30 YEARS OF JASON LIVES!

Out of all the slasher franchises from the 80s, I think the one I have the softest spot for is the FRIDAY THE 13TH flicks. I really wish I could give a concrete reason why that is, but I can't. I guess I've always been kind of drawn to Jason Voorhees more so than Michael Myers, and even Freddy Krueger. Or maybe it's the buffet of boobs the series is known for as well? Who knows?

Anyway, today marks the 30th anniversary of a fan favorite of the franchise. On August 1, 1986, FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VI: JASON LIVES was released theatrically. This was the first film in the series to feature an undead Jason Voorhees after he is idiotically brought back to life (he was legitimately killed in Part 4 and wasn't in Part 5 at all), and was also the first film in the series to inject a lot of humor and self-awareness into it as well. This is apparent based on the film's storyline, characters, and plot elements; all of which are gleefully tongue in cheek and just totally damn fun.

While Part 4 is, in my opinion anyway, the best film in the series, JASON LIVES is pretty damn close to it. Even if you're not a fan of the franchise, you should give this one a look at the very least; it's really seriously that damn enjoyable. And it also has that amazing Alice Cooper theme song as well, which switches between cracking me the fuck up with laughter or wanting to make me rock the fuck out every single time I hear it.

Oh, and there's not a single boob in sight either, go figure.

A NEW "FRIDAY THE 13TH" GAME?!??!?!

Holy fucking hell there's going to be a new "Friday the 13th" game coming out? And you get to play as Jason fucking Voorhees? And you get to hunt down horny camp counselors? And it's loaded with blood, guts, and nudity? And it's officially sanctioned by original film director Sean Cunningham?

This is too good to be true.

Well, the game isn't quite created yet. It's actually on a Kickstarter campaign at the moment that is gaining some steam. The game itself is a multiplayer-style affair, as one player plays as Jason and seven other players take on the roles of his would-be victims as they try to hide from our favorite hockey mask-wearing, machete-wielding mass murderer. Yes, you read all that right.

This has all the recipes to be something awesome.

Then again, this also has all the recipes to be a disaster.

Considering this is a Kickstarter game, who knows if it will ever see the light of day. It just might (I honestly think it will, albeit not as soon as many would hope), but that possibility is there in the forefront given the history of video games trying to get going via Kickstarter. That being said, considering it has the OK from Sean Cunningham, and all the press it has gotten so far, this could be the game that makes us forget about that NES abortion from the late 80s...you know, that game that is probably one of the worst video games ever made?

No I'm not fucking exaggerating, that NES "Friday the 13th" game fucked me in the head so much as a kid that whenever I throw stones or rocks, I automatically make them curve upwards over their intended targets. Don't get that reference? You're lucky and I'm happy for you. You do get that reference? Then we know each other's pain.

Anyway, I truly hope this game sees the light of day, and I hope it's what we all are yearning for it to be. Either way, I can't wait to play it.

Oh shit wait, I said I'd never buy a next-gen console...and it's only going to be on PS4 and XBox One...

...shit.

ANOTHER "NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET" REMAKE?!?!?!?!?!

We're getting a "A Nightmare on Elm Street" reboot...for the second time.

Wait, what?

Yes that's right, after the 2010 reboot of the beloved slasher series, we're going to get ANOTHER reboot as well. Why? Was the reception to the 2010 reboot really that bad?

Well...yes, it was. Reception to that was never good to begin with...and it was never going to be. I can't speak for that film myself, because I've never ever seen it. I refused to from the minute I heard about it. While I gave new takes on "Friday the 13th" and "Halloween" a chance in the past, I refused to give one to "A Nightmare on Elm Street", and I still won't.

Now why have I given the newer takes on "Friday the 13th" and "Halloween" a chance whereas I didn't give one to the new "Elm Street"? Well there's a few reasons. For starters, the remakes/reboots/re-whogivesafuckingshit of "Halloween" and "Friday the 13th" were shit (granted I actually kind of enjoyed "Friday the 13th"), but we knew they'd be shit going into it. At their hearts, they're just simple slasher fare that features an invincible killer pitted against horny teenagers. The "Elm Street" franchise has always been a lot more high concept than the rest of its slasher ilk. Freddy Kruger haunts your dreams, which means that anything is possible to happen. Even in the worst films of the "Elm Street" franchise, the deaths are super creative. With a modern day reboot produced by Michael fucking Bay, the word "creativity" just doesn't exist. That's why we knew beforehand not to even bother with it; we already knew it'd be total fucking garbage...and hey, we were right.

So because we were right, we're being punished again with ANOTHER reboot. That's right, they're not going to stop beating this dead horse until they can squeeze just a little more cash out of it and get a whole "new" franchise out of it with more sequels, prequels, then more remakes and reboots of those sequels, etc.

Come the fuck on. Those beloved slasher icons from the 70s/80s like Freddy, Jason, Leatherface, Michael Myers, etc. are everlasting because when we first saw them, the films they appeared in were actually good and original and we wanted to see more of them. It was only after a while that we got sick of it all because it winded up being the same old shit, but at least most of those franchises tried to re-invigorate themselves by injecting some new blood now and then without going the remake route (at least at first).

So yeah, we're getting another "Elm Street" whether we want it or not. I think since we didn't want one the last time, what's really changed in the last five years that makes Hollywood execs think we'd want one now?

Don't give into this guys, save your money and time for something at least somewhat original. It's better for all of us that way, plus for the industry as a whole.

Fuck this.

ANOTHER "FRIDAY THE 13TH"?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Ho-hum, we're getting another "Friday the 13th" movie...or remake...or reboot...or whatever you wanna call it. Just like every other slasher franchise from back in the day, "Friday the 13th" will never die...and you know what? I think that's actually a good thing...at least in the case of this franchise.

Contrary to what many in the horror community thought, I actually surprisingly enjoyed the 2009 remake/reboot of "Friday the 13th". I understand why many did not, I truly do, but for me personally it delivered the goods in everything that fans of that franchise look for: blood, plenty of boobs, smoking pot, and a very physically imposing Jason Voorhees. Like I said, it wasn't for everybody, but I enjoyed the shit out of it.

Now that brings us to this next new take on the franchise. Normally I'd be shitting all over it and screaming for it to "please die"...but in the case of "Friday the 13th", this is probably one of the absolute few franchises that I never want to die. Why? Well, quite frankly, this franchise hasn't gotten the shaft put to it as much as others of its ilk like "Halloween" and "Texas Chainsaw Massacre"; both of which have seen numerous sequels, remakes, reboots, prequels, and other sequels that don't count anymore. Both of those franchises are damaged so bad that any new films to come out for either are just...well, they're dead on arrival.

Now I know what you're going to say: "but we had movies with Jason going to hell and him in space and him fighting Freddy! You're a hypocrite!" To that, I would agree with you (mostly), but at least the franchise hasn't been fucked over time after time like those previously mentioned. Maybe I'm just partial because the "Friday the 13th" franchise is probably my favorite slasher series, but even the worst sequels in the series are better than any of the recent films to come out with "Halloween" and "Texas Chainsaw" attached to it.

Now, since we are getting another "fresh" take on "Friday the 13th", depending on how things with it go, maybe we'll eventually have that final nail in the coffin of the franchise hammered upon us if it gets fucked with too much. That wouldn't surprise me in the least honestly, and I'd have to be pretty naive to think that day would never come. That aside, I can still get behind another take on it...for now that is.

Just remember: smoke pot, have premarital sex, and try not to get slaughtered in the process.