Sunday, August 19, 2012

Thoughts On the Hilariously Shitty Remake of "Robocop"



Everything gets remade these days, from classics like “Psycho”, “Dawn of the Dead”, and “Total Recall” to even lesser-renowned films like “The Stepfather” and “The Fog”; so absolutely nothing is sacred anymore…even Robocop. A surprise smash hit in 1987, the original “Robocop” is a classic action film that features more scathing social and political commentary laced in it than many other mainstream films from the era. Now here we are in 2012, and there’s a remake of “Robocop” coming very, very soon…for better or worse.

The new take on Robocop doesn’t come out until at least 2013, but there’s already been a fair degree of viral marketing to facefuck the masses with for now. From ads about OCP (the corporation behind the creation of Robocop) and the ED-209 (the homicidal, often malfunctioning robot that growled), to revelations of some big name casting so far (Gary Oldman, Samuel L. Jackson, Jackie Earle Haley, Jay Baruchel, and Hugh Laurie among others so far), this new Robocop flick is coming along fairly nicely so far, and hey, maybe it’ll even turn out half decent…wait what am I saying? Of course it fucking isn’t…

First off, the prototype art of what Robocop’s new look is going to be was fucking laughable. For Christ’s sake he looks like a goddamned Micronaut. To make matters worse, elements of the film’s script have been leaked…and things are about to get more unintentionally hilarious. While the basic elements remain the same: Detroit cop Alex Murphy is killed in the line of duty and transformed into Robocop, things are drastically different in almost every other regard. He goes through different versions (including the classic and iconic look, which gets laughed at by a “criminal focus group”…yes I’m serious) until finally getting tested on Al-Qaeda terrorists. Oh, and he’s also a transformer. And he can make himself look human and normal when need be. And he has a pet cyborg tyrannosaurus that he rides like a horse. Ok, that last part I made up, but the rest is true.

Anyway, the idea of remaking “Robocop” I can understand. Back in the day, the film was such a hit that it spawned two inferior sequels, a plethora of video games and comic books, a live-action TV show, two animated series, TV-movies, action figures, and more besides…meaning that this was a cash cow once upon a time. Getting a modern day remake of it with the hope that there’s still a decent amount of cash to squeeze out of it makes sense, but making all these changes to Robocop don’t make sense at all. Updated technology is fine, but really making him fight Al-Qaeda? Really? Is he going to have a logo on his chest plate that says something like “Anti-terrorism Cyborg Cop”? That’s not being relevant with modern times, that’s just fucking stupid. And speaking of fucking stupid, why the fuck is he a transformer? Is he going to turn into different vehicles and have all kinds of artillery pop out of his orifices too? Good fucking lord, what a bunch of shit. It’s no surprise that when the plot points got leaked over the internet that it’s been ridiculed all over the place already, and it hasn’t even started filming yet!

All in all, you can tell that I’m not exactly thrilled about there being a “Robocop” remake, but I’m even less thrilled that we’d be getting what surely sounds like one big pile of shit. All we need now is it being in 3-D. Wait what? It is? Great. Stick with the original folks, and give this shit-tastic money-grubbing pile of fuckness a big old middle finger.

10 Overlooked and Underrated Gems Part 5: The Sega Dreamcast



As I conclude my Top 10 underrated and overlooked video game gems for the 5 consoles that have had the most impact for me personally, here we are at what is quite possibly my all time favorite video game system in the history of fucking ever. Say what you want about it, but I fucking loved the Sega Dreamcast. When it first came out on 9/9/99, it made quite the impression. 128-bit graphics, arcade-perfect games, and a dial-up modem built into it that let you play multiplayer games too. It’s success and lifespan was short-lived, as Sega discontinued it in 2002 and then switched to publishing games across every other system available, but for everyone around at the time, the Dreamcast was (and still is) a beloved little console. It had its share of well-known and smash hit games, like “Sonic Adventure”, “Crazy Taxi”, “Jet Grind Radio”, “Marvel VS Capcom 2”, and “Phantasy Star Online”, but it also had a shitload of titles that were so damn good and so overlooked that it’s a crying shame they didn’t get more press. Seriously, out of all 5 lists I came up with for the other consoles, this was the hardest. That being said, here are my top 10 underrated and overlooked gems for the Dreamcast:




10. CANNON SPIKE (2000)

A multi-directional arcade brawler/shooter from Capcom, “Cannon Spike” features a cast from previous Capcom games (Cammy, Mega Man, Arthur, etc.) all duking and shooting it out with each other for no real reason whatsoever. Not that that matters though, because this game is super fun. It’s simple enough and kind of mindless, but it’s satisfying as all hell, and is only one of a shitload of excellent games that Capcom created for the Dreamcast. It’s also pretty damn rare, and sold for a budget price when originally released, so if you’re prepared to lay down some cash for some serious fun, check this out.




9. CONFIDENTIAL MISSION (2002)

Released at the end of the Dreamcast’s life cycle, “Confidential Mission” is a light-gun shooter based on Sega’s own arcade title of the same name. It shares a lot of similarities with “Virtua Cop” and offers up a great assortment of baddies and boss fights. If it has any flaws to it, it’s that the game is so damn short it isn’t even funny. Three missions, one sitting, that’s it. All that being said, it’s still a blast to play regardless, and features some great technical achievements for being little more than a light gun shooter.




8. OOGA BOOGA (2001)

Another game released at the tail end of the Dreamcast’s life cycle, “Ooga Booga” is one of the more unique games you’re likely to play. A multiplayer combat game where you use items such as shrunken heads and magic spells to take out your opponents, “Ooga Booga” also features a shit load of “masks” to unlock that change your abilities and the like. One of the most fun games to play online, this is a game that was made to be played by you and your friends. Check it out.




7. SWORD OF THE BERSERK: GUTS’ RAGE (2000)

Based on a long running manga, “Sword of the Berserk” Guts’ Rage” is a hack and slasher that puts you in the shoes (and very, very large sword) of Guts, as he comes across a town where a disease is running rampant that is transforming its victims into horrible, blood thirsty mutants. Notable at the time for its graphics and quick-time events (one of the first games that actually had them), “Sword of the Berserk” is a short but oh so sweet action blast that is plenty enjoyable whether you’re familiar with the manga or not. There’s great voice acting and an intriguing story as well, all of which will keep you glued to the screen from beginning to end.




6. TECH ROMANCER (1999)

What’s not to like about giant fucking robots? “Tech Romancer” is a Capcom fighting game featuring giant robotic mechs beating the shit out of each other. Originally an arcade game that received a perfect port to the Dreamcast, “Tech Romancer” features a surprisingly deep fighting engine/system for a game of this type. Though the controls may come off as kind of clunky at first, eventually you get used to the flow and feel of the game, and beating the breaking the shit out of your opponents is so much fun.




5. HEAVY METAL: GEOMATRIX (2002)

Another Capcom-published fighting game, but more of an arena-based brawler/shooter like the aforementioned “Cannon Spike” or Capcom’s hit “Power Stone” games for the Dreamcast. “Heavy Metal: Geomatrix” is based on the long running adult comic magazine of the same name, featuring busty babes and cyborg warriors all shooting the shit out of each other. The game’s art design is wonderfully based off the work of renowned artist Simon Bisley, and features a rollicking metal soundtrack that includes Megadeth, Corrosion of Conformity, Halford, and more besides. It’s fast, fun, and harder than hell, and it’s wholeheartedly worth your time.




4. FATAL FURY: MARK OF THE WOLVES (2001)

SNK’s long running “Fatal Fury” series is beloved the world over, but by the time “Fatal Fury: Mark of the Wolves” came out in North America, it was a Dreamcast exclusive that was ignored because the console was dying out. The real shame in that happens to be that “Mark of the Wolves” is by and far the best game in the franchise, featuring a re-vamped fighting system and a whole new cast of fighters in addition to series stalwart Terry Bogard. The animation is superb and the controls are fluid, and it’s still a crying shame that this game got as ignored as it did back in 2001. Over the years though it’s developed a following thanks to some re-releases on newer consoles as downloadable content, and as such carries a somewhat hefty price tag for video game collectors. That aside though, this is one of the best fighting games on the Dreamcast ever, which is saying a lot considering the Dreamcast had nearly nothing but excellent fighting games.




3. JOJO’S BIZARRE ADVENTURE (1999)

Based on a popular manga, Capcom’s “JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure” is a 2-D brawler where you do little else than kick the shit out of people. That being said, it’s incredibly fun and completely absurd. The first thing you’ll notice is the game’s wonderful art style, which often looks like a cartoon come to life. Also released for the Playstation 1 at the same time, this Dreamcast version didn’t suffer from graphical glitches and constantly long load times. This game is nearly perfect, and these days is a rare find, but rumor has it that a downloadable HD remake is on the way for current consoles, so maybe more gamers will have the chance to enjoy this wonderful piece of art.




2. THE LAST BLADE 2 (2001)

Like the aforementioned “Fatal Fury: Mark of the Wolves”, SNK’s “The Last Blade 2” is a brilliant 2-D fighting game that is revered for being one of the finest 2-D fighting games to ever come out of the development house. It also happens to be the best 2-D fighting game the Dreamcast has to offer right behind “Marvel VS Capcom 2” and “Street Fighter Alpha 3”. Featuring a handful of sword-carrying warriors to choose from, “The Last Blade 2” features wonderful production values and a lovely art setting, making it one of the prettiest 2-D fighters you’ll ever see. While SNK has achieved a lot of fame for their various fighting franchises like “King of Fighters”, “Fatal Fury”, “Samurai Shodown” and all the others, “The Last Blade” games are simply wonderful, and “The Last Blade 2” is by and far a glorious achievement that too many gamers sadly missed out on.




1. DRACONUS: CULT OF THE WYRM (2000)

A third-person hack and slasher, “Draconus: Cult of the Wyrm” is a medieval fantasy on crack. You choose between playing as a warrior and a sorceress, mixing hand to hand combat and magic attacks to take down your enemies. There’s great melee combat to be had and the longer it goes on, the more difficult this fucker gets. By the time you get to the final stages of the game, you’re going to be worn the fuck out, that much I guarantee. When originally released in 2000, “Draconus” received a mixed reaction from critics and gamers alike. Some who played it were mystified and turned off by its difficulty, while others seemed to love it. If anything, the game reminds me of the recent PS3 role-playing/hack n’ slasher “Demon’s Souls”, which was a hard son of a bitch but received universal acclaim. “Draconus” may come off as a poor man’s version of that if you’ve never played it before, but it’s an incredibly fun and well-crafted game that deserves your time and attention.



Well folks, that’s it for now. Hope you enjoyed this round of lists, and hopefully it’ll make you check out some awesome old games you’ve missed out on. Good night bitches.


Saturday, August 11, 2012

10 Overlooked and Underrated Gems Part 4: The Playstation



The original Playstation, also known as the PS1, marked Sony’s foray into the world of video games. It was the first CD-based video game console that was a runaway hit because it did everything right. Previous CD-based consoles, such as the Sega-CD, 3DO, and Sega Saturn, just couldn’t do what the PS1 did so well, along with the fact that it had a staggering amount of third-party support that a video game system hadn’t had since the original NES. With that in mind, there’s a shitload of PS1 games that everyone knows and loves, ranging from “Metal Gear Solid”, “Castlevania: Symphony of the Night” and various franchises that include “Resident Evil”, “Gran Turismo”, “Final Fantasy”, “Tekken”, “Crash Bandicoot”, and tons more. But for all the well-known classics that the PS1 offers, there are a number of forgotten gems that deserve your time attention too. Here are 10 underrated and overlooked gems for the original Playstation:




10. STEEL HARBINGER (1996)

A top-down shooter where you play as a scantily-clad half-alien chick taking down hordes and hordes of alien invaders in a post-apocalyptic Earth, “Steel Harbinger” is mindless fun. You shoot, shoot, and shoot some more, occasionally devouring alien body parts to replenish your health (yes I’m serious) and get treated to some gloriously cheesy live-action cut-scenes in between stages as well. Like I said, “Steel Harbinger” is mindless as all hell, but it’s surprisingly satisfying smoothly designed, making it worth checking out.




9. DISRUPTOR (1996)

Developed by Insomniac Games before they would go on to bigger and better things with the “Ratchet & Clank” and “Resistance” franchises, “Disruptor” is little more than a glorified “Doom” clone, but man oh man, is it ever an excellent one. At a time when just about every first person shooter coming out was little more than a “Doom” rip-off, “Disruptor” was like a breath of fresh air, featuring an excellent selection of interesting weapons and abilities that set it apart from the rest of the pack. There’s also some challenging gameplay to be had as well, and the maze-like level designs manage to hold your interest without frustrating the ever-loving shit out of you in the process. Check it out, you’ll be glad that you did.




8. PROJECT: OVERKILL (1996)

A run and gun shoot ‘em up with an isometric view, “Project: Overkill” is a ridiculously bloody, over the top gorefest. You play as four alien mercenaries that are up against an evil empire. You shoot tons and tons of enemies, collecting various items and keycards along the way, solving the occasional puzzle too. There’s a shitload of levels to play through, and even though things may get kind of monotonous after a while, the game is still a shitload of fun to play through regardless. It’s also harder than hell, and a truly overshadowed gem of the Playstation library.




7. JERSEY DEVIL (1998)

Released relatively late in the Playstation’s lifecycle, “Jersey Devil” got a very lukewarm reception from gamers and critics alike, mainly getting flak thanks to the schizoid camera angles and sub-par graphics. However, underneath its flaws, the game is a surprisingly good platformer. Released by Sony themselves, “Jersey Devil” was expected to attain the same kind of greatness that their previous first-party platformers “Crash Bandicoot” and “MediEvil” managed to get, which made the hype surrounding this game all the more, and all the more disappointing when it wasn’t as great. Still though, there’s some kind of undeniable charm here underneath the surface, and the fact that the game has a wicked sense of humor makes things all the more enjoyable.




6. C-12: FINAL RESISTANCE (2002)

Released very, very late in the Playstation’s lifecycle, “C-12: Final Resistance” was a game that had it been released a few years beforehand, would have been a smash hit. By the time it was released, the Playstation 2 was already out, as were the XBox, Gamecube, and Dreamcast as well. “C-12” came out with what seemed like dated graphics and gameplay, but underneath that was a very surprisingly good third-person shooter. You shoot hordes and hordes of aliens and cyborgs and blow shit up…that’s pretty much it for gameplay-wise, but that’s really all there needs to be here. It’s simple, and incredibly satisfying, and the saddest thing here is that virtually no one played this. What you should all know though is that you can still find this game, brand new, for dirt cheap…TEN YEARS AFTER IT WAS ORIGINALLY RELEASED! That’s how few people played “C-12”, so few that you can find this game dirt cheap brand new a fucking decade later. So do yourself a favor and go fucking pick this bitch up!




5. EHRGEIZ (1999)

A 3D fighting game featuring a regular arcade mode in addition to a fucking quest mode, “Ehrgeiz” mixes both straight out beat ‘em up fighting with wrestling elements and RPG elements to boot. That and it has a roster of interesting fighters, including a handful of characters from “Final Fantasy VII” just for shits and giggles. That’s right, Cloud, Tifa, and Sephiroth (!) among others are thrown into the mix, which makes “Ehrgeiz” worth playing in itself. Sadly, the game wasn’t much of a hit when it was first released, even with the inclusion of classic FFVII characters, but it’s a super fun blast and features a surprising amount of depth that many fighting games of the time just didn’t have. While “Ehrgeiz” went underappreciated (and is a rare, expensive game to track down), it wasn’t nearly as underrated and great as the next game on our list, of which this kind of served as a spiritual spin-off…




4. TOBAL NO. 1 (1996)

The first PS1 release from “Final Fantasy” developer SquareSoft, “Tobal No. 1” is a fighting/adventure game featuring character designs from the guy that helped create “Dragonball Z”. Like “Ehrgeiz” would a few years later, “Tobal No. 1” featured standard fighting mechanics mixed with wrestling and RPG elements. There is also an adventure/quest mode where you troll through dungeon-esque environments and beat the shit out of people. The game was actually surprisingly publicized well, most likely due to the fact that it included a demo disc for the eagerly anticipated “Final Fantasy VII”, which helped the game sell somewhat, but nowhere near as well as Square had hoped it to. Still, the game was well-reviewed and beloved by those that played it, there just weren’t that many that did. There was a sequel that was released in Japan only, but despite that, “Tobal No. 1” is dreadfully underrated and deserves your attention.




3. THE UNHOLY WAR (1998)

A fighting/strategy game that nobody noticed, “The Unholy War” revolves around two warring alien factions in a distant universe. There’s melee combat and lining up your units to take out the opposition, which makes for a lengthy and deep experience. The alien creature designs are awesome and the campaigns are imaginative, but sadly the game was vastly overlooked when it was released. It’s definitely not for everyone, but it’s still worth checking out regardless, so give it a try.




2. TOMBA! (1998)

A side-scrolling platformer featuring 3-D models, “Tomba!” lets you take control of the title character as you stomp on and beat up hordes of evil pigs. One of the most imaginative titles to be released for the PS1 at the time, “Tomba!” was beloved by all that had played it, and while it enjoyed some moderate success, it didn’t become the smash hit that it should have. It did however spawn a sequel a few years later, which was nowhere near as enjoyable as the first installment, but was even more overlooked than this game. Still though, the game has such undeniable charm that you won’t be able to not enjoy it, even if it becomes incredibly difficult the longer it goes on.




1. HEART OF DARKNESS (1998)

Taking six years to be developed, “Heart of Darkness” is a cinematic side-scrolling adventure where you play as a young boy named Andy who is on a quest to save his beloved dog from dark and sinister forces. You solve puzzles and shoot down enemies, all while trying not to die horribly in the process. Notorious for its punishing difficulty and brilliantly animated cinematics, “Heart of Darkness” is a wonderful artistic achievement for its time and also incredibly frustrating and features some very graphic ways to get killed for being an all-ages rated game. The game also sold pretty well for its time, but all these years later is sadly forgotten. Though it was harder than hell to get through, “Heart of Darkness” featured some surprisingly rewarding gameplay and a well-told story that kept you playing, no matter how many times you died. That and just seeing how surprisingly bloody Andy’s demises would wind up being would hold your attention as well. Check it out damnit!



That’s all for now folks, be here next time for the conclusion where we look at the top 10 underrated and overlooked games for one of the most underrated and overlooked consoles of all time: the Sega Dreamcast.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

10 Overlooked and Underrated Gems Part 3: The Super Nintendo



How do you follow-up a console that singlehandedly saved the video game industry? Nintendo had some lofty heights to reach when they released the Super Nintendo in 1991. The 8-bit NES was such a smash hit and so prolific that Nintendo kept supporting it even after they released this 16-bit predecessor, which took everything the NES did and did it better. At the time, the Sega Genesis was already out and giving Nintendo a run for their money, but the Super NES managed to trump it in the end thanks to more powerful hardware and a library of first-party titles that remain some of the best video games ever made. “Super Mario World”, “Donkey Kong Country”, “Super Metroid”, “Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past”, “Yoshi’s Island”, “Star Fox”, and plenty more besides are flat-out classics. But for every classic Super NES game that came out and sold a shit load of copies, there were a handful of excellent and amazing games that fell through the cracks. Here are 10 underrated and overlooked gems for the Super Nintendo:




10. MARVEL SUPERHEROES: WAR OF THE GEMS (1996)

Released towards the end of the Super NES’ lifecycle in 1996, Capcom’s “Marvel Superheroes: War of the Gems” is an arcade style beat ‘em up featuring a large cast of Marvel heroes and villains. You play as Wolverine, Spider-Man, Iron Man, Hulk, and Captain America and take on hordes of baddies. The character sprites and moves are based on Capcom’s series of Marvel fighting arcade games, but this game in itself is an original endeavor that only saw release on the Super NES. There’s loads of action, it’s plenty challenging, and features some brilliant animation as well. Track this down if you can, you’ll be glad that you did.




9. JURASSIC PARK 2: THE CHAOS CONTINUES (1994)

Back in the early 90s, “Jurassic Park” was such a massive hit that it spawned numerous toys and video games across the board. Naturally any video game bearing the JP logo was a huge hit, so a year after the film and video game were released, Ocean decided not to wait for another movie to come out to make a video game. “Jurassic Park 2” The Chaos Continues” finds Dr. Grant returning to the island with a whole big arsenal of weapons and laying waste to dinosaurs and rival human hunters in the process. It’s a fast-paced run and gun style game that owes a lot to “Contra”, and is plenty enjoyable in the process…even if this game is fucking harder than shit to play. It’s now regarded as a lost Super NES classic though, so track it down and give it a look.




8. ROCK ‘N ROLL RACING (1993)

Developed by “World of Warcraft” creator Blizzard (before they were known as Blizzard), “Rock ‘N Roll Racing” is a fucking fun time to say it lightly. You race around in monster trucks in futuristic environments to instrumental renditions of classic songs from Black Sabbath and Deep Purple. Incredibly fun and addictive to this day, the game was also released on the Genesis, but the Super NES version was by far the superior port. The game became a cult classic, spawning an inferior sequel on the PS1 some years later as well as receiving a port on the Game Boy Advance further down the road. To this very day, the game remains sought-after by collectors, but for some reason isn’t often mentioned in the pantheon of great Super NES games. All that aside, if you dig racing games, check this fucker out.




7. DEMON’S CREST (1994)

A sequel to Capcom’s “Gargoyle’s Quest” games, “Demon’s Crest” is a dark and gothic side-scrolling adventure game where you play as the demonic Firebrand (from the “Ghouls N Ghosts” games) where you collect crests to change your abilities and advance. The platforming elements are wonderful, some of the best to appear on a Nintendo system in a game that wasn’t developed by Nintendo themselves. Combined with some small helpings of RPG elements, and “Demon’s Crest” becomes surprisingly deep, and even kind of complicated as things go on. There’s a whole shitload of replayability to be found as well, as you can revisit previous levels using new abilities to access parts you couldn’t before. It’s fun and features some brilliant level design, and is more than worth your time.




6. PIRATES OF DARK WATER (1994)

Based on the underrated animated series that was around at the time, “Pirates of Dark Water” is a beat’em up in the vein of “Final Fight” that allows you to play as all three main heroes and beat the ever loving shit out of the opposition. It’s mindless as fuck, but satisfying as all hell. The game was also released on the Genesis, but that version was a side-scrolling platformer with RPG elements, instead of being just a pure beat ‘em up like you get here. Sometimes less is more, and that’s what you get here with the Super Nintendo version of “Pirates of Dark Water”.




5. UNIRACERS (1994)

What happens when you race around riderless unicycles in a mix of 2-D and 3-D environments and go to speeds so fast that it rivals “Sonic the Hedgehog”? You get “Uniracers”, a dreadfully underrated and forgotten racing game from Nintendo that suffered a cruel fate thanks to Pixar. Back when the game was originally released, the developer DMA Design was sued by Pixar, claiming that the game’s unicycle designs were blatant rip-offs of the unicycles used in their 1987 short film “Red’s Dream”. As a result, the first batch of “Uniracers” cartridges produced became the only batch of “Uniracers” cartridges produced, making this awesome game quite rare. Though it garnered some great critical praise, “Uniracers” didn’t find its audience thanks to Pixar putting the dick to them, so sadly not many people have played this game. If you can track it down and not break the bank to get it in your hands, do it. Were it not for Pixar, “Uniracers” would have been a smash hit.




4. VORTEX (1994)

A 3-D shooter game with giant fucking robots and spaceships, “Vortex” is an unheralded blast. Taking elements from games like “Star Fox”, “Vortex” was notable for delivering quality 3-D graphics on a 16-bit console (thanks to using the Super NES’ FX chip, which was also used to help render 3-D graphics in other games like “Star Fox”, “Yoshi’s Island”, “Doom”, and “Stunt Race”). There are multiple modes of transformation for your mech, which always fueled speculation from back then to this very day that “Vortex” started out as being an unreleased “Transformers” game. There’s plenty of excellent shooter action and some great boss fights to be had, but sadly for whatever reason, “Vortex” failed to find its audience. Check it out though, it’s plenty enjoyable.




3. WILD GUNS (1995)

A sci-fi/western clusterfuck of a shooting game, “Wild Guns” features more insane elements and gunplay than you can shake your dick at. Using a third person perspective with a targeting feature to gun down all the baddies headed right towards you, “Wild Guns” is insanely fun. It’s also sadly short, but for what it’s worth, this is one game that you should definitely hunt down and enjoy every single minute of. It should also be noted that this game is an early example of the steampunk genre, which will either make you want to play it even more, or make you not want to play it at all.




2. PHALANX (1992)

One thing that “Phalanx” was famous for was having cover art that had nothing to do with the game itself. A bearded hillbilly playing a banjo with a spaceship in the background adorns the cover, while the game itself is a vertical space shooter that is super fucking fun as hell. There are loads of power ups and epic boss fights to be discovered along the way, not to mention the game’s punishing difficulty make “Phalanx” a keeper. Sadly though the game is remembered more for its hilarious box cover artwork than its wonderful gameplay, which is a crying shame. Check it out though, guaranteed you’ll dig it.



1. METAL WARRIORS (1995)
Developed by Lucasarts, “Metal Warriors” allows you to play as a mech taking on hordes of baddies, ya know the usual shit, but it offers up something else that makes it that unique to stand out as being the most underrated and overlooked gem in the Super NES library: two-player deathmatch bitches! Deathmatches have been around in video game lore for so long now that it seems arbitrary at this point, but back in 1995, seeing such a thing in a console video game was such a rarity that it made the game worth checking out on its own. “Metal Warriors” is no different, offering up a two-player split-screen versus mode that was way ahead of its time. The game’s single player mode ain’t too shabby either, with brilliant graphics and the like, but sadly for some reason, failed to catch on and be a big commercial success. That aside though, pick it up, it’s the best damn Super Nintendo game you never played.



Well, that’s it for my 10 underrated and overlooked Super Nintendo gems. Be sure to be here next time as I go over the top 10 underrated and overlooked gems for the original Playstation. See all y’all then folks…

Sunday, July 22, 2012

"THE DARK KNIGHT RISES" Review!!!! (SPOILERS!)



Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy has come to an end. Four years after the release of the monumental “The Dark Knight” comes “The Dark Knight Rises”, which is a more than fitting end to his trilogy. This is my review for the film, and I am going to tell you right now that beware, spoilers aplenty are ahead, so enter at your own risk folks. With that out of the way, let’s begin…



SPOILERS AHEAD! ABANDON ALL HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE!!!!!!!!!!!









From the beginning with “Batman Begins”, we’ve seen a Batman universe that is all about the realism. From his technology to his wonderful toys to even the villains he’s faced, everything about this new cinematic take on the Batman world is grounded in reality, and it’s made for some great entertainment. As great as “Batman Begins” was though, it was “The Dark Knight” that took things to a new level. With the late Heath Ledger’s brilliant performance as The Joker to a thought provoking script that perfectly displayed the kind of repercussions that would happen in the real world if someone decided to put on a costume and take a serious fight to crime in a crooked and corrupt world, “The Dark Knight” was brilliant despite its small flaws, and to me remains the absolute best comic book-based film to ever see the light of day. With “The Dark Knight Rises”, we see the aftermath that such repercussions have created, escalating even further into an environment of full-blown anarchy and chaos, and the one man that can rise above it all to save the day.

With its much publicized filming taking place, a good chunk of the surprises that the film was set to deliver were already known to the public. From Bane’s connection to Ra’s Al Ghul, to Miranda Tate really being Talia Al Ghul, there weren’t that many twists that the public didn’t kind of already know were going to happen. That aside, we were treated to seeing a world where Batman did indeed “live long enough to see himself become the villain” like Harvey Dent had said in the previous film, as he is a broken and hollow man living a life of seclusion. He comes out of his self-imposed exile as Bane makes his presence felt; eventually re-creating the famous scene from the “Knightfall” comics as he breaks Batman’s back and takes over the city. The day is saved in the end of course, culminating with Batman faking his own death and leaving Gotham City cop John “Robin” Blake to take the reins.

In praise of the film, it was wonderful to see all the seeds planted in “Batman Begins” come to fruition. It was twice as wonderful to see this realistic take on Batman culminate in such a thrilling spectacle. While “The Avengers” was an amazing superhero blockbuster, “The Dark Knight Rises” is more of a thinking-man’s blockbuster, drawing you in with believable characters and motivations, along with some surprisingly brutal action set-pieces to boot. Christian Bale, despite what you may think of him, gives his best performance as Batman here. His portrayal of a broken man that can’t stay away from his duty as the Caped Crusader is a sight to behold. Michael Keaton may always be my favorite Batman, but Bale definitely comes in right behind him. Just about the rest of the cast was great as well. I really enjoyed Anne Hathaway as Catwoman, and Tom Hardy was menacing as all hell as Bane. Joseph Gordon-Levitt was great as well in a surprisingly meaty role. I should also note that Bane’s voice was thankfully re-dubbed during post-production. When the film’s prologue was released alongside “Mission: Impossible: Ghost Protocol” last year, I’ll be damned if I could understand anything that he fucking said, but here, it’s fixed for the most part. Granted he does kind of sound like Sean Connery in need of a Halls, but hey, it could have been a lot worse.

As for the flaws of the film, the one thing that got me was that Gordon sadly wasn’t featured as prominently as he was the last time around. One of the things that made “The Dark Knight” so great was just how much they featured Gordon and how important a role he played in the proceedings. Here, he doesn’t so much, while Alfred and Lucius Fox seem to spend more time on the backburner as well. Still, the final half hour of the film is so masterfully done and orchestrated that you’ll literally be chewing on your fingernails in anticipation to see how it all comes to an end.

Also in retrospect, when you go to see the film if you haven’t already, thoughts about those in Colorado that were senselessly slaughtered at the film’s premiere will weigh heavy on your head. It’s only a matter of time before we get a handful of idiots that blame the actions of one diseased mind on this film, which is a crying shame in itself. Its times like this that we all wish people like Batman were real.

Do yourself a favor: go see the best, most electrifying conclusion to a superhero trilogy in the history of fucking ever. You’ll be glad that you did.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

10 Overlooked and Underrated Gems Part 2: The Sega Genesis



Ah yes, we’re getting into the 16-bit spirit of things now. When Sega released the Genesis in America in 1989, it gave the NES a run for its money in terms of games, graphics, and just about everything else. Though Nintendo would wind up pulling ahead when they released the Super NES later on, the Genesis has a special place in my heart for a number of reasons. It was the first 16-bit console I ever owned, and though it didn’t have the numerous first-party classics that the Super NES had, the Genesis had the best versions of fighting and sports games that were also released on Nintendo’s 16-bit juggernaut at the time. The classic Genesis games that we all know and love, like the “Sonic the Hedgehog” series, “Alex Kidd”, the “Phantasy Star” series, “Gunstar Heroes”, and more besides are classics of the library, but there’s a bunch of other great Genesis games that for one reason or another just fell through the cracks. So, without further adieu, here are my top 10 underrated and overlooked gems for the Sega Genesis:





10. ZERO TOLERANCE (1994)

One of the few (and honestly I think the only to make it stateside) first-person shooters to ever be released for the Genesis, “Zero Tolerance” appears to be a typical “Doom” clone, and make no mistake it is, but it’s also one of the most surprisingly well-done ones from the era you’re likely to ever play. Due to the graphical limitations of the Genesis, the scaling and 3-D effects couldn’t be done particularly well; meaning the action taking place on the screen is small and only takes up a fraction of what appears on your TV. That aside though, the rest of the game is a blast. The frame rate is surprisingly silky smooth, and the run and gun gameplay is even smoother. Add to that the fact that you can link up two Genesis consoles for multiplayer slaughtering, and you’ve got a criminally overlooked game. Regarded as a cult classic (and spawning an unreleased sequel as well), “Zero Tolerance” is wholeheartedly worth tracking down.




9. THE OOZE (1995)

One of the wonderful games developed by the Sega Technical Institute (more on them later), “The Ooze” is a diabolical adventure/puzzle game that boasts some impressive and colorful graphics to go along with some innovative gameplay elements. You play a scientist who has been transformed into a blob of green ooze, and you’re out for revenge and to make things right against the scumbags that did this to you. It can be obnoxiously hard and frustrating as hell, but man oh man does it leave a lasting impression. I reviewed it for Sega-16 not too long ago, and it was one of the few (damn few) games I reviewed for them that wasn’t a total piece of shit. Check it out, you’ll dig it.




8. GENERAL CHAOS (1994)

Back in the day, before EA became more concerned with milking money from gamers with the same Madden game released year after year, they made some pretty damn awesome PC games and some pretty awesome Genesis games as well. “General Chaos” was one of these games, an arcade/strategy game with a twisted sense of humor. You choose your team of commandos to duke it out on a small battlefield environment. It’s very tongue-in-cheek and features a pseudo-psychotic art style, and is one of the best games of its type you’re ever likely to play.




7. DRAGON’S FURY (1991)

Known as “Devil’s Crush” just about everywhere else it was released, “Dragon’s Fury” on the Genesis is a pinball game unlike many other pinball games you’re likely to play. The play field of the game is a multi-screen pinball table that features a shit-ton of enemies and items to smash and grab along the way. Oh yeah, there’s fucking pentagrams and demons and monsters and all kinds of other crazy shit along the way too. Making a good pinball game is a difficult thing indeed, but holy shit these guys did, and it’s probably the best pinball game you’ll ever play that isn’t a real pinball table.




6. WHIP RUSH (1990)

One of the best vertical shooters on the Genesis that no one played (we’ll be getting to the absolute best one on the Genesis no one played soon), “Whip Rush” is an “R-Type”-like affair where you blast your way across the galaxy. And like “R-Type”, it can be punishingly difficult to boot. It was released at a time when this genre of video game was becoming more and more popular, so it’s easy to see how it got lost in the cracks. There isn’t that much about it that sets it apart from other games of its type, other than being able to rotate your direction of fire, which made things a little easier, but man oh man was this one hard son of a bitch. It still looks and plays great to this very day, so if you have the balls give “Whip Rush” a try.




5. COMIX ZONE (1995)

Another gem from Sega Technical Institute, “Comix Zone” was released late in the life of the Genesis’ life cycle, but it found a small audience regardless. You play a comic book artist trapped in his own comic book, beating the shit out of baddies that keep getting drawn inside the screen. Add to the fact that you literally move from panel to panel and rip and tear through backgrounds and other areas, and you’ve got one of the absolute most well-designed games to ever grace the Genesis. It’s hard as nails, but in terms of the numerous beat ‘em up’s that were so prevalent in the Genesis’ library, “Comix Zone” is one of the best. That, along with what’s coming up next…




4. THE PUNISHER (1994)

Based on Capcom’s smash hit arcade game, “The Punisher” featured Marvel’s titular vigilante teaming up with Nick Fury to take on The Kingpin and wave after wave of criminal baddies as you punch, kick, and shoot your way through level after level. It’s repetitive and mindless sure, but satisfying as all hell. While it took a step back graphically compared to the arcade version, the Genesis version of “The Punisher” took the “Final Fight” engine and worked magic with it. It’s got some punishing (no pun intended, seriously) difficulty to be sure, but it’s a blast to play regardless, especially with a friend. It also features some of the best music to ever be heard in a Genesis game (which is saying something, considering the fact that the Genesis’ soundchip was ungodly bad). It fetches a surprisingly high price on eBay and other vintage game stores, but it’s worth every penny, so pick it the fuck up!




3. THUNDER FORCE III (1990)

The best scrolling shooter on the Genesis in the history of fucking ever, “Thunder Force III” and the “Thunder Force” games as a whole are the Genesis’ answer to Konami’s “Gradius” games which at the time were Nintendo exclusive. You shoot down wave after wave after wave of enemy starships and bear witness to massive amounts of destruction, and it’s such a glorious sight that you won’t be able to put the controller down. It’s a wonderfully difficult game as well, but it’s so wonderfully designed and features some of the best graphics, sound effects, and animation that were around at the time, truly showing off what the Genesis could do way back when. It’s a shame that not many people played it back then, because scrolling shooters don’t often get much better than this.




2. ROBOCOP VS THE TERMINATOR (1993)

Also released on the Super NES, “Robocop VS The Terminator” is based on a comic book mini-series which starred the two cyborg characters going to war with each other, and war is just what this game feels like when you play it. You play as Robocop as you traverse present Detroit taking on baddies and Terminator assassins, making your way into the future where Skynet has taken over. It’s fast paced and unrelenting, and one of the absolute best licensed action side-scrollers to ever see the light of day. Now when the game was released for both the Super NES and Genesis, each version was somewhat different. The Super NES featured a slightly different storyline and better graphics and sound effects, but the Genesis version was way more violent and was also a hell of a lot more challenging to boot. In fact the last couple levels of the game are downright near-impossible to complete, but everything else about this game is just simply wonderful. Pick it up for fuck’s sake; you’ll be glad that you did.




1. ETERNAL CHAMPIONS (1993)

Released at a time when fighting games were really starting to crowd the market and eat up quarters in arcades with all the “Street Fighter II” revisions and “Mortal Kombat”, Sega decided to throw their hat into the ring with “Eternal Champions”. Featuring a roster of interesting fighters, large character sprites, and intriguing fatalities, stages, and a fighting engine that was way ahead of its time, “Eternal Champions” sparked varying degrees of critical and commercial acclaim, and even spawned an awesome (and underrated) sequel on the Sega CD a few years later. Sadly though, “Eternal Champions” seems to have been sadly forgotten. For all the various Sega compilation collections that get released every so often, we’ve never seen “Eternal Champions” get the re-release treatment, which is a crying shame. This is an awesome fighting game that deserves your time and attention, and for every new “Street Fighter” or “Mortal Kombat” game that would hit the system, the more and more people would forget about this game. You need to give it a look if you can. It may seem dated at first when compared to some other games to come out afterwards, but despite that, there’s just something about “Eternal Champions” that just feels kind of timeless. That and its fun as hell too.



Well, that’s all for now folks. Tune in next time as I’ll go over the Top 10 underrated and overlooked gems for the Super Nintendo. Until next time, see y’all later…

Sunday, July 8, 2012

10 Overlooked and Underrated Gems Part 1: The NES



Depending what generation you’re a part of, you’ll usually wind up having a chain of video game consoles that you’ve no doubt devoted a plethora of time to and have wound up having some sort of impact on your life. For me, there were really 5 consoles that had major impacts on me: the original NES, the Sega Genesis, the Super NES, the original Playstation, and the Sega Dreamcast. All five of these systems had their heydays and their video game libraries range from being well-known to universally recognized, but for every “Super Mario Bros.” and “Sonic the Hedgehog”, there’s a handful of little-known gems that slip through the cracks that not many people know about. Starting here, I’ll be listing ten games for each of the aforementioned consoles that are underrated and overlooked gems, and they wholeheartedly deserve your attention.

The first console I ever owned was the original Nintendo Entertainment System. Its bulky grey box design was a warming sight and featured a whole shitload of classic titles, ranging from all the Mario games to “Tetris”, “Duck Tales”, “Ninja Gaiden”, and more besides. Throughout its long lifespan, the NES featured a barrage of classics as well as a barrage of shitty games, and in between the cracks were these 10 overlooked gems that not many gave a second look to. Here’s 10 underrated and overlooked NES gems:



10. ROBOCOP 3 (1993)

Movie-based games usually suck no matter what, but for some reason, the various Robocop games on the NES were surprisingly good. “Robocop 3” was no different, and wound up being the best of the bunch. Released late in the life of the console, “Robocop 3” featured some surprisingly great graphics and action gameplay, along with some unique features that include having to repair the damage to Robocop in between levels, with various brands of strategy having to get utilized in the process. The game would end up getting ported to the newer 16-bit consoles at the time, and they wound up being horrible shovelware in the process. Still though, the NES version of “Robocop 3” is a surprisingly great side-scroller, and one of the few movie-based games that is worth your time and attention.



9. BUCKY O’HARE (1992)

Based on the little-watched cartoon, Konami took the “Bucky O’Hare” license and transformed it into a challenging and highly wonderful treat. Playing as the title character, you traverse various planets, rescuing your crewmates, and eventually smashing your way through a monstrous alien ship. It’s hard, almost unapologetically hard, but man oh man is it ever satisfying. Wonderful graphics and sound effects, the game surprisingly makes the most out of the limited 8-bit technology of the NES hardware. It’s a rare find (and pricey) but for NES collectors, it’s essential.



8. SKY SHARK (1989)

A scrolling shooter arcade game, this NES port of “Sky Shark” was looked down upon by purists upon release, but over the years it’s gained some appreciation for being a challenging and fun shooter blast. You pilot a biplane taking out hordes of aircraft and ground-based enemies, with bullets and missiles flying at you from every single angle imaginable. In fact, you’ve got shit coming at you all over the fucking place! It’s a hard son of a bitch, but if NES shooter classics like “1942” and “Gradius” are your thing, check out the criminally underrated “Sky Shark”.



7. GOLGO 13: TOP SECRET EPISODE (1988)

What the fuck is a “Golgo 13” you ask? Golgo 13 is the codename of the master assassin and heartless killer for hire that has been the subject of a long-running manga, numerous animated films and series, and even a few live action flicks starring Sonny Chiba back in the day. In “Golgo 13: Top Secret Episode”, you play as the titular assassin, looking to take down an evil organization. There’s side scrolling action and first person shooter gunplay to be had, as well as some surprising bloody violence and sexual situations (remember, this was Nintendo in 1988 for fuck’s sake). The game is plenty enjoyable, but what stops it from being a true classic is the fact that there are just too many little flaws that make the game harder than it needs to be. Still, it’s plenty enjoyable, and one of the most underrated games in the NES library.




6. STREET FIGHTER 2010 (1990)

We all know Street Fighter. Capcom’s long running series has made a shit load of money and spawned numerous spin-offs, cartoons, films, and merchandise throughout the years in the process. But shortly before Street Fighter II became a massive hit in arcades, Capcom crafted this bastard spin-off of the original Street Fighter…well, that’s at least what it seemed like in America anyway. “Street Fighter 2010” was actually a completely different game in Japan, but it was brought over here and featured a title change, character name changes, and other localizations done to make it what it is known as today. Even though it’s painfully obvious that this game has absolutely nothing to do with Street Fighter, it’s a solid and plenty difficult challenge that deserves to be checked out. It’s gotten a whole shit-load of flack since it was first released here (and still does 20 years later) which is a damn shame, because everything about this game, especially the ghoulish and nightmarish graphics and art design, is simply wonderful. It’s punishingly difficult however, so proceed with caution.




5. TINY TOON ADVENTURES (1991)

As a kid I loved Looney Tunes, but I loved Tiny Toons even more. Konami’s “Tiny Toon Adventures” featured classic side scrolling action with super charming graphics. Beneath all that was some damn fine platforming action elements that were some of the best to be seen on the NES that weren’t from a game developed from Nintendo themselves. You control Buster Bunny to start, eventually being able to select Plucky Duck, Dizzy Devil, and Furrball as well. There’s a plethora of secrets and Easter eggs hidden throughout the game as well, making it a super mega enjoyable blast that you’ll spend plenty of time playing.




4. OPERATION WOLF (1989)

Every NES owner fondly remembers the Zapper light gun peripheral, but for the most part they only remember using it for “Duck Hunt”. “Operation Wolf” was one of a handful of other games to use the Zapper, and the best one in the NES library that wasn’t “Duck Hunt”. You shoot endless amounts of baddies through different stages including jungles, airports, villages, and even concentration camps. For its time “Operation Wolf” was kind of brutal and pulled little punches, making it all the more worth checking out for NES players that never got their hands on it back in the day.




3. MIGHTY FINAL FIGHT (1993)

Capcom’s “Final Fight” series is still regarded as being one of the best beat ‘em up franchises in the history of ever. After being a massive hit in the arcades and spawning a flawed port to the Super NES, Capcom took the game and turned it into “Mighty Final Fight” for the NES. The characters were transformed into super-deformed looking fighters (almost looking like bobblehead people) but the excellent fighting action still managed to remain the same. Released late in the life of the NES, the game only saw a limited release run, making it a rare and expensive find nowadays. Still though, “Mighty Final Fight” is one of the absolute best brawlers to play on the NES, and makes games like “Double Dragon” pale in comparison.




2. CLASH AT DEMONHEAD (1990)

An open ended platformer a la “Metroid”, “Clash at Demonhead” is one of the most head-scratching and jaw dropping games you’ll find on the NES. Its non-linear style of play and wonderfully designed stages make you never want to put the controller down, even when it begins to frustrate the ever-loving shit out of you in the process. If you’re wondering why the title of the game sounds so familiar yet you can’t remember playing it for the life of you, the title was used as the name of a band in the “Scott Pilgrim” books and the massively entertaining “Scott Pilgrim VS The World” movie. It also features a protagonist named Bang. That alone should make you want to play this fucking thing.




1. GUERILLA WAR (1989)

SNK had scored a hit on the NES with their port of “Ikari Warriors”, so they took the same formula and applied it to “Guerilla War”, which was also an arcade hit, but wasn’t so much a hit when it hit the NES. The same style of play applies: shoot the living shit out of an endless amount of villains and baddies. Two-player co-op, shitloads of power-ups, and destructible environments made the game an endlessly entertaining classic that was so overlooked by NES players at large that it should be a crime. Oh yeah, you also play as Che Guevara and Fidel Castro. Yes I’m fucking serious. Check it out goddamnit, thank me later.



Come back next time as I go over the 10 overlooked and underrated gems for the Sega Genesis…bitches.