Oh my dear sweet God, gays want to get married? Where the hell do these heathens get off wanting to have the same rights as everyone else? Jesus Christ they’re almost as bad as those people that aren’t white. Next thing you know they’ll wanna vote too…
Now, you probably know not to take any of what I just said seriously in the least right? Anyway, one thing that boggled my mind lately is the wave of bigotries to come out in the media and politics lately, whether it’s one form or another of bashing against women, blacks, non-Christians, and most of all it seems, gays. North Carolina decided to do what we all figured they would do and ban gay marriage, as well as put the collective dick in the ass of anyone else they don’t recognize as being fit enough to get hitched in their lovely ass-backwards state where the only life forms that should be getting cornholed are the local farm sheep and Bubba Ray’s cousin.
Anyway, the very next damn day President Barack Obama himself stunned everyone it seems (really?) by going on national television and declaring that gays should have the right to get married goddamnit. Now I know that Obama is pretty much only declaring this now because it won’t be too long until we’ll all have to cast our votes again, and his opposition is the typical brand of Republican bigot (plus he’s an alleged bully and animal abuser, so the people of North Carolina should love him), so it’s not like Obama didn’t already have their votes, but I digress.
The point I’m trying to make here is that homosexuals DESERVE to be able to get married. The fact that gays getting hitched aren’t recognized in every state across the country is a fucking travesty. Why am I getting on my soapbox in support of gay marriage you ask? Because let’s be honest, gay married couples have as much right to be as miserable as heterosexual married couples. The fact that we don’t let them in on the non-fun of marriage isn’t just a slap in the face to homosexuals, but a slap in the face to heterosexuals, because goddamnit, misery loves company.
Once again, I wind up being ridiculous on a serious subject. Anyway, the major argument that we hear from people opposed to gay marriage is that “marriage is a sacred institution”. Let’s get one thing out in the open right now folks, there is no such thing as marriage being sacred, especially here in America. If marriage were so sacred, the divorce rate wouldn’t be way over 50%, which it has been for quite some time, and it isn’t going to substantially go down any time soon either. Not to mention the fact that as America, we are the land of reality TV. We have shows like “The Bachelor”, “The Bachelorette”, “Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire”, and plenty more besides. TV shows based in “reality” (that really aren’t) that take something as “sacred” as marriage between a man and a woman and turn it into entertainment for idiots. Does that still make it sacred? Really? No, I don’t fucking think so folks.
The whole idea of marriage between a man and a woman only and that it’s sacred, where do we get it from? The same book full of bad ideas that we’ve taken so many ideas and laws from before: the good ‘ol Bible. Now I’m not going to knock anyone’s faith here, as everyone has the right to believe in whatever the hell they want to, but one thing that people need and should have realized a long time ago that the Bible more than anything is a basic guide on how people should live, i.e. people and civilization back during the time it was written, not in the modern day.
Too many have taken the words of the Bible far too literally, using them and misconstruing them to their own devices and personal gains. Where has it gotten us as a society? Its split us up and made groups of people hate each other because they believe in different things. The majority of those that follow the Bible in a literal sense often cite that it’s said that, and I’m paraphrasing here, “man should not lay with another man” or something to that effect, automatically meaning that homosexuality is wrong and anyone practicing it should be killed automatically, that is if you take the story of Sodom & Gomorrah in the most literal of senses as well. Why is this however? Because back then, no one understood homosexuality and thought it an anomaly, but look back through history and you’ll see that it’s as much a constant as human beings are. Not to mention the fact that homosexuality is recorded in animal wildlife as well. In other words, it’s as natural as heterosexuality, and these close-minded people refuse to accept it because they refuse to see it as being anything other than wrong.
Also, one last thing about the Bible to throw around, consider this when one takes everything from it in such a literal sense. The Old Testament God was a vengeful, almost evil prick of a god that exerted His omnipotence to the point that it seemed He enjoyed making those who worshipped him suffer. Anyone that went against His words was up shit creek without a paddle and went without forgiveness. The God presented in the New Testament is much more forgiving, and makes it known that you can fuck up and be a scumbucket, but goddamnit; you have to feel guilty about it. When the Old Testament was originally written, humanity as a whole were practically baboons in terms of how they lived. They needed a structural guidance to live by and needed to be kept in some sort of check because they weren’t civilized at all. By the time the New Testament was conjured up, people had changed and weren’t as bat-shit insane as they’d been when the Old Testament was first written, and decided that that shit was just way too strict to keep going by. So, they came up with the New Testament, and decided “Let’s go have some fun, but pretend we feel bad about it afterwards to keep everything straight, okay guys? Great, let’s go nail these whores while our wives cook back home.”
So you see, taking it all in such a literal sense gets you FUCKING NOWHERE, so stop citing religious texts as a way to hide your own prejudice and fear of homosexuality. They’re people just like you and me, and if they want to get married then goddamnit, they should be allowed to. In the long run, I honestly do believe that within the next decade or so, we’ll be ashamed of ourselves as we look back at the fact that this was ever such a big issue in the first fucking place.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled dick & fart jokes.
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