What the fuck happened to "True Blood"?

Oh “True Blood”, what the fuck has happened to you? Here you are in your fourth season of existence, and you’re just sucking (no pun intended) so goddamn much these days that I can’t even put it into words anymore. Blasphemy you may say, as the show’s ratings are doing better than ever and the series has achieved a beloved fanbase that rivals another HBO smash hit show that went off the deep end towards the end, “The Sopranos”. Then again, it isn’t all that hard to love a show that features supernatural elements, blood, and Anna Paquin’s tits. That all being said, let’s take a look at what the fuck has happened to “True Blood”…

The first two seasons of the show, the second one in particular, I absolutely loved. For so long I looked at “True Blood” as something along the likes of being something along the sort of a “Twilight”-esque affair, but with balls, blood, tits, and no douche bag metrosexual sparkly vampires. Well…things changed quite heavily in the third season. Werewolves were introduced, which wasn’t so bad (and something I actually looked forward to), but now here we are with fairies, trolls, witches, and other assorted elements of the paranormal fantasy-esque ideas that just drain all the fun out of the show.

That in itself is my biggest pet peeve with “True Blood” today; it just isn’t fun anymore. There was never an assortment of great writing or acting to be featured on the show before, but it had its own brand of charm to it that made it devilishly enjoyable. Now, it’s just ridiculous. What’s next? Are we going to have zombies, giants, and fucking Keebler elves coming out of the woodwork to take on the vamps? Is the whole Eric losing his memory bullshit ever going to be anything but boring? Is Tara ever going to fuck off and die, or what else is she going to become besides a butch lesbian MMA fighter? Seriously, where the fuck else is “True Blood” going to go before it finally completely goes off the deep end?

Now, keep in mind that for a show about vampires existing in the modern world, I don’t expect any brand of realism, but I expect it to be at least fun. As for the books that the show is based upon, I’ve never read a single one, but from what I’ve heard from people that have, they tend to get progressively worse as they go on. With the way that “True Blood” has been going thus far, I think that it’s safe to say that this is a sign of things to come for the show…

…and there’s only so much that blood and Anna Paquin’s tits can do to make up for a progressively shitty TV show.

Cannibal Holocaust: The Myth, The Legend, The Dog Turd...

During this lovely October month, after compiling lists of my favorite underrated and essential horror films alike, I noticed that some feedback I had gotten involved a nasty little exploitation film that is the absolute definition of a "cult" film, just because of all the controversy it has garnered from the day it was filmed.

The film I'm talking about is "Cannibal Holocaust".

I was a teenager when I first about this film, which was first brought to my attention by Pantera and Down vocalist Phil Anselmo who frequently referenced it on Pantera's DVD as well as some lyrics when he was with Viking Crown. I became interested and immediately scoured the internet, which in 2000 wasn't nearly as massive and information filled as it is today, and managed to find some information out about it that really drew my interest...

Banned in 50 countries

So controversial that its director was sent to prison

The most violent and disgusting horror film ever conceived

And so on and so forth. My interest was quite peaked, and only a couple years later did I finally manage to track down an uncut VHS tape of the 1980 film that I had to have imported over here. And like that, I watched it...and the end results weren't pretty. When I say that however, I'm talking about the film itself...looking back on it now, it's dreadfully overrated.

Storyline wise, the plot revolves around an American anthropologist who travels to the South American jungle after a documentary film crew had disappeared. He recovers a reel of their footage, and soon learns the truth that this crew terrorized, tortured, raped, and murdered the cannibal natives in an effort to stage and sensationalize their documentary film...but never got the chance to because they all get what they deserve.

For starters, the reason that it has been banned in so many countries (many of which have lifted said ban) is not because of its violent content, but for the fact that it actually contains footage of animal cruelty and animal killing. A turtle, monkey, snake, and more so are all slaughtered before the camera, only because director Ruggero Deodato and his film crew were so deep in the amazon jungle without restrictions that he felt he could do just about anything he wanted. Deodato had desired to direct a cannibal film that satired the lengths the media goes to in presenting violent content to its audience, and wound up helping create the legend that goes along with his ultra-violent vision.

Upon the film's first cut and viewing, Deodato found himself arrested and charged with making a snuff movie. The deaths that take place in "Cannibal Holocaust" were so realistic that people thought Deodato actually had these people murdered. That in itself only adds to the "I have to see this for myself" factor of this film. In the end, Deodato would be cleared after presenting all of the actors as still alive, and even staged some effects shots and stunts to prove that it was all in fact fake.

With all that being said, on to the film itself. For the most part, after getting through Deodato's somewhat heavyhanded (though he denies it) approach to pointing the finger at the media, he doesn't make things easy to watch. The film is brutal and unforgiving in its content of murder, cannibalism, rape, and overall just plain cruelty. Even now at 26 and as cynical a gorehound as I've become, I have a hard time watching this thing all the way through. It isn't so much the gore that gets to me, it's just the nihlistic and cruel tone. It's practically pure sadism, which is the one thing I detest about all the torture horror flicks of today like the "Saw" series, and as much as I love horror and gore and all that nasty stuff, sadism just isn't my thing. Plus the acting and dubbing are occasionally atrocious, and Deodato's film technique is just...well...not very talented. Plus, seeing animals get slaughtered? Never more thankful for a fast-forward button in all my life. Needless to say, "Cannibal Holocaust" isn't just a horror film you can have fun with a couple beers to, but it does have its own philosophy to it, which is much more than nearly any horror film around today can offer.

Though "Cannibal Holocaust" may not have the household name of many other films of its ilk despite its somewhat nigh-legendary status, its effect on horror films today can still be seen. The whole handheld camera-POV-style of horror made popular by "The Blair Witch Project"? Thank "Cannibal Holocaust" for that. Without it, we wouldn't have "Blair Witch", or "Cloverfield", or "Diary of the Dead", or even my beloved "The Last Broadcast". This was the movie that set the stage for all of that and more, including all the generic torture flicks that are all the rage today as well.

So with October coming to a close, I fucking dare you to watch "Cannibal Holocaust" if you can get your mitts on it. A couple years back it finally made its way to uncut DVD form, and can still be found online. Watch it if you dare...



Happy Halloween!