Remembering Wes Craven

Wes Craven has lost his battle with brain cancer at the age of 76. The man lived a good, long life and was already known as a horror legend before his passing. Looking back on the man's filmography, including just what all he's had his fingers in over the years, really helps in terms of fully appreciating what all Craven lent his talents to.

While claiming to have helmed some pornographic features back in his early days of filmmaking, Craven really burst onto the scene with the infamous "The Last House on the Left" in 1972. Afterwards he brought us the original "The Hills Have Eyes", as well as the underrated "Deadly Blessing" and a hysterical adaptation of "Swamp Thing". But it was in 1984 when he unleashed "A Nightmare on Elm Street" and introduced us to slasher icon Freddy Krueger that really cemented Craven as a true icon of the genre. He would follow that with "The Serpent & The Rainbow", "Shocker", "The People Under the Stairs", "New Nightmare", "Deadly Friend", "Vampire in Brooklyn", and the "Scream" franchise as a director, while serving as a producer on a number of various horror flicks including "Mind Ripper", "They", the "Wishmaster" series, and "Dracula 2000", as well as remakes of "The Hills Have Eyes" and "Last House on the Left".

A lover of classical music, Craven even ventured outside horror to helm the 1999 "Music of the Heart" starring Meryl Streep. Though I was never a fan of the "Scream" films, they have their place in horror history for re-invigorating the slasher genre in the 90s (for better or worse), which wouldn't have been possible without Craven's slick and imaginative direction. The man did more to legitimize the horror genre than anyone else from his era of filmmaking. For that, he will always be beloved.

So sadly, even though Wes Craven has passed on, he leaves behind a body of work that many of his contemporaries can barely rival. He was special as a man, and as a filmmaker, and his work remains iconic all these years later, and always will forever more.

Rest in peace Wes, you've earned it.

ANOTHER "NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET" REMAKE?!?!?!?!?!

We're getting a "A Nightmare on Elm Street" reboot...for the second time.

Wait, what?

Yes that's right, after the 2010 reboot of the beloved slasher series, we're going to get ANOTHER reboot as well. Why? Was the reception to the 2010 reboot really that bad?

Well...yes, it was. Reception to that was never good to begin with...and it was never going to be. I can't speak for that film myself, because I've never ever seen it. I refused to from the minute I heard about it. While I gave new takes on "Friday the 13th" and "Halloween" a chance in the past, I refused to give one to "A Nightmare on Elm Street", and I still won't.

Now why have I given the newer takes on "Friday the 13th" and "Halloween" a chance whereas I didn't give one to the new "Elm Street"? Well there's a few reasons. For starters, the remakes/reboots/re-whogivesafuckingshit of "Halloween" and "Friday the 13th" were shit (granted I actually kind of enjoyed "Friday the 13th"), but we knew they'd be shit going into it. At their hearts, they're just simple slasher fare that features an invincible killer pitted against horny teenagers. The "Elm Street" franchise has always been a lot more high concept than the rest of its slasher ilk. Freddy Kruger haunts your dreams, which means that anything is possible to happen. Even in the worst films of the "Elm Street" franchise, the deaths are super creative. With a modern day reboot produced by Michael fucking Bay, the word "creativity" just doesn't exist. That's why we knew beforehand not to even bother with it; we already knew it'd be total fucking garbage...and hey, we were right.

So because we were right, we're being punished again with ANOTHER reboot. That's right, they're not going to stop beating this dead horse until they can squeeze just a little more cash out of it and get a whole "new" franchise out of it with more sequels, prequels, then more remakes and reboots of those sequels, etc.

Come the fuck on. Those beloved slasher icons from the 70s/80s like Freddy, Jason, Leatherface, Michael Myers, etc. are everlasting because when we first saw them, the films they appeared in were actually good and original and we wanted to see more of them. It was only after a while that we got sick of it all because it winded up being the same old shit, but at least most of those franchises tried to re-invigorate themselves by injecting some new blood now and then without going the remake route (at least at first).

So yeah, we're getting another "Elm Street" whether we want it or not. I think since we didn't want one the last time, what's really changed in the last five years that makes Hollywood execs think we'd want one now?

Don't give into this guys, save your money and time for something at least somewhat original. It's better for all of us that way, plus for the industry as a whole.

Fuck this.

ANOTHER "FRIDAY THE 13TH"?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Ho-hum, we're getting another "Friday the 13th" movie...or remake...or reboot...or whatever you wanna call it. Just like every other slasher franchise from back in the day, "Friday the 13th" will never die...and you know what? I think that's actually a good thing...at least in the case of this franchise.

Contrary to what many in the horror community thought, I actually surprisingly enjoyed the 2009 remake/reboot of "Friday the 13th". I understand why many did not, I truly do, but for me personally it delivered the goods in everything that fans of that franchise look for: blood, plenty of boobs, smoking pot, and a very physically imposing Jason Voorhees. Like I said, it wasn't for everybody, but I enjoyed the shit out of it.

Now that brings us to this next new take on the franchise. Normally I'd be shitting all over it and screaming for it to "please die"...but in the case of "Friday the 13th", this is probably one of the absolute few franchises that I never want to die. Why? Well, quite frankly, this franchise hasn't gotten the shaft put to it as much as others of its ilk like "Halloween" and "Texas Chainsaw Massacre"; both of which have seen numerous sequels, remakes, reboots, prequels, and other sequels that don't count anymore. Both of those franchises are damaged so bad that any new films to come out for either are just...well, they're dead on arrival.

Now I know what you're going to say: "but we had movies with Jason going to hell and him in space and him fighting Freddy! You're a hypocrite!" To that, I would agree with you (mostly), but at least the franchise hasn't been fucked over time after time like those previously mentioned. Maybe I'm just partial because the "Friday the 13th" franchise is probably my favorite slasher series, but even the worst sequels in the series are better than any of the recent films to come out with "Halloween" and "Texas Chainsaw" attached to it.

Now, since we are getting another "fresh" take on "Friday the 13th", depending on how things with it go, maybe we'll eventually have that final nail in the coffin of the franchise hammered upon us if it gets fucked with too much. That wouldn't surprise me in the least honestly, and I'd have to be pretty naive to think that day would never come. That aside, I can still get behind another take on it...for now that is.

Just remember: smoke pot, have premarital sex, and try not to get slaughtered in the process.

"Halloween Returns"...to Piss You Off!

Oh “Halloween”, how I’ve loved thee so. The slasher franchise that helped kickstart…well, slasher franchises in general, is getting another “re-imagining”. Oh wait, I’m sorry, it’s a “re-working”…or a “reboot”? No, none of that? It’s a sequel to Rob Zombie’s shitty remakes? No, not that either? It’s a direct sequel to “Halloween III” (SILVER FUCKING SHAMROCK!)? Because if it was that, I’d be all over it like a drunken priest at a pre-school.

No, the new “Halloween” movie is none of the above. Tentatively titled “Halloween Returns”, this installment is instead a follow up the original “Halloween II”. How is that going to work you ask?

Fuck if I know.

The “Halloween” franchise is weird when you get right down to it. Of course we have the classic original, then we have the first sequel which for me was always a letdown, but at least it wrapped up the story as a whole that John Carpenter had planned. We then got a standalone film with “Halloween III”, which bombed with audiences (and is severely underrated). After that we got two more sequels that brought Michael Myers back as he chased after his niece. Following that we got another film that exposed Myers’ part in a cult as to why he can’t die. After that, we got two more films in which Jamie Lee Curtis came back as Laurie Strode and ignored the previous three films before it, concluding with Michael getting his ass handed to him by fucking Busta Rhymes for fuck’s sake. Years later, we got an unnecessary remake that had an even more unnecessary backstory for Michael, followed by an experimental sequel that was a literal flaming turd.

Fuck me man, can we just let it end already?

I know that slasher franchises are designed to keep going on and on forever, whether it is through sequels, remakes, reboots, etc., but there comes a time when enough is enough. Look at the “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” movies. There have been numerous sequels, prequels, remakes, and re-imaginings, and none of them manage to come close to how great the original film was.

Now I know that it’d be stupid to expect a new “Halloween” film, no matter what kind of film it is, to top the original, but that’s not what any of us are expecting in the first place, because no follow up to that ever will. It’s the fact that we just don’t need any more “Halloween” films. The more they churn them out, the more tarnished the legacy of what the series has done and has meant to fans becomes. Now this might sound like sour grapes, and maybe it is just a little bit, but haven’t we all gotten tired of the same old shit already? Don’t we want to see something new and somewhat exciting and maybe even a little innovative in the genre?

The major movie studios think we don’t. They just want to print money. And that’s all fine and good, but it doesn’t mean we have to give it to them either.

No matter what, I’m sure I’ll get around to seeing “Halloween Returns” at some point or another; I’m just not in a fucking hurry. You probably shouldn’t be either.

Halloween Movies: The Essentials

In the wake of compiling all 50 of the Best Horror Movies You’ve Never Seen, and with Halloween fast approaching, one may wonder just what are the essential horror movies to watch on the nights leading up to the best holiday in all of existence. Well here is a small collection of ten flicks (in no particular order I might add) that are absolutely essential for Halloween viewing, whether it’s to prepare you for Halloween night, or to watch on Halloween night. Either way, you’re welcome:



HALLOWEEN (1978)
Director: John Carpenter
Starring: Donald Pleasence, Jamie Lee Curtis, PJ Soles

You knew this was going to be on here. John Carpenter’s legendary slasher masterpiece is THE film to watch for Halloween, as it not only spawned a whole series of lesser sequels and shitty remakes, but practically created the slasher genre as a whole. To this day “Halloween” is perfect, and in no other sequel to follow has Michael Myers ever been as frightening as he is in this first film. Though light on the gore and explicit on-screen violence, “Halloween” still manages to send chills to the bone, and that my friends is what has helped make this film so timeless and enjoyable.



NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968)
Director: George Romero
Starring: Duane Jones, Judith O’Dea, Karl Hardman

You knew this was going to be on here too. George Romero’s legendary black & white shocker was made all the more timeless thanks to its subtle yet cutting social commentary, which this film is as memorable for as it is for introducing viewers to the flesh-eating zombies that trap and terrify a handful of survivors in a Pittsburgh farmhouse. Though Romero’s follow up “Dawn of the Dead” is a better film in my opinion, “Night of the Living Dead” is definitely the more scarier of the two, and to this day that little zombie girl still freaks me out. What’s also worth noting here is that this film actually received a GOOD REMAKE in the early 90s, helmed by Romero’s longtime makeup effects partner Tom Savini.



A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (1984)
Director: Wes Craven
Starring: Robert Englund, Heather Langenkamp, Johnny Depp

The first, original, and best of all the “Elm Street” flicks, “A Nightmare on Elm Street” was a massive hit when first released, launched the career of Johnny Depp, took indie studio New Line Cinema to massive heights, and took director Wes Craven to a more sophisticated level of creativity. Most importantly however, was that it also introduced us to Freddy Kruger, the evil child murderer who takes his revenge on those who killed him by stalking and slaughtering their children in their dreams. Featuring groundbreaking camerawork and makeup effects, the original “A Nightmare on Elm Street” still scares to this day, and remains one of Craven’s absolute best efforts to date.



HELLRAISER (1987)
Director: Clive Barker
Starring: Andrew Robinson, Claire Higgins, Ashley Laurence

Adapting his own novella “The Hellbound Heart”, Clive Barker’s “Hellraiser” usually gets the label of being a slasher, though it is anything but. When the wicked Frank attempts to open the Lamont Configuration Puzzle Box, he unleashes a trio of sado-masochistic demons that promptly rip him apart. However, he begins to slowly come back to life when his half-brother and family move into his home after his alleged disappearance, leading up to a brutal showdown. Demented and oh so graphic, the original “Hellraiser” spawned a ton of lame sequels, and also introduced us to the iconic villain Pinhead, who appears here for two whole scenes (and isn’t even referred to as Pinhead in the credits). No matter what reputation “Hellraiser” may have, consider it essential viewing.




AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON (1981)
Director: John Landis
Starring: David Naughton, Jenny Agutter, Griffin Dunne

Quite possibly the best werewolf movie in existence, “An American Werewolf in London” is so perfect that no other werewolf film to come out after it (save for maybe the original “Howling”) can even come close to touching it. Featuring revolutionary effects work from Rick Baker, “An American Werewolf in London” has it all: pitch black gallows humor, a surprise ending, and so many shock moments that you won’t believe what you’re seeing. It may not have aged all that well, but this is one horror film that I myself will watch any time.



THE THING (1982)
Director: John Carpenter
Starring: Kurt Russell, Keith David, Wilford Brimley

One of the few times a remake is better than the original, John Carpenter’s “The Thing” is an underrated horror classic. Opening the same weekend as “E.T.” (and subsequently bombing), Carpenter’s remake of “The Thing From Another World” is a downbeat and nihilistic tale of an arctic expedition team who discovers the existence of a terrifying alien life-form that can mimic and imitate anything it assimilates. One part cat & mouse game, one part guess who the alien is, John Carpenter’s “The Thing” is a cult classic for sure, and features some of the most graphic (and gross) revolutionary effects work in horror history. And speaking of aliens…



ALIEN (1979)
Director: Ridley Scott
Starring: Sigourney Weaver, Tom Skerritt, John Hurt

Ridley Scott’s terrifying and claustrophobic space opus that launched a huge sci-fi/horror franchise and introduced us to one of the most badass female characters in all of film history, the original “Alien” is a masterpiece of “what’s hiding around the corner?” terror. It’s that anticipation of seeing the murderous alien creature, followed by bloody payoff, which still makes “Alien” so goddamned good to this day.



THE EXORCIST (1973)
Director: William Friedkin
Starring: Max Von Sydow, Ellen Burstyn, Linda Blair

An Oscar winning horror favorite, the original “The Exorcist” remains possibly THE most frightening film ever conceived. No matter what one’s opinion on horror movies is in general, they’ve seen “The Exorcist” regardless, it’s just that universal. I myself can’t even say anything about this film that hasn’t been said plenty of other times before me, and will be said plenty of times long after I’ve left this mortal coil. “Your mother sucks cocks in hell”…brilliant.



FRIDAY THE 13TH (1980)
Director: Sean S. Cunningham
Starring: Betsy Palmer, Adrienne King, Kevin Bacon

Though it isn’t a great movie per se, the original “Friday the 13th” is essential Halloween viewing regardless. A slasher that rips off John Carpenter’s “Halloween” as well as truly introduced us to the notion that if you smoke weed or have sex, you are guaranteed to die in a horrible and painful way. The film also introduces us to Jason Voorhees, though it’s before he dons the iconic hockey mask or even kills anyone. Oh yeah, this is worth seeing just to see a then unknown Kevin Bacon die one of the most creative and iconic ways in slasher movie history.



THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (1974)
Director: Tobe Hooper
Starring: Marilyn Burns, Edwin Neal, Gunnar Hansen

Incorrectly remembered as being a gorefest (usually by people who’ve never seen it), the original “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” is a documentary-ish look at an insane cannibal family that is for all intents and purposes relatively bloodless. Most of the violence that occurs in the film is implied, which shockingly makes it all the more frightening. That, and lead actress Marilyn Burns has one of the most piercing screams in all of horror history, which in itself makes this film hard to watch to this day. Still though, the original and best film in the whole damn series.



Well there we are folks, ten films to scare the shit out of you for Halloween if (for some reason) you've never seen them before. And if you have, watch them again to help celebrate Halloween in style...



...or I'll swallow your soul!

What do you think I should have included and/ or omitted? Discuss!!!