Nick's Belated Review of THE GREEN INFERNO

Well, I finally did it. After months upon months (and actually years) of looking forward to Eli Roth's "The Green Inferno", I finally managed to sit down and watch the damn thing. I've seen so many cannibal movies in my life and there's been such a draught of them that I guess I was looking forward to this film just on general principle mostly. Well, here we are, and I finally watched it...

...and well...meh.

I've been saying the same thing about Eli Roth for years: he has tons of promise and always underwhelms. The best film he ever did was his debut, "Cabin Fever", and that was in fucking 2002. "The Green Inferno" is the first film he's directed since 2007's "Hostel 2", and in between those films he's had his name attached to a lot of shit that includes "The Last Exorcism" and "The Man with the Iron Fists" in varying degrees. "The Green Inferno" was supposed to be the film that really cements Roth's place on the upper levels of horror directors, and while the film doesn't necessarily fail in doing that, it doesn't really succeed either.

Now in talking about the film, this is going to be spoiler-heavy, so be warned. A bunch of college kid toolbags that think they can make a difference follow a charismatic leader named Alejandro on a crusade to the Peruvian jungle to stop the place from getting destroyed. One of the students is Justine (played by Roth's real-life wife Lorenza Izzo) whose Dad is a UN bigwig. After she learns she was only brought along because of her UN connection and Alejandro could care less of what happens to her, the plane they're on crashes and they're scooped up and devoured by a cannibal tribe.

Now all of this is well and good, and you can tell that Roth has watched "Cannibal Holocaust" and "Cannibal Ferox" like a few hundred times each, and Roth actually manages to nail most of the big notes that come with these kind of films (thankfully there's no animal deaths or genital mutilation...though we come close), and when it does, the film is actually pretty damn good and features some wonderful gore effects from industry icons Greg Nicotero and Howard Berger.

Where the film fails though are with Roth's infantile attempts at humor. There's scenes where someone can't stop farting and eventually shits themselves (seriously) and Alejandro decides to randomly start jerking off while they're all held captive...but hey, nothing turns a guy on like seeing someone get eaten alive right? While I enjoy seeing Roth satire social justice warriors, knee-jerk liberal college students, and social media itself; the film's characterizations are piss poor and we care nothing for any of them...in fact, I was hoping Justine and everyone involved would get eaten alive in fantastic detail.

I should also mention that the film is nowhere near as gnarly as I thought it would be. Maybe I'm just desensitized to this shit by now, but it actually felt kind of underwhelming? When the gore did happen, it was great, but some of the CGI-added effects are so piss poor it's not even funny. The ant scene? Oh my fucking god, it's so bad...so fucking bad.

So yeah, "The Green Inferno" is far from a masterpiece, but I enjoyed it for what it was. There's a mid-credits scene that sets up a possible sequel, of which there was supposed to be, but those plans got put on hold in 2013 when this film was first delayed before Blumhouse and Universal rescued it from obscurity. If that sequel ever happens, I'd be okay with it...but it looks like that's a big if.

Are People Really Trying to Stop "The Green Inferno"?

It feels like it's been forever since Eli Roth has been stroking our collective cocks with "The Green Inferno". Stuck in distribution hell for about two years now, it seems like we're finally going to get Roth's love letter to the Italian cannibal films of yesteryear as its release date is set for this coming September. That is, unless some dickless toolbags have their way...

It was recently brought to my attention that there is a Change.org petition to cancel the release of "The Green Inferno", citing that the film is "dehumanizing" to the indigenous people that Roth hired to play the cannibals in the film. One backer also commented that the film is an example of "white supremacy" and mentions the danger Roth and his film crew allegedly put the natives in (no, seriously, that was said) for the sake of making this movie. Now, if "The Green Inferno" is indeed in the spirit of cannibal films that came before it like "Cannibal Holocaust", etc., then I'd say Roth and co. are on the right track of authenticity if any of the allegations posted on the Change site are true. Cannibal movies back in the day were dangerous and totally fucking revolting, and it seems like that is exactly what Roth is trying to accomplish here with his tribute/love letter to the genre.

Then, something else occurred to me while thinking about this whole thing...are we being trolled? Like seriously...are we being fucking trolled here? As said before, "The Green Inferno" has been in pre-release hell forever and the buzz around has never been all that good to begin with, so maybe this whole thing was drummed up by people involved with the film (or maybe even Roth himself) to try to garner some interest. I mean come on, look at that synopsis: internet social justice warriors get eaten alive by pissed off cannibals. Not many in a mainstream audience are going to want to watch that...plus it seems like its getting a relatively wide release, and I really can't imagine it making a big enough dent in box office like other recent mainstream horror releases have lately...considering those films are low budget ghost stories and this film is a modestly budgeted gorefest that probably has guys getting their dicks eaten.

So, whether the whole Change.org petition is an honest attempt to shelve a movie that has been sitting on the shelf for the better part of two years, or is a (not so elaborate) set up by people involved in the film to garner interest, "The Green Inferno" is finally going to see the light of day. Will it be a bomb? A modern day classic? Another attempt from Eli Roth that shows lots and lots of promise but in the end fails to deliver? Probably the last thing there in all honesty. No matter what, we should be thankful that this movie even exists, let alone is about to be released...and here's hoping there's some renewed interest in the long-dormant cannibal genre...people need to remember what it's like to watch a movie in a theater and puke their fucking brains out.

"Cannibal Holocaust" VS "Cannibal Ferox": AKA I Hate Myself

Eli Roth's long anticipated, and much maligned, love letter to the cannibal film genre "The Green Inferno" is finally going to be released this coming September. A lot of people are pleased about this finally happening...but not so much because of the film itself per se. One thing about Eli Roth: he's always promising...but never quite reaches that level of excellence that we all want him to. Regardless of all that, that's not the point here, or even what this is about.

With "The Green Inferno" finally coming out, it looks like interest in the "cannibal film" subgenre of horror is about to be reignited. Now what is a cannibal film you may be asking yourself? Well kids, a cannibal film was a type of super sleazy horror film that was huge back in the 70s and 80s, before dying out because they just got so damn boring and predictable. These films usually always involved numerous similarities between each other as well: sexual violence, animal mistreatment, being made by Italians, and hokey-ass dubbing.

And just about all that is what made these pieces of garbage so fucking endearing. They're exploitation films pure and simple, and for their time, they were the shit. And speaking of shit, there was a shit ton of these fucking things. "Jungle Holocaust", "Last Cannibal World", and much more that I don't feel like looking up at the moment. However, out of all those films, there are two in particular that have managed to resonate throughout the years even as the cannibal film fizzled out: "Cannibal Holocaust" and "Cannibal Ferox". Both these films are infamous in the horror world, and for good reason...and it's not because they both featured actor Robert Kerman, better known as "R. Bolla", AKA the sporting goods store owner in the original "Debbie Does Dallas" that fucks Debbie eight ways from Sunday.

Released in 1980 and directed by Ruggero Deodato, "Cannibal Holocaust" was a film I had first heard about in my youth (thanks Phil Anselmo) but for a long time I had thought was an urban legend. It had been touted as "extreme" and all that, and this was when the internet was in its infancy and I was stupid in general and didn't know how to do something simple like use the internet as a research tool. Somehow, I managed to find a bootleg VHS copy of it and proceeded to watch it. At the time, my 16-year old mind didn't know how to handle it, which is perfectly fine, because a lot of audiences didn't know how to handle it either back in 1980 when this fucking thing was released. Deodato had to go to court to prove that the actors in the film were actually still alive and that he didn't go down into the jungle and make a fucking snuff movie. That's how powerful the savagery on display is in this film...or at least it was back then. Quite frankly the film hasn't aged all that well, and I'm sure I'll get called out here by "horror purists" (and I have before for this), but I can really do without all the on-screen animal death.

"Cannibal Ferox" was released in 1981 and directed by schlock-meister Umberto Lenzi. Touted as "the most violent film ever made", "Cannibal Ferox" doesn't disappoint in that department. Like "Cannibal Holocaust" before it, "Cannibal Ferox" is revolting, but for me personally, this film tops "Cannibal Holocaust" in the barf factor. Don't ask me why, maybe it's because of hooks going through nipples, but there's just always been something in general about this fucking movie that makes my stomach churn.

Analyzing the two films against each other finds a lot of similarities, mostly because at its core "Cannibal Ferox" is a quickly thrown together cash in on the then new infamy that "Cannibal Holocaust" was garnering. While both films offer up numerous instances of rape, torture, flesh-eating, penis mutilation, and animal slaughter, at the very least "Cannibal Holocaust" has a teenie-weenie little bit of social commentary to back itself up with. "Cannibal Ferox"...well, it doesn't, like at all. Now social commentary isn't a necessity in this type of film, or even in exploitation films and the horror genre in general, but it's that little curtain of social awareness that elevates "Holocaust" over "Ferox", at least for me.

"Cannibal Ferox", while providing some surprisingly amazing gore effects for its time, is just cruel for the sake of being cruel. Now as I said before, what else would you really expect in a movie of this type? That aside though, that little bit of social commentary that "Cannibal Holocaust" has still separates both films completely, at least for me anyway, with "Cannibal Holocaust" being the superior of the two. Now that may be like being the most popular kid in a boys only daycare that's run by priests, but you get the point.

Now to go a little out of character (I'm a fucking character?) I have to admit that I generally dislike these kind of films in general. I love the horror genre with all my heart (and all two and a half inches of my stubby Irish dong) and have a lot of love and admiration for the exploitation era of that time period, but watching these films for me wasn't an easy task, and really never has been either. But I am willing to suffer for my art, for I am an artist...if by artist you mean I go on the internet and talk about bullshit films involving cock chomping and what I assume was a shit load of cocaine being passed around behind the scenes.

Oh, and if it's one thing these films have taught me, it's that if I ever wind up stranded in the South American jungle, I'm blowing my brains out before anyone can eat my dick.

Cannibal Holocaust: The Myth, The Legend, The Dog Turd...

During this lovely October month, after compiling lists of my favorite underrated and essential horror films alike, I noticed that some feedback I had gotten involved a nasty little exploitation film that is the absolute definition of a "cult" film, just because of all the controversy it has garnered from the day it was filmed.

The film I'm talking about is "Cannibal Holocaust".

I was a teenager when I first about this film, which was first brought to my attention by Pantera and Down vocalist Phil Anselmo who frequently referenced it on Pantera's DVD as well as some lyrics when he was with Viking Crown. I became interested and immediately scoured the internet, which in 2000 wasn't nearly as massive and information filled as it is today, and managed to find some information out about it that really drew my interest...

Banned in 50 countries

So controversial that its director was sent to prison

The most violent and disgusting horror film ever conceived

And so on and so forth. My interest was quite peaked, and only a couple years later did I finally manage to track down an uncut VHS tape of the 1980 film that I had to have imported over here. And like that, I watched it...and the end results weren't pretty. When I say that however, I'm talking about the film itself...looking back on it now, it's dreadfully overrated.

Storyline wise, the plot revolves around an American anthropologist who travels to the South American jungle after a documentary film crew had disappeared. He recovers a reel of their footage, and soon learns the truth that this crew terrorized, tortured, raped, and murdered the cannibal natives in an effort to stage and sensationalize their documentary film...but never got the chance to because they all get what they deserve.

For starters, the reason that it has been banned in so many countries (many of which have lifted said ban) is not because of its violent content, but for the fact that it actually contains footage of animal cruelty and animal killing. A turtle, monkey, snake, and more so are all slaughtered before the camera, only because director Ruggero Deodato and his film crew were so deep in the amazon jungle without restrictions that he felt he could do just about anything he wanted. Deodato had desired to direct a cannibal film that satired the lengths the media goes to in presenting violent content to its audience, and wound up helping create the legend that goes along with his ultra-violent vision.

Upon the film's first cut and viewing, Deodato found himself arrested and charged with making a snuff movie. The deaths that take place in "Cannibal Holocaust" were so realistic that people thought Deodato actually had these people murdered. That in itself only adds to the "I have to see this for myself" factor of this film. In the end, Deodato would be cleared after presenting all of the actors as still alive, and even staged some effects shots and stunts to prove that it was all in fact fake.

With all that being said, on to the film itself. For the most part, after getting through Deodato's somewhat heavyhanded (though he denies it) approach to pointing the finger at the media, he doesn't make things easy to watch. The film is brutal and unforgiving in its content of murder, cannibalism, rape, and overall just plain cruelty. Even now at 26 and as cynical a gorehound as I've become, I have a hard time watching this thing all the way through. It isn't so much the gore that gets to me, it's just the nihlistic and cruel tone. It's practically pure sadism, which is the one thing I detest about all the torture horror flicks of today like the "Saw" series, and as much as I love horror and gore and all that nasty stuff, sadism just isn't my thing. Plus the acting and dubbing are occasionally atrocious, and Deodato's film technique is just...well...not very talented. Plus, seeing animals get slaughtered? Never more thankful for a fast-forward button in all my life. Needless to say, "Cannibal Holocaust" isn't just a horror film you can have fun with a couple beers to, but it does have its own philosophy to it, which is much more than nearly any horror film around today can offer.

Though "Cannibal Holocaust" may not have the household name of many other films of its ilk despite its somewhat nigh-legendary status, its effect on horror films today can still be seen. The whole handheld camera-POV-style of horror made popular by "The Blair Witch Project"? Thank "Cannibal Holocaust" for that. Without it, we wouldn't have "Blair Witch", or "Cloverfield", or "Diary of the Dead", or even my beloved "The Last Broadcast". This was the movie that set the stage for all of that and more, including all the generic torture flicks that are all the rage today as well.

So with October coming to a close, I fucking dare you to watch "Cannibal Holocaust" if you can get your mitts on it. A couple years back it finally made its way to uncut DVD form, and can still be found online. Watch it if you dare...



Happy Halloween!