LeBron Goes Down...and It's Awesome

Before I get started, I just want to point out in the above picture that even though it looks like LeBron has six toes, he really doesn’t…I think…

When LeBron James came into the league, the hype around him was nearly nothing like anything that had been seen before when it came to a pro basketball prospect, especially one that was just right out of high school. The nicknames and titles bestowed upon him were many:

King James

The Future

The Franchise

The Chosen One

and more besides…

The one nickname however that James has earned is nowhere near as endearing however:

The Fourth Quarter Choke Artist

Yes, LeBron has undergone a lot of criticism and disdain since he announced he was “taking his talents to South Beach” last summer after spurning his hometown Cavaliers for the Miami Heat, and all of it has been deserved. With “The Decision” and all the media hoopla that led up to it and subsequently followed it well into the NBA season and playoffs, watching LeBron and the Heat melt down in the finals to the eventual champion Dallas Mavericks was simply wonderful to watch happen. That’s 2 NBA Finals appearances that LeBron has made with zero rings to show for it. And oh yeah, this is also the guy who criticized his critics who have “little lives” compared to him and showed no sportsmanship whatsoever on the court. This is the guy who, along with Dwayne Wade, made fun of Mavericks star Dirk Nowitzki’s case of being sick. This is the guy who has been compared to Michael Jordan…and the truth of the matter is that this is a guy who will NEVER be Michael Jordan.

A few weeks ago, Scottie Pippen declared that LeBron was in some ways better than Jordan and could be an all around better player than Jordan as well. Yes, this was said by Scottie Pippen, the guy who was Jordan’s wingman for years, and will probably go down as being one of the best wingmen in the history of the league. Thankfully, fellow NBA legend Kareem Abdul-Jabar told Scottie to shut his fucking mouth in so many words, which is what EVERYBODY else who heard Pippen’s remarks were already thinking. Say whatever you will about Jordan’s off the court antics and controversy, but on the court he at least had a degree of class about him. He hated to lose yes, but at least he stuck around to congratulate the opposition when he did lose, and he only lost rarely when it mattered too. Unlike LeBron, there was no quit in Jordan; he played all four quarters, and had a better all-around game than anyone else in the league during his heyday. And when it mattered, when the chips were down and the clock was ticking away, Jordan never looked tired or sluggish; he came out swinging. That in itself is something we’ve NEVER seen from LeBron, and probably never will.

Watching LeBron break down and come down with a case of being an ultra-sore loser is almost sad to watch in a way. Was it really all that long ago when he was the darling of the NBA, had the adoration of every fan whether they lived in Cleveland or not, and garnered the cheers for the Cavaliers to succeed no matter what? It wasn’t that long ago, but it honestly feels like it was. Since then, he’s become the league villain everywhere but Miami, and that sound you heard Sunday night was the sound of every Cavaliers fan in the country laughing at LeBron’s continuing playoff futility; the fact that he just can’t be there when it really matters.

Loads of talent? Totally.

Walking pile of shit? Definitely.

Fuck you LeBron, and it was fun seeing you lose. True, you get to go back to your mansion and millions while the rest of us have to go back to our “little lives”, but that will just make us enjoy watching you fail all the more so.

Nick's Mea Culpa's

For my 50th blog edition, I've decided to take the time to admit some of my many faults. Over the years, I've done some screwy and just plain wrong things, and I would like to take the time to apologize to anyone and everyone involved for any shit I've done, and will more than likely do in the future, as well as apologize and admit to things I have been completely wrong about as well. In other words, here's a list of things that I can honestly take the time to say "my bad", I'm sorry, and things I was wrong about...or something along those lines anyway.



My mea culpa's for certain people and other various times:



That time I got drunk and pissed in your sink (this may apply to many)

When I said that Blake Griffin would never amount to being more than a benchwarmer in the NBA

When I thought the XBox 360 was cool

When I thought that Buckcherry would be just what the hard rock genre needed...oh how wrong I was

When I thought Rob Zombie re-making "Halloween" was a great idea

That time I was playing hockey and hit a kid between the legs with my stick and I told him I was just testing how secure his cup was

When I traded my non-functioning Playstation in towards a PS2 at EB Games and told them it worked fine

When I had beer farts and let one rip in a full subway car

When I put a cigarette out in a friend's beer and didn't tell him that I did, nor did he realize it until it was too late (was pretty hilarious though)

That time I said I'd pull out and totally didn't (for all it may concern)



That's all for now, more than likely there will be more to follow eventually...



...maybe :)

Uncensored "Bulls VS Blazers" review for Sega-16...motherfucker.

Below is the complete, unedited, and uncensored review for the Genesis sports dirge known as "Bulls VS Blazers & The NBA Playoffs". This is my first review for the Sega Genesis tribute site Sega-16, and hopefully more will be on the way.

Here's the link for the review as it appears on the site (if it doesn't link, just copy & paste it into your browser, because this fucker is being tempremental today):
http://www.sega-16.com/review_page.php?id=202&title=Bulls vs Blazers & the NBA Playoffs

And here's the review in all its nasty glory!



Before NBA Live became their annual basketball moneymaker, also known as the same game released every year with little to no updates besides the team rosters, Electronic Arts' EA Sports imprint made some solid basketball sims for the Genesis that directly followed the NBA playoffs of the year before. Bulls vs. Blazers and the NBA Playoffs follows in the footsteps of the previous editions Lakers vs. Celtics and Bulls vs. Lakers. On the surface, there isn't much difference between BvB and those two games which came before it, but nevertheless, this is one enjoyable basketball game, and one of the better basketball games that you'll find in the system's library, which so happens to feature a surprising shit-ton of basketball games.

Picking from one of the sixteen teams that made 1992 playoffs (I remember this upsetting me a bit in my youth for the game not featuring my beloved Sixers, even though NBA Hall of Famer and then Sixer Charles Barkley is featured on one of the game's all-star squads), BvB owns a place in sports video game history by being the first game allowing the player to create their own fantasy team, in which you can have Jordan and Jordan duke it out, or even have a whole team consisting of nothing but duplicate Michael Jordan's or whomever else you desire (or a whole team of Mark Eaton's...yes, freakish Mark fucking Eaton's running all over the court...total nightmare). And yes, if for some reason I haven't driven the point enough already into your skulls, the legendary NBA superstar is here in all his glory, which is an ultra-rarity in itself in the world of basketball video games, let alone ones from the 16-bit era. Certain players are also able to perform their signature dunks, a majority of which look alike to one another, but this is the 16-bit Genesis we're talking about here, so you just have to take what you can get out of it.

BvB features some surprisingly good graphics for its time and some startlingly good sound effects as well. The squeak of player's shoes on the hardwood and the whistle of the officials all sound crisp and clear, with only the voice-overs sounding slightly grainy. Graphically, the character models resemble their real-life counterparts, although after a while you'll notice how there are only so many different head models to use for different players. Despite that though, the game still looks good for its time in terms of 16-bit graphics as the players move fluidly, and most of their signature dunks are well animated enough.

The basketball mechanics are solid, and the game is easy enough for newcomers to pick up and play without too much of a steep learning curve. One thing that is noticeable (and current-gen developers should take note of this) is that the game actually gets more challenging the deeper you progress in the playoffs. The NBA finals are no cakewalk here, and if you win the title here, trust me when I say that you've earned it. BvB doesn't feature a battery-backed save feature (which wasn't just yet a staple in sports video games cartridges, because God knows that could have made things so much less cumbersome in the long run), so a password system is implemented in order to save your playoff progress. Thankfully, the game's password system is short and sweet like a pornstar midget (yeah I said it), unlike a number of other password-featured games of the time which feature more cumbersome and flat out annoying codes to enter.

When you take everything that BvB offers, you'll soon realize just how ahead of its time this game was in its day. Calling this game a sim is the right term to use, as it just lacks that feel of an arcade-like endeavor. The opponent AI is beatable, but it just doesn't lay down and let you pass and shoot all over it either, which is something else that EA would do well by looking back into their past for inspiration with all the recent fuck-ups that have popped up of late (or can be plainly put as that the game was so bad and EA knew it), resulting in shelving its latest NBA game (NBA Elite) before this past holiday season. That in itself is really saying something about EA here. The publisher has always been known as profit before quality in terms of a majority of their games, and the fact that they didn't even want to release what was practically a finished product just shows you right there how much of a total piece of dogshit we were saved from ever sticking in our consoles.

Whew! Sorry, went off on a bit of a tangent there for a second. Anyway, the gameplay of BvB may come off as kind of slow and sluggish for those who are unaccustomed to this sort of thing. Those more familiar with free-flowing arcade-type basketball games like NBA Jam or NBA Street will find little to enjoy here, but for those who grew up with this game, you know damn well what you're getting here. All things considered, this was truly the game-changing beginning for basketball videogames, even though it was at this point the third installment in EA's then-annual series.

All in all, just like the two games that came before it, Bulls vs. Blazers and the NBA Playoffs laid the groundwork for EA's NBA Live franchise, and for a number of other basketball titles to follow as well. BvB is a worthwhile (and generally pretty cheap, even complete with case and instruction manual) pick up for your Genesis collection if you desire some vintage basketball action that delivers the goods. If you want the whole regular season & playoffs with all the teams involved though you're shit out of luck here and you'll want to look elsewhere. Still though, you could do a lot worse in terms of Genesis hoops than Bulls vs. Blazers and the NBA Playoffs, so try not to be a dumbass about it.

Fucking up the Winter Classic

The NHL Winter Classic has become the “event” that it was set out to be when originally conceived by the executives of the National Hockey League some time ago, and both the League and the fans alike are the better for it. What’s more exciting than the idea of watching hockey players grind it out against the elements? Absolutely nothing, this is hockey the way it was meant to be…

…you know, minus the shitty camera work that is.

Saturday night’s edition of the now yearly New Year’s Day event found NBC putting to use a similar camerawork style akin to that of what they do for their NFL games. The end result of this “creative” take on hockey is nothing more than a shitstorm of frustration for NHL fans. Corner battles for the puck were practically incomprehensible to watch, as was keeping track of the puck itself. I remember years back when the NHL was on FOX, a colored trail was used to help viewers keep track of where the puck bounced and flew on the ice (no, I can’t remember what the hell it was called exactly, and I’m too damned tired to look it up on fucking Wikipedia too, so blow me), and even that wouldn’t have worked out well here.

On one hand, I applaud NBC and the NHL for wanting to spice things up to draw in more viewers, because the NHL really does need them. Granted that ratings are the highest they’ve been for the League in quite some time, and the League as a whole is doing better than they have years before the lockout (both of them) ever loomed, but for some reason the sport just doesn’t have the viewership of the NFL, NBA, or MLB. That being said, with lockouts and labor issues looming for both the NFL and NBA, apparently ESPN is looking to give the NHL another shot since giving them up after the last lockout concluded. Let’s hope so, and then we may actually have some great play-by-play commentary again.

Speaking of the commentary, I like Doc Emrick as much as the next hockey fan, but other announcers and analysts on the NBC/VERSUS roster like Eddie Olczyk, Mike Milbury, and Darren Pang (God I hate him so much, always have) are so horrible and nerve-grating that I pine for the days of ESPN-flavored hockey. Could anyone call a better game than Gary Thorne? Fuck no! To this day, he’s still the first guy that pops in my head when thinking about calling a hockey game play-by-play, and I sure fucking hope to Christ that if/when ESPN takes another shot at the NHL, he’s the main man to go to.

Keep in mind that I know hockey doesn’t offer the same kind of universal appeal that watching a bunch of ‘roided up dudes in jocks wrassle around a field grabbing each other to get a hold of a dead pig has, so this may or may not have any kind of relevance to you whatsoever. If it doesn’t…well, suck my ass then ya bunch of pricks.



Uncle Nick needs another shot of motor oil…

LeBron joins the Heat

Okay, scratch what I said last time around about it being record time for quickness between blog entries, but this is something I'm doing at spur of the moment and just can't fucking ignore.

Who in the holy fuck does Lebron James think he is?

I had said before that the NBA is more or less loaded with nothing but prima donna athletes who make big money for doing little to nothing on the court, with only a handful of true superstars around, Lebron being one of them. I had also mentioned how this summer's Free Agency period was nothing like the NBA had ever seen before. Well, it hasn't been. Never before had a group of free agents (Lebron, Dwayne Wade, and Chris Bosh) practically held the NBA hostage while they grouped together and formulated their playing destinations. All three have chosen to play for the Miami Heat, of which Wade has played for his whole career and won a title with a few years back.

My question as to just who does Lebron think he is relates to the fact that tonight he held an hour long press conference on ESPN to announce his decision on whether or not he would stay with the Cleveland Cavaliers or sign elsewhere. That's right, he held his own prime-time special on worldwide television, and we all ate right out of his hands in return. I'll grant you the fact that he is by and far the biggest Free Agent prize that perhaps the NBA has ever seen, and may very well be one of the best players to take to the court in the past decade, but seriously now, who would really take it upon themselves to take themselves so seriously to the point that they feel the need to broadcast live on TV their intentions and decision as to where the fuck they are going to be playing next season?

Take these things into consideration before any Lebron supporters bash me here: just this past post-season, we witnessed Lebron flat out quit on his team in the Eastern Conference semis, and the passed couple seasons we've witnessed similar playoff meltdowns. The Cavs tried their best to keep him, and considering the fact that this guy is their only bread & butter, they damn sure better have tried. From firing a coach he was tired of playing for (Mike Brown), just hiring the coach he said he wanted to have (Byron Scott), and attempting to lure in a supporting cast of players over the past couple seasons to try to actually win a title (Ilgauskas, Shaq, Ben Wallace, etc.), look what it got them in the end. Lebron always knew he was going to bolt Cleveland, granted I figured it would either be for the Knicks or Nets, but now that Bosh and D-Wade are with the Heat, Lebron joining them makes sense if a title is truly what he wants.

Back to the point I'm attempting to make in asking just who the fuck Lebron thinks he is, take this into consideration as well. He wears (or at least wore) 23, and has been compared to Jordan quite a bit during his career. And while Jordan had his share of moments of publicity (multiple retirements aside), he never believed himself to be bigger than the game. His post-career attitude aside, Jordan was the best in the business and he knew as such. Lebron knows he's practically the best in the business with no ring to show for it, and now here's the best opportunity he could ever get to win a championship.

All that aside though, this act tonight shows that Lebron believes himself to be bigger than the game and the league as a whole, and while he may want to win it all now more than anything else, his legacy will truly be written on what happens in the upcoming seasons he's signed his name on the dotted line to participate in. And if Lebron ends up coming up on the short end of the stick, this night will be remembered as nothing else but a whole lot of flash, and little more than a dog and pony show.

...and before anyone says anything, yes I may be a Knicks fan, but I'm not bitter that we didn't get Lebron...much