LeBron Goes Down...and It's Awesome

Before I get started, I just want to point out in the above picture that even though it looks like LeBron has six toes, he really doesn’t…I think…

When LeBron James came into the league, the hype around him was nearly nothing like anything that had been seen before when it came to a pro basketball prospect, especially one that was just right out of high school. The nicknames and titles bestowed upon him were many:

King James

The Future

The Franchise

The Chosen One

and more besides…

The one nickname however that James has earned is nowhere near as endearing however:

The Fourth Quarter Choke Artist

Yes, LeBron has undergone a lot of criticism and disdain since he announced he was “taking his talents to South Beach” last summer after spurning his hometown Cavaliers for the Miami Heat, and all of it has been deserved. With “The Decision” and all the media hoopla that led up to it and subsequently followed it well into the NBA season and playoffs, watching LeBron and the Heat melt down in the finals to the eventual champion Dallas Mavericks was simply wonderful to watch happen. That’s 2 NBA Finals appearances that LeBron has made with zero rings to show for it. And oh yeah, this is also the guy who criticized his critics who have “little lives” compared to him and showed no sportsmanship whatsoever on the court. This is the guy who, along with Dwayne Wade, made fun of Mavericks star Dirk Nowitzki’s case of being sick. This is the guy who has been compared to Michael Jordan…and the truth of the matter is that this is a guy who will NEVER be Michael Jordan.

A few weeks ago, Scottie Pippen declared that LeBron was in some ways better than Jordan and could be an all around better player than Jordan as well. Yes, this was said by Scottie Pippen, the guy who was Jordan’s wingman for years, and will probably go down as being one of the best wingmen in the history of the league. Thankfully, fellow NBA legend Kareem Abdul-Jabar told Scottie to shut his fucking mouth in so many words, which is what EVERYBODY else who heard Pippen’s remarks were already thinking. Say whatever you will about Jordan’s off the court antics and controversy, but on the court he at least had a degree of class about him. He hated to lose yes, but at least he stuck around to congratulate the opposition when he did lose, and he only lost rarely when it mattered too. Unlike LeBron, there was no quit in Jordan; he played all four quarters, and had a better all-around game than anyone else in the league during his heyday. And when it mattered, when the chips were down and the clock was ticking away, Jordan never looked tired or sluggish; he came out swinging. That in itself is something we’ve NEVER seen from LeBron, and probably never will.

Watching LeBron break down and come down with a case of being an ultra-sore loser is almost sad to watch in a way. Was it really all that long ago when he was the darling of the NBA, had the adoration of every fan whether they lived in Cleveland or not, and garnered the cheers for the Cavaliers to succeed no matter what? It wasn’t that long ago, but it honestly feels like it was. Since then, he’s become the league villain everywhere but Miami, and that sound you heard Sunday night was the sound of every Cavaliers fan in the country laughing at LeBron’s continuing playoff futility; the fact that he just can’t be there when it really matters.

Loads of talent? Totally.

Walking pile of shit? Definitely.

Fuck you LeBron, and it was fun seeing you lose. True, you get to go back to your mansion and millions while the rest of us have to go back to our “little lives”, but that will just make us enjoy watching you fail all the more so.

Uncensored "Bulls VS Blazers" review for Sega-16...motherfucker.

Below is the complete, unedited, and uncensored review for the Genesis sports dirge known as "Bulls VS Blazers & The NBA Playoffs". This is my first review for the Sega Genesis tribute site Sega-16, and hopefully more will be on the way.

Here's the link for the review as it appears on the site (if it doesn't link, just copy & paste it into your browser, because this fucker is being tempremental today):
http://www.sega-16.com/review_page.php?id=202&title=Bulls vs Blazers & the NBA Playoffs

And here's the review in all its nasty glory!



Before NBA Live became their annual basketball moneymaker, also known as the same game released every year with little to no updates besides the team rosters, Electronic Arts' EA Sports imprint made some solid basketball sims for the Genesis that directly followed the NBA playoffs of the year before. Bulls vs. Blazers and the NBA Playoffs follows in the footsteps of the previous editions Lakers vs. Celtics and Bulls vs. Lakers. On the surface, there isn't much difference between BvB and those two games which came before it, but nevertheless, this is one enjoyable basketball game, and one of the better basketball games that you'll find in the system's library, which so happens to feature a surprising shit-ton of basketball games.

Picking from one of the sixteen teams that made 1992 playoffs (I remember this upsetting me a bit in my youth for the game not featuring my beloved Sixers, even though NBA Hall of Famer and then Sixer Charles Barkley is featured on one of the game's all-star squads), BvB owns a place in sports video game history by being the first game allowing the player to create their own fantasy team, in which you can have Jordan and Jordan duke it out, or even have a whole team consisting of nothing but duplicate Michael Jordan's or whomever else you desire (or a whole team of Mark Eaton's...yes, freakish Mark fucking Eaton's running all over the court...total nightmare). And yes, if for some reason I haven't driven the point enough already into your skulls, the legendary NBA superstar is here in all his glory, which is an ultra-rarity in itself in the world of basketball video games, let alone ones from the 16-bit era. Certain players are also able to perform their signature dunks, a majority of which look alike to one another, but this is the 16-bit Genesis we're talking about here, so you just have to take what you can get out of it.

BvB features some surprisingly good graphics for its time and some startlingly good sound effects as well. The squeak of player's shoes on the hardwood and the whistle of the officials all sound crisp and clear, with only the voice-overs sounding slightly grainy. Graphically, the character models resemble their real-life counterparts, although after a while you'll notice how there are only so many different head models to use for different players. Despite that though, the game still looks good for its time in terms of 16-bit graphics as the players move fluidly, and most of their signature dunks are well animated enough.

The basketball mechanics are solid, and the game is easy enough for newcomers to pick up and play without too much of a steep learning curve. One thing that is noticeable (and current-gen developers should take note of this) is that the game actually gets more challenging the deeper you progress in the playoffs. The NBA finals are no cakewalk here, and if you win the title here, trust me when I say that you've earned it. BvB doesn't feature a battery-backed save feature (which wasn't just yet a staple in sports video games cartridges, because God knows that could have made things so much less cumbersome in the long run), so a password system is implemented in order to save your playoff progress. Thankfully, the game's password system is short and sweet like a pornstar midget (yeah I said it), unlike a number of other password-featured games of the time which feature more cumbersome and flat out annoying codes to enter.

When you take everything that BvB offers, you'll soon realize just how ahead of its time this game was in its day. Calling this game a sim is the right term to use, as it just lacks that feel of an arcade-like endeavor. The opponent AI is beatable, but it just doesn't lay down and let you pass and shoot all over it either, which is something else that EA would do well by looking back into their past for inspiration with all the recent fuck-ups that have popped up of late (or can be plainly put as that the game was so bad and EA knew it), resulting in shelving its latest NBA game (NBA Elite) before this past holiday season. That in itself is really saying something about EA here. The publisher has always been known as profit before quality in terms of a majority of their games, and the fact that they didn't even want to release what was practically a finished product just shows you right there how much of a total piece of dogshit we were saved from ever sticking in our consoles.

Whew! Sorry, went off on a bit of a tangent there for a second. Anyway, the gameplay of BvB may come off as kind of slow and sluggish for those who are unaccustomed to this sort of thing. Those more familiar with free-flowing arcade-type basketball games like NBA Jam or NBA Street will find little to enjoy here, but for those who grew up with this game, you know damn well what you're getting here. All things considered, this was truly the game-changing beginning for basketball videogames, even though it was at this point the third installment in EA's then-annual series.

All in all, just like the two games that came before it, Bulls vs. Blazers and the NBA Playoffs laid the groundwork for EA's NBA Live franchise, and for a number of other basketball titles to follow as well. BvB is a worthwhile (and generally pretty cheap, even complete with case and instruction manual) pick up for your Genesis collection if you desire some vintage basketball action that delivers the goods. If you want the whole regular season & playoffs with all the teams involved though you're shit out of luck here and you'll want to look elsewhere. Still though, you could do a lot worse in terms of Genesis hoops than Bulls vs. Blazers and the NBA Playoffs, so try not to be a dumbass about it.