blood-thirsty creatures and assorted baddies to make it to the end of each level. Along the way is a healthy amount of brain teasing puzzle elements that keep the game from getting too stale too quickly, and offers a nice change of pace to the usual platforming and taking out enemies elements. There’s also a healthy amount of locating secret switches, which in itself ends up becoming more fucking monotonous than need be.

Graphically speaking, Generations Lost offers some pretty decent graphics. Monobe himself is nicely detailed, as are the enemy creatures. They make up for the otherwise bland level visuals, which look like a hodgepodge of designs from past platformers, including an opening jungle stage that looks like it was ripped straight out of the first level of the first X-Men game on the Genesis. Things don’t really change much from that point forward though throughout the game’s six levels, as even though the stage location changes, yet somehow they all seem to manage to look like one another. This sort of betrays the somewhat awesome opening cut-scene of the game, which seems to promise some sort of futuristic action/adventure game, yet judging by the majority of the locations, we get anything but. Still though, the level design itself is solid and offers some pretty good platforming action as well.

Graphical flaws and shortcomings aside, Generations Lost does offer some tight controls. Monobe can do a variety of movements, including run, shoot energy projectiles, and swing and move from platform to platform with relative ease using an energy rope. Yes, Monobe is like Spider-Man but with energy-based technology and armor, and without any whiny musings about his troublesome red-headed bimbo girlfriend or his two-steps-away-from-being-a-fucking-mummy Aunt May (that’s right I said it). Using all these abilities and movements is surprisingly tight and responsive, albeit it takes a little getting used to at first, but after a while it becomes simple to do and pull off, and almost being a little reminiscent of Capcom’s classic NES game Bionic Commando in the process, which is not a bad thing to be compared to in the least.

The game’s difficulty however is a different story. Generations Lost has a steep learning curve, as mentioned before in discussing getting used to the game’s controls, but it doesn’t help matters when the game goes from being easy to increasingly difficult as the game progresses. Once you get through some the hardest parts in the game, things get easy again, before once again getting even fucking harder than before. This can range from the amount of enemies you encounter, to environmental traps popping out of nowhere, to some frustrating puzzles. I’m all for difficulty in a game and getting a good challenge, but when it keeps moving from one end of the spectrum to another and back again and again and again, you’ll be pulling your hair out and shitting your pants in frustration. Even if the game is only six levels long, you’ll be glad it is by the time you reach the end.

All its flaws aside though, Generations Lost still has a lot to offer for Genesis/Mega Drive owners. It has an intriguing enough story that is fairly original for a game of this type and era and a somewhat interesting protagonist on top of that, plus some appealing graphics and tight controls. Its difficulty fluctuation and visually bland levels end up dragging it down, but not to the degree of being unplayable. With all that being said, Generations Lost is a worthwhile enough endeavor to pick up and play. You can find it simply enough on eBay or even download it from a few different places on the internet, so there’s really no harm in giving Generations Lost a whirl.

Score: 6/10

Uncensored "Nightmare Circus" review for Sega-16!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Uncensored "WWF Wrestlemania: The Arcade Game" Review for Sega-16

That's right folks, Sega-16 is back and better than ever...which makes me quite happy for a lot of reasons. In celebration, I finally got to play a good game for once (fuck you "Wrestle War") with "WWF Wrestlemania: The Arcade Game", and I damn sure enjoyed it too. Check out the original review here:

http://www.sega-16.com/2011/08/wrestlemania-the-arcade-game/

With all that being said, here's the complete uncut and uncensored review for the game, so enjoy bitches, we're back!



WWF Wrestlemania: The Arcade Game (1995)

Published by Acclaim Developed by Midway/Sculptured Software



When one thinks of the Genesis and wrestling video games, the first thought that pops up is the Acclaim WWF trilogy. Super Wrestlemania, Royal Rumble, and Raw; all of which have their share of flaws, but remain fun regardless. In the mid-90s, Midway decided to release a badass WWF-based arcade game, using the same sort of digitized character model graphics engine which they managed to find massive success with using in the Mortal Kombat games. The end result is WWF Wrestlemania, which wound up being a hit and spawning numerous console ports. Even though the days of the Genesis were coming to an end, Sega’s 16-bit system got their own version (as did the abominably shitty abortion of hardware known as the 32X attachment, which isn’t all that different from this version), and amazingly enough, it wound up being the best cartridge-based port of the game.

WWF Wrestlemania: The Arcade Game features a handful of the wrestling organization’s top wrestlers at the time: Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, The Undertaker, Razor Ramon, Lex Luger, Bam Bam Bigelow, Yokozuna, and Doink the Clown; all of whom are nicely rendered and animated here on the Genesis. Unlike the Acclaim trilogy mentioned before however, instead of focusing on typical wrestling grapples and such, Wrestlemania instead opts for a super-over-the-top/Mortal Kombat style of fighting action. What’s even more surprising here is that somehow, it manages to work out very well. Between the Undertaker firing spirits and demons like fucking creepy-ass fireballs to Bam Bam Bigelow’s flaming head butts, the game is a welcome change of pace instead of following the same archetype of wrestling games in the past. The action that Wrestlemania offers is fast and frantic, and the totally over-the-top nature of it just makes it that much more enjoyable.

Voice clips from announcers Vince McMahon and Jerry “The King” Lawler are included as well, and while they are relatively sparse compared to the arcade counterpart, their funny quips and dialogue are a nice touch. The game’s sound and music clips as a whole are pretty nicely done as a matter of fact, and combined with the graphics engine, round out a very nice presentation package. The character models themselves aren’t as large or detailed as the arcade game, which is to be expected of course, but for what it’s worth, the end result here is pretty admirable.

One thing I often noticed growing up and being a Genesis owner is that if a game was released on both the Genesis and Super NES, nine times out of ten the Super NES version was the better one in terms of presentation and overall quality, just because of the fact that the Super NES had better internal hardware to work with (“blast processing” my ass Sega). With Wrestlemania, not so much. The Super NES version notoriously left Bam Bam Bigelow and Yokozuna off the character roster, and also only allowed up to three characters on the screen at once. With this Genesis port, not only do we get all the characters, but it also allows four of them on screen at once. This may all sound trivial now (and it kind of is but I don’t really give a shit, I’m 27 years old and playing a Genesis so what dignity I had left is long fucking gone here, let’s be honest), but back then for me, this was a huge deal. Not since the first Mortal Kombat game (which featured a code to unlock all the blood and fatalities of the arcade game, unlike the Super NES which didn’t) could I say that my Genesis got the better port, so this being the way it was then with Wrestlemania warmed my little pre-teen Genesis-loving gamer heart so much that it may have caused my first ever erection (maybe).

As much as I love Wrestlemania though, the game isn’t without its flaws. Even though the Genesis version allows four wrestlers on the screen at once, there is a noticeable degree of slowdown that occurs. It’s not much of a surprise that this is the case, considering these were the waning days of the Genesis’ lifecycle, and developers were really pushing what the aging console could do at this point. Also, considering that this was a game originally created by Midway, the same crew behind the secrets and Easter egg-laden Mortal Kombat and NBA Jam franchises, there aren’t really any extras to be found here. There were long rumors that Adam Bomb was a hidden character within the game, but I’ve never been able to find him, nor have I ever heard of anyone finding him in either the arcade version or any of the home console ports. It’s really a personal minor complaint from me however, so it doesn’t take away any of the game’s overall fun factor.

All in all, WWF Wrestlemania: The Arcade Game was a blast to play back in the mid-90s, and it’s still a blast to play even today. If you’re a 16-bit wrestling game purist and have trouble getting over anything that isn’t quite like the Acclaim trilogy of WWF games, you may have some trouble getting the most enjoyment out of Wrestlemania. That being said though, it’s kind of hard to say no to what basically amounts to being a nigh-Mortal Kombat game starring the best pro wrestlers the WWF had to offer of the 90s era. It’s easy to track down and won’t cost you an arm and a leg on eBay, so do yourself a favor and check it out.

8/10

Uncensored "Judge Dredd" Review for Sega-16!

Remember Judge Dredd? He's a legendary comic book character that infamously got a shitty movie adaptation in the 90s with Sylvester Stallone in the title role. Naturally, there was a video game tie-in to coincide with the film release, and just like the movie, the game sucked ass. You can read the entire original review I wrote for Sega-16 here:
http://www.sega-16.com/review_page.php?id=470&title=Judge Dredd

In the meantime, here's the full-on uncut & unedited review for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!





Judge Dredd (1995) Published by Acclaim Developed by Probe



Why did I do this to myself? Why did I waste so much of my childhood on shitty comic book character-based video games during the 16-bit era? Reflecting back on that time, I can’t honestly say it was time well spent (to say it lightly), with shit-fests like Spider-Man: The Animated Series, Wolverine: Adamantium Rage, Justice League Task Force, Batman Forever, and more besides hitting my Genesis just based on the fact that they starred the comic book characters I loved so much. They also have something else in common too, they were all published by Acclaim; the now defunct publisher responsible for bringing a number of licensed video game tie-in’s to video game form. Judge Dredd is one such game, and like the ones I just mentioned above, it’s pretty fucking wretched.

If you’re sitting there thinking to yourself, “who the hell is Judge Dredd?”, then flash back to 1995, because just about everyone else in the country was asking themselves the same thing. Judge Dredd is a surprisingly legendary comic character made famous by starring in the long running British comic book series “2000 AD”; a comic series that has seen great comic book talents like Alan Moore and Grant Morrison tackle the character. American film rights were purchased (it was originally planned as a vehicle for Arnold “GET TO DA CHOPPA!” Schwarzenegger) and eventually it wound up starring Sylvester Stallone in the title role instead. The film itself was practically universally panned by audiences, fans of the source material or not, and because Acclaim could not leave any stone unturned in terms of video game cash-ins, here we are with Judge Dredd.

Now, finally on to the game itself, Judge Dredd puts you in the role of the tough-guy super cop, as he traverses various hazards of the Cursed Earth taking on all sorts of generic baddies and scumbag criminals. That in a nutshell is the overall gameplay, or rather, lack thereof. Walk right, shoot bad guys, rinse and repeat. There are a few weapon upgrades, and you do have the option to actually apprehend and arrest some perps that surrender, but that in itself proves to be kind of challenging thanks to the wonky and unresponsive controls. Even if the controls weren’t so ungodly, it wouldn’t help the fact that the overall gameplay just isn’t any fun. It’s boring and monotonous, and by the time you actually manage to make a perp surrender, you end up shooting them accidentally because your gun is on permanent rapid-fire and you end up losing some health over it. Why does it have to fucking be like that in the first goddamn place? So make that boring, monotonous, and frustrating to boot.

The graphics aren’t anything special, and in all honesty appear to be a little too darkly rendered. Seriously, sometimes it actually becomes pretty difficult to see what all is happening on the screen. I understand that the environment is pretty much a barren wasteland, but come on now, somebody turn on the lights here. This becomes increasingly noticeable once you beat the movie-based levels and reach the areas that are actually based on the “2000 AD” comic and face-off against the Dark Judges on Deadworld. Like I said before, I know this is a post-apocalyptic setting and all that, but at some points in the game it just gets plain goddamn ridiculous.

While keeping the later post-movie levels in mind, the Deadworld stages are worth the price of admission here. They are actually decently designed and pay a nice homage to the actual source material (i.e. not the shit-fest of a film) with the Dark Judges looking appropriately wicked. That being said though, the boss fights in the game as a whole are woefully unforgiving and cheap. There’s no strategy to any of them, just kill them before they kill you. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad if the game offered a bit more variety than the tiresome bore it winds up being, but the end result is just a miserable endeavor.

The game features a password system, which is a plus because Judge Dredd is a pretty challenging game. There are enemies aplenty and it doesn’t take too many hits to gnaw away at your health either, but this isn’t made any better thanks to the game’s shortcomings in terms of control responsiveness and basic overall gameplay. With all that being said, once you run out of lives and its game over, you’ll be too bored and underwhelmed to even bother punching in the password characters to pick up where you left off.

Looking back on the Judge Dredd character, he’s actually gotten a surprising number of video game adaptations on later consoles as well as the PC. Sadly, none of them have been anything remotely better than anything tolerable. It’s a shame really, because Judge Dredd as a character remains one of the most intimidating and unapologetic tough guy, bad ass motherfucker characters to ever be seen in the pages of a comic book, and he deserves a capable video game treatment that would rightfully do him justice. Come to think of it, he kind of deserves a proper film treatment as well. Wait, what? There is a brand new movie called Dredd on the horizon starring Karl Urban? Will it be any good? Could it be any worse than the Stallone version? Who knows? One thing is for sure though, if there’s a video game adaptation of it, Acclaim isn’t around to make it. That in itself is one thing that we should all be thankful for.

3/10

Uncensored "Rings of Power" review for Sega-16

Ever hear of a game called "Rings of Power"? Didn't think so. You haven't really missed much, although it is pretty infamous in the 16-bit gaming community for the topless girl easter egg. Yeah, you read that right. Anyway, you can check out the edited review I wrote for Sega-16 here:

http://www.sega-16.com/review_page.php?id=714&title=Rings of Power

In the meantime, here's the uncut & uncensored take on "Rings of Power", 16-bit boobs and all...



Rings of Power (1991)

Published by Electronic Arts Developed by Naughty Dog

Before Naughty Dog achieved massive industry fame for developing Crash Bandicoot on the original Playstation, and before Electronic Arts became the mega-conglomerate-esque publisher they are known for being today; the two teamed up to bring us the RPG dirge Rings of Power. Yes, you shouldn’t be surprised that you’ve never heard of this game. No, it isn’t a “lost gem” of sorts to discover in the Genesis/Mega Drive’s library, nor is it a complete turd of a game either, but saying that it is one of the more challenging RPG’s in the 16-bit classic console’s library may be a bit of an understatement believe it or not.

Back in the day (specifically the early 90s), Electronic Arts ported a number of their PC games to the Genesis, with Rings of Power being one of those games. Taking place on an isometric viewpoint, you play a young sorcerer named Buc (who, presumably, likes to fuck) who is on a holy mission to find the eleven rings of power and transform them into the divine and powerful tool known as the “Rod of Creation” (insert dirty joke here, giggity) in an effort to destroy the evil one known only as Void. With the game’s story background in mind, does anything mentioned here sound familiar at all? Well it should, even back in 1991 before Peter Jackson brought the world of J.R.R. Tolkien to the big screen, gamers and critics alike cited Rings of Power’s uncanny resemblance in terms of story to the Lord of the Rings universe. Other than that though, the game’s story, or rather lack thereof, is pretty inconsequential to the game itself.

Gameplay-wise, Rings of Power is one tough shit nugget to crack. So much in the game is so open-ended here that you will lose track of what you’re doing and where you’re going VERY quickly. Add to that the ton of side-quests and events to partake in, and you’ve got yourself a surprisingly deep Genesis RPG. In fact, Rings of Power may be one of the deepest Genesis RPG’s in the system’s library that isn’t named Phantasy Star or Shining Force. That being said, the in-game map is practically useless considering the fact that it neglects to show you any marked locations, and there are really no prompts to give you any idea about what you’re supposed to do next or where to go next, which makes it really easy to get yourself lost, and above all, incredibly frustrated and feeling like you’re not going anywhere in the game. There was an actual paper map that was made available to purchase shortly after the game was released, and it is an essential item to have if you have the guts to embark on this journey. In other words, get your ass over to Ebay if you have any hope of getting through this game.

Graphically speaking, saying that Rings of Power hasn’t aged all that well is saying it lightly. Even though this is a relatively early 16-bit RPG that attempts to pack a ton of ambition into a Genesis cartridge, the graphical drawbacks really aren’t that much of a surprise to be honest. Still though, later RPG’s to come in the Genesis’ lifecycle like Landstalker and Light Crusader which utilizes an isometric point of view and similar graphics engine managed to do things much better and smoother than Rings of Power does. The game’s music is a somewhat typical mish-mash of 16-bit drivel, and needless to say isn’t anything to write home about in the least.

It should also be noted that the game moves a bit slowly. Well, on second thought, Rings of Power moves VERY fucking slowly. Sometimes you’ll feel like you’re walking around in fields made of molasses, which really makes the overall experience not just feel like you’re not getting anywhere, but that you’re going nowhere at a snail’s pace. This may very well be the most glaring flaw of the game, and is what truly makes it or breaks it in terms of the gamer enjoying it. In that case, calling this a bit of a “niche” game for patient RPG’ers really is an understatement.

On a side note, Rings of Power also has a bit of infamy to it, and it has nothing to do with painfully slow gameplay or confusing quest layouts. Mentioned a few weeks ago in a “Lists of Fury” article highlighting the top ten Easter eggs in various Genesis games, number one wound up being the fact that there is a topless girl in Rings of Power. Yes sir, there is a topless girl to be found in the game by holding Down plus the A, B, C, and START buttons on the second controller, and then resetting the console. Next thing you know, there’s a topless blonde chick on your screen in all her 16-bit glory, accompanied by a dog barking in the background. Immature and maybe a bit sexist? Yes it is, but it’s also one of the funniest things ever seen in the 16-bit video game era…and also one of the most fucking random things in the history of fucking ever.

All in all, Rings of Power on the Genesis certainly isn’t the worst RPG you’ll play on the system, but I cannot stress enough just how challenging it is. Even to this day, the game is a pain to traverse through, let alone know what the heck you’re doing. That actually is part of its appeal though believe it or not, as it kind of separated the men from the boys in terms of gamers. Remember, Rings of Power came out before strategy guides and internet tips were the norm like they are today. Back then, you had to rely on your wits and even some ingenuity to find any kind of success with Rings of Power, and even today where it’s incredibly easy to get tips on any vintage video game, somehow this game still proves to be a very challenging, albeit cumbersome and even a bit unfair, take on the RPG genre. With all that being said proceed with caution before you take on this quest. And oh yeah, there’s 16-bit BEWBS!!!

4/10

Uncensored "Wolverine" Review for Sega-16

Here's the uncut & uncensored review for the piece of dung known as "Wolverine: Adamantium Rage" for the Genesis. The edited review written for Sega-16 can be found here:

http://www.sega-16.com/review_page.php?id=981&title=Wolverine: Adamantium Rage


Anyway, here's the full-on uncut & uncooked review, enjoy!



Wolverine: Adamantium Rage (1994)

Published by Acclaim Developed by Teeny Weeny Games/Marvel Software



Marvel’s mutant poster child has had some dubious appearances in video game cartridge form to say the least. LJN was behind Wolverine’s solo outing and his appearance with his fellow X-Men on the two abysmal NES titles, while he also managed to appear in two great side-scrolling X-Men games for the Genesis. Somewhere in the middle of all that falls Wolverine: Adamantium Rage, which finds Wolverine trying to piece together elements of his mysterious past while facing a handful of his own arch-villains in the process. The end result here however is something that may find you pulling your own hair out in frustration and possibly disgust, so strap yourselves in folks; we’ve got yet another unbelievably shitty comic book character-licensed game from the fuckwads at Acclaim.

The game picks up with Wolverine punching, slashing, and brawling his way through various multi-tiered stages, all of which typically end with a boss fight. Such a set up is pretty much standard in the world of video games regardless of the era, but how Wolverine: Adamantium Rage presents this is nothing short of patience-draining. The stages themselves are victims of sloppy level design, leading to constant backtracking and nigh-impossible jumps to make as well. I’ve heard some refer to this game as being a bit Metroid-ish in terms of level design, but while Nintendo’s long running franchise has always been challenging, no Metroid game I’ve ever played has come close to being as frustrating as Wolverine is. Also take note that this is possibly the only time the words Metroid and Acclaim have ever been used in the same discussion. That shit won’t ever happen again in the history of ever, I assure you.

If the overly sloppy and frustrating stage design isn’t enough, Wolverine is a pretty tough game to boot. You don’t have much in terms of health since enemies can drain you pretty quickly, yet they usually take a few good hits from your adamantium claws to go down for good. You can heal yourself however by chilling out for a bit, but you can’t afford to sit and wait to get back to 100 percent health for long though considering you’re on a time limit too. That’s right folks, forget about taking a breather to let your health recharge, you’ve got to get this level beat and you’ve got to do it right the fuck right now, you can’t afford to fuck around. This also kind of kills any ideas of exploring the various levels, not like you’d really want to though, considering that you’d be lucky to navigate yourself through any given stage without having to do any excessive amount of backtracking. There’s occasional puzzle-solving to do too, but combined with the cruddy level design it makes the game feel much less like the action platformer that one would think it would be when looking at the game’s case.

Graphically speaking the game doesn’t look too bad. The animation style is very similar to Acclaim’s Spider-Man: The Animated Series which would be released the following year, and features somewhat similar platforming and jumping mechanics; i.e. annoying and practically fucking broken. The boss villain selection isn’t bad either considering that Wolverine only has so many solo villains to pick from. The ones you’d expect to see like Sabretooth and Lady Deathstrike are here, as are others like Cyber and Elsie-Dee, the latter of whom appears and kills Wolverine whenever the time limit expires. The boss battles themselves are very, very hard. In fact, I often feel like my hitting them is having no effect at all on them, but when they hit Wolverine, he loses nearly a quarter of his fucking health! Plus, why is Wolverine presented here as being so incredibly weak? Anyone who’s ever read an X-Men comic, watched an X-Men cartoon, or seen any of the X-Men movies knows that Wolverine is not someone to be taken lightly in terms of combat, he’s like Jules from “Pulp Fiction”, he’s a bad motherfucker. Here he just comes off as close to a fucking little pussy. His attacks look cool, but that doesn’t help when you’re constantly getting your ass handed to you by look-alike droids and having your head shoved up your ass sideways by a douche bag Wolverine look-alike cyborg named Albert.

To close things out here, Wolverine: Adamantium Rage certainly isn’t the worst game to star or feature Marvel’s merry mutant. While it looks pretty good on the surface, its design flaws are what kills the game from being anything close to as enjoyable as it could and should have been. There’s nothing wrong with a good challenge, but what Wolverine offers is so cheap and unforgiving that you’ll probably toss your controller, system, and cartridge against the wall in frustration before you even attempt to take on the game’s first boss. If you want a video game that treats Wolverine right, you’d better look elsewhere, because this piece of shit sure isn’t it.

3/10

Uncensored "Wrestle War" Review for Sega-16

Alrighty folks, here's my uncensored & unedited review for one of the worst Genesis games I've ever played...WRESTLE WAR!!!!!!!

The edited review I wrote for Sega-16 can be found here:

http://www.sega-16.com/review_page.php?id=997&title=Wrestle War

Anyway, here's the uncut take for you all you video game loving degenerates to enjoy!



Wrestle War (1991)

Published and Developed by Sega

Oh my God this game is bad. I’m not even kidding, this game is fucking horrible. Pro wrestling video games have a long varied history throughout the various console generations. Most prolifically in the 8 and 16-bit eras, publisher Acclaim was responsible for many WWF-based games, but back before Acclaim and the WWF became the norm for wrestling video games, Sega decided to take their chances in the ring with Wrestle War. Now I know what you’re thinking and don’t be surprised that you’ve never heard of this game, due to the fact that Genesis owners never saw it on North American shores. With that being said, we should all be thankful that it wasn’t, because this is one of the most frustrating and boring piece of shit excuses for a wrestling video game in the history of fucking ever.

Originally an arcade game in 1989, Wrestle War puts you in the boots of Bruce Blade, a newcomer to the pro wrestling circuit who is working his way up the championship ladder. This is about as story based as the game gets, but we’re not here to play it for its story after all (and if you do play wrestling video games for their story purposes, seek help retard), we’re here for all the action, all the cheap shots, all the flying off the top rope mayhem that we all know and love. Sadly though, we’re looking in the wrong place, because Wrestle War offers little or nothing like any of that. Instead, we are left with some of the absolute worst controls imaginable in just about any game I’ve played in the Genesis/Mega Drive library, and trust me when I say it, I’ve played some shitty Genesis games in my time, more than even the Angry Video Game Nerd could even possibly attest to (yes I said it). The characters move so stiffly and awkwardly that it’s almost like you’re fighting against the controller more so than your actual opponent. The most important feature of any video game is its controls, and here, Wrestle War fails fucking miserably. Even just punching your opponent can prove to be not just annoying, but nearly impossible to pull off. I’m not even kidding; you’ll be sending your controller flying against the wall in frustration before you even manage to somehow win a match, let alone get to even land a goddamn hit!

In addition to the abysmal controls, Wrestle War boasts an overly bland and just plain boring look (notice how the word “boring” comes up a lot here?). The ring and crowd people are typical stock type, nothing special in the least, but the wrestlers themselves at least appear to be somewhat inspired…and by inspired I mean ripped-off from real marquee wrestlers of the era. You’ll take on wrestlers given monikers like “The Mohawk Kid” and “Sledge Hammer”, which shows that the developers had their tongues planted firmly in cheek when coming up with character ideas, and that in itself is a bit of a plus because this is pro wrestling after all. Other wrestlers, namely “Titan Morgan” and “Don Dambuster” are obviously modeled after industry icons Hulk Hogan and Legion of Doom member Road Warrior Hawk, which kind of adds to the overall appeal character-wise, but at the same time just serves to remind you that what you’re playing is a cheap knock-off of the WWF license and everything that is included with it.

While Wrestle War barely manages to have enough originality to it, the package as a whole won’t keep you coming back for much else. You have to give Sega some credit though for never releasing Wrestle War in the States though, and by some credit, I mean getting down on your hands and knees and thanking Sega for never allowing this turd-bomb of a game to hit your Genesis. Apparently Wrestle War wasn’t well-received enough (if at all) in Japan, Australia, and various parts of Europe to warrant getting released on the American Genesis, and considering that Acclaim’s WWF-licensed games were practically around the corner to hit the system, Sega made a wise move. However, American gamers weren’t completely saved from this garbage known as Wrestle War, as it was included (for some reason, I still can’t figure out why) on the Sega Smash Pack, Vol. 1 compilation for Sega’s Dreamcast, which was released in the waning days of that cult-favorite console’s existence. Just for the sake of reasons to warn retro gamers: the emulation of Wrestle War on the Smash Pack ended up being even worse than the cartridge Mega Drive version if you can believe that. Worse yet? I own that Dreamcast Smash Pack compilation, and hate myself more and more every day for ever buying it, just because of fucking Wrestle War.

To wrap things up, I can’t speak to Wrestle War’s faithfulness to its arcade brethren, for not only have I never played it in the arcade, but I can’t even recall once even seeing a Wrestle War arcade machine, and I was THE arcade rat when I was a kid growing up in the late 80s/early 90s. Regardless of that, I cannot stress enough the vital importance of avoiding Wrestle War if you ever come across it for whatever reason. No matter how cheap you may find it, no matter if you can play the import cart with ease, no matter how much you love vintage pro wrestling video games; avoid Wrestle War at all costs. Trust me motherfuckers; you’ll be glad that you did.

1/10

Uncensored "Spider-Man: The Animated Series" review for Sega-16

If you haven't already checked it out, my review for the "Spider-Man" Genesis game based on the Fox cartoon from the 90s is generating some buzz on Sega-16, so check it out here:

http://www.sega-16.com/review_page.php?id=798&title=Spider-Man: The Animated Series

Anyway, here's the uncensored review in all its glory, enjoy!



Spider-Man: The Animated Series (1995)

Published by Acclaim
Developed by Western Technologies/Marvel Software




Spider-Man has seen a lot of action on the Genesis, with a good chunk of the results being shitty at best. First was way back towards the beginning of the console’s lifecycle with Spider-Man VS The Kingpin, which for all intents and purposes was also the best appearance of the popular Marvel character on Sega’s 16-bit juggernaut. Following titles, Spider-Man/X-Men: Arcade’s Revenge, Maximum Carnage, and Separation Anxiety would be published through Acclaim and ranged in terms of quality (which, like I said before, were mostly shitty but Maximum Carnage is at least tolerable), leading up to this action/platformer based on the popular Fox cartoon iteration of the wall-crawler. Spider-Man: The Animated Series follows the dickhead web-head throughout six levels and features a bevy of villains as well, but the end result sadly proves to be a tiresome bore.

First off, the game looks and plays similar to an earlier Acclaim title based on a popular Marvel character: Wolverine: Adamantium Rage, and yeah, as you may probably guess, that game is a pile of shit too (and actually even worse than this). You run, crawl, swing (barely), and punch your way through a laboratory, a construction site, and more typical stock types of levels, but chances are you won’t get too far due to the fact that the game is just plain boring. Take that as well as some confusing level design into play, and you’ll find yourself spending more time backtracking your way to make sense of just where you’re supposed to go in the first place. Graphically speaking the game doesn’t look bad, but it doesn’t do much to excite either. At least Spider-Man VS The Kingpin was appealing to the eyes.

Assisting you on your quest are all four members of the Fantastic Four. Yes, Mr. Fantastic, the Invisible Woman, the Human Torch, and the clobberin’ Thing are all here to lend you a hand at certain points, but they don’t really add much to the proceedings. The real attraction here is the assortment of villains that appear throughout the game to duke it out with. We’ve got Venom, Doctor Octopus, Lizard, Green Goblin, Scorpion, Chameleon, Vulture, Rhino, Shocker, Mysterio, Owl, Hammerhead, Beetle, Jack O’Lantern, and more besides; and they’re all pretty challenging as well. However, the challenge really comes from the fact that the game’s controls are so delayed that you can actually count about a second or two from the time you press the action button to the time the action is actually performed in the game. That, combined with the fact that a majority of the aforementioned bosses use some real cheap tactics, and the overall challenge really comes down to the game just being somewhat defective by design.

Also, and this is more of a personal gripe to be honest, but why of all the allies Spider-Man could possibly have does it have to be the Fantastic Four? I can only remember them guest-starring on the cartoon during the whole “Secret War” arc, but why couldn’t we have had anyone else instead? Spidey already had Captain America, the X-Men, Ghost Rider, and a couple more besides as back-up in his previous games, but why not include some of his allies from the cartoon that never made it into a Spider-Man video game before like the Punisher, Blade, or Daredevil? Maybe Acclaim wanted to test the waters for a Fantastic Four game for the 16-bit era? Who knows, but they did release a Fantastic Four game for the Playstation though only a year or two later, which stands to this day as one of the worst superhero video games to ever see the light of day. Each of the Fantastic Four have special attacks that take out villains on the screen, including the Thing’s patented “brick-dick” smash where he whips out his dong and lays waste to everyone on screen.

Okay, that part was a lie, but I was really just trying to see if you were paying attention.

Anyway, what’s most surprising about Spider-Man: The Animated Series however is that the game is actually sort of well-revered by gamers. Granted that Maximum Carnage was too, but I can understand the appeal with that game because it actually did offer a somewhat entertaining, button-mashing Street of Rage-style rip-off affair. This game offers cheap enemies, broken jumping and platforming mechanics (some of the jumps are just plain ridiculous and annoying to try to make, think of some of the worst jumps that the old Castlevania games offered to get an idea) and some cruddy level design as well. Why would something like that be so revered I ask? Maybe I’m just terrible at playing it, and if that’s the case, than nothing has changed from the time when I was eleven and popped this in my Genesis for the first time until now.

All things considered, Spider-Man: The Animated Series isn’t abysmal as I’m making it sound, and you’ll definitely find and play worse licensed games on the Genesis than what you find here. Still though, it doesn’t offer much in terms of playability or even having much fun either, but it does offer enough of a challenge that you do kind of want to come back just to prove to the fucking thing that you’re better than it is and will prove it by beating the shit out of it. Do yourself a favor, if you’re a Genesis-owning Spider-Man fan, track down Spider-Man VS The Kingpin instead, or even Maximum Carnage. Either one of those offer a much better take on the Spider-Man universe than this game ever could or ever will.

4/10

Uncensored "Robocop 3" review for Sega-16

I'm pleased to present the uncensored and unedited take on the Robocop 3 for the Genesis review I wrote for Sega-16. You can check out the pussified version here:

http://www.sega-16.com/review_page.php?id=723&title=RoboCop 3

Anyway, this was a game that caused a lot of anger for me as a kid, just because it's basically defective by design. Enjoy!





Robocop 3 (1993)

Published by Flying Edge/Acclaim Developed by Eden Entertainment

Whenever you hear the title Robocop, it just manages to bring up so many memories and thoughts. Most of them are of the 1987 action/sci-fi masterpiece that starred Peter Weller as Murphy, a murdered cop brought back from the dead as a law-enforcing cyborg warrior. A massive hit when first released in theaters, sequels were naturally the order of the day, of which it received two official theatrical releases which were downright horrible, particularly the third film of which this Genesis video game review is based. But just how bad can a game based on an incredibly horrible movie sequel be? I kind of wish I didn’t know honestly, but part of me feels that it should be a public service for me to warn people about Robocop 3. I can’t stress it enough, this is one of the worst licensed piece of shit video games you’ll come across on a 16 bit console.

A side-scrolling action game, Robocop 3 puts you in the role of ‘ol tin-head, as he makes his way through Old Detroit gunning down crooks, scumbags, OCP thugs, and other assorted lookalike fuckwad villains all scrolling they’re way in your general direction. It doesn’t amount to a whole lot though, as the gameplay itself is more simple and mindless than one can hope to imagine. This makes for quite a boring endeavor, which thankfully doesn’t last long in terms of length, although the game’s difficulty may stretch things out a bit longer…AKA painfully fucking longer.

Robocop 3’s difficulty is something that was panned when the game was first released. The NES version was a bit different, and a bit more fun thanks to in-between level mini-games where you could actually fix Robocop’s injuries and damages, while the Super NES follow-up is basically the same thing you get here with the Genesis version, which was released afterwards. Don’t you think that the powers that be would have taken some time to fix some of the negative aspects of the game when porting it to the Genesis? Well, we are talking about the shitbirds at Acclaim here (who use their defunct Flying Edge label here), so that question seems kind of dumb to ask in retrospect. Anyway, the game’s difficulty is largely due to the fact that your enemies always seem to get the better of you, no matter what. This is largely due to the fact that Robocop’s weapon selection is lame, as well as his turtle-ish slow movements and practically broken jumping mechanics and the game’s stiff controls don’t make things any easier either. I know he’s a heavy-ass fucking robot and of course he’s going to move slow and not jump too high, but come on for Christ’s sake here.

The worst aspect of the game’s difficulty however is the fact that when you come into close contact with enemies, your energy gets depleted so fast that you’ll never know what happened. I mean come on now, this is fucking Robocop for crying out loud, HE’S A FUCKING CYBORG! How has he been made so weak here that if your pixels even come in contact with an enemy you’re dead in no time? The developers took Robocop and turned him into a complete pussy, and it’s a crying shame. If they wanted to pussify Robocop so bad, why not instead of his ridiculous death animation, they instead just showed him shitting himself and running away. That’s right I said it, show Robocop taking a big ‘ol robot dump on the ground and running away in fear. At least that in itself would add some entertainment value (and personally I’d purposely make him die every time just to see it).

Graphically speaking Robocop himself resembles his film counterpart well enough, while the villains are the typical stock type that one would come to expect. The stages look a lot alike from one another, most of the time I myself can’t really tell one stage from another to be totally honest. Robocop’s deadly robot nemesis the ED-209, which makes a relatively lame cameo here, actually looks kind of cool, but other than that, the game’s total look is a complete stale bore. Sound-wise we get the same theme repeated over and over again throughout the game, and the game’s sound effects are more annoying than anything else. In short, Robocop 3 is just a typical licensed rush-job, but the question remains as just what the hell was the damn rush? The NES and Super NES versions were already out way before the Genesis version, and it’s not like the movie was that big a hit to warrant a quickly rushed port.

Finding positive points to speak about with Robocop 3 is hard enough to do on its own, but the fact remains that Robocop hasn’t been treated all that well in the video game world. I remember pumping quarters into the old arcade game when I was a kid, and I remember having a blast doing so. The NES version of the game wasn’t bad either, but after that, any game featuring Robocop just hasn’t been able to do the justice that the character so richly deserves (and don’t get me started on the video game abortion that is the first-person shooter take on Robocop released on the XBox a few years ago). That is, besides the excellent Robocop VS The Terminator, which ironically remains not only the best video game use of the Robocop license, but one of the best takes on his fellow cyborg monstrosity The Terminator as well. You’d be much, much better off checking out that game instead, and even if you manage to find Robocop 3 for dirt cheap (which you can), you’d be better off avoiding it all together.

2/10