Tuesday, October 18, 2011
100th Blog Spectacular! And it's about my dick!
Wow. It’s really hard to believe that is my 100th blog. Where did the time go exactly? Fuck if I know.
So what will I be discussing for my 100th blog spectacular? Comic book bitching? Movie bitching? Comic book movie bitching? Hockey? Horror? Nope, none of that this time around. For my 100th blog, I will be discussing something very near and dear to me, I will be discussing my dick.
Yes folks…my dick.
We’ve been together a long time, often hand in hand, with one usually acting as the singular brain between the both of us. More often than not though, we’ve found ourselves in trouble and some relatively dire straits, usually because my dick acts like an asshole. So, in a retrospect of sorts, I’m going to sort through a list of things I solely blame my dick for getting me into, only in an effort to illustrate to you, the reader that has a dick of your own, when you shouldn’t let your dick act as your dictator.
Things not to let your dick tell you to do, or do with your dick:
Go door to door asking bored & unhappy housewives if they require hot beef injections
Attempt to conduct a symphony orchestra with your dick (though it is fun)
Showing up to a Comic-con cosplaying as a toilet with your dick made up to look like Mr. Hankey
Trying to work the Xbox Kinect by swinging it around…doesn’t work at all
Make shadow puppets with it by the campfire…parents don’t find it all that funny
Try to prove that “Puppetry of the Penis” is a sham by using rubber bands…it’s difficult
Banging the hot neighbor even though you can smell the Chlamydia a mile away
Banging the neighbor’s hot babysitter even though you can smell the “jailbait” charge a mile away
Banging your best friend’s girlfriend because she gave you a sympathy blowjob back in the day and she’s currently unhappy and you’d like to return the favor
Tell yourself that 20 bucks for a half & half is a good, safe deal
Tell yourself that you only watch re-runs of “Charmed” for the interesting story elements, not the fact that it’s an hour-long jerk-off fest for pre-teen boys
Literally try to put a hole in the wall with it because you’re impressed with its hardness…it never works
Write a blog discussing your dick at length (or in short)
Hell of a 100th blog huh? Hope you at least got a laugh or two out of it. See ya soon folks! My dick waves hello to you all (and goodbye to some others).