What’s there to say about “Star Wars” that hasn’t been said a billion times already. Whether you’re a die-hard fan of the franchise, casual viewer, or aren’t even a fan of the films and everything involved therein, you at least know a bit about the “Star Wars” saga. That’s because it’s become so ingrained in our culture and held near and dear by so many people that it’s practically become two steps away from being a fucking religion.
Oh yeah, the whole “Star Wars” saga is also being released on Blu-Ray for the first time ever…and creator George Lucas is making more changes and updates to his cash-cow in the process.
Fucking hell.
Now the fact that Lucas is making changes to the films themselves is little surprise, he’s been doing it for years. Way before the stink of his prequel films was ever smelt by anyone, Lucas already toyed around with the original film by altering the title of the opening scroll from simply saying “Star Wars” to “Episode IV: A New Hope”, along with famously altering the scene with Han Solo and Greedo by making Greedo shoot at Han first before Han blows his alien ass away. Over the years Lucas would release the original trilogy in “special editions” that would add new digital effects that he always wanted to do, but was limited by the technology of his time when the original films were first made.
When the original trilogy would hit DVD for the first time, Lucas made even more changes to the films. Most famously being replacing the actor playing the deceased Anakin “Darth Vader” Skywalker with a shot of actor Hayden Christensen in the closing moments of “Return of the Jedi”. We all figured that maybe this would be the end of Lucas tinkering with the finished products…but alas, we were wrong.
Among the new alterations to the original films are Vader ridiculously shouting “Nooooooo!!!!” when tossing the Emperor overboard in “Jedi”, Ewoks having moving eye-lids, Obi-Wan making a different sound to distract the Tuskan sand-raiders in the first film, extra rocks around R2-D2 (seriously), and Jabba the Hutt having a massive front door…yeah…what the fuck? Even the prequel films aren’t safe either, with Lucas removing the puppet-controlled Yoda from “Phantom Menace” and replacing him with an all-CGI take on the character, which is what he would opt for in the following two sequels…but still, why George, why?
It’s bad enough that Lucas has made so many alterations to the original films, but why the fuck must he keep on doing it for fuck’s sake? His reasoning is that these are “his” films, which undoubtedly they are, he created them and created a whole new franchise that has been cherished for decades now, but why must he keep on fucking tinkering with something so many hold so near and dear? With creating something to beloved, these films have become the publics to an extent. We love them, we love the mythology they spawned, and all the pop-culture resonations that popped up in the wake of them being released. In other words, stop fucking with our shit George.
When the films were first released on DVD, fans clamored the same sentiments that I am, with many begging for the chance that we’d get to see the original, unaltered cuts of the films we love so much. Lucas granted our wishes, more or less, by releasing them all separately in Letterbox format DVD’s that looked and sounded like they were recorded or burned from old VHS tapes. Yes folks, no matter what, George just keeps putting the dick to us, and he seemingly always will in one shape or form or another.
I’m not a die-hard “Star Wars” fan in the least, but I adore the original trilogy and hold them in an incredible high regard. All I can really say to the real die-hard “Star Wars” fans is to give Lucas the finger by not laying down the cash for the upcoming Blu-Ray releases of the “Star Wars” saga. Maybe if he sees how low the sales are for these altered takes on the films, he’ll take a fucking hint and really give his fans what they truly want. Then again…this is George Lucas we’re talking about, and he’s probably too damn busy counting all his money to really give a shit about what his fans want in the first fucking place.
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