How to tell if you're a tool...Part 3: The End

Well, we meet again. Since things these days tend to be produced in “trilogy” form (whether they are various series of movies, books, broken condoms, etc.) I figured what the fuck…let’s drag this “ways of knowing whether you or someone you know is a complete tool” a little bit farther, just for shits and giggles.

So strap yourselves in folks, this shit is going to be nothing less than epic…okay no it isn’t but you get the idea nevertheless…

So, here’s a final round of ways to tell if you or someone you know is a tool:


If hearing the words “From Judd Apatow and starring Seth Rogen” gets you excited

If you have a barbwire or tribal band tattoo wrapped around your bicep (seriously, you aren’t just a tool, you’re a douche bag too)

If you’ve just bought a LeBron James Miami Heat jersey

If the only time you read a book is when the movie comes out from which it's adapted

If more than half of your sent text messages are “American Idol” votes

If you think comic books are just kids’ stuff

If you base your political opinions from anchors and hosts on Fox News

If you think to yourself, “why isn’t Bill O’Reilly’s show longer?”

If you think the NFL is still exciting to watch

If you’ve ever gotten Jimi Hendrix and Lenny Kravitz confused for one another (and yes, I know people that often do)

If you think “Wanted” the movie was better and more believable than “Wanted” the comic

If your first reaction when seeing Stephen Hawking is to laugh

If you don’t believe in evolution

If you consider “Law & Order: SVU” a great cop show…or even a great show period

If you think actually furthering your education is a waste of time

If you smoke Parliament Lights

If you “had to have” an iPad on launch day

If you only own vinyl records just for decoration (somewhat guilty)

If you watch softcore porn late at night on Cinemax

If you wear clothing made by Affliction

If you don't think Adam Sandler flicks are formulaic in the least

If you are reading this blog (haha, gotcha!)


That’s all, it’s over…rejoice and be merry motherfuckers…just remember, DON’T BE A TOOL!