Why You Shouldn't Hate HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH

The "Halloween" franchise may be the only slasher franchise where every sequel got progressively worse with each installment...except for "Halloween III: Season of the Witch".

That's right, I said it.

"Halloween III" is the best sequel in the franchise without a doubt. Yes I know, "but it doesn't have Michael Myers in it, it's horrible", blah blah blah. Well you know what? The fact that it doesn't have Myers in it makes it the best sequel in the franchise by default...once again, that's right, I said it.

See when John Carpenter unleashed the original classic "Halloween", it became a surprise super smash hit. Naturally a sequel was in order, and that's how we got "Halloween II". While Carpenter didn't direct it (though he did film some of the added gore scenes), he was still calling the shots, and intended for this film to be the end of the Michael Myers saga. That's why Michael and Dr. Loomis get blown up to a crisp at the end of the film and Laurie Strode finally gets away. Carpenter had wanted the franchise to be an anthology-style series where each movie would be its own self-contained story, hence why "Halloween III" has no Michael Myers, etc. and instead told its own story instead.

And what a story it is. An evil Halloween-mask making corporation that seeks to rid the world of those that don't appreciate the true roots of the holiday? Kids getting slaughtered by their own masks? Killer robots and shit??? Yeah, "Halloween III" has all of that (and Tom Atkins) and more, as well as probably the most catchy jingle of a song in the history of ever (Silver Shamrock!). Despite all that, the film has been reviled by audiences since its release, and still is today. Mostly because it was called "Halloween III" and had no Michael Myers. Had this film been called anything else, it still wouldn't have been a hit, but it probably would have garnered a lot more love as time went on that it has otherwise.

Now I'm not saying "Halloween III" is a masterpiece or anything, but come the fuck on, it's without a doubt the best sequel in the whole series. Don't believe me? Here's every film in the franchise broken down for you:

"Halloween" - The original John Carpenter classic.

"Halloween II" - The somewhat disappointing sequel to Carpenter's classic that wraps up everything.

"Halloween III: Season of the Witch" - The standalone movie that tells an original story with new characters that everyone hates.

"Halloween IV: The Return of Michael Myers" - As the title implies, Michael returns to kill his niece. This movie actually made less money than "Halloween III"

"Halloween V: The Revenge of Michael Myers" - Michael still tries to kill his niece. Made even less money than III and IV.

"Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers" - Michael knocks up his niece (yes you read that right), is part of a stupid cult, and features Paul Rudd.

"Halloween H20" - Pretends IV, V, and VI never happened. Brings Laurie back.

"Halloween: Resurrection" - Michael kills Laurie, and gets beat up by Busta Rhymes.

"Rob Zombie's Halloween" - An unbelievably shit remake.

"Rob Zombie's Halloween II" - An unbelievably shitty sequel that at least tried to do some different things with the series as a whole...and failed miserably.

So yeah...after "Halloween III" failed critically and commercially and fans cried out for more Michael Myers, John Carpenter said "no thanks" and sold off his stake of the rights. Myers returned, the series kept going, and kept getting worse and worse. We're actually supposed to get another film sometime soon that is a sequel to the original "Halloween II"...which means everything after that never happened...which is fine because half of that didn't happen as it is right? What?

Fuck this.

Go watch "Halloween III". It's not a perfect movie, but it deserves much more adulation than it's ever gotten...and yeah, it's still the best sequel in the franchise.

30 Years of the NES

30 years ago, Nintendo unleashed the original NES on the American populace...and things were never the same again for any of us. In the wake of the video game crash that came in the years before the release of the NES, no one wanted to touch video games. Did you know that Nintendo actually approached a still-reeling Atari in an effort to partner with so they would have an American distributor, since this was a relatively unfamiliar market for the Japanese giant. Could you imagine how different things would have been in the years to come if Atari and Nintendo would have teamed up?

Anyway, the NES was the first video game console I ever owned. Like I did before with the PS1, I've come up with a list of games here that are on the console that have meant the most to me as a kid, and still mean the most to me to this very day. Only difference is I'm just going to make a straightforward list of the 30 games that mean the most to me, instead of talking about each and every one of them. All I will say is that this is the console that introduced me (and all of us) to Mario, Castlevania, Zelda, Contra, Metal Gear, and more besides. This list is in no particular order in terms of what is the best or anything like that, so don't get all shitty if it's not in the order you prefer it to be.

So, here we go...

1. Super Mario Bros (1 & 3, not 2)
2. Castlevania
3. Contra
4. Blades of Steel
5. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game
6. Baseball Stars
7. Legend of Zelda
8. Double Dragon II
9. Tetris
10. Golgo 13: Top Secret Episode
11. Ninja Gaiden
12. Paperboy
13. Rampage
14. River City Ransom
15. Bubble Bobble
16. Battletoads
17. Duck Tales
18. Batman
19. Tiny Toon Adventures
20. RC Pro Am
21. Jackal
22. Mighty Final Fight
23. Mega Man 2
24. Life Force
25. Smash TV
26. Bucky O'Hare
27. Kid Icarus
28. Metroid
29. Kirby's Adventure
30. Blaster Master

So that's that, anything you guys think I missed? Anything you wanna lynch me over? Well kiss my ass, I'm old.

A NEW "FRIDAY THE 13TH" GAME?!??!?!

Holy fucking hell there's going to be a new "Friday the 13th" game coming out? And you get to play as Jason fucking Voorhees? And you get to hunt down horny camp counselors? And it's loaded with blood, guts, and nudity? And it's officially sanctioned by original film director Sean Cunningham?

This is too good to be true.

Well, the game isn't quite created yet. It's actually on a Kickstarter campaign at the moment that is gaining some steam. The game itself is a multiplayer-style affair, as one player plays as Jason and seven other players take on the roles of his would-be victims as they try to hide from our favorite hockey mask-wearing, machete-wielding mass murderer. Yes, you read all that right.

This has all the recipes to be something awesome.

Then again, this also has all the recipes to be a disaster.

Considering this is a Kickstarter game, who knows if it will ever see the light of day. It just might (I honestly think it will, albeit not as soon as many would hope), but that possibility is there in the forefront given the history of video games trying to get going via Kickstarter. That being said, considering it has the OK from Sean Cunningham, and all the press it has gotten so far, this could be the game that makes us forget about that NES abortion from the late 80s...you know, that game that is probably one of the worst video games ever made?

No I'm not fucking exaggerating, that NES "Friday the 13th" game fucked me in the head so much as a kid that whenever I throw stones or rocks, I automatically make them curve upwards over their intended targets. Don't get that reference? You're lucky and I'm happy for you. You do get that reference? Then we know each other's pain.

Anyway, I truly hope this game sees the light of day, and I hope it's what we all are yearning for it to be. Either way, I can't wait to play it.

Oh shit wait, I said I'd never buy a next-gen console...and it's only going to be on PS4 and XBox One...

...shit.

Superhero Movies Are Boring Me to Tears

Once upon a time, superhero movies were two things: rare, and rarely good. You'd never know that today though. It feels like there's a new one coming out every month or so. Most of them are pretty high quality too in terms of budget and production, which is a far cry from how shit used to be back in the day. The Marvel movies in particular always seem to have super production values and are wonderfully polished, etc. That's why they make a shitload of cash in theaters after all...because they're pretty, they're from Marvel, and they're the cool thing for now...

...and they have bored the hell out of me lately.

There used to be a time when I ate this shit up like it was fucking opium-flavored cereal, but that time is long gone. Case in point: I watched "Avengers: Age of Ultron" last night and I was bored to tears. I'm not saying it's a bad movie or anything, because it certainly isn't. There's nothing bad about it in all honesty, it's just that I was flat out bored. How could I be bored about all the action and mayhem happening on screen? Well, it's the same problem that most, if not all, of the Marvel movies have: the stakes never seem all that high. Even though the climax of every single Marvel movie is a goddamn massive battle of some sort, it never feels like there's some massive shit happening that's going to have massive ramifications.

Now to explain another point, look at "Man of Steel", and no, I'm not saying DC movies are better than Marvel, so don't get your fanboy panties in a bunch. Anyway, despite its flaws, "Man of Steel" felt like the stakes were extremely high, with half of a city being obliterated and thousands of people meeting their end as two superhumans battled each other. In real life, if such beings existed and duked it out, this is what it would be like (granted if this works for being a Superman story is another entry for another day, but I digress). We feel invested because this is some major world-shattering shit happening that will end up having major ramifications down the road. With the Marvel movies, we all know they're gearing towards Thanos and all that, which is all well and good and I'm excited to see that, because finally it'll be a Marvel movie with some major stakes on the line.

And speaking of Thanos, maybe the reason it never feels like there are major stakes is because we know he is where all the Marvel flicks lead, so nothing else will come close to matching him? Or, maybe it's because every time Marvel looks like they're going to kill off a character (Fury, Coulson), they bring them back in a dumb ass way (they're not really dead). I mean that's not a surprise since that's been Marvel's calling card in comics for decades (anyone who dies isn't really dead), whereas in DC when they off a character, they are deader than shit and actually get resurrected.

Regardless, it all boils down to personal preference I guess. I just wish this shit didn't bore me so much nowadays. There was a time when I loved everything about superheroes and comic books, etc. Maybe I finally grew up in my 30s?

Nah, growing up is for pussies.

As you're reading this, I'm literally sitting in my recliner typing this, eating Count Chocula and watching "Rocco's Modern Life". Fuck the world.

"The Babadook", "It Follows", and How Hype Kills Horror

Hype can be a terrible thing, especially when something in the horror genre receives mainstream praise.

Case in point are two very recent films that seemed to do similar things when they got hyped up by pretty much everyone. "The Babadook" and "It Follows". Both films are supernatural in nature, with "The Babadook" revolving around a mentally fragile mother and her physically draining you son contending with a monster, while "It Follows" finds a young girl haunted by a demonic entity that gets transmitted like an STD. While both films have plenty of subtext and underlying themes, etc.; both of them also received a shitload of acclaim from the mainstream press.

For hardcore horror fans, mainstream recognition and acclaim is usually the kiss of death to the rest of us.

Now amongst many of MY ilk (i.e., people that don't consider "The Ring" the greatest thing ever), we tend to not like either movie, but it seems like "The Babadook" gets a more positive reaction to "It Follows". From my own personal view, I surprisingly enjoyed "It Follows" quite a bit, and I totally fucking hated "The Babadook". In fact, I consider "The Babadook" the most overrated horror film that I can remember of this decade. I can understand why many didn't seem to enjoy "It Follows", but I really enjoyed it.

Anyway, personal tastes aside, when a horror movie gets any type of mainstream press or positivity, it's usually because something about it is designed to appeal to a mainstream audience in the first place. Horror movies can range from being truly scary to just plain sick and shocking for the sake of being sick and shocking. For those of us who have pretty much seen everything the genre has to offer, it usually takes a hell of a fucking lot to impress us. For a mainstream audience that doesn't usually go for this type of thing, it takes a hell of a lot less to impress them.

That is why with horror, and pretty much everything else, when you hear the hype train coming with everyone hopping on it, you should probably ignore it until you see the product for yourself to decide if it's worthwhile or not.

Also whatever you do, don't watch "The Babadook". You'll want to rip your own eyeballs out and shove knives in your ears. If you've had the displeasure of seeing it, you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't seen it...don't. Just fucking don't.

More "Prometheus"? More "Alien"? MORE SHIT!

Remember a while back when I talked about Neill Blomkamp making a new "Alien" movie? Well yes, that's still happening (allegedly), but that's not the only "Alien"-related film we'll be getting. Ridley Scott, director of the original "Alien" and its recent, less than well-received semi-prequel "Prometheus" has announced that the latter film is indeed getting a sequel, albeit with a brand new title that literally almost none of us really saw coming:

"Alien: Paradise Lost".

So much for not being a prequel and just a separate, stand-alone film that takes place in the same universe huh?

That was the line of shit we were given before and during the original release for "Prometheus" in 2012 and beforehand, that it wasn't a traditional prequel, but would tell its own story, just in the same universe. Considering how lukewarm the reception for that film ended up being, it's not surprising that the suits at Fox more than likely told Scott "make it a straight prequel to fucking 'Alien', right fucking now". In fact, that's what I'm betting actually happened.

For all its flaws, I found "Prometheus" to be an intriguing film. It was predictable and not as enjoyable as I had hoped it would be, but it is beautifully shot, well-acted, and the surgical "abortion" scene is fucking horrifying. It just didn't end up being as epic in scope as we had all hoped it would be, and honestly made little sense in the grand scheme of things...which pretty much meant from the get-go we were going to get a sequel no matter what.

So now that's not just one, but two "Alien"-related films are on the horizon (with Scott allegedly producing Blomkamp's film as well). Who would have thought? "Alien Resurrection" in all honestly should have been the final nail in the "Alien" franchise's coffin (I don't count the "Alien VS Predator" movies) and here we are now in 2015 knowing that we're getting a couple more...and also knowing that both will probably kind of suck if we're being honest with ourselves. They'll look beautiful for sure, but will more than likely suck donkey cock.

Now I know I'm being a negative nancy as usual and such, and believe me no one is hoping these films are amazing more than I am, but I've been through this too much with this fucking franchise to know much better.

Is there any way we can get Lance Henriksen to star in both films? Please?

20 Years of the PS1

It's hard to believe that the original Playstation is 20 years old. It really doesn't seem like it was that long ago that I got my hands on one for the first time. Not since maybe the original NES was there ever a console in our lifetimes that was such a total game changer like the PS1. Everyone owned one, literally fucking everyone you can think of had the original Playstation.

To celebrate 20 years since the launch of the original Playstation, I'm going to reminisce a bit. I'm going to list 20 games that mean the most to me, or namely the 20 games that come to mind when I think of the fun and sometimes flat-out amazing times I had with my PS1 way back when. Now this isn't a "best of" list or anything of the sort, because some of the games I'm about to list are just plain terrible, but these are the ones I played the most, and thus have become kind of endearing to me because of it.

Strap yourselves in folks...

CASTLEVANIA: SYMPHONY OF THE NIGHT

Yeah, you knew this would be on here. I grew up with "Castlevania" since the NES days. Playing a "Metroid"-style take on the franchise was a new thing at the time, and it was (and still is) immensely enjoyable. This was before the internet and strategy guides (for the most part), so when the castle flips upside down after you think you beaten it made my head explode.

METAL GEAR SOLID

I vaguely remember playing "Metal Gear" on the NES as a kid. It frustrated the hell out of me (still does) mostly due to the archaic stealth elements. Here, all that has been put in a 3D environment beautifully. Packed with surprises, engaging characters, and a brilliantly designed game engine; this game was way ahead of its time, and influenced hordes of duplicates and rip offs for years to come.

NHL FACEOFF

This was one of the two games I got as a gift when I first got my PS1. Playing it now makes you realize how far hockey video games have come over the years, but for its time, this was fucking amazing. Fast, super fun, and featuring some really cool 32-bit effects. Its follow ups would kill it, but the original "NHL Faceoff" will forever hold a special place in my heart.

STREET FIGHTER: THE MOVIE

...and this piece of shit was the second of the two video games I received as a gift. It's terrible, really terrible. Not unplayable terrible, but terrible nonetheless. There's way better fighting games on the console than this, but at the time, I really enjoyed what this had to offer...which tells you a lot right there about how easy to please I was back then.

RESIDENT EVIL 2

With all the nostalgic love I have for the original "Resident Evil", its first sequel is what made me feel like I was playing a zombie movie. Genuinely surprising, shocking, and filled with massive environments, "Resident Evil 2" remains the best game in the franchise of the 32-bit era. Nothing else comes close.

2XTREME

Another relative piece of crap, "2Xtreme" is the sequel to the PS1 launch title "ESPN Extreme Games" (which would be re-titled "1Xtreme" in future re-releases) that features a whole bunch of EXTREME (but not really) races. It's simple, and relatively torturous to play now, but like I said, back then I was really easy to please.

JET MOTO

Another simple, and relatively shoddy, racing game. This time though you're on weird hoverbike-type things and there's Mountain Dew logos everywhere. Awesome soundtrack and really easy to pick up and play to this very day.

TWISTED METAL 2

I love the original "Twisted Metal", but the sequel is when the series really hit its stride and carved an identity for itself. Darker, more intricate, and featuring a variety of unforgettable characters, this remained the best in the series until "Twisted Metal: Black" for the PS2. Still a total fucking blast to play.

SILENT HILL

The first survival horror game I ever played that genuinely freaked me the fuck out, the original "Silent Hill" took the technological limitations of the PS1 and managed to use them to its advantage with super atmospheric fog effects and creepy environments. Though it hasn't aged all that well, it's still creepy as all hell.

PROJECT: OVERKILL

An isometric shooter that in all honesty is boring as sin, "Project: Overkill" packs a lot of blood and gore into basic shooting mechanics. It isn't anything special, but once again like I said, I was easy to please. I enjoyed it back then and this was actually the first PS1 game I actually completely beat. For that alone, it has a special place in my heart.

TEKKEN 3

I fucking love "Tekken". I always have, and no matter how shitty the series has gotten, I always will. As much as I played and loved the first two games, it was "Tekken 3" that really did me in. For its time, it looked gorgeous and played so silky smooth that it really was like playing the arcade game at home. That, and the tons of additional modes and hidden characters give it so much replay value that I literally spent YEARS playing the hell out of it.

WIPEOUT

I didn't own a Super NES in my youth, but a friend of mine had one, and we played "F-Zero" nonstop. "Wipeout" is all that and more besides. The first game in the long running series, this game made my fucking eyes bleed. Well, it felt like it anyway.

DESTRUCTION DERBY 2

As much as I enjoyed the first game, its first sequel flat out murdered the original. More modes, more cars, more destruction. And it's insanely fun to play to this very day despite its drawbacks.

GRAND THEFT AUTO

The original GTA is pretty primitive today, but it was the beginning of open world carnage. For its time, it was shocking what you could do in the game, and it was fun going around murdering and stealing cars. Playing it today...well, it's terrible, but back then, it was something really special. I played the hell out of it.

WWF SMACKDOWN!

I'm a sucker for wrestling games, and the first "Smackdown!" game was so damn fun and surprisingly deep for its time. Unlike THQ's WCW games for the N64, the first "Smackdown!" game was a little more arcade-y and offered a ton of different options for matches. Plus it had all the belts and even options to set up your own programming match schedule as well. Super fun.

EINHANDER

I'm a sucker for shmups too. "Einhander" was unlike a majority of them, offering some relatively cool 3D effects to go along with the 2D side scrolling. It played a lot like "R-Type", but not as hemorrhage-inducing. It's also fairly pricey on the eBay market for some reason as well.

PARASITE EVE

A mix of survival horror and RPG, the first "Parasite Eve" tells a surprisingly mature story while piling on blood and guts. I've never been much of an RPG fan, but the story of "Parasite Eve" ensnared me and I couldn't wait to see what would happen next. Still awesome.

GUILTY GEAR

2D fighters were disappearing when the original "Guilty Gear" was released. It offered some surprisingly well animated (the PS1 really wasn't that good at 2D games, especially when compared to the Sega Saturn) and memorable characters, as well as a super kickass soundtrack. It's also spawned numerous sequels and spin-offs which have plundered my wallet over the years to come.

SPIDER-MAN

Comic book character-based video games tend to suck, especially back then (thanks Acclaim). Activision got the "Spider-Man" license and ran with it. For the first time ever, you felt like you actually WERE Spider-Man (mostly). It utilized his rogues gallery really well, and had a nice number of cameos from other Marvel heroes. Plays like shit today, but the game engine was also used for Activision's massively popular "Tony Hawk" games.

ALIEN TRILOGY

Back in the day, I played a lot of first-person shooters. Playing one based on the "Alien" franchise on a home console was a new thing for me, and this delivered. Playing like "Doom" with Xenomorph's, "Alien Trilogy" is still fucking good to this day...even if its story makes absolutely no fucking sense.



Well, that's it. That's my 20 Playstation games that have a special place in my heart. Like I had said, a lot of these are far from the best the classic console has to offer, but goddammit, they mean something to me.

That's all for now folks. See y'all soon.