Why You Should Watch TURBO KID

Over the past few years, there's been a rise of 80s nostalgia appearing in film, music, and video games. Notable examples include the video game FAR CRY: BLOOD DRAGON, the short film KUNG FURY, and everything produced by synth-pop band Gunship. I find myself enjoying just about all of this stuff quite a bit, but there's something I hold above and beyond all of that since I first discovered it: motherfucking TURBO KID.

TURBO KID is the fever dream of 80s born kids with no budget and big hearts. It takes place in a post-apocalyptic future (well, a post-apocalyptic future that would be predicted in the 80s) and revolves around our titular hero as he struggles to both be a kid and survive against evil marauders (led by genre stalwart Michael Ironside) while contending with a very strange, would-be female companion named Apple. Everything about this film is an over the top blast to say it lightly.

I had heard about this film online for quite some time before it managed to squeak its way onto Netflix where I finally got to see it. After viewing it, I tracked it down and purchased myself a copy. I recommend you all do the same. Granted that TURBO KID doesn't do anything revolutionary with the genre, nor does it try to, but it's a bloody and brilliant good time that tugs on your nostalgia strings. It's still streaming on Netflix right now, and I encourage you all to check it out while you can. You won't regret it.

Oldboy: A Spike Lee Joint...WHAT?!?!?!?!

Spike Lee is doing an Americanized remake of “Oldboy”.

Yes, you read that right…now let that sink in…

Spike fucking Lee is remaking “Oldboy”…what the fuck?

Not that I have anything against Spike Lee, granted that his films of late have been more miss than hit, but the fact remains that this is the absolute wrong guy to helm an Americanized remake of the 2004 Korean classic. Let’s face facts, “Do the Right Thing” was a hell of a long time ago, and to be totally honest, the only other film of his I actually dug was “Inside Man” a few years back, mostly because it lacked the typical Lee brand of racial undertones, and was a convincing and competently helmed thriller that still had a decent amount of flaws.

For those unfamiliar with “Oldboy”, the story of the film revolves around a drunkard who one night is kidnapped and imprisoned for 15 years. No explanation given, no reasoning, he’s just locked away in a room by unknown takers. After 15 years have passed, he is released just as abruptly as he was kidnapped, and is given five days by an unknown mastermind to seek his vengeance. What made “Oldboy” so damned good weren’t just the visceral thrills, it was the underlining themes that presented the extreme depths of the human soul, and featured one of the absolute most frightening and shocking twist and climax, and a conclusion that will stay with you long after the credits roll.

Now a few years ago it was reported that Steven Spielberg was interested in directing an American take on the film with Will Smith (seriously) in the starring role, but that seemingly faded away. Now here we are in 2011, and it appears that it’s full steam ahead for “Oldboy: A Spike Lee Joint”. Like I said already, it’s not out of any disrespect for Lee, just the fact that there’s no way a mainstream American take on “Oldboy” can ever retain the flat-out ballsiness and shock value that the original film offers. I don’t want to give anything away spoiler-wise for anyone that hasn’t seen the film, but trust me when I say that this is something that would have to be extremely watered-down for mainstream American cinema consumption; so much so that it will more than likely bear little resemblance to the film that it’s based upon.

Now let it be known that it was only a little more than a year ago that there was an American remake of another foreign favorite of mine: “Let the Right One In” was made into “Let Me In”, and I practically boycotted the fact that it was getting an American remake. I had no desire or intention to see it, solely basing that on the fact that I figured there was no way that the remake could ever match the ballsiness and creativity of the original…and I wound up being completely wrong about “Let Me In” in the end. Maybe I’ll be wrong about a Spike Lee-directed remake of “Oldboy”, and maybe I’ll be doing another mea culpa further down the road like I did after watching “Let Me In”…



…but I doubt it.



On a further note, watch “Oldboy”; if you can only watch one foreign film in your whole life, this is the one to see. It’s easily found on DVD, and it’s currently available to stream on Netflix too. Trust me, you’ll be gripped to your seat and glued to the screen the whole running time.

Trapped in Uwe Boll land

Why do I do this to myself?

Whenever I'm stricken with cases of boredom, I find myself browsing through the massive amount of shitty horror flicks that are offered by Netflix for instant streaming. Flicks that are so shitty, no one should ever see them? Ever hear of a little turd called "The Video Dead"? Or "Tales from the Crapper" (never a more fitting title in all of filmdom)? Of course you haven't, because you have the common sense not to be bothered with such filth. I on the other hand do not, and that is where this guy comes in...

...this guy named Uwe Boll.

Now fans of the horror genre and/or video games know right away who Uwe Boll is. He made a name for himself directing film adaptations of horror and/or shooter video games like "House of the Dead", "Alone in the Dark", "Blood Rayne", "Far Cry", and more besides; all of which (save for one, being the politically biting "Postal", which I find to be a guilty pleasure) are the definition of the term abysmal.

Recently though, Boll has been churning out a new breed of film other than abysmal video game adaptations: the ultra-violent, somehow socially relevant type of film if you will. Films like "Tunnel Rats", "Stoic", "Rampage", "Seed", and most recently "Attack on Darfur"; which presents an ultra-graphic and ultra-chilling portrait of the genocide that has been perpetrated there.

In between the abysmal video game takes and the somewhat socially conscious shockers, Boll has made one film that is downright ridiculous, 2007's "Postal". Based on an unbelievably shitty first person shooter that was more known for its shock value, "Postal" found Boll breaking all kinds of decency rules, whether it meant poking fun at 9/11 terrorists, George Bush (frolicking through a field with Osama Bin Laden), and even himself as he playfully talks of "funding his films with Nazi gold", which many (myself included) have accused him of for years now.

On the horizon, Boll has a slew of films on the way, including a third "Blood Rayne" movie, a superhero spoof called "Bluberella", and another ultra-graphic shocker called "Auschwitz", in which footage put on YouTube was found to be even a little too much for this old gorehound.

What's the point of all this you may ask? Who gives a shit about Uwe Boll? Well, thanks to the Netflix instant streaming I mentioned earlier, I don't have much choice, considering that a good chunk of his films are available to watch (some of which without even being released on DVD yet), and the fact that quite frankly, I never know what to expect from Boll.

A while back Boll made an infamous rant defending himself against his critics, claiming that his films weren't the same kind of boring shit to come from the Michael Bay's and Spielberg's of the world. Ain't that the truth.

Say what you will about him, and I have before myself (I always said that I thought his intention was to out-wood Ed Wood), but the one thing I can say in his defence is that no matter what kind of film he ends up crafting, they are most certainly never boring.

So if you have Netflix and want to watch something different for a change (I can't promise whether or not it'll be your cup of tea or not), I dare you to take a walk down Boll lane...

...whether or not you come back is another story entirely.