The 5 Best Horror Movie Remakes Ever

Ah yes, it’s that time of year again…it’s fucking Halloween time folks! And what does Halloween time mean exactly? Horror movies folks, and if you know me well at all, you know no one loves this time of year and everything included with it more than me. One thing I don’t necessarily like about horror flicks in general however, is that we have horror movies remakes. Just closing my eyes and letting my mind drift, I see flickers of the ridiculously shitty remakes of classic (and even not so classic) horror remakes to have been unleashed upon us in the past decade or so. “The Wickerman” (“NOT THE BEES!!!”), “The Fog”, “A Nightmare on Elm Street”, “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”, Rob Zombie’s abortion that was “Halloween 2”, and so on and so forth. However, every now and then, we get a horror remake that isn’t only surprisingly good, but in some cases even outdoes the original it was based upon. So I’ve listed my top five of the best horror movie remakes to have seen the light of day. You may not agree necessarily, but regardless, these are the best horror remakes available that you could ever hope to see. And here…we…go!



THE THING (1982)
Director: John Carpenter
Starring: Kurt Russell, Keith David, Wilford Brimley

Remade from the classic “The Thing From Another World” and owing more to the story that that film was based upon (“Who Goes There”), John Carpenter’s “The Thing” featured masterful suspense, genuine shocks, and legendary effects makeup that not only still holds up today, but helped revolutionize the makeup special effects world in the process. A group of researchers in Antarctica comes across a crash-landed alien that can assimilate and duplicate other life forms it comes into contact with, resulting in a gore-fest of suspense and the crew playing an increasingly desperate game of cat and mouse trying to figure out who’s human and who isn’t. Everything about “The Thing” is nearly pitch perfect, from the superb acting to the grim and nihilistic conclusion, this remains one of my all time favorite films of any genre, and in my opinion Carpenter’s best film ever. There’s an upcoming remake of this remake (you read that right) that supposedly serves as a prequel, and features a young cast with CGI effects aplenty. I can already guarantee how THAT flick will turn out. No matter what though, you must see “The Thing”, it’s a horror classic.



THE FLY (1986)
Director: David Cronenberg
Starring: Jeff Goldblum, Geena Davis, John Getz

Remade from the Vincent Price classic, David Cronenberg’s “The Fly” is a gory tale of science gone mad. Jeff Goldblum stars as a brilliant scientist that accidentally crosses his genes with that of a fly during a teleportation experiment, and what results is a nightmarish examination of “The Metamorphosis”, with hefty amounts of blood and guts tossed in for good measure. At the heart of the film however is a surprisingly deep and even more surprisingly emotional examination of human nature and subtle metaphors for disease and the transformation one goes through during a relationship; topics that you very rarely see taken on in any remake, 99% of which are done as quick cash-ins. A box-office hit and Oscar winner for makeup special effects, “The Fly” spawned a relatively lame sequel a few years later, but apparently David Cronenberg himself has scripted a purposed sequel to this film that he claims will probably never see the light of day. If said sequel would even only be half as good as this film, it would be a crime were it to never be completed.



NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1990)
Director: Tom Savini
Starring: Tony Todd, Patricia Tallman, Tom Towles

George Romero produced this remake to his legendary shocker, which was directed by legendary makeup effects guru Tom Savini, and unlike most remakes that change things around in the script for the sake of changing things around, this remake doesn’t come off as being the worse for it. This take on “Night of the Living Dead” transforms Barbara from a terrified, screaming shell of a woman into a tough, hard-nosed survivor as she and a group of others board themselves up in an old farmhouse as ravenous zombies surround them. For what it lacks in gore, the “Night of the Living Dead” remake offers some great acting and inventive takes on the classic shocking scenes of the original. Some fans actually consider this remake better than the original, and while I myself am not in that camp, I can see why they may feel that way. You’ll rarely find a remake as good as this one.



LET ME IN (2010)
Director: Matt Reeves
Starring: Kodi Smit-McPhee, Chloe Moretz, Richard Jenkins

An Americanized remake of the modern classic “Let the Right One In”; “Let Me In” is an unexpected treat. When news of the remake first broke, I had a shit-fit and was adamant in the fact that it would be pure and absolute shit and never measure up to the original. Well, I was completely wrong in every regard. “Let Me In” tells the story of a bullied, neglected young boy that learns the girl that just moved in is actually a vampire, and the two develop a bond as everything around them starts to go completely to shit. While “Let Me In” doesn’t quite have the same amount of heart and soul as the beloved original film, it still manages to stand on its own and pay wonderful homage to the original while keeping its spirit and message intact.



THE BLOB (1988)
Director: Chuck Russell
Starring: Kevin Dillon, Shawnee Smith, Jeffrey DeMunn

There are plenty of people that didn’t like this film for whatever reasons, but I personally love this remake of “The Blob”. Dated as hell but loaded with some eye-popping effects and deliberately tongue-in-cheek moments, I even prefer this remake over the Steve McQueen-starring classic original in some regards. Mostly because it’s just a fun, over-the-top gorefest that takes no prisoners and makes no apologies for what it is, and that’s the kind of filmmaking you’ve just got to appreciate. Plus, it has Kevin Dillon with a mullet, and that chick from all the “Saw” flicks as a cheerleader; what’s not to love?



HONORABLE MENTIONS:

“And Soon the Darkness”
“Cape Fear”
“Cat People”
“The Crazies”
“Dawn of the Dead”
“Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark”
“Funny Games”
“The Hills Have Eyes”
“Invasion of the Body Snatchers” (1978)
“Piranha 3-D” (fuck you I dug it)
“The Wolfman”

Oldboy: A Spike Lee Joint...WHAT?!?!?!?!

Spike Lee is doing an Americanized remake of “Oldboy”.

Yes, you read that right…now let that sink in…

Spike fucking Lee is remaking “Oldboy”…what the fuck?

Not that I have anything against Spike Lee, granted that his films of late have been more miss than hit, but the fact remains that this is the absolute wrong guy to helm an Americanized remake of the 2004 Korean classic. Let’s face facts, “Do the Right Thing” was a hell of a long time ago, and to be totally honest, the only other film of his I actually dug was “Inside Man” a few years back, mostly because it lacked the typical Lee brand of racial undertones, and was a convincing and competently helmed thriller that still had a decent amount of flaws.

For those unfamiliar with “Oldboy”, the story of the film revolves around a drunkard who one night is kidnapped and imprisoned for 15 years. No explanation given, no reasoning, he’s just locked away in a room by unknown takers. After 15 years have passed, he is released just as abruptly as he was kidnapped, and is given five days by an unknown mastermind to seek his vengeance. What made “Oldboy” so damned good weren’t just the visceral thrills, it was the underlining themes that presented the extreme depths of the human soul, and featured one of the absolute most frightening and shocking twist and climax, and a conclusion that will stay with you long after the credits roll.

Now a few years ago it was reported that Steven Spielberg was interested in directing an American take on the film with Will Smith (seriously) in the starring role, but that seemingly faded away. Now here we are in 2011, and it appears that it’s full steam ahead for “Oldboy: A Spike Lee Joint”. Like I said already, it’s not out of any disrespect for Lee, just the fact that there’s no way a mainstream American take on “Oldboy” can ever retain the flat-out ballsiness and shock value that the original film offers. I don’t want to give anything away spoiler-wise for anyone that hasn’t seen the film, but trust me when I say that this is something that would have to be extremely watered-down for mainstream American cinema consumption; so much so that it will more than likely bear little resemblance to the film that it’s based upon.

Now let it be known that it was only a little more than a year ago that there was an American remake of another foreign favorite of mine: “Let the Right One In” was made into “Let Me In”, and I practically boycotted the fact that it was getting an American remake. I had no desire or intention to see it, solely basing that on the fact that I figured there was no way that the remake could ever match the ballsiness and creativity of the original…and I wound up being completely wrong about “Let Me In” in the end. Maybe I’ll be wrong about a Spike Lee-directed remake of “Oldboy”, and maybe I’ll be doing another mea culpa further down the road like I did after watching “Let Me In”…



…but I doubt it.



On a further note, watch “Oldboy”; if you can only watch one foreign film in your whole life, this is the one to see. It’s easily found on DVD, and it’s currently available to stream on Netflix too. Trust me, you’ll be gripped to your seat and glued to the screen the whole running time.

Another mea culpa: I was wrong about "Let Me In"

Just a day or two ago I assembled a list here that featured a handful of things I was wrong about/shitty things I’ve done. In retrospect, I forgot about one thing that I didn’t make a “mea culpa” for, of which I’m now going to do right this instant. Ever hear of a film called “Let Me In”? It was in theaters not too long ago, and now it’s just arrived on the home video and download market. Now, I’ve decided to grit my teeth and give it a shot. If you don’t know anything about my hesitation to the film, read this:



"This is a record for me in terms of how short a time it's been between blog posts, but there is something that I just have to get off my fucking chest. A couple days ago the trailer for the upcoming vampire flick "Let Me In" found its way online. Despite my reservations about it, I watched it anyway out of the sake of morbid curiousity...and proceeded to scream obscenities at the top of my lungs afterward.

Why did this trailer for what appears to be an adult take on "Twilight" anger me so you may be asking? For those of you who don't know, "Let Me In" is a remake of the beloved and critically acclaimed 2008 Swedish film "Let the Right One In": a film that is equal parts shockingly beautiful, horrific, touching, and manages to get under your skin. "Let the Right One In" is a rare type of horror film that does more than provide shocks and scares to the audience, as it presents the newfound relationship/friendship between an abused and neglected pre-teen boy and a decades old vampire girl who has just come to town. While that synopsis only really scratches the surface of what "Let the Right One In" is about, the themes of alienation, revenge, young love, and heartbreaking loss are what really help set the film apart from others of its ilk.

Seeing something special like "Let the Right One In" be remade for mass American audience consumption isn't surprising in the least to be totally honest, but can't well enough just be let the fuck alone?!?! Besides changing the title and names of the characters (which is understandable to a degree considering the transcontinental translation and blah blah fucking blah), "Cloverfield" director Matt Reeves was hired to helm this remake, which by the looks of the trailer appears to have viewed the original film repeatedly. How can I tell you may ask? Because there are so many shots in the trailer that don't just mirror shots in "Let the Right One In", but flat out just copy them and rip them off for lack of a better term. This isn't anything new when it comes to remakes though, since just a few months ago horror auteur Wes Craven lit into those behind the "A Nightmare on Elm Street" remake for doing the exact same thing. Yes, originality is officially dead in the film making world (don't get me started on remakes again...). Sure, it may have Hit-Girl from "Kick-Ass" as the vamp and the kid from "The Road", but that's as much promise as this thing can hope to have.

So let's go back to just why would anyone want to remake "Let the Right One In" for mass consumption? In an interview with FearNet, producer Simon Oakes stated that,

"...the story was so great, so beautiful, that it should be seen by a bigger audience. So I was always saying to myself, people in Manhattan have seen it, guys like you [genre journalists/fans] because it's in your wheelhouse, in New York, in Chicago, in Chelsea, in Notting Hill, in London but no one in Glasgow or Edinburgh or Bristol or Idaho or Pittsburgh has seen this film. It's a story that needs to be seen by a wider audience. Then it came down to [the question], how do you achieve that? By paying homage to the original."

"Paying homage"? Are you fucking serious? You don't pay homage to something by directly copying/ripping off the shots of the original film! Gus Van Sant did just that for his 1998 remake of "Psycho", before admitting what a mistake he had made in doing so. Plenty of directors, from Brian DePalma to Clint Eastwood, have paid homage to classic directors and classic films in their works by replicating bits of scenes and/or shots, but 99% of the time it's done in an admirable and even affectionate way. From what can be seen in the trailer for "Let Me In", this isn't so, and just comes off as a quick way to take something good, and water it down for American audiences to digest, as vampire flicks these days are all the rage, and here's another way for a studio (in this case Icon) to cash in.

At this point I would say that I may be alone in my feelings about "Let Me In", but I know for a fact that I'm not. Every person I've spoken with about "Let the Right One In" being remade feels the exact same way, and that isn't an overreactive statement on my part either. Granted that tons of great foreign films get Americanized remakes and have for quite some time now. Some you may be shocked to know that "Reservoir Dogs", "Desperado", "The Departed", and "Inglourious Basterds" among others are Americanized remakes, but for the most part they have many factors that are similar to the originals from which they are based, while also managing to do something different in the process. One can tell already just from the trailer alone that "Let Me In" isn't along those lines.

You may think I'm overreacting, you may think that "you shouldn't judge a book by its cover" or "the trailer looks interesting", which I would agree with had I never heard of the original film or seen it. However, I remember seeing trailers for flicks like "Terminator: Salvation" and "Diary of the Dead" which looked awesome, and turned out to be big steaming piles of horseshit. If I'm wrong about "Let Me In" being any different from being a steaming pile of shit, then I'm wrong and we can all chalk it up to me being too much of a film geek/snob, but if I'm right...well, that'll be something of a rarity won't it?

One thing we can all be certain about though, is that no matter what, nobody here is gonna sparkle"



That was a blog post I made a few months ago when the film was due to come out. Now let it be said that, as if you can’t already obviously fucking tell, is that I love the original “Let the Right One In”; it’s not only my favorite foreign horror film ever, but it may well be my favorite foreign film ever PERIOD. With that in mind, you can understand my severe reprehension about an Americanized remake that I felt for sure would kill any of the originality and ballsiness that made the original so goddamn good. Hell, I was sure that it would be awful…

…well folks, I was dead wrong.

“Let Me In” does so much justice to “Let the Right One In” that it’s almost nearly as brilliant a film. Director Matt Reeves was quoted as saying that he wanted to pay as much homage and do as much justice to the original that he could, and he succeeds mightily. The ballsy storytelling, the creeping death atmosphere, and the overall just plain fucked up love story between a bullied pre-teen boy and a centuries-old vampire forever trapped in the body of a 12 year old girl. And just like the original film, “Let Me In” is surprisingly touching and heart wrenching amidst all the blood-letting, and may very well be the best American remake of a foreign film in the history of fucking ever.

If you’ve never seen “Let Me In” but desire to do so, I suggest watching the original “Let the Right One In” first and foremost. It’s still the better film between the two, but make no mistake that the remake is a wonderful surprise in itself.

I was wrong, dead wrong. Do yourself a favor and put both films on your viewing list.

Fuck "Let Me In", fuck it fuck it fuck it all to hell!!!

This is a record for me in terms of how short a time it's been between blog posts, but there is something that I just have to get off my fucking chest. A couple days ago the trailer for the upcoming vampire flick "Let Me In" found its way online. Despite my reservations about it, I watched it anyway out of the sake of morbid curiousity...and proceeded to scream obscenities at the top of my lungs afterward.

Why did this trailer for what appears to be an adult take on "Twilight" anger me so you may be asking? For those of you who don't know, "Let Me In" is a remake of the beloved and critically acclaimed 2008 Swedish film "Let the Right One In": a film that is equal parts shockingly beautiful, horrific, touching, and manages to get under your skin. "Let the Right One In" is a rare type of horror film that does more than provide shocks and scares to the audience, as it presents the newfound relationship/friendship between an abused and neglected pre-teen boy and a decades old vampire girl who has just come to town. While that synopsis only really scratches the surface of what "Let the Right One In" is about, the themes of alienation, revenge, young love, and heartbreaking loss are what really help set the film apart from others of its ilk.

Seeing something special like "Let the Right One In" be remade for mass American audience consumption isn't surprising in the least to be totally honest, but can't well enough just be let the fuck alone?!?! Besides changing the title and names of the characters (which is understandable to a degree considering the transcontinental translation and blah blah fucking blah), "Cloverfield" director Matt Reeves was hired to helm this remake, which by the looks of the trailer appears to have viewed the original film repeatedly. How can I tell you may ask? Because there are so many shots in the trailer that don't just mirror shots in "Let the Right One In", but flat out just copy them and rip them off for lack of a better term. This isn't anything new when it comes to remakes though, since just a few months ago horror auteur Wes Craven lit into those behind the "A Nightmare on Elm Street" remake for doing the exact same thing. Yes, originality is officially dead in the film making world (don't get me started on remakes again...). Sure, it may have Hit-Girl from "Kick-Ass" as the vamp and the kid from "The Road", but that's as much promise as this thing can hope to have.

So let's go back to just why would anyone want to remake "Let the Right One In" for mass consumption? In an interview with FearNet, producer Simon Oakes stated that,

"...the story was so great, so beautiful, that it should be seen by a bigger audience. So I was always saying to myself, people in Manhattan have seen it, guys like you [genre journalists/fans] because it's in your wheelhouse, in New York, in Chicago, in Chelsea, in Notting Hill, in London but no one in Glasgow or Edinburgh or Bristol or Idaho or Pittsburgh has seen this film. It's a story that needs to be seen by a wider audience. Then it came down to [the question], how do you achieve that? By paying homage to the original."

"Paying homage"? Are you fucking serious? You don't pay homage to something by directly copying/ripping off the shots of the original film! Gus Van Sant did just that for his 1998 remake of "Psycho", before admitting what a mistake he had made in doing so. Plenty of directors, from Brian DePalma to Clint Eastwood, have paid homage to classic directors and classic films in their works by replicating bits of scenes and/or shots, but 99% of the time it's done in an admirable and even affectionate way. From what can be seen in the trailer for "Let Me In", this isn't so, and just comes off as a quick way to take something good, and water it down for American audiences to digest, as vampire flicks these days are all the rage, and here's another way for a studio (in this case Icon) to cash in.

At this point I would say that I may be alone in my feelings about "Let Me In", but I know for a fact that I'm not. Every person I've spoken with about "Let the Right One In" being remade feels the exact same way, and that isn't an overreactive statement on my part either. Granted that tons of great foreign films get Americanized remakes and have for quite some time now. Some you may be shocked to know that "Reservoir Dogs", "Desperado", "The Departed", and "Inglourious Basterds" among others are Americanized remakes, but for the most part they have many factors that are similar to the originals from which they are based, while also managing to do something different in the process. One can tell already just from the trailer alone that "Let Me In" isn't along those lines.

You may think I'm overreacting, you may think that "you shouldn't judge a book by its cover" or "the trailer looks interesting", which I would agree with had I never heard of the original film or seen it. However, I remember seeing trailers for flicks like "Terminator: Salvation" and "Diary of the Dead" which looked awesome, and turned out to be big steaming piles of horseshit. If I'm wrong about "Let Me In" being any different from being a steaming pile of shit, then I'm wrong and we can all chalk it up to me being too much of a film geek/snob, but if I'm right...well, that'll be something of a rarity won't it?

One thing we can all be certain about though, is that no matter what, nobody here is gonna sparkle :)