Macho Man...he died so we could live!

So…the world didn’t end.

SURPRISE MUTHAFUCKAS!!!!!!!

But seriously though, we knew there wouldn’t be a “rapture” (although I’m starting to really love that word), that no one would be left behind, and that the world as a whole wouldn’t come screeching to an end either.

So who do we have to thank for still being alive? Could it be Macho Man Randy Savage? Fuck to the yes I think it could!!!

The legendary WWF pro wrestler passed away Friday after suffering a heart attack while driving, and thus headed to the big ring in the sky. Could it be that as the above picture so beautifully describes he elbow dropped Jesus in the dome to stop him from bringing an end to all creation? Why the fuck not? There was no one that didn’t love the Macho Man, just like there was virtually no one who believed that the fucking world would come to an end today.

And yes, for the record, I love the aforementioned picture; I think that it’s equally hilarious and brilliant. I know everything I just typed above is absolutely ludicrous as well…and truth be told, it’s about as ludicrous as some assholes pinpointing the exact end of all time. We’re all still alive and breathing, and we all still have to go to work in the morning, take care of ourselves, and above all else, are responsible for our own actions and all that other happy horseshit.

Happy non-rapture day everybody, turns out it’ll be a bit more time until we’re all burning in hell with red hot pokers shoved up our asses and forced to watch Michael Bay films non-stop (and that’s the real torture), so until then, have a blast.



Randy Savage, R.I.P.

The Last Day on Earth...Maybe

It’s the end of the world.

Oceans will turn into blood.

The dead will rise from the grave.

Dogs and cats will be living together.

Yes sir, it’s the end of the world as we know it, and yes, I feel fine.

For the past few months, I’ve noticed a few of the billboards here in Philadelphia proclaiming that May 21st 2011 is the end of the world. No wait, May 21st is the Rapture, the world dies in October. No wait, this crew that was in Philly today says that the world will end at 6PM beginning with a massive earthquake that will travel all throughout the planet and eventually destroy it completely, obliterating anything and everything that’s “left behind” (sorry, couldn’t help it).

Oh, and the CDC is giving tips on how to survive a zombie apocalypse.

So which take on the end of the world works best for you?

Personally, I’m down with the whole zombies rising and ravaging throughout the planet, or more so with the whole let the prudes lose their clothes and ascend to Heaven while the rest of us sinners are left behind to rot (orgy at my place by the way). Now, anyone who knows me remotely well knows that I’m an atheist and not afraid to admit it either. That being said, I’m also usually not one to lambast anyone’s religious beliefs either, even when said beliefs include a specific date for the end of the world. The crew here in Philly I mentioned earlier? They also said the world would end in 1994, 1999, 2000, 2001, and 2006. So…here we are now I guess.

Where was I on September 9, 1999 (9/9/99) when the world was supposed to end? I skipped school and was in line to buy a Sega Dreamcast.

Where was I on June 6, 2006 (6/6/06, get it?) when the world was supposed to end? I was at the opening night for the shitty remake of “The Omen”. I wish the world would have ended that night so I didn’t have to see that piece of dogshit, but I digress.

So how am I going to be spending tomorrow, this new day that the world is supposed to end? Will I be masturbating with a crucifix up my ass while covered in my own feces? Will I be in church begging forgiveness for living a life of Godless heathenry? No…I don’t think so.

You’ll probably find me playing the new Mortal Kombat online…

…and Jesus hates me.

The Westboro Baptist Church Strikes Again...and Fred Phelps is an Inbred Moron

The Supreme Court has ruled in favor of the Westboro Baptist Church military funeral protesting.

Yes folks, you read that right.

For those who don’t already know, I explained in a previous blog that the WBC hides behind First Amendment rights and calling themselves a church to spread hate speech and ridiculously protest the funerals of military officers and police officers among others. This ruling from the Supreme Court only furthers the notion that these gutless sacks of shit abuse and hides behind the greatest single Amendment in our Constitution. If this isn’t the most ludicrous thing that’s happened in recent memory, I don’t know what is.

Since protesting the funerals of fallen soldiers and spouting horseshit declaring that “God hates whatever-the-fuck-these-idiots-can-think-of” is within their Constitutional rights, I think that maybe it might help a bit getting through this outrage by using these rights to my advantage kind of like they do. Like if I were to say that WBC leader Fred Phelps is an inbred hillbilly that likes to stick bananas up his ass before having sex with farm animals, it’s in my right to say it. It may not be true (but probably is), but it’s no more defamatory than claiming that “God hates fags”.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the Westboro Baptist Church are nothing more than hillbilly white trash and represent what is probably the worst that humanity has to offer. They may have won in terms of continuing to make asses out of themselves in the public eye by continuing to do what they do, but one day their day will come. One day someone will get truly sick and tired of the shit they pull and give them what they deserve…and Fred Phelps won’t even see it coming due to the fact that he’ll be too busy having his dick stuck in whatever relative or farm animal he comes across first to even notice.



Cocksuckers.

Fuck the Westboro Baptist Church

If you've never heard of the Westboro Baptist Church, you should consider yourself lucky.

Based out of Topeka, Kansas; the WBC is a cult-like religious group led by Fred Phelps, whose propaganda includes slander against homosexuals and just about anyone and everyone else who doesn't fall into line with him. To make a long description short, the WBC are a step or two away from giving suicide bombers a run for their money in terms of religious extremism.

Having their members, and children, walk around carrying signs of what God supposedly hates is one thing, but this crew of jackoffs also takes the time to protest and picket the funerals of police, military, and even late metal singer Ronnie James Dio. Their logic for doing so? Because God is angry with everyone due to homosexuality. Yup...take the time to take that all in. I never thought I'd say this, but these idiots make Pat Robertson look like Albert fucking Einstein.

Their method is deceptively simple: enrage enough people to illicit a physical beatdown, then sue their asses. It's pretty much the only way that the WBC has stayed in business and kept their compound in Topeka up and running, and they've gotten quite good at it. But if it's one thing that really brings my fucking piss to a boil with these pricks, it's the fact that they have the gall to attempt to protest and picket the funerals of the various victims of the recent shooting in Tucson, Arizona. Victims that include 9-year old Christina Taylor Green, who the WBC claim was killed due to "our disobedience to God".

Now I'll say right off the bat that I am an atheist, and that I do not believe in any form of higher power whatsoever. That being said, what I understand what the idea of "God" is that of an all-powerful, omnipotent, and FORGIVING being. The "God" that Phelps and the rest of his WBC assholes claim to represent sounds like a straight up evil prick. Granted the Old Testament God can be described as being a bit of a prick as well compared to the one found in the New Testament, but nowhere near the sort that the WBC claim to march and speak for.

I also want to take the time to address the fact on these pricks right to protest whatever they want. I wholeheartedly believe in First Amendment rights, but the WBC offers the most foul representation of such that it's just plain fucking sickening. The WBC hide behind the First Amendment, and preach the bullshit that they preach for little more than getting media play and the hope that they can reach out to other sad and depraved like-minded individuals to join their ranks. Give it another few years, and we'll hear in the news about them all drinking poisoned Kool-Aid in an effort to get closer to God or catch a mystical comet or some other bullshit. That is, if God doesn't hate Kool-Aid, and personally, I don't want to worship any God that hates the holy nectar that is said Kool-Aid.

I may sound like I'm beating a dead horse by this point, but these guys are cowards to boot too. My senior year in college at Temple University, the WBC was scheduled to appear to protest the campus productions of "The Laramie Project" and "Rent". When news of this struck campus, a massive (and I mean massive) counter-protest took place, prompting the WBC to not even show the fuck up. Cowards who hide behind and abuse the First Amendment who are almost on a Hitler-esque level. Cowards who show up to local Catholic schools here in Northeast Philadelphia and get sent running in the opposite direction when even the police here tell them to go fuck themselves.

Needless to say, I wouldn't piss on Fred Phelps and his cronies to put out a fire.