Not Giving a Shit About Virtual Reality

Video games are changing.

E3 happed not too long ago, where it appeared that more games were going to begin following the path of VR (specifically the new "Resident Evil" game) and even current consoles are going to be receiving upgraded forms that can handle doing virtual reality shit. I have no clue how this shit works, nor do I care too much.

Now I've said before on here many times, that I'm sitting this console cycle out for the most part. I bought myself a Wii-U because I got it on a super cheap deal (and now I'm one of eight Wii-U owners across the planet, yayyyyyy) and I don't regret that purchase because I've had a shit load of fun with the console believe it or not. PS4 and Xbox One though I've decided to stay away from. I honestly haven't seen too much that's turned my crank as of yet, and part of me thinks I'm not going to either (granted there's a new "King of Fighters" game coming out that I would love to get my hands on, but I digress). VR accessibility doesn't make things any more appealing for me either.

Yeah, I know I sound like an old man here, and I don't care either. I remember when the Wii came out and everyone shit all over the motion controls gimmick; most saying it was just a fad and didn't really add much to the gameplay experience. Well, those people turned out to be right for the most part, and I think VR is more or less in the same vein. The technology itself is amazing, don't get me wrong. Video games have come a long fucking way since the Atari 2600 and all, and it really does seem like the future has arrived.

But ya know what? Fuck the future.

Maybe I've gotten to that age finally where I want to be left in the past as far as video games are concerned. Maybe the more technologically advanced they become, the more alienated I feel. When games started getting all about DLC and microtransactions and milking the fuck out of gamers for every cent that they can get, I started to feel out of touch. Now I feel even more out of touch than ever before. It happens to us all eventually though I guess, so there's that. Maybe I can hook up with other jaded gamers that have no interest in this shit huh?

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

A NEW "FRIDAY THE 13TH" GAME?!??!?!

Holy fucking hell there's going to be a new "Friday the 13th" game coming out? And you get to play as Jason fucking Voorhees? And you get to hunt down horny camp counselors? And it's loaded with blood, guts, and nudity? And it's officially sanctioned by original film director Sean Cunningham?

This is too good to be true.

Well, the game isn't quite created yet. It's actually on a Kickstarter campaign at the moment that is gaining some steam. The game itself is a multiplayer-style affair, as one player plays as Jason and seven other players take on the roles of his would-be victims as they try to hide from our favorite hockey mask-wearing, machete-wielding mass murderer. Yes, you read all that right.

This has all the recipes to be something awesome.

Then again, this also has all the recipes to be a disaster.

Considering this is a Kickstarter game, who knows if it will ever see the light of day. It just might (I honestly think it will, albeit not as soon as many would hope), but that possibility is there in the forefront given the history of video games trying to get going via Kickstarter. That being said, considering it has the OK from Sean Cunningham, and all the press it has gotten so far, this could be the game that makes us forget about that NES abortion from the late 80s...you know, that game that is probably one of the worst video games ever made?

No I'm not fucking exaggerating, that NES "Friday the 13th" game fucked me in the head so much as a kid that whenever I throw stones or rocks, I automatically make them curve upwards over their intended targets. Don't get that reference? You're lucky and I'm happy for you. You do get that reference? Then we know each other's pain.

Anyway, I truly hope this game sees the light of day, and I hope it's what we all are yearning for it to be. Either way, I can't wait to play it.

Oh shit wait, I said I'd never buy a next-gen console...and it's only going to be on PS4 and XBox One...

...shit.

Why the Next Generation of Gaming Will Suck Massive Ass

Get ready folks, there's another console-war a comin'.

Last time I was here I talked about the Wii-U and the sad state that Nintendo appears to be in. Since I wrote that post, Microsoft has revealed their upcoming XBox One console, which has pretty much all the bells and whistles that Sony's PS4 appears to have, plus more besides.

Yeah, things aren't looking so good for Nintendo these days. But that's a different story for another time (again).

Anyway, the XBox One managed to wow XBox fanboys across the globe with it's seamless Kinect features and voice-controlled app-switching on the fly, etc. etc. etc. What it didn't show though: games. Now, let it be said that Microsoft has pretty much ruled this current-gen console war, which is in itself kind of surprising. They cornered the multiplayer online component of video games and managed to make a shitload of money with XBox Live: a service that by all rights and purposes should be free to use right off the bat. Sony's is free on the PS3, but goddamnit, do those XBox fanboys ever love their "Halo" and "Gears of War" multiplayer action.

What's most alarming about the XBox One is what it appears to offer and not offer. It looks like an old VCR and appears to be able to function as the all-in-one media console that Microsoft has tried to pimp the 360 as since 2005. Hell, you may be able to even watch cable TV on the damn thing. Regardless of that though, there's some alarming things about this console that need to be addressed. It may not have to be an "always on" machine that requires a constant internet connection (maybe), but it may be charging you an extra fee to play a used game. Now Microsoft and a majority of game publishers are being fairly mum on this thing, but it wouldn't be a surprise. Most games from EA and even recent hits like "God of War: Ascension" and the rebooted "Mortal Kombat" require a purchased online pass if you buy the game used, so this new used fee isn't too much of a surprise. Microsoft, like Sony, EA, Activision, etc., is a mega-conglomorate that wants to make as much money as they can from you, and goddamnit, they are gonna do it no matter what.

So ya know what? Fuck 'em.

Is this really the future of video gaming? Nickel and diming the gamer every chance they get? It's been happening for a decent amount of time now, and it's only going to keep getting worse. Microsoft is suffering a lot of flack since the XBox One reveal, and rightly so. Still, people will flock to the new console for "Halo" and "Gears of War" alone (two franchises which in all honesty I've never ever understood all the hype surrounding them) no matter what they have to pay upfront and in the future, and as long as that keeps happening, we'll all still keep getting fucked in the ass and wallet by these companies like EA and Microshaft.

For me personally, I've often felt like I've been playing the same games for nearly the past 20 years. That's one reason why after this generation of consoles and gaming is over, I'm out. That's no bullshit either, that's all she wrote. I really hope that more people follow suit so that when Microsoft an the rest of the money-grabbers look at their profit margins, they see a steep enough decrease to actually consider to themselves "maybe we're being too greedy here".

Of course that will never happen because the fanboys will flock to these new consoles (except the Wii-U apparently) in droves to play prettier versions of old games, and when you've got a money making scheme like that going well and strong, only an idiot would pull the plug on that operation.

Nintendo Needs to Stop Sucking

Oh Nintendo, what have you gotten yourselves into now?

The beloved video game giant seems to have fallen on hard times. After 2009/2010, it looked like no one gave a shit about the Wii anymore, only a few years after it set sales records and had everyone going apeshit over it. Truth be told, other than "Wii Sports", the "Super Mario Galaxy" games, Mario Kart, "Madworld", "House of the Dead Overkill", and a couple others, I didn't really enjoy much of what the Wii offered outside of the novelty of the Wii-mote. Last year for holiday time, Nintendo unleashed the Wii-U, their first HD console, which promised to introduce new gameplay elements including a touch-screen based controller and a library of intuitive games as well.

Well, it sucks...and so does Nintendo these days too.

Now let's get one thing straight here before you all start calling for my head. Even though I grew up primarily a Sega kid, the first home console I ever owned as a kid was the original NES. I also ended up owning every iteration of the GameBoy since its original launch, and I grew to love the Super NES on a journey of discovery after its prime. After that though, that was pretty much it for me and Nintendo. Although I loved the original DS, their home consoles on the other hand never did much to rock my world. The Nintendo 64, Gamecube, and Wii all just looked like shit to me, but then again around those times when they came out, I was too busy with my Dreamcast and Playstation's 1, 2, & 3 to ever really give them a deserved shot.

Now here we are in 2013, and Nintendo's profits are falling fast. They even made the curious decision not to have a featured presentation at this year's upcoming E3.

Let that sink in.

While Sony and Microsoft will be pimping out their new, upcoming next-gen consoles, the granddaddy of all video game companies will be absent.

Now granted, Nintendo has made strides with selling their products and making big announcements through social media outlets instead, but to option to not be included in the industry's biggest jack-off fest is disheartening, and kind of frightening, to say the least. Even though I said Nintendo sucks these days, the idea that there is a legitimate possibility that they could possibly end up bowing out of the video game hardware business if the Wii-U falters any farther is scary. That means that only Sony and Microsoft, two mega-conglomorate corporations, would be the only horses running in the video game race. That is scarier to me than anything else.

If Nintendo did bow out of making consoles and switched to being a third-party software developer/publisher like Sega did after the discontinuation of the Dreamcast a decade plus ago, that would mean we'd be seeing Nintendo's classic characters hitting XBox and Playstation. Could you imagine that? Seeing Mario, Donkey Kong, Link, and the rest on the same consoles that offer up "Halo", "Killzone", and the thousands of "Call of Duty" knock offs and wank-fests? Would anybody even care? Probably not...and that's sad.

So yeah, Nintendo...you fucking suck. You fucking suck for possibly having to say R.I.P. to making consoles, and waving the white-flag as being the only true video game company left. Do I really want Sony and Microsoft being the only two console developers left only because they have an endless amount of money and resources that could absorb any kind of loss that companies like Nintendo and Sega could only hope to dream of? Fuck no.

Stop sucking Nintendo, for the love of the video game gods, stop fucking sucking.

10 Overlooked and Underrated Gems Part 4: The Playstation

The original Playstation, also known as the PS1, marked Sony’s foray into the world of video games. It was the first CD-based video game console that was a runaway hit because it did everything right. Previous CD-based consoles, such as the Sega-CD, 3DO, and Sega Saturn, just couldn’t do what the PS1 did so well, along with the fact that it had a staggering amount of third-party support that a video game system hadn’t had since the original NES. With that in mind, there’s a shitload of PS1 games that everyone knows and loves, ranging from “Metal Gear Solid”, “Castlevania: Symphony of the Night” and various franchises that include “Resident Evil”, “Gran Turismo”, “Final Fantasy”, “Tekken”, “Crash Bandicoot”, and tons more. But for all the well-known classics that the PS1 offers, there are a number of forgotten gems that deserve your time attention too. Here are 10 underrated and overlooked gems for the original Playstation:




10. STEEL HARBINGER (1996)

A top-down shooter where you play as a scantily-clad half-alien chick taking down hordes and hordes of alien invaders in a post-apocalyptic Earth, “Steel Harbinger” is mindless fun. You shoot, shoot, and shoot some more, occasionally devouring alien body parts to replenish your health (yes I’m serious) and get treated to some gloriously cheesy live-action cut-scenes in between stages as well. Like I said, “Steel Harbinger” is mindless as all hell, but it’s surprisingly satisfying smoothly designed, making it worth checking out.




9. DISRUPTOR (1996)

Developed by Insomniac Games before they would go on to bigger and better things with the “Ratchet & Clank” and “Resistance” franchises, “Disruptor” is little more than a glorified “Doom” clone, but man oh man, is it ever an excellent one. At a time when just about every first person shooter coming out was little more than a “Doom” rip-off, “Disruptor” was like a breath of fresh air, featuring an excellent selection of interesting weapons and abilities that set it apart from the rest of the pack. There’s also some challenging gameplay to be had as well, and the maze-like level designs manage to hold your interest without frustrating the ever-loving shit out of you in the process. Check it out, you’ll be glad that you did.




8. PROJECT: OVERKILL (1996)

A run and gun shoot ‘em up with an isometric view, “Project: Overkill” is a ridiculously bloody, over the top gorefest. You play as four alien mercenaries that are up against an evil empire. You shoot tons and tons of enemies, collecting various items and keycards along the way, solving the occasional puzzle too. There’s a shitload of levels to play through, and even though things may get kind of monotonous after a while, the game is still a shitload of fun to play through regardless. It’s also harder than hell, and a truly overshadowed gem of the Playstation library.




7. JERSEY DEVIL (1998)

Released relatively late in the Playstation’s lifecycle, “Jersey Devil” got a very lukewarm reception from gamers and critics alike, mainly getting flak thanks to the schizoid camera angles and sub-par graphics. However, underneath its flaws, the game is a surprisingly good platformer. Released by Sony themselves, “Jersey Devil” was expected to attain the same kind of greatness that their previous first-party platformers “Crash Bandicoot” and “MediEvil” managed to get, which made the hype surrounding this game all the more, and all the more disappointing when it wasn’t as great. Still though, there’s some kind of undeniable charm here underneath the surface, and the fact that the game has a wicked sense of humor makes things all the more enjoyable.




6. C-12: FINAL RESISTANCE (2002)

Released very, very late in the Playstation’s lifecycle, “C-12: Final Resistance” was a game that had it been released a few years beforehand, would have been a smash hit. By the time it was released, the Playstation 2 was already out, as were the XBox, Gamecube, and Dreamcast as well. “C-12” came out with what seemed like dated graphics and gameplay, but underneath that was a very surprisingly good third-person shooter. You shoot hordes and hordes of aliens and cyborgs and blow shit up…that’s pretty much it for gameplay-wise, but that’s really all there needs to be here. It’s simple, and incredibly satisfying, and the saddest thing here is that virtually no one played this. What you should all know though is that you can still find this game, brand new, for dirt cheap…TEN YEARS AFTER IT WAS ORIGINALLY RELEASED! That’s how few people played “C-12”, so few that you can find this game dirt cheap brand new a fucking decade later. So do yourself a favor and go fucking pick this bitch up!




5. EHRGEIZ (1999)

A 3D fighting game featuring a regular arcade mode in addition to a fucking quest mode, “Ehrgeiz” mixes both straight out beat ‘em up fighting with wrestling elements and RPG elements to boot. That and it has a roster of interesting fighters, including a handful of characters from “Final Fantasy VII” just for shits and giggles. That’s right, Cloud, Tifa, and Sephiroth (!) among others are thrown into the mix, which makes “Ehrgeiz” worth playing in itself. Sadly, the game wasn’t much of a hit when it was first released, even with the inclusion of classic FFVII characters, but it’s a super fun blast and features a surprising amount of depth that many fighting games of the time just didn’t have. While “Ehrgeiz” went underappreciated (and is a rare, expensive game to track down), it wasn’t nearly as underrated and great as the next game on our list, of which this kind of served as a spiritual spin-off…




4. TOBAL NO. 1 (1996)

The first PS1 release from “Final Fantasy” developer SquareSoft, “Tobal No. 1” is a fighting/adventure game featuring character designs from the guy that helped create “Dragonball Z”. Like “Ehrgeiz” would a few years later, “Tobal No. 1” featured standard fighting mechanics mixed with wrestling and RPG elements. There is also an adventure/quest mode where you troll through dungeon-esque environments and beat the shit out of people. The game was actually surprisingly publicized well, most likely due to the fact that it included a demo disc for the eagerly anticipated “Final Fantasy VII”, which helped the game sell somewhat, but nowhere near as well as Square had hoped it to. Still, the game was well-reviewed and beloved by those that played it, there just weren’t that many that did. There was a sequel that was released in Japan only, but despite that, “Tobal No. 1” is dreadfully underrated and deserves your attention.




3. THE UNHOLY WAR (1998)

A fighting/strategy game that nobody noticed, “The Unholy War” revolves around two warring alien factions in a distant universe. There’s melee combat and lining up your units to take out the opposition, which makes for a lengthy and deep experience. The alien creature designs are awesome and the campaigns are imaginative, but sadly the game was vastly overlooked when it was released. It’s definitely not for everyone, but it’s still worth checking out regardless, so give it a try.




2. TOMBA! (1998)

A side-scrolling platformer featuring 3-D models, “Tomba!” lets you take control of the title character as you stomp on and beat up hordes of evil pigs. One of the most imaginative titles to be released for the PS1 at the time, “Tomba!” was beloved by all that had played it, and while it enjoyed some moderate success, it didn’t become the smash hit that it should have. It did however spawn a sequel a few years later, which was nowhere near as enjoyable as the first installment, but was even more overlooked than this game. Still though, the game has such undeniable charm that you won’t be able to not enjoy it, even if it becomes incredibly difficult the longer it goes on.




1. HEART OF DARKNESS (1998)

Taking six years to be developed, “Heart of Darkness” is a cinematic side-scrolling adventure where you play as a young boy named Andy who is on a quest to save his beloved dog from dark and sinister forces. You solve puzzles and shoot down enemies, all while trying not to die horribly in the process. Notorious for its punishing difficulty and brilliantly animated cinematics, “Heart of Darkness” is a wonderful artistic achievement for its time and also incredibly frustrating and features some very graphic ways to get killed for being an all-ages rated game. The game also sold pretty well for its time, but all these years later is sadly forgotten. Though it was harder than hell to get through, “Heart of Darkness” featured some surprisingly rewarding gameplay and a well-told story that kept you playing, no matter how many times you died. That and just seeing how surprisingly bloody Andy’s demises would wind up being would hold your attention as well. Check it out damnit!



That’s all for now folks, be here next time for the conclusion where we look at the top 10 underrated and overlooked games for one of the most underrated and overlooked consoles of all time: the Sega Dreamcast.

The clusterfuck that is PSN

It’s been a rough past couple weeks for Playstation 3 owners. First Playstation Network goes down mysteriously, with Sony eventually coming clean and admitting that they had fallen victims to a hacking group. A little while later, Sony would go on to admit that PSN account information had been “compromised”; meaning that everything from personal info (address, phone number, e-mail address, etc.) to possible credit card numbers had now fallen into the hands of the hackers.

Fuck.

That word was pretty much my knee-jerk reaction at this whole thing, which besides cancelling my debit card, I found myself pretty powerless in terms of this whole PSN outage. Not that I play video games online a lot, it’s just the other things I tend to use my PS3 for. More often than not, I use PSN for renting movies and streaming stuff from Netflix (which thank the technological gods still functions even with PSN out), but I’d be hard pressed to not admit that playing a game without PSN functioning just isn’t the same.

While Sony was slowly admitting what exactly happened (i.e., how much they fucked up in the first place with designing the whole PSN infrastructure), the conspiracy theorist in me started acting up a bit. Namely, what if the whole thing was a crock of shit? What if this was the means to an end with Sony starting to charge PS3 owners monthly fees for using PSN? Oh shit, now I’ve done it…strap yourselves in folks.

One of the things that attracted me to the PS3 over the Xbox 360 is the fact that its online functions are free. Playing multiplayer games and all the other things it does can be done without a monthly or yearly charge (and let’s be honest 360 owners, it’s a service that should be free in the first fucking place) are what really set me on purchasing it (as well as the built-in Blu-ray player, but I digress). However, it was only a few months ago that Sony introduced a feature called “Playstation Plus”, which charges a similar fee that Xbox Live does per year.

What Playstation Plus offers are early demos, occasionally free content (games, movie rentals, add-ons, etc.) and some other goodies, but it really isn’t anything special, and it’s completely optional to have…for the time being that is. And that right there is the problem for Sony: no one is a Playstation Plus subscriber. There aren’t that many subscribers, which has been admitted by Sony in surveys done among PS3 owners, which in the end, finds them not making as much of a profit as Microsoft makes with Xbox Live. So what’s the solution to not having nearly as many Playstation Plus subscribers as there are PS3 owners? Make it look like PSN got hacked, and then eventually tell PS3 owners that if they want true security from hack attempts, they have to subscribe to Playstation Plus?

Am I jumping to conclusions? Maybe and in all honesty, probably. However, this isn’t the first time something shady has happened with the PS3. A little over a year ago, there was a mysterious bug going around that was only affecting old PS3 consoles, wiping away the system’s HDD and profile information with it. During this time, Sony ended up selling more PS3 Slims than they had when that console model had first been released. It’s no secret that the PS3 hasn’t enjoyed the same kind of success that the Xbox 360 has had, but in essence, that crisis ended up selling more PS3’s than Sony had done before.

Coincidence? I don’t know, maybe I should put the video game conspiracy theories to rest, and just hope that PSN gets up and running again. I’m not holding my breath however (even though Sony keeps promising “soon”), and I’m hoping that Sony will give me and my fellow PS3 gamers some kind of severance for all the mishaps and security breaches. After all, I think that we deserve some free shit from the mega-conglomerate instead of consistently getting Sony’s dick put to us on a regular basis.

Still, no matter what, I’d take my PS3 over the 360 and Wii any day of the fucking week.