Another Shitty HELLRAISER Movie is Coming

So, word got out that we've finally got a new Hellraiser movie coming out...and it's coming out a lot sooner than we expected.

In fact, it's already filming...

...and it doesn't have Doug Bradley in it as Pinhead...

...and it's super low budget and features a number of the crew from Hellraiser: Revelations...

What does all this mean exactly? I'll tell you what it means...

...it means it's gonna fucking suck.

Anyway, here's the deal: the Hellraiser franchise has gotten the shit end of the stick more often than not, with this new film being the tenth entry in the franchise. The only films in the series that are really worth a shit are the first two installments, which are what Clive Barker was the most heavily involved in. The direct-to-video releases Hellraiser: Inferno and Hellraiser: Hellseeker aren't bad for what they are, but they miss the point of Barker's groundwork.

A few years back, Dimension Films commissioned a hastily put together installment called Hellraiser: Revelations...and when I say hastily put together, I'm not exaggerating. To ensure the studio didn't lose the rights to the franchise, they had to pump out a new film. They did, with a shoestring budget, laughable effects, a piss poor story, and a new laughably bad Pinhead because Doug Bradley wisely chose not to be a part of it. Clive Barker publicly derided the film, and with good reason. If you ever have the displeasure of watching it, you'll see what I mean.

Now with this new film, Doug Bradley has chosen not to play Pinhead again, and it looks like this was another wise decision on his part. The fact that it looks like this piece of shit is being thrown together as quickly as the piece of shit that came before it pretty much tells you everything you need to know. This is going to be flat out awful, and everyone involved in it knows it.

The Hellraiser franchise deserves better than this. What started as some fairly innovative horror films that started de-evolving into run of the mill slashers and even got worse as time went on. The fact that the franchise is still around, even with shit sequels, shows that whatever impact it has had still resonates. That in itself goes to show that we all do in fact desire more Hellraiser...but we want Hellraiser done right...not cheap imitations.

Over the past few years, there's been lots of word about a Barker-helmed remake/reboot of the franchise. Believe it or not, I wouldn't have a problem with such a thing. Granted, I really don't think that'll ever happen for a variety of reasons, but I'd still rather see a fresh take on it from its creator than another deluded sequel.

So yeah...this new Hellraiser flick? Fuck it, fuck it right in the ear.